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Date: December 26, 2022

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  1. Autistic adult here to remind you that we are still adults. Sounds like he’s working towards self-sufficiency while you’re trying to limit his autonomy. Yes, he’s 18 and he’s going to make mistakes, but it’s not clear to me why he needs a legal guardian. He has a job and is just starting to look into housing. Has he looked into supported housing or group housing?

    Is he incapable of taking care of himself or a danger to himself or others? If not, why does he need a guardian? He doesn’t like being told why he’s wrong by a sister only five years older than him. He’s bypassed monitoring software you put on his electronics—but why do you have that on there? Sounds like a violation of his privacy. He curses at you and calls you names when you’re literally trying to take independent adulthood away from him, and when he doesn’t feel like there’s anything else he can do to convince you, he turns to social media. Sounds like a teenager, which he is

    Instead of approaching the situation like his desired independence is a problem, how can you support him in getting what he wants? Has he shared his goals with you and his plans for getting there? What about backup plans? He’s 18–did he talk through his plans for the future with any school counselors, therapists, teachers, coaches? If he decides with you and others in his corner that a guardian is necessary, are you are the best option, how can the two of you work together to make sure the relationship works for both of you?

    A lot of non autistic parents/caregivers of autistic kids accidentally perpetuate a lot of harm by treating us as if we’re not as competent, and that can be really frustrating for us! Try to meet your brother where he’s at

  2. This singular insight may be the most damning thing you've said about your partner. Do you get how emotionally immature a person has to be, not only to think like this, but to actually voice these adolescent thoughts directly to their partner?

    It shows everything from a lack of self awareness, to a lack of empathy, to a lack of social skills, to a lack of emotional maturity.

    I mean, he's 22, he's not beyond growth. But if you are more mature than him, consider what you will and won't put up with in a partner. Because (and I could be wrong) I foresee a lot more “insensitivity” from him towards you, in your near future.

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