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let’s play wet t-shirts [58 tokens remaining]
Date: October 11, 2022
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Your being with him for such a long time isn’t wasted. You have learned what you don’t want or need in a relationship to be happy and productive. Good for you to spend Christmas with your mom. Please stay far away from this man. He is manipulative, conniving and toxic. You owe yourself a better future. You can do it. Block him for good.
I think there may be some trust issues here though.
I saw your update OP and man I'm really sorry you are going through this. I went through something similar but I was younger and it's really tough to navigate relationships when you move in together. I found that my younger self was just unsure of what the expectations were and I wanted to “pull my own weight”. I think in a way I was trying to prove how “feminist” I was by paying for everything lol. I know it was dumb now but I did have to go through it first to realize that.
I do agree with those saying to stop funding his things. Make sure you have the receipts for all the furniture items you purchased and if things do dissolve, don't let him be alone when getting his stuff out. I made this mistake and my gaming consoles were missing. My only saving grace was I kept the receipts in case I needed to have them repaired, so I had an officer go with me to retrieve my items. It sucked though.
Also, don't see this as you being naïve or a failure. This is a life lesson, and it sucks that we go through crap things to learn them, but the lesson is the valuable part. Now you will know how to set better boundaries the next time, you can even start now and I encourage you to do so. Sit him down and let him know that you will no longer be paying the lions share. If you go on dates, it can be split 50/50, but you won't be paying for it. His outings, he pays for. If you go on a vacation or weekend getaway, you both share the costs 50/50. I do suspect he will leave soon after this talk just from your post.
I hope things work out for you in the best way they can. Don't be too very hot on yourself though. Life lessons can suck, but we all go through them. Some of us just have the benefit of hindsight. I can tell you for a fact though, many of those being mean are really just mad at their younger self for being in the same or a similar situation.
Good luck OP!
Whoa, if anyone laid a finger on me or my dog after making it clear it was unacceptable, they would be out of my life before they knew what was going on!
Why on earth do you want to be with such a nasty piece of work? My husband was not brought up with pets and has particularly blunt opinions of cats (his mother hates cats) not caring for them as much as dogs, yet he would never hurt any animal unless in self defence. It's taken years for him to have the courage and understanding to even ask to pet a dog rather than refuse, avoid or give any impression to stay away. My mum's dog LOVES him despite him not being overly forward with giving him affection but is attentive to a dog that wants pets! We hope to have a dog in the future but will only do so when I am sure he will be able to cope with things such as smells, their personal space and behaviour management, even I'm not that confident yet but we want a house first and be able to plan our time around having a pet.
You can make excuses but as an animal lover I would not let anyone who has purposely hurt an animal in my house again. My mum had lost friendships from partners acting shit to her and other pets, one of her friends new boyfriends threw out family dog in a pond in the park when he didn't believe some dogs struggled to swim. Poor dog was drowning so my mum threw him in afterwards and refused to let him over her place after that.