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ALL GOALS MET [Multi Goal]
Date: October 18, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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I would personally move on, if he can't take the time to get you aroused then he isn't worth your time and energy. Sex shouldn't hurt and if it does , for whatever reason you should be able to discuss it with your partner and they should be able to understand or try and understand. Lubes aren't meant to be your enemy if that's what you need. Lots of hugs hun, I hope you leave. . you deserve better
But the problem is he would have to prove those expenditures were not GIFTS, if he has any hope of recouping the costs.
In this situation, I highly doubt he would be able to do so.
Taking a partner, especially one you’re not married to, into court attempting to recoup costs of things you’ve paid for during the course of the relationship, is nearly impossible.
Sounds like a harmless comment and you’re the one looking for a way out. If you don’t want to be with the guy anymore just say that. You’re blowing it way out of proportion.
Thank you for your honesty. I think you’re right, i wish I felt safe but I don’t. It’s naked to let go because I just want someone to support me and be on my side, and bear the world with me. It feels scary to lose that
i did tell her hours before i left and told her again when i was leaving she was not happy about it at all and said i cant read the room and being inconsiderate apparently because we just got home from the cinema that was hours long and im going out again 🙁
This itself is the biggest redflag, now he wants to shave, maybe in future he will hate almost everything about you. Don’t let him suck your soul.
That's exactly what this sub is when it cones to posts like yours.
It seems that most women on this sub don't understand that sex and intimacy in a relationship is about 1/3 of a man's needs.
Thank you so much for your words and kindness. Take care too please I wish you the best
You don’t have children, leave immediately. You are young and you will recover. Don’t let him gaslight you, manipulate you, guilt you, or anything else he might try during the process of “reconciliation”. The trash just took itself out, let him deal with the consequences of his affair.
Look to u/survivinginfidelity if you need additional support and resources.
Never marry if you have doubts.
Those doubts are unresolved concerns.
There is no rush. The resistance you mentioned aren’t your reasons but others.
You are tying yourself to one person forever. You should be sure and selfish.
But you should reconsider the relationship if you feel it’s restricting you too much. Those same concerns apply to a relationship in general.
I don't need to ask, I know. He started new job this month and will be getting pretty decent money, but he is out of his savings.
Sounds more like a manipulative friend Fing things up and putting thoughts in her head.
Living together while one person owns is already tricky. Also, don't go down the road of owning together until you are married, as that gets even messier.
It's a tricky spot, as technically you are a tenant. You had a verbal agreement on rent at X dollars per month, and 50% of utilities. Related but separately, as roommates, you've agreed to take on 75% of the housework, as he does long term work on the property.
And then let's acknowledge the other part here, that you aren't just a tenant, you two are in a relationship and living together. These are the moments in which we learn how to making decisions on our finances in a relationship, what we do together, what we do seperate, etc.
A landlord can raise the rent of a tenant, within certain legal boundaries (typically a certain amount of notice, length of lease, possible by only a certain percentage if in a rent controlled area, etc, and all of this varies depending on your location). it's worth checking into, but let's assume he's within his rights legally.
That said, in doing so, he's making a major change to the dynamics of your relationship by unilaterally changing the finances without a discussion. That isn't a compromise or an agreement between two people in a relationship, that's one person telling the other to do something (to specific: to give me more money). That is not a healthy dynamic in a relationship no matter what the circumstances. For example, if you were both renting, and got a new job, would he able to say “ok, you pay half now”. No, you have a discussion and come to an agreement like adults.
In short, you have a right to be pissed here. I'd be weary that this is the actions of someone who doesn't care about inconveniencing you for what they want. That said, it may also be the actions of a dumb 25 year old thinking they are doing the right thing (probably listening to too many money podcasts about how to make money off real estate) and not fully understanding what they are doing in the process (being an a-hole to their girlfriend).
So, what to do? Sit down and talk about the long term finances of you two living together. What that would look like. Be honest, and tell him you were hurt that he was deciding to make a change to things without a discussion, and that left you feeling hurt and taken advantage of. That what you want to do is come up with an agreement that both of you can feel good about and go forward with.
You'll be having these kinds of discussions with your partner for the rest of your life. It's better to find out now if you just need to both figure out how to talk about money together better, or if you are dating someone that's gonna up and buy a new $75k car and not tell you.
Shame on you to speak bad of the dead. He will leave you once he finds out you did it. You killed your relationship and not the memories he has.
See you do it well. Some people just don’t know how to talk shot and it’s so frustrating thats why I mainly lurk
It’s literally your marriage or the place you happen to love working? I’d be devastated if my husband ever thought so little of our marriage.
You do need to decide. You can choose the job, or being with your family. And even if you do get a new job, you have ahead of you a lot of soul searching and communicating and all of those things that go into mending a relationship.
Yeah, I know. I left him in November. We had been together for so long and I put up with other stuff too. I pity him a lot and I don't think he's a bad person, he just has a lot of growing up to do. I realize that I enabled his behavior and was too scared of his reaction (and still in love with him) to do anything about it. I think I was also kind of emotionally checked out already. We also lived together.
You have to have a serious conversation with him and tell him his behavior that night was terrible and that he can't get black out drunk like that again. If he really was sorry, he would agree with you. You seem like a pushover so learn to stand up for yourself.
His cheating is because he wants to cheat.
Thank you, i’m trying to not thinking about it. It’s true we didn’t have a sit down convo about being exclusive i just feel like it was definitely expected and i even considered us exclusive, which is why i feel guilty
I only like surprises when told ‘I have a surprise planned for you on XYZ day’, not a really shocking surprise
All her friends sounds just as toxic
I wouldn’t be offended, it’s part of the song. If the word was really that bad, maybe the artist shouldn’t have included it (?). huge difference between calling someone a bad word and singing a word that hundreds of musicians use in thousands of songs.
Dump her rude ass and make sure to explain why. That she beat you in the rude department.
What did you study at college? Are you working full time? Do you have kids together?
I would order it to be delivered.
It isn't healthy to have no friends you can hang out with and I'm curious how much you trust your boyfriend after him cheating so early on.
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Long story short. My gf cheated on me and we've been trying to work it out but every time I think about her using the same toy with the guy she cheated on with me it is extremely upsetting. Today I broke down and finally asked her to get rid of it. I feel ridiculous for asking her to throw out something so expensive but at the same time it is crushing to me and absolutely has a negative impact on our relationship even if I pretend to be ok with the toy. It was one that we bought in a pack together that she used with her extracurricular partner. I asked calmly but with poor timing (early morning after sex before she was going to use a toy(diff toy) to get off). Her response was shaking her head and simply saying no. He didn't even touch it. It makes me feel like how hurt I am is just going completely unseen and unacknowledged. A part of me that I've been hesitant to express and now I feel like my fears have solidified. How do I go about navigating this? My heart aches and I don't think my feelings on this toy are changing. Infidelity 11/28, 30 & 9/1 if my memory serves me well. So time has not altered how I feel about it. Nor do I want her to retain the toy and not use it with me. It is a piece of the infidelity to me
Nah… no questions in it. I gave her flowers this morning and receive this reply that she can send money if i wish and she aint angry for anything. Also, she doesn’t wanna talk.
You’re 31, not 91. Keep your apartment and lease it while living together. Win-win.
And of course, never buy together before marriage.
She probably does hate you in a way. PPD/PPA is a bitch. Having a kid blows up your lives. The first year is NAKED.
First things first she needs medication and or therapy. Is she motivated to work on your marriage? There's some great books out there like 5 Love Languages and pretty much anything by the Gottmans.
He should feel guilty..
Why is protecting him from feeling the consequences of his decisions/priorities and how they effect you more important to you, than him not being intentionally obtuse to how him putting your limited time together 2nd to socializing effects your feelings??
You should have the confidence to express your needs to your partner, and not take ownership of an issue that isn’t for you to solve. He could show you that he is willing to put you first, by using his actions to actively put you first. Him moping around and feeling guilty does nothing but throw the onus back on you, and now you’re here trying to blame yourself for his feelings. So why is it that his feelings come before yours to you?
Love does not mean excusing all the bad things people or saving them from experiencing the consequences of their own actions, love is seeing those flaws and not expecting perfection but expecting respect, love, and reciprocity. Instead of taking accountability here he is emotionally manipulating you with his sad guy ‘guilt’ because he knows he can, and it’s working because you’re here second-guessing if your feelings are valid.
Total of 5 months total time knowing one another, correct?
Cheaters cheat. Find someone faithful.
She plans on reporting him to an abuse hotline because hes broken stuff during arguments, though she does nothing around the house based off what shes said.
would couples therapy actually help? because that’s something I was considering tho we haven’t tried
Completely agree. Did she think this was going to work out just fine?
Me, still walking on eggshells, letting her know what is going on, is dealing with her trigger. If she doesn’t wanna hear about it, I don’t wanna hear about her complaining. It’s not that naked. Either she goes to someone and seek therapy, or she goes deep in thought, and understands that she needs to come to terms with her triggers, and how to overcome them.
Depends on if he learned never to get in that situation again with alcohol like that
u/ThrowRAclownsuit The only way people like him learn to change their ways is to be called out. You need to have a heart-to-heart with your BIL and tell him point-blank that due to some of your colleagues and other guests who are coming, that your wedding is not the place to play any pranks on your family. Speak to him without raising your voice and come from a place of genuine concern and not anger. Tell him you're comfortable having venue security escort him out if he tries anything. You aren't obligated to endure his behavior- especially since it fringes on bullying. At the same time, tell your venue manager and day-of coordinator about his habit of crass practical jokes that you don't like, and ask them to have security escort him out if he tries to pull a fast one. They are used to relatives behaving badly, so they'll handle it all with professionalism and discretion.
Why the fuck is this downvoted lol
Buncha smelly people on Reddit
This is true, I plan to apologize for throwing the drink and starting the fight and I’m sure she will apologize for beating the crap out of me. I’m sure we can move passed it because we’re both mature now and we squashed all the drama with our “fight”. It’s just going to be so naked for me to laugh with her and be myself, I feel like I’m going to keep flashing back to her on top of me punching me and that will make me feel embarrassed.
Did you allow them to be close while you were dating? Did she babysit?
We got into relationship before me and her even started working there, but i will take your advice for the future. Thanks!
Eh, I agree it's racist, just trying to give some thoughts for the OP to ponder. I think it's possible the “power dynamic” thing is more what the OP's boyfriend meant and just worded it badly. A bit more understandable, especially if he's experienced a lot of racism against him from white people. As I said though, I'd likely end the relationship over it, I want a life partner, not a therapy project.
How would you know if this behaviour is unstable if you were not present for any of the dog situation – her family, who she was with and who she should factor in since she LIVES WITH THEM – were aware of what was happening. You’re just butthurt she didn’t factor you into a decision that you literally had no reason to be a part of.
You are thinking of seeking legal advice? You are acting as though these aren’t her kids too. It's ridiculous you feel entitled to have your kids have your name but not the mothers.
Also who cares if you pay all the bills. And you enlisted flying monkeys to have your back because you feel entitled. In other words the woman who is about to have your twins isn't your partner because you want people to gang up on her so you get your way.
Yeah so you two had a very inappropriate relationship. It doesn’t matter that it never got physical. He backed out for whatever reason, and it was the right thing for him to do. I’m sorry that it’s made you sad, but it ended in the best way it could have.
Good for you! Love hearing these stories.
I online and work in California and it’s illegal to fire someone for something like this. Even having been born and raised in the South I’m shocked at how many comments start with some form of “make sure you have another job in case your company decides to fire you over something that happened ten years ago.” That sucks.
OP, on the off chance that you don’t online in a state where your executives can’t decide to fire you because you were a sex worker I would give this guidance: First, you MUST trust your partner but excepting that, the only other scenario is…
The reason for the work was because you want a quality of life higher than the one you think you can provide for yourself (e.g. – sugar baby), because your partner deserves to know that your happiness in your relationship is dependent on their ability to offer an elevated lifestyle that you do not plan to contribute to equally.
Cats that cohabitate for years will still do that nonsense. It is just cat behavior and very typical of multi cat homes. Your bf is being a dick.
Hello, thank you for your input. I would love to go to therapy at some point but unfortunately at the moment, I am unable to go since I attend school and also work full time (so my days are taken pretty much). At home, I’ve tried playing games alone, exercising at the gym, and things like that and I do find happiness in them, but still struggle with this feeling of wondering what life would be like without my bf and how terrible it would be and things like that. I really don’t want to feel the same way I did with my first boyfriend if my current boyfriend were to ever leave. It was very painful and miserable.
For some more info on me, at my parent’s house, I don’t get much privacy or alone time at the house at all. I’ve lived there my whole life and have always struggled with that issue. The house is very small and my parents as well as my sister still online there. My job doesn’t pay well, so I’m unable to support myself at the moment, so I’m going to school for a better job. My bf has offered to let me move in with him, but my parents help with some of my bills and I would hate to put that on my bf and know I’m not financially ready to help him pay rent, etc. So I’m unsure if this possibly could be attributing to the lack of independence I have. Back when I was a teen, both my parents worked so I had time to do hobbies alone and enjoyed my time alone. But around the time I got my first bf, my parents retired from work and I was unable to do hobbies as much as I did before.
Also for some reason, I’m not seeing anyone else’s comments but yours. Unsure what’s going on with the post.
The first time he brought it up in passing was about 5 months into our relationship. He didn’t start making frequent comments until a little over a month ago.
Also, do you guys think this is a forgivable action? I’m not sure on if I should or not and its confusing
This happened to me quite often with my ex. I completely understand how you feel. The first time, I brushed it off and didn’t say anything, but then they kept doing it even when I did speak up. It’s not necessarily about the drinking, it’s about the complete disregard to the commitment and plans they’ve made to you. I would encourage you to communicate how you feel to her and make it clear that you’re disappointed.
Tell your family she's not quality. A physician's wife has to be just as smart, a home manager and a lovely hostess. At this point, shes not even a candidate for the interview. Tell them she has to get a degree amongst other demands. She'll totally drag you down.
Personally, quit school, get a job at a hospital and do it the naked way. There's many ways to provide care w/o being an actual physician.
babes, he tried to give hints. now he's just ghosted. write him off and be thankful it has only been a few months. ldr? you were prob the side chick, sorry
People here on Reddit get distracted too easily, and all the advice is not very relevant to your situation or specific question.
You’re asking about how you can convince your dad. Think really naked about what bargaining power you have over them – prestige from becoming a doctor, future grandchildren, or even your life. Threaten them with everything you’ve got.
But first, start with someone who is most compassionate towards you, like maybe a grandmother or someone elder but softer who you could convince by crying and expressing that you don’t want to marry someone you don’t like, and that you’re too young to marry right now. Tell them you would earn them more money than this girl will bring. Cry.
If that doesn’t work, threaten that even if they force you to get married, you won’t ever touch this girl, and that they would never ever ever have children. Cry.
If that also doesn’t work, tell them fine, since they have all the power over your life, tell them if they make you marry her, you will drop out of school yourself, and join her in sitting on your ass all day and not do anything at all your entire life and that they would have to support you. I know that’s not what you want to do, but just bluff, and make it look real. Show them that this situation is driving you crazy and you are willing to do anything. Cry, kick and scream my friend.
And if push comes to shove, you threaten them with your life.
All of this will depend on how well you can convince them that you will act out every single one of these threats.
Worst case scenario though, even if you have to marry this woman, maybe it won’t be so bad. Maybe you could inspire her to do something with her life, and it could turn out to be a good thing. If not, I’m sure divorce is not as impossible as you imagine, just wait until you have enough money to hire a lawyer.
Good luck
You relate to me so much! I tried naked too to stick around and make him realize im worth more than causal.
My previous Reddit posts are actual treasure to me as they were my journey towards realizing your points 1) ignoring my needs and becoming convenient to someone 2) feeling empty and questioning my worth and now 3) finding my worth and what I want finally!
Thanks Redditor! Your comments mean so much
is this like a dizzy thing??
for context I'm ftm and after I got on T my orgasms changed and I tend to get very stomach sick when I cum now, especially if I've eaten. I find taking a tums and relaxing a little helps the most. definitely not normal.
It's ridiculous for her to come to your work. I understand why you hid. You shouldn't have to be in that situation. What did she think was going to happen? You'd talk to her while selling her clothing?
Of course she should call you to ask if you'd like to talk and then if you were ok with talking, then you find a time.
If you're worried she'll come back, you can give her a call and tell her how you feel. That can be as simple as a “Please don't come to my place of work. I'm not willing to talk to you about our relationship.” Or you can give her a chance to let you know the topic of what she'd like to discuss. Set your boundary as you wish.
Then why did you have a kid before moving out?