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Golden Ticket Show In Progress. Tip 100 to join the show
Date: November 24, 2022
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I sleep cuddling a pillow because it relieves tension and pain in my back and shoulders. She may have found the same.
This world is getting a little too safe.
Sit her down and try to work out a payment plan. I am guessing you are screwed and she will put her needs above her obligations but you may as well lay out your cards on the table.
You're too young to be letting some guy treat you like this, you have options and you should put him in the friendzone since you feel like you can't go no contact.
But one is immediately fixable, the other stops penetrative sex completely
Sounds like you're looking for a reason to end the engagement. Nerves? Something else? I mean, I'm sure we could comb through your history and find something that would upset him enough to reconsider.
Point is, it's a ridiculous cause to end what you claim to be a super happy relationship over.
Couples therapy.
His behavior is really odd.
If you two have never had trust issues in the past, this almost feels more like he’s cheating and projecting.
If she would do it drinking she would do it sober as well if she was in the right moment and thought she could get away with it. Drinking is no excuse and just shows she thinks about it and cannot control her urges as well when she drinks. Love isn’t lost in your heart and mind when you are drinking. Drinking just loosely brings out what is shrewdly there. Leave and do not look back or she will just cheat and hide it better in the future. She has less interest in sex with you not that she has less interest in sex.
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Just ask.
Really? I have a funny feeling that women would be weirded out a little if their husband received a car as a gift from his female friend. Maybe not all women, but certainly some.
People are confusing, deal with it. It's either that she's (subconsciously, mind you) afraid to make the first step or it's that she's misinterpreting your behavior. Anyway, it's up to you – either you say you like her too or you say you're not interested. Both are better than just awkward silence.
there has got to be a less confusing way of introducing the concept of psychological projection to newbies.
basically it boils down to “when a person doesn't understand their own complicated feelings, they imagine someone else has those feelings instead, in order to process them in a way that doesn't endanger their current sense of self”. the most obvious contemporary examples would be homophobes who are repressed homosexuals. they may not even know they are gay.
that said, i don't really think the person flirting with them is projecting. she may just be flirting hard. the guy may be mirroring her behavior out of friendliness rather than mutual attraction, and it's created a misunderstanding.
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??????????
My wife and I do couples therapy and it's great, totally worth it, though he may be resistant.
Respect on being open sexually.
Time away from each other is super important. Try and go out with your girls and have him go out with his boys. I find that when my wife and I have our nights out with our friends we come back refreshed and yearning to be together. (Nothing like a late night hookup with your partner whose been waiting for you to get home)
Kids make things complicated, I get it. So definitely tap into whatever network of family/friends you have so that you and the hubbie can get one night out a month
Lol don’t listen to him have a conversation with her and tell her your concerns and pay attention to how she answers that’s all you can really do
Honestly I have no idea why she wouldn’t tell her friend either…
Honestly I have no idea why she wouldn’t tell her friend either…
What did you expect from a pedophile groomer?
We spent my dad's 39 and 49 years respectively threatening him with large displays to sus out what kind of shindig he'd prefer. Your husband is being a giant asshole and I would want to know why he's making you feel like shit about spending money right now.
So she can dish the treatment but can’t take it,
So you probably need therapy, but good luck broaching that subject with her response to you bringing things up.
If you want to go down the petty path, you can try mirroring her behaviour and attitude.
You need to make sure you do it exactly, so if possible record your normal reaction/response, then record hers. Then the next time you mirror her. And when she complains etc, you bring out the recording of her, and say “why do you have a problem with it? All I did was mirror you, if it’s okay for you it must be okay for me.”
Then if you really want to hammer home the point, you tell her that you would much prefer to handle things better, like how you normally handle it and show her the recording of you.
Exactly this. Your husband is fucking weird
Honey, wear your heels and be masculine af.
Somewhere a chick is going to think you’re the hottest guy she’s ever seen (because honestly, men with great legs in high heels? Yes pls) and you will find a woman who love you for you. PSA: men can wear high heels, skirts, dresses and not be transgender or even be cross-dressers. Clothing and shoes are for everyone.
I'm only allowed to dance once a week.
Um sorry but you're allowed to do whatever you want. Your gf can't tell you what to do. You make your own choices. Your gf sounds very controlling and it's unhealthy. If she breaks up with you when you bring up concerns then she is very manipulative too. Not good signs at all. Controlling and threatening breaking up are both super toxic in a relationship.
No she doesnt do that. And with the shoe thing she told me that doesnt make sense to speculate if she would be hurt or not for some reason. Ty for the insight
Your bank account statement isn’t a personality trait. I’m pretty sure I’m “the richest” of my friend circle but other than having a relatively new and expensive phone that I use for work, you wouldn’t be able to tell.
Your comments here rude and impolite. Some of them come across as aggressive. I never spoke to people like that. I would reflect on that before you out the blame of not maintaining a social circle on the people who lied to you.
Also, “covering up” wealth usually doesn’t come from nowhere. There will be people trying to take advantage of you or blame you for what your parents have. Or be jealous. You can’t win either way and quite often it’s hard to predict which way people would go.
You feel lied to and that’s valid. You say you had it happened dozens of times so use it. Sit down and reflect on the one thing you can control. Your behavior. Try putting yourself in their shoes and observe yourself from their point of view. Do you voice negative opinions about people with money? Do you feel wronged that you grew up at an disadvantage? Do you have a tendency to borrow money?
Don’t get me wrong. It’s not like if an answer to any of this is yes then you’re a bad person. We come with a baggage. It’s ok to have flaws, it’s ok to have opinions. But those things would define how others see us and therefore if they’re going to trust us with certain information or how they’re going to build relationships with us.
Stop having sex with him. And seriously consider whether you want to stay with a man who doesn't care about your health, what's he going to be like if you need his help when you're ill or god forbid you stay around long enough to get pregnant. He doesn't care you about you end of sentence
You are 36 yet have got yourself into this situation. He has been irresponsible, but frankly, so have you (having unprotected sex and you seemingly aren't on BC). How have you got into this mess with his family and friends? This all seems like a drama
I am not sure what advice you want here?
you either tell your girlfriend and break up or you drop your friend. you can't have your friend without hurting your girlfriend and you apparently can't have your girlfriend and be happy about it, so do them both a favour.
Why do you want to be married to someone who doesn’t appreciate what you do and doesn’t seem to respect you or communicate in a healthy way? I’d start asking yourself why you want to hold on to someone who doesn’t want to stay. Has he “threatened” you with divorce before when you’ve tried to talk with him about something? (Your needs and boundaries)
Oh man. Ask my wife. I segue from on thought to another so quickly sometimes that she is sitting there scratching her head. Sometimes I get annoyed because she makes me back up three or four thoughts from where I am which details my train of thought.
I don’t know what she does to cope and whenever I ask she says “well, you’re cute.”
I agree with you but it sucks having to be the shoulder to cry on and giving the same advice every single time for it to keep happening over and over again if you don’t want to be judged don’t take your problems you caused to other people
I seriously don't know what to consider right now… she got tons of green flags but on the other side she goes into full cold hearted demon mode while fighting with me
Well, in that case, her lie is still weird and she's definitely doing something shady if she just thought hearing about it would make you sad. Sorry bro but i wouldn't give her the chance to make more excuses for what it was
That's kind of what I was thinking, yeah. Although I'm definitely not older than her father. That would be an even higher degree of weird. I would also like to state, for the record, that this is the first person so much younger than me that I have ever been remotely interested in, which is why I'm very conflicted. I'm not sure how to navigate these situations.
Yeah these trolls are really making me want to leave and mute this sub. Aren't there mods who can, you know, moderate these types of posts?
She has a completely different life 3000 miles away. Clearly, she was socializing and doing her own thing over the weekend. You are moving way too fast and truthfully, I would go slow and get to know her. It almost seems like you’re trying to do a mail order, bride or some thing. We agreed we both want to go to marriage and you’ve been talking for like a month. Because somebody eventually wants to get married does not mean that after a month from a stranger across the country, they’re turning it into a serious relationship.
His face when he opens that ?.
Why not deal with that issue when it happens? You are worrying about a problem that may not be a problem.
I'm on bad story side because it just doesn't add up, unless she's cheating with multiple people which things would be obvious changes at that point so easy to narrow down. Rereading it though it seems more like karma farming lol so I def believe you may be right
What are you asking? He was just a dick
Yes, you are being gaslit. He’s not any kind of trustworthy. Get away from him quickly and quietly, and break all contact.
Too bad my last therapist got another job hey, really could use their help right now ?
yes he is isnt he?
I’ve done that a few times but I feel like I can’t always run errands or do other things when she gets off work, and then I’m right back at square one
She wants to be acquaintances because usually when people crush and get rejected, they obsess and you're proving her point. She is right. The best form of action is to move on and heal, get her off your mind cuz it's unhealthy at this point. People can still think that you're an amazing human being but not want to date you for personal reasons, yknow?
It's incredibly complicated. Have you been married?
Your girlfriend’s mom made a rude and inaccurate comment. But unless she’s forcing you to blindly follow everything she says, she’s not brainwashing you.
If she prefers to clean why not let her? This sounds like something that can easily be avoided. Arguing over mopping the floor doesn’t sound like a worthy battle to choose.
This entire problem is in your court though. You have deep seated unresolved trauma and he knows it. He doesn't want to marry you because you're sexually incompatible.
You shouldn't resent him for having genuine concerns about the future of your relationship. If you get married would you just stop having sex after a year? You can't give him what he needs in a relationship but I'm guessing he gives you what you need.
You're view on this is very selfish and short sighted. If you get married and sex disappears he will leave you most likely. What are you even hoping for ?
Ugh this is the ideal relationship for me. I’m really busy with work, I have a lot of mindset training and mental health work I do each day, and I’m trying to keep up with the housework and exercise… it just seems like you 2 aren’t compatible, you want more time together than he can consistently give. Beforehand you were dating in a honeymoon phase and it was exciting and new, he probably made sacrifices to see you which took away from his schedule… but it wasn’t sustainable for him. I think it’s fair to have a conversation about how much time you will spend together and you have to be honest about your needs, and look critically and objectively about you 2 being a match
I think that you have no remorse and will cheat on her again. I'm not being nasty, I only state what I think. Maybe one day you will change your opinion or get a different perspective on this. Maybe you will be Charlie Sheen for the rest of your life. That is what I think.
Can you point me to the statistics you trust on this? Every time I look into the risk of assault+rape+murder by strangers it seems to be way more dangerous for men, not women.
As someone with asperger's (asd) sounds like you need to either date a different type of girl or change the way you handle relationships, because the two are not compatible.
To be clear, she cheated, the relationship is probably over. But, the way you describe your relationship shows you have no understanding of asperger's (asd).
If you want to date someone on the spectrum, you have to be far more communicative, they don't read your mind, or your body language. Something unsaid does not exist to them. It's a bit the ironic reverse of the stereotypical “why doesn't he know what I'm angry about”.
There's no valid excuse for cheating, but this one sounded kind of inevitable. Take a person who is bad at communicating his love with someone who is bad at noticing any communication. Add to that a dash of asd, which tends to make people more rigid and loyal to what they know, and she'd never break up with you, which you'd deserve for how you handled your half of the relationship. You need to work on your communication skills and how you handle a relationship before your next one / in your current one.
If you want to salvage this one (which can be done, if you can get over the cheating), you'll need a lot of couple's counselling, a lot of serious effort to work on both of yourselves and your relationship, and no marriage in the near future (at least 3 years). Marriage does not solve these problems. it just makes the break up harder. The good thing is that you sound aware of your shortcomings, the bad is that you didn't fix them in time.
Sincerely, someone with asd dating someone else on the spectrum.
PS: Again, not defending her actions, she needs therapy too, and deserves a break up. But trying to make it clear where you went wrong that this was a possibility in the first place. People on the spectrum are some of the least likely intentional cheaters out there, because they tend to hold very rigid moral beliefs.
That sounds like it was painful.
However, isn't it also kind of beautiful that every day, he had to make a choice between other possibilites and you, and kept choosing you?
Did you two talk about it any more? Did he elaborate, did you tell him what you felt when he said that?