How many people have to tell you that you are the problem before you believe them? Your ex, her new boyfriend, an employee at the shelter, and all of reddit seemingly think you are out of line. You seem to have burned bridges with other people in your life too since you can’t stay with any of them including your brother.
You are pushing 30. If you don’t have a job and your own place right now, those should be your priorities rather than getting back with a girl who you had the nerve to refer to as a “generous 4”.
Just because he values personality over looks doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. I’m always very clear to girls I’ve dated that I value them as people, their minds, thoughts, feelings, everything as to who they are not just the outside shell. I still have found them very attractive but who they are matters more.
From the downvotes seems like people are bloodthirsty and just need a way to justify it. We may have phones now but people now are no better than the middle ages or inquisition where violence was “justified” in other ways
A lot of people get cold feet about meeting their LDRs for the first time. After all, it is easy to say all those meaningful things and get excited about it but as the moment gets closer a lot of things likely started to get 'real' for her.
On top of that if she has been to the psych ward recently, well, that suggests that realistically she really isn't ready for a relationship right now and perhaps a lot of it was just informed by needing that support at the time.
I'm going to sidestep the age gap though realistically it is very much not a good one, but just appreciate that yeah, seems that she has realised her feelings weren't as strong in reality as they were in the moment. Problem is, she is indeed being wishy washy now, so I would advise you cancel the trip and cut contact rather than drag this out.
If I’m doing it for his pleasure, wouldn’t I want him to enjoy it rather than be grossed out at the end?
Idk, I guess I just don’t see the big deal. All I know is that if I had sexual boundaries, I’d expect my partner to respect them or to break up with me. Not try to force me into something I didn’t like.
Should I reach out to him one last time and ask him to work this out with me?
You're only going to get the same answer. He was clearly apprehensive from the start, and you seemed to come on super strong.
You dated for a month. A single month. Let him go.
How many people have to tell you that you are the problem before you believe them? Your ex, her new boyfriend, an employee at the shelter, and all of reddit seemingly think you are out of line. You seem to have burned bridges with other people in your life too since you can’t stay with any of them including your brother.
You are pushing 30. If you don’t have a job and your own place right now, those should be your priorities rather than getting back with a girl who you had the nerve to refer to as a “generous 4”.
Why is he still able to contact you?
Just because he values personality over looks doesn’t mean he doesn’t find you attractive. I’m always very clear to girls I’ve dated that I value them as people, their minds, thoughts, feelings, everything as to who they are not just the outside shell. I still have found them very attractive but who they are matters more.
Thanks for your insight! Really was thinking my insecurities might be to blame here, haha.
From the downvotes seems like people are bloodthirsty and just need a way to justify it. We may have phones now but people now are no better than the middle ages or inquisition where violence was “justified” in other ways
24 hours a day work?
A lot of people get cold feet about meeting their LDRs for the first time. After all, it is easy to say all those meaningful things and get excited about it but as the moment gets closer a lot of things likely started to get 'real' for her.
On top of that if she has been to the psych ward recently, well, that suggests that realistically she really isn't ready for a relationship right now and perhaps a lot of it was just informed by needing that support at the time.
I'm going to sidestep the age gap though realistically it is very much not a good one, but just appreciate that yeah, seems that she has realised her feelings weren't as strong in reality as they were in the moment. Problem is, she is indeed being wishy washy now, so I would advise you cancel the trip and cut contact rather than drag this out.
I like that mindset thank you that helps a lot
If I’m doing it for his pleasure, wouldn’t I want him to enjoy it rather than be grossed out at the end?
Idk, I guess I just don’t see the big deal. All I know is that if I had sexual boundaries, I’d expect my partner to respect them or to break up with me. Not try to force me into something I didn’t like.
Could you explain why? I’m missing why it matters?
Sounds like you need to get over yourself.