Thanks for this comment it was really insightful. Im going to wait until my boyfriend is home from work to discuss it with him. Personally, I want to spend the holidays with him this year, and I want to spend it with my family because my dad was recently hospitalized and I think my mom would appreciate some help. My bf and I discussed this and made these firm plans. I haven’t spoken to him yet but sometimes when his mom gets this way he will back track and change our plans to accommodate her. How do I avoid this happening (if there is any way?). I want to simply be like “we made plans so they’re happening” but idk
Yes, I agree. I have mentioned the age gap, how creepy the behavior is, and what it makes me feel like as his partner, yet he continues to brush it off like it's NBD. If this was some unattainable woman/IG model I would have less to say about it. Everyone looks to a degree and that's fine, but this girl he potentially sees more than me right now.
Do I give it time and see if her shinyness wears off and he stops? Or do I keep bothering him about it? Of course that requires me to continue violating his privacy which I'm not very comfortable with.
Not everyone who has a boundary around porn usage is doing it because they're insecure and/or controlling, and honestly this rhetoric is boring.
Porn is not something that men need in order to live! or feel fulfilled, in fact many men forego it of their own accord.
My point here is that if this is a boundary that OP feels is unfair he needs to speak up rather than doing it behind her back. They may just have incompatible views on this.
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I was going to say “aww man, just do it for her” but then I read you are supporting her. Is that not a gift? I’d rather have my rent paid than a bouquet of flowers.
The other comments are correct about Jessica being jealous of you for whatever reason she's made up in her head. She and the guy (can't remember what you called him and he isn't important so whatever) can figure out their own shit.
YOU need to cover your ass at work if it is a job you like. Jessica will/can start shit with you at work and will ramp up to get you fired if she is as irrational as she already sounds. Keep track of everything she/he says and does. ONLY discuss work with them.
and NEVER EVER EVER (pinky promise me) you will NEVER go out with either of these people, after work for drinks, just as coworkers. If they are going, then have plenty of witnesses if you go to. Be weary of BOTH of them. Not just Jessica.
Mmmm so how abt u ask him if he think you are ” book smart” and “acedamic intelligence” then?
I do think people can define smart in different ways, he mighy just defines smartness in street smart, but he can still think u r book smart and intellectual. academically intelligent etc
Being angry doesn’t make her unstable or manic. Sounds like she tried to explain why she was angry and you tone policed her instead of listen. Granted it’s very hot to listen if someone’s shouting. But tone policing someone often just makes them more angry.
As for what she accused you over, if she felt pressured by you to be exclusive or be in a relationship, when she clearly had mixed feelings about it, that could explain her reaction. Did you pressure her? Who knows. Rather than diagnosis her with a serious mental illness, google attachment style. A simpler explanation is that she has avoidant attachment and felt pressured and lashed out at you for it.
Don't fall into the line of thinking that now that it's a reality, he's bound to change his mind, though. That's a thought process that has left many a woman in single motherhood.
I don't think anyone can really tell you what to do here, you'll have to weigh all the scenarios and decide which one will lay less heavily on you… Abort without telling him, risk him wanting you to abort if you tell him, single motherhood and I guess to a lot less likely possibility – telling him and him having a sudden change of heart (going to stress again that that isn't likely).
Sorry, OP. That's why my automatic answer though with people in your situation is to cut your losses.
If you get upset by having a boyfriend who masturbates, you absolutely should not be dating men. At his age most guys jerk off 1-3x every day, and honestly he probably can’t even fall asleep at night otherwise. Seriously.
However, masturbation is a private activity, and you should ask him to stop telling you about it when he masturbates. That is none of your business, and it clearly makes you feel insecure, so he should not be talking about it with you.
said another way, why the hell would anyone want to spend the rest of their life w someone they are not attracted to and have never been intimate with? – shit makes no sense
I know you stated you’re bad at confrontation but you need to end this. As she doesn’t respect you and is treating you like a sub-human no repercussions atm. And you’re at a pretty good place for an easy break since you don’t live! together. I’d honestly just send a break up text to not contact you then block her. From the way she’s treating you, she absolutely doesn’t deserve anything else.
You got fat bruh. Accept she had the decency to tell you before she left you. You hit the gym, fixed it and it's not a problem no more. It is what it is.
Dude. What are you doing with your life??? This is insanity. I’m sure my words have no bearing on your decision as you’re already with him after all this crazy shit, but holy fuck. I hope you leave him and tell him why directly.
I know this is quite a leap, but tenure at his age.. the guy is very very clever. He may have very strong feelings / thoughts about his field, to such a strength he may not be able to control, or talk about it rationally (does he show any signs of autism?) But get the discussion back on the table calmly and hear him out, get him to talk
She sounds like she is radically honest. The good news is that OP will always know how she feels. The bad news is that OP will always know how she feels.
Talk to a lawyer or two and see which one you’re more comfortable with. Don’t leave your home and kids unless your lawyer recommends it. Don’t tell AP’s wife about the affair unless your lawyer says it’s ok. I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. I hope you’re able to come through it without a lot of drama and heartache. Just remain calm and refuse to get into arguments with your wife and her AP. Much luck to you.
I cannot financially afford to go away like that or I would do it. I also have never flat out told him “you need to step up more or I'm leaving” for me to judge his reaction on it. He knows I would leave him if I ever caught him cheating or if he got physical with me, however. I just feel bad for possibly trying to make him do more than what's mentally capable.
Be a big boy and just break up abd ghost the lieing cheater.
She made a choice to plan the break up to fuck the guy. And you want to stay with her? You really think she will never do thus again? Just stay with her and keep on pain shopping with her.
Yeah that's why this girl will be changing boyfriends every six months. Good luck for you too
Can’t really disagree with you there. I’m just saying that men are still going to be worried about that.
Oh and by the way did you comment a few hours ago? I saw a notification with the same text, but when i came to check the comment was gone
Thanks for this comment it was really insightful. Im going to wait until my boyfriend is home from work to discuss it with him. Personally, I want to spend the holidays with him this year, and I want to spend it with my family because my dad was recently hospitalized and I think my mom would appreciate some help. My bf and I discussed this and made these firm plans. I haven’t spoken to him yet but sometimes when his mom gets this way he will back track and change our plans to accommodate her. How do I avoid this happening (if there is any way?). I want to simply be like “we made plans so they’re happening” but idk
the time to tell her was before you had sex with him, actually.
Yes, I agree. I have mentioned the age gap, how creepy the behavior is, and what it makes me feel like as his partner, yet he continues to brush it off like it's NBD. If this was some unattainable woman/IG model I would have less to say about it. Everyone looks to a degree and that's fine, but this girl he potentially sees more than me right now.
Do I give it time and see if her shinyness wears off and he stops? Or do I keep bothering him about it? Of course that requires me to continue violating his privacy which I'm not very comfortable with.
Not everyone who has a boundary around porn usage is doing it because they're insecure and/or controlling, and honestly this rhetoric is boring.
Porn is not something that men need in order to live! or feel fulfilled, in fact many men forego it of their own accord.
My point here is that if this is a boundary that OP feels is unfair he needs to speak up rather than doing it behind her back. They may just have incompatible views on this.
The condoms were inside a sock in her drawer, what were you doing there?
You can't force him.
Sorry 🙁
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I was going to say “aww man, just do it for her” but then I read you are supporting her. Is that not a gift? I’d rather have my rent paid than a bouquet of flowers.
The other comments are correct about Jessica being jealous of you for whatever reason she's made up in her head. She and the guy (can't remember what you called him and he isn't important so whatever) can figure out their own shit.
YOU need to cover your ass at work if it is a job you like. Jessica will/can start shit with you at work and will ramp up to get you fired if she is as irrational as she already sounds. Keep track of everything she/he says and does. ONLY discuss work with them.
and NEVER EVER EVER (pinky promise me) you will NEVER go out with either of these people, after work for drinks, just as coworkers. If they are going, then have plenty of witnesses if you go to. Be weary of BOTH of them. Not just Jessica.
It's absolutely possible! Just not for your boyfriend apparently
Mmmm so how abt u ask him if he think you are ” book smart” and “acedamic intelligence” then?
I do think people can define smart in different ways, he mighy just defines smartness in street smart, but he can still think u r book smart and intellectual. academically intelligent etc
Being angry doesn’t make her unstable or manic. Sounds like she tried to explain why she was angry and you tone policed her instead of listen. Granted it’s very hot to listen if someone’s shouting. But tone policing someone often just makes them more angry.
As for what she accused you over, if she felt pressured by you to be exclusive or be in a relationship, when she clearly had mixed feelings about it, that could explain her reaction. Did you pressure her? Who knows. Rather than diagnosis her with a serious mental illness, google attachment style. A simpler explanation is that she has avoidant attachment and felt pressured and lashed out at you for it.
Sucky situation all around.
Don't fall into the line of thinking that now that it's a reality, he's bound to change his mind, though. That's a thought process that has left many a woman in single motherhood.
I don't think anyone can really tell you what to do here, you'll have to weigh all the scenarios and decide which one will lay less heavily on you… Abort without telling him, risk him wanting you to abort if you tell him, single motherhood and I guess to a lot less likely possibility – telling him and him having a sudden change of heart (going to stress again that that isn't likely).
Sorry, OP. That's why my automatic answer though with people in your situation is to cut your losses.
If you get upset by having a boyfriend who masturbates, you absolutely should not be dating men. At his age most guys jerk off 1-3x every day, and honestly he probably can’t even fall asleep at night otherwise. Seriously.
However, masturbation is a private activity, and you should ask him to stop telling you about it when he masturbates. That is none of your business, and it clearly makes you feel insecure, so he should not be talking about it with you.
Heck no. Are u insane? He doesn't care about you stop it.
Let her know that you are not trying to make her feel ugly, but that you need to be allowed to discuss this because it is affecting your marriage.
Is there a reason why she doesn't shower more often?
said another way, why the hell would anyone want to spend the rest of their life w someone they are not attracted to and have never been intimate with? – shit makes no sense
Imagination ?? or VR app
I know you stated you’re bad at confrontation but you need to end this. As she doesn’t respect you and is treating you like a sub-human no repercussions atm. And you’re at a pretty good place for an easy break since you don’t live! together. I’d honestly just send a break up text to not contact you then block her. From the way she’s treating you, she absolutely doesn’t deserve anything else.
You got fat bruh. Accept she had the decency to tell you before she left you. You hit the gym, fixed it and it's not a problem no more. It is what it is.
Give the cat away. You are both incapable of looking after it and are both responsible for its miserable fucking life.
Do not get any more pets. Ever.
Neither are clinical terms
Dude. What are you doing with your life??? This is insanity. I’m sure my words have no bearing on your decision as you’re already with him after all this crazy shit, but holy fuck. I hope you leave him and tell him why directly.
Nope.
“And you’re ugly, so what are we gonna do here?”
I know this is quite a leap, but tenure at his age.. the guy is very very clever. He may have very strong feelings / thoughts about his field, to such a strength he may not be able to control, or talk about it rationally (does he show any signs of autism?) But get the discussion back on the table calmly and hear him out, get him to talk
She sounds like she is radically honest. The good news is that OP will always know how she feels. The bad news is that OP will always know how she feels.
Talk to a lawyer or two and see which one you’re more comfortable with. Don’t leave your home and kids unless your lawyer recommends it. Don’t tell AP’s wife about the affair unless your lawyer says it’s ok. I’m so very sorry you’re going through this. I hope you’re able to come through it without a lot of drama and heartache. Just remain calm and refuse to get into arguments with your wife and her AP. Much luck to you.
He is a creep.
I cannot financially afford to go away like that or I would do it. I also have never flat out told him “you need to step up more or I'm leaving” for me to judge his reaction on it. He knows I would leave him if I ever caught him cheating or if he got physical with me, however. I just feel bad for possibly trying to make him do more than what's mentally capable.
Be a big boy and just break up abd ghost the lieing cheater.
She made a choice to plan the break up to fuck the guy. And you want to stay with her? You really think she will never do thus again? Just stay with her and keep on pain shopping with her.
I would be willing to move it's just it will cripple me alot because I would be away from my family.