if hes not going to put any effort into their sex life.
Huge assumption here chief. Some issues aren't just “go see a doctor” fixable. Her saying it that way is a shitty thing to do and also actively makes the problem worse because anxiety contributes heavily to ED.
I saw this over on r/AITA and I have the same thought. You are not obligated to invite anyone to your party. There were consequences for them not inviting you to their wedding, and there will be consequences to not inviting them to your gathering. Are those consequences worth it? That's what you need to ask yourself. You may be justified in not inviting them, as it seems that you thought you all were a bit closer, but now your partner and some friends (iirc) think you're petty.
By the same token, these friends didn't owe you an invitation, and the time to discuss that would have been well ahead of this Christmas party. At the end of the day, these are both just parties. If you care more about the parties than the friendship, then I think that says a lot.
You brought up your ex in an argument about something small!!
Well you went nuclear and now you have to deal with the fall out.
I am pretty sure he is working and going to the gym and not trying to hurt you like you hurt him. Men do not think that way and it’s not how we process.
How can you make him forgive you. You can’t. What you can do is make his life easier and show him you are loyal, loving and committed to your marriage and in time he will feel more secure in your marriage and start giving you attention again.
If you have contact with any of your exes cut contact with them.
Why do you think he is cheating on you is it b/c that is what you do? May want to do some work on yourself as well before you get angry and fuck up a good thing with one sentence.
My gummies are definitely starting to kick in because doing it this way sounds right! The visuals I get from reading this are clear, sounds like a good time!
Step 1, dump the gf who hasn't gotten the eiffel tower. Step 2, ask your next gf is she's been eiffel towered. Step 3, repeat Step 1 or continue with relationship depending on her answer
Yes yes, ignore that they are her daughters boyfriends shirts entirely because you know, menopause! Women don't cheat, ever!
zanne54… this is not at all reasonable behavior and you know it.
Well, it has one advantage. If she just nods and says “yes, great idea” and goes along with it, then maybe there wasn't anything to worry about.
But if she protests at all, seems to be reluctant to get something else, fights to wear these particular shirts instead of anything else, then he's proven it's suspicious.
He needs to send you multiple pictures of himself (his ENTIRE FACE) before you meet. Do not meet a stranger if you have no idea what they actually look like, especially if they are being shady about sending you full face pictures.
How about you learn some self respect? Every paragraph of this post screams “Step on me because I don't care about myself”. Obviously your girl wont give a single solitary shit about your feelings or even bother being loyal to you if you're sending signs like that.
You deserve a partner who cares about you just as much as you care about them. You deserve to be happy. Dump this girl and spend some time alone figuring out what you want and learn how to respect yourself.
Honestly you need to get over yourself. YOU decided that out of all the people to date that you wanted to date your potential stepbrother. Maybe you should’ve thought about that before dating him 2 YEARS into your dads relationship.
Bro, she is not put together. She is obviously insecure and decided that is your problem. I would advise a serious reconsideration of whether or not this is someone you want to settle down with.
Relax, it's too early to say. Stress can definitely pit you off that much. I'd say of she makes it to two weeks late, and she's normally pretty on time, you xan take a test.
sorry i could've phrased that better. I did tell him that, but at first when I said I had plans it was just my immediate response, but i did also say I was worried about driving. I just think I didn't make it seem like ot was the main thing and he took it the wrong way.
Weddings have dates chosen, graduations (mostly) are the same time every year, so they could have chosen a date that wasn’t around graduation time, but didn’t.
And tell your family that anyone who doesn’t attend your graduation, will be cut from your life.
Cause you know as soon as they want you (medical diagnosis, money, to brag about) they will come crawling back.
He probably would have become abusive if the relationship had lasted longer or you'd had children together. (Its not like he treated you super well, he did get off with your sister while you were together, that's pretty cruel.)
He's probably the type of person who becomes abusive when he's sure a person is trapped with him and won't leave, and 2 happy years in with no drama is very different from caused-a-rift-in-my-family-broke-up-sister's-marriage-now-have-a-baby levels of trapped.
In any case, you don't have to prove yourself to these people. You've done nothing wrong. Guilt can be a weird emotion, I bet that your sister is projecting her guilt about the relationship onto you now her prize that she won from you turned out to be a pile of garbage, trying to make you the bad guy for something because she's hurt everyone and all she's left with is an abuser, not the perfect happy relationship she thought she'd taken from you.
well the thing is, he doesn’t want an open relationship. He wants to be exclusive with me only and he has never slept with Phoebe or anyone else other than the person he’s dating in the past (before me).
I guess how I should go about telling her is my main issue. She might get violent, I don't expect her too but I don't know exactly how well she's gonna take this.
Imagine taking 12 years to understand you are not compatible.
Sex is important, for some people more than others, you dragged something that should've ended years ago. Opening a relationship doesn't work, it's time to move on for both of your sakes.
So you rushed her into a relationship knowing, even, that she wasn’t in a good place for one, and are surprised that she didn’t have a good handle on your serious exclusive vibes?
Go ahead and break up with her if you like, you can do it for any reason if you feel like it. But don’t pretend it’s because she cheated or took advantage of you. (The fact that the other guy was in a relationship, if she knew, would be a better reason.)
What I'd ask is does the fiance always dismiss ops feelings, talk as if her family is their only real family, tell him his dad doesn't care? She just sounds jealous that his parents are going to cost more to have there than hers. So what!
. It sounds like whilst her parents will have a room, she doesn't like the idea of his parents having a suite.
Op. Sit and tell her what's happening. You are paying for your parents because they could not afford it otherwise, if she needs to help out hher parents in the same way, she should do it. If you are paying for over half the wedding, you are putting in your fair share.
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No, we aren't getting back together. He has veen very clear about it. It's naked to accept because only the previous day, he was talkimg of living in, how much he loves me and stuff.
And then he is suddenly gone as soon as I brought up commitment. I mean…
It came as such a shock to me! I had to ask him multiple times, lol.
May I ask why? Because I didn't see a single solitary reason in your entire post to trust him, and about a thousand reasons not to. You may have lost count of how many times he's lied to you about this trip, so I tallied it up for you. Eight times. About one event. And that's just the ones you know about and mentioned in your post, I suspect the actual number is much higher. There were probably a few you didn't think to tell us about and I guarantee there are at least half a dozen you don't even know about yet.
You have ZERO reason to continue trusting this guy. He lies to you as easily and regularly as breathing. He tells you what you want to hear when he KNOWS the exact opposite is happening and you'll eventually find out, and just doesn't seem to care. He'll string you along and make promises he KNOWS he's not going to keep and he hopes he won't get caught because you can't get the money together. You realize that's why he told you to pay for yourself, right? Not because he couldn't afford you anymore, because he was hoping YOU couldn't afford it.
He never wanted you to come on this trip, that's why the nature of the trip and the logistics of it change every single time you overcome an obstacle. The obstacles are fabricated, they're just a way for him to prevent you from coming without actually TELLING you not to come. For example:
He said plans changed and he’s now going with only his friends the week before and that I could meet him there for the wedding if I wanted to. Which he knew I wasn’t going to, it’s a big trip to make alone. And I would now have to pay my own way, to meet him there, in Europe, to be there for him at his friends wedding. It’s just too much.
I've got news for you, if you overcame your fear of traveling alone and were able to get the money together to meet him at this wedding there would be a new “problem” that prevented it.
This isn't just a case of him wanting to do friend stuff with his buddies without his girlfriend tagging along. Look at the number of lies and amount of effort he has put into making sure you WILL NOT be there for this. This is “planning to cheat” levels of deception and manipulation, not just hanging out with his friends.
Theoretically, people can change, and it so happens once in a few blue moons. That being said, I doubt he is going to change, so move on
I added more to my comment. Could you answer that please? Is this a fake post? Or did your forget your ages?
If that happened to me, he's for the streets. You deserve better
Most important, can you provide (at least for yourself) ?
Skip
if hes not going to put any effort into their sex life.
Huge assumption here chief. Some issues aren't just “go see a doctor” fixable. Her saying it that way is a shitty thing to do and also actively makes the problem worse because anxiety contributes heavily to ED.
I saw this over on r/AITA and I have the same thought. You are not obligated to invite anyone to your party. There were consequences for them not inviting you to their wedding, and there will be consequences to not inviting them to your gathering. Are those consequences worth it? That's what you need to ask yourself. You may be justified in not inviting them, as it seems that you thought you all were a bit closer, but now your partner and some friends (iirc) think you're petty.
By the same token, these friends didn't owe you an invitation, and the time to discuss that would have been well ahead of this Christmas party. At the end of the day, these are both just parties. If you care more about the parties than the friendship, then I think that says a lot.
He’s a dickhead and you deserve better ?
Lol I was like this relationship is either too bad or too good
You brought up your ex in an argument about something small!!
Well you went nuclear and now you have to deal with the fall out.
I am pretty sure he is working and going to the gym and not trying to hurt you like you hurt him. Men do not think that way and it’s not how we process.
How can you make him forgive you. You can’t. What you can do is make his life easier and show him you are loyal, loving and committed to your marriage and in time he will feel more secure in your marriage and start giving you attention again.
If you have contact with any of your exes cut contact with them.
Why do you think he is cheating on you is it b/c that is what you do? May want to do some work on yourself as well before you get angry and fuck up a good thing with one sentence.
My gummies are definitely starting to kick in because doing it this way sounds right! The visuals I get from reading this are clear, sounds like a good time!
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He’s very hygienic so idk if he was just in a rush after that particular session ? but yeah ew
shes obviously flirting but if she has a boyfriend why bother unless they break up
Step 1, dump the gf who hasn't gotten the eiffel tower. Step 2, ask your next gf is she's been eiffel towered. Step 3, repeat Step 1 or continue with relationship depending on her answer
Yes yes, ignore that they are her daughters boyfriends shirts entirely because you know, menopause! Women don't cheat, ever!
zanne54… this is not at all reasonable behavior and you know it.
Well, it has one advantage. If she just nods and says “yes, great idea” and goes along with it, then maybe there wasn't anything to worry about.
But if she protests at all, seems to be reluctant to get something else, fights to wear these particular shirts instead of anything else, then he's proven it's suspicious.
He needs to send you multiple pictures of himself (his ENTIRE FACE) before you meet. Do not meet a stranger if you have no idea what they actually look like, especially if they are being shady about sending you full face pictures.
How about you learn some self respect? Every paragraph of this post screams “Step on me because I don't care about myself”. Obviously your girl wont give a single solitary shit about your feelings or even bother being loyal to you if you're sending signs like that.
You deserve a partner who cares about you just as much as you care about them. You deserve to be happy. Dump this girl and spend some time alone figuring out what you want and learn how to respect yourself.
No
I agree if you are absolultely against porn than you will either find asexual man or be single.
Where would he be sleeping if he stays with her?
Honestly you need to get over yourself. YOU decided that out of all the people to date that you wanted to date your potential stepbrother. Maybe you should’ve thought about that before dating him 2 YEARS into your dads relationship.
Sounds like you played yourself
Bit creepy to be posting in r/teenagers and then am I the asshole talking about your wife? Wonder which is true
Bro, she is not put together. She is obviously insecure and decided that is your problem. I would advise a serious reconsideration of whether or not this is someone you want to settle down with.
Relax, it's too early to say. Stress can definitely pit you off that much. I'd say of she makes it to two weeks late, and she's normally pretty on time, you xan take a test.
sorry i could've phrased that better. I did tell him that, but at first when I said I had plans it was just my immediate response, but i did also say I was worried about driving. I just think I didn't make it seem like ot was the main thing and he took it the wrong way.
Is there any way to fix this so he doesn’t do this anymore?
Yes. Get some self esteem and leave. Problem solved.
You go to the graduation.
Weddings have dates chosen, graduations (mostly) are the same time every year, so they could have chosen a date that wasn’t around graduation time, but didn’t.
And tell your family that anyone who doesn’t attend your graduation, will be cut from your life.
Cause you know as soon as they want you (medical diagnosis, money, to brag about) they will come crawling back.
He probably would have become abusive if the relationship had lasted longer or you'd had children together. (Its not like he treated you super well, he did get off with your sister while you were together, that's pretty cruel.)
He's probably the type of person who becomes abusive when he's sure a person is trapped with him and won't leave, and 2 happy years in with no drama is very different from caused-a-rift-in-my-family-broke-up-sister's-marriage-now-have-a-baby levels of trapped.
In any case, you don't have to prove yourself to these people. You've done nothing wrong. Guilt can be a weird emotion, I bet that your sister is projecting her guilt about the relationship onto you now her prize that she won from you turned out to be a pile of garbage, trying to make you the bad guy for something because she's hurt everyone and all she's left with is an abuser, not the perfect happy relationship she thought she'd taken from you.
well the thing is, he doesn’t want an open relationship. He wants to be exclusive with me only and he has never slept with Phoebe or anyone else other than the person he’s dating in the past (before me).
I guess how I should go about telling her is my main issue. She might get violent, I don't expect her too but I don't know exactly how well she's gonna take this.
Imagine taking 12 years to understand you are not compatible.
Sex is important, for some people more than others, you dragged something that should've ended years ago. Opening a relationship doesn't work, it's time to move on for both of your sakes.
If you told her this while you were bawling your eyes out, and she still went out, you have no relationship left.
To ignore your partners distress is cruel and twisted. This woman is lacking in empathy and human kindness.
Sexual incompatibility is a very valid and legitimate reason to break up. What are you waiting for?
So you rushed her into a relationship knowing, even, that she wasn’t in a good place for one, and are surprised that she didn’t have a good handle on your serious exclusive vibes?
Go ahead and break up with her if you like, you can do it for any reason if you feel like it. But don’t pretend it’s because she cheated or took advantage of you. (The fact that the other guy was in a relationship, if she knew, would be a better reason.)
you can always call during these lunches or even *gasp* video chat.
Thank you my GOD
What I'd ask is does the fiance always dismiss ops feelings, talk as if her family is their only real family, tell him his dad doesn't care? She just sounds jealous that his parents are going to cost more to have there than hers. So what!
. It sounds like whilst her parents will have a room, she doesn't like the idea of his parents having a suite.
Op. Sit and tell her what's happening. You are paying for your parents because they could not afford it otherwise, if she needs to help out hher parents in the same way, she should do it. If you are paying for over half the wedding, you are putting in your fair share.
Male insecurity and control once again. Wear what you want.
Rule 4: Things this sub can't give advice on: rants, unsolicited advice, medical conditions/advice, mental illness, letters to an ex, “body counts” or number of sexual partners, legal problems, financial problems, or situations involving minors and/or abuse (violence, sexual, emotional etc). All of these will be removed and locked.
Please note that this is not an all-inclusive list.
Your post featured one or more of these and has been removed and locked.
No, we aren't getting back together. He has veen very clear about it. It's naked to accept because only the previous day, he was talkimg of living in, how much he loves me and stuff.
And then he is suddenly gone as soon as I brought up commitment. I mean…
It came as such a shock to me! I had to ask him multiple times, lol.
I trust my boyfriend.
May I ask why? Because I didn't see a single solitary reason in your entire post to trust him, and about a thousand reasons not to. You may have lost count of how many times he's lied to you about this trip, so I tallied it up for you. Eight times. About one event. And that's just the ones you know about and mentioned in your post, I suspect the actual number is much higher. There were probably a few you didn't think to tell us about and I guarantee there are at least half a dozen you don't even know about yet.
You have ZERO reason to continue trusting this guy. He lies to you as easily and regularly as breathing. He tells you what you want to hear when he KNOWS the exact opposite is happening and you'll eventually find out, and just doesn't seem to care. He'll string you along and make promises he KNOWS he's not going to keep and he hopes he won't get caught because you can't get the money together. You realize that's why he told you to pay for yourself, right? Not because he couldn't afford you anymore, because he was hoping YOU couldn't afford it.
He never wanted you to come on this trip, that's why the nature of the trip and the logistics of it change every single time you overcome an obstacle. The obstacles are fabricated, they're just a way for him to prevent you from coming without actually TELLING you not to come. For example:
He said plans changed and he’s now going with only his friends the week before and that I could meet him there for the wedding if I wanted to. Which he knew I wasn’t going to, it’s a big trip to make alone. And I would now have to pay my own way, to meet him there, in Europe, to be there for him at his friends wedding. It’s just too much.
I've got news for you, if you overcame your fear of traveling alone and were able to get the money together to meet him at this wedding there would be a new “problem” that prevented it.
This isn't just a case of him wanting to do friend stuff with his buddies without his girlfriend tagging along. Look at the number of lies and amount of effort he has put into making sure you WILL NOT be there for this. This is “planning to cheat” levels of deception and manipulation, not just hanging out with his friends.
Stop trusting this guy.