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Date: October 1, 2022
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Would it make more sense to focus on getting R help? Can he live with grandparents or other family? Can you? What about planning now for when you are 18 and leaving? In my mind, R needs a practical solution. What you are looking at isn’t that. What about school mental health resources? Doctors? Church or other social groups? Staging a family intervention? Other solutions? Have you already asked R what he wants by way of a way forward?
That's what I'm trying to find out.
yeah but the text was not related to anything romantic, he asked to send some stuff
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This feels like a lifetime movie. He's going to take your life one day if you stay with him. He's channeling all of his controlling ways into surveillance. He's not different. He's a really good performer though.
Just ask her. Who needs a letter? I know it seems romantic, but if he won't read it, and has a poor attention span (ADHD, anyone?) then just ask.
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You say she's been hospitalized a few times for saying crazy shit. It sounds like it's time for another round. Leave her, and when she threatens to kill herself call the police and tell them she's threatening suicide. Finish whatever processes you need to while she's away on her involuntary hold, including block-and-ghost.
She will not kill herself. You can rest easy on that.
The Iranian yogurt post was a ride ?
This so much!
Bye bish
You'd be dumb for staying
That sex pest shit is annoying as fuck. It sounds like he's not even trying to be an equal partner in terms of managing the house…are you even getting your needs met?
for a thirty year old he sounds incredibly immature, perhaps thats why hes seeking a relationship with someone almost half his age. i dont think age gaps are too problematic as long as its legal and the people involved are happy, however its more of an issue when you're almost half their age… if they were 50 and you were 39 its less of a maturity gap – but at 19 and 30? red flag
I think you did the right thing, for what the word of a stranger on the internet is worth. If you didn't say anything, she would have reached out and it would have given her bio-mom the opportunity to tell her whatever she wanted. You told her the truth before she could be fed any lie.
Now, maybe it would easier to reach her through her fiance? He's mad at you at the moment, but maybe you can lay down the situation in a way that will help him calm down so you can work together to help your daughter: You didn't want to tell her, and you would have preferred to take that secret to the grave, but your daughter was dead set on reaching out to her estranged relatives so you had to make the choice between telling her the truth yourself or letting strangers tell her, possibly twisting events in a way that could have broken your family forever. You chose the lesser of two evils.
Even if he doesn't approve or understand, at the very least you could have a truce to support your daughter, talk to her, go to a family counselor together…
OP, I really don't understand all the comments that treat this as something light. That an adult person bathes 2 times a week is something disgusting. Yes, I understand that there are people who do not have the privilege of having water every day, but that does not mean that they still have shitty hygiene. What's more, probably people who don't have water every day look for ways to improve their hygiene despite it. Your wife has water available and she still chooses to bathe twice a week? That's not right, this has to be your hill to die for.
Is her skin really so sensitive to showering that she has to use a LOT of post bath lotions? Did she really look for a way to shower often and that her skin is not so affected? Did she really look for a way to replace the shower with something else in her daily hygiene or did she just stop showering?
NOBODY likes to be told that they are dirty or that they have a bad smell or that they have poor hygiene, I am sure that the vast majority of us would react badly if someone told us that, but as thinking adults we have the ability to overcome that anger and shame and understand that it is better to be told that you have a bad smell than not to be told anything. In my opinion, the best thing you can do for your wife is to tell her directly that she smells bad and try to find a solution to it. Whether it's bathing more often, cleaning specific areas, etc.
No she didn't. They talked about it off and on. She said doesn't think she wants kids. Besides she's allowed to change her mind. A lot can change in five years in a relationship.
I've never seen her ex, so I only know what she told me, so I can't say whether he was or wasn't, I just told her that if that was a case, it was normal to leave, but I think what you just described is pretty much how I feel about the situation.
Document everything you can, even in a no fault divorce state, a well documented pattern of behavior and financial details can go a long way, particularly if the cheater lies to the court about it.
I have always offered to pick my girlfriend, and sometimes her friends, from nights out. Making your way home after a night out can suck. It comes from me wanting to help out because I care, but also if I give them a lift I know they got home safe because otherwise I might worry.
Wait….he communicated that things are crazy and you sound somewhat annoyed that he HAD offered information about being up to his proverbial ass in alligators but you're also irritated that he's not communicating enough?
He's buried at work. He DID tell you what is happening. If you need someone more consistently available, that's fair, but that would be about your needs not his behavior.
With that last bit of context, this sounds like a compatibility problem not an indication that he's dishonest, inconsiderate or anything else negative.
Why did you force her to surrender? You proved your point when you took her down. Holding her down until she surrendered was just a dick move. It sounds like you were more concerned with being right and letting her know that you were stronger than actually showing her that she couldn’t take down a man. You did this to her because you were insecure, not because you were truly concerned for her safety.
Congrats, you destroyed her confidence and showed her she should be afraid if you.
You’re jealous… of his sister.
Get over yourself
I just had a bit of a peruse, you can definitely buy a property in Toronto for less than 1m, it's your first home, you will probably move in your life time.
You don't have to use all 300k.
Where I live it isn't uncommon for family members to help pool money together for a deposit, though 100k is the most you'd put in and that's between 25-50% of the house price. Maybe your husband thought he would be able to just take the whole 300k without his brother minding given that some families do do that… In this scenario he would be intentionally obtuse as I can't see anyone being happy to let go of 150k knowing he already had 150k of his own.
You said you had been saving for 5 years before you got married but don't mention how much you've been able to save. He's already bringing 150k to the pot, the way you talk about your marriage almost being a lie comes off as a little gold diggery which is why I ask how much you have.
I am aware this is irrational to a degree
Yes, you are being irrational. Nobody—including movie stars—looks good in their photo ID.
Is this a feeling that most people would have?
No.
And can I have some advice on how to deal with this, even if simple.
Therapy.
There are other, more fundamental issues at play here, probably related to your self image and anxiety.
When we got together, we had a mutual agreement to always let the other know about our wherabouts, we've been at it for a year and a half now. I don't see how that is controlling.
And I never implied she was crazy.