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Room for on-line sex video chat lenaevans
Model from: de
Languages: en,de
Birth Date: 2002-06-02
Body Type: bodyTypeAthletic
Ethnicity: ethnicityWhite
Hair color: hairColorBlonde
Eyes color: eyeColorBrown
Subculture: subcultureStudent
Date: December 23, 2022
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First of all, there’s a couple things you should keep in mind. 1. Everyone has a past. 2. You’re under no obligation to be okay with that past; you can set a threshold wherever you want and whatever you can handle, and it’s not your obligation to get over it. 3. This will likely happen again in future relationships in some way; maybe not a video but definitely your partner’s past could get brought up in some way that makes you uncomfortable.
There’s no easy way to cope, but I will say being that this is your first relationship you’re at a disadvantage. With some experience you’ll realize that your past doesn’t really matter and therefore you’ll be able to internalize that your partner’s past doesn’t either. Until you hit that point it’s going to be potentially a long road without therapy or some more confidence.
I’m really sorry this happened to you, you didn’t deserve it, and you need to look out for yourself first before being a support mechanism for her.
Nope
Maybe a senior dog would be better
My bf also just claimed to see it as “interactive porn”.
But it doesn't matter what they think it is. If it's cheating to you, then it's cheating. You define your definition of cheating and what your boundaries are.
I explained to my bf that I do not see it the same way. That he is still sexually reaching out to another person, doesn't matter if it's text only or only pictures, he is still going to someone else for sexual satisfaction and that isn't okay with me. Porn videos don't have a online person on the other end responding and talking dirty. If he wanted to continue doing so and seeing it that way, then fine but I won't stick around for it.
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You’re not a goldigger for leaving someone who intentionally lied to you about critical life information for years. Leave.
I agree! Thank you!!
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Cut contact with your ex and start a relationship with your colleague if thats what you want. You can only learn from it. No point in denying yourself a relationship because it was attained badly. Monkey branching is common when trying to leave unwanted/toxic relationships. It's common though it's not right.
He hasn’t said anything direct to her, he’s not a confrontational guy. He has made me his phone screen and talked about me with her. Like I said he’ll also just do things like straight up leave her on read. To my knowledge he hasn’t said anything like “please stop sending this stuff to me”
Which is why I make this post, I’d like to ask him to set a clear boundary with her and say that the way and the things she messages him are inappropriate. He thinks she’s harmless though and doesn’t believe she has any interest in him.
I’ve come to Reddit to get a second opinion to see if other people think she could have a thing for him.
I don’t think so hun.
Ok OP. You are totally focusing on the wrong thing here. You’ve scripted exactly how YOU wanted one TINY, TINY piece of a relationship to go. It sounds like you wanted a romance novel and that’s just not real life. The proposal, in the grand scheme of things, means nothing. The wedding means nothing. The most important part of all of this is a good and healthy marriage. Life is not a fairy tale. Many (most) people would find your version of a proposal over the top and uncomfortable. Enjoy being engaged and focus on a happy and healthy relationship. In the grand scheme of things that’s all that matters.
He sounds like a psychopath. Leave immediately.
He was of course attracted to your sister since way back she was 18!! What if he does something to your kids? Friends of your kids?
You already got yourself out once. Be with someone that loves you and respects you. Your kids are learning from this.
Honestly, my husband has eaten my or my kids' leftovers… and it has ruined our day, too. My hibachi grill steak leftovers from Christmas Eve ended up in the wrong car, and I am still sad. You have a little extra saved, you feel like it's an unexpected win, then somebody with no understanding of your saving it just eats them.
You didn't do it on purpose, but it really sucks. Always ask before eating someone's leftovers, and maybe get your partner a little something special and say sorry.
22 years older…serial divorcee, sleeps with his paralegal. The guys a creep dates younger women because anyone his age would see through his BS.
Never ever move in with someone until they’re finished with their schooling, there’s a graveyard filled with dead relationships that women have walked away from once they finish their graduate school and lived for free for years
You’re not married, stop playing house where she gets everything she wants and you’re stressed out from the burden and there’s no guarantee she sticks around
Get your career going, get your money sorted then revisit this in a few years when she’s done and you’ve got yourself on stable ground
Try n ask her about it, but do it gently incase she does have a valid reason for not doing it
Hit him back with the logic that 'each partners kids should inherit their bio parents assets'. Since you make much more than he does then your kids would get the lions share.
Ultimately your husband is showing that he doesn't consider all three to be his children, its time you accept that and make arrangements to deal with it.
Not using birth control is also a choice. OP could have used the pill but she is also young. The boss should know better. Maybe there will be a happy outcome. OP. You are only 19 and will have many more more chances at having a baby. It's all up to you to decide.
Seconded.
You don't deserve this kind of negativity. Life is too short
I can assure you that just because someone has trauma & has been “through things” does not mean they won’t break apart. This is a very black & white thinking.
I appreciate all of your feedback. I’m hoping to get put on anxiety medication on Monday for my own mental health. This is something that has caused issues in our relationship so obviously it’s something I need to work on outside of a relationship too. I just hope he comes to a realization… he’s a loner and I really am the only one he talks to about his day to day. Hopefully he misses that but until then I’ll just have to work on myself.
Stop investing your time and money into this deadend relationship, Jesus fucking Christ.
You’re never going to be able to break from these patterns with him because it’s simply the dynamic of your relationship.
What does this man actually contribute to this relationship?
No. He was parroting racist propaganda these red pill YouTube guys spew.
You had the correct reaction.
Don’t second guess or doubt yourself
Op, her hormones are probably off. She probably needs good harmone therapy, date nights, sensual connectivity and a few days of relaxation with no kids.
Yes we know some posts like this exist. They're just not particularly interesting or relevant to this post.
Your post is false and potentially harms men's health.
My post has been validated by Dr Phil many many times. You break a habit by not having junk food in the house. And there is zero negative effect on kids (just the opposite).
The experience/facts contradict you. A simple Google search shows peer reviewed published studies that belly fat is a killer for men.
How much weight is he gained? Why can't you have sex in a different position?
I totally understand why you made the list, honestly. It's a bit along the same lines as journaling. And your husband sounds like the kind of person to try and minimize what SIL has done and sometimes we need to write this kind of thing to protect ourselves. I don't think there's anything wrong with it and, in thinking about it more, I can understand why him throwing it out would affect you a lot. Regardless of what you do, I don't think the relationship can move forward if he isn't prepared to have a serious talk during which he demonstrates some basic understanding of why the things his family/sister have done are wrong. Him throwing away the list was just a symptom of the larger problem.
It’s awful that you’re in this much pain, and if this isn’t something that you can compromise on then you’ll need to break up and find someone who feels the same way as you.
But honestly, I really don’t understand the problem that some people have with porn. It’s baffling to me. I think porn, especially when it’s ethically produced, is wonderful. I really encourage you to explore ethical porn and erotica and see if you can develop a more nuanced view.
Let’s remove personal opinions about drug usage for a second. Seems like it is a very important thing for your boyfriend and you and both of you will inevitably remain on two other sides of the fence. As a thought experiment, replace the word drugs with kids. (Weird I know but hear me out) if your SO really wanted children and you did not, what would you do? Either one party compromises and makes peace with it, you online happily ever after or the compromising party grows resentful at some point or you go your separate way because of conflicting relationship/life goals.
Now in case of drugs, when it comes to one of you compromising does your bf imagine the same kind of life at 45? Chem sex with his wife/partner? If not, is it still that important to for him to experience it before then?
No one should be pressured into doing drugs for anything other than an important medical reason. Just like no one should be forced to have children.
The child will also call the people around them what other people call them. He would only call the other man dada if that is what his mom kept referring to the friend as. At that age kids don't understand relationship names. They just use the ones that they are taught and then grow into understanding what a dad or mom is.
The OP is just getting a glimpse of what mom says when he isn't there. Whether OP is the biological father or not, who knows, mom is certainly placing her friend in the role of dad.
I agree not to say the truth. No need. Just tell her you aren't interested in her romantically but want to be friends.
If you do you're dumber than a box of rocks. What you're waiting for him to start slapping you around. Stop being an idiot.
I just want to say that when one partner does not like a sexual act there is no compromise where that partner goes on to continue performing that sexual act. It is one thing when someone is indifferent or not that interested in something and does it because there partner likes it. It is another thing when someone actively dislikes/hates a sexual act. That is a hot no and the other person has to respect that. No one should ever pressure someone it to doing something sexually that they don't want to do and makes them uncomfortable, sick, distressed, causes pain, etc.
It sounds like it is time to cut this guy loose OP. His remorse is because of the consequences of his actions, not because he behaved terribly.
Lmao back in the day. You’re 18 dude!
He said a woman had sex with me. That doesn't sound like he consented at all. It sounds like she raped him while he was in out of consciousness.
Rub your dirty socks over the cat, and have him rub his over your cat
comments like these give me trust issues and makes me lose faith in men tbh. i really hope not all guys are like this and that there are men out there who doesn’t talk about wanting to fuck other women, its really childish and screams cringe, oh well i’ll never know.
Why are you still with him? You’ve said he’s cheated on you, he doesn’t listen when you say no, he doesn’t respect you and tells you what to do. Why are you still with him!
You arne't a gf, you're an unpaid maid, tutor, and secretary for an ineffective person who doesn't respect you, your needs or contributions. There are no magic words to get him to understand. He understands that he has a sweet deal in you, and that he is willing to take up your life energy and possible prospects by being his mommy-maid. You shouldn't feel bad for being mad — that's your gut telling you that things aren't right. Listen to it.
Well, i messaged her if she wanted to talk and even though she’s sick she called me
We talked a little and from what i can get braking up didnt even cross her mind.
For the record: she called me before even opening my message.
This is 100% their dysfunction. Your sister is a cheater, a backstabber and an awful human being, and if the man she betrayed you with turned out to be a POS, maybe she shouldn't shop for men who cheat with their girlfriend's sister. It may be that he's a systematic abuser who was planning on waiting on you being married and having kids before he hit you. It's also possible that he's not a systematic abuser, but an abuser who feels justified in retaliating against certain types/levels of slights physically. Not every abuser is going through a step by step process to make a vulnerable victim. Some abusers have significant impulse/anger issues, and just lash out whenever they get upset, without putting a lot of planning or thought into it. Some abusers may believe that things like cheating or stealing or cursing them out warrant them hitting a partner, and a partner who never cheated, stole or cursed at them may not have ever been hit by them despite them having the capacity to be abusive.
You don't owe them shit. Your parents are garbage parents for making this your fault, and for pretending you sister has any right to be mad at you for anything regarding the man she betrayed you with. Here's a newsflash- you ARE a better person than your sister. That doesn't mean she deserves to be hit, but you absolutely are a better human being. Better than your parents too. If garbage people want to cut you off because it's the only way they can pretend it's someone else's fault they're facing the consequences of being garbage people, there's nothing you can do about it, and also nothing lost.
I would send your mother one final message. Tell her she's disgusting, and an idiot, for trying to make this your fault. Tell her that just because she's too stupid to understand the multiple explanations for why you wouldn't know about his abusive tendencies doesn't make them any less valid or her any less disgusting. Tell her your sister doesn't deserve to be hit, but you absolutely are a better person that a woman who makes out with her sister's boyfriend, and if she wants a husband who's not a piece of trash, maybe she should stop being a piece of trash in the way she acquires them. Tell your mother that all of them owe you a huge apology, and if she's too stupid and too morally bereft to see that, then you're better off without any of them in your life.
that breaks my heart to hear i expected comments like this but i put my all into her and had a future planned, can’t wait to get into therapy. but how’s she abusive i left a bruise on her i didn’t mean to but i lost my cool? thank you for replying
He isn't comfortable discussing about his toughts and feelings but he IS comfortable showing and acting on them? Yeah. How much more mature and progressive it would be if he actually could have talked about his irrational feelings instead of lashing out uncontrollably. He really does have problems.
It sounds like there are a few issues going on in your relationship, and the lack of sex is just one of them. It's important to address these issues in order to improve your relationship overall.
Firstly, it's understandable that your husband doesn't like the smell of smoke, but it's not fair for him to use that as a reason to withhold sex. It's important for him to communicate with you in a respectful and understanding way about how he feels, without making you feel guilty or ashamed.
Regarding your smoking, it's great that you're trying to quit, but it can be a difficult process, especially without support. Have you considered seeking help from a smoking cessation program or a therapist who specializes in addiction? Your husband may not be an expert, but there are professionals who can help.
As for communication, it's important to remember that it takes practice and effort to improve. Have you tried couples therapy or communication workshops? These can be helpful in teaching you both how to communicate effectively and address any underlying issues in your relationship.
Overall, it's important to approach these issues with an open mind and a willingness to work on them together. It may not be easy, but with effort and support, it's possible to improve your relationship and intimacy.
They are still fucking. She’s a fake therapist and he’s a creep who only used you to have kids and a young wife
He doesn't get to not let you. You're not 10 and he's not your dad.
I think it would be incredibly foolish to get back together with this person. It’s possible he’s reformed, but unlikely. And it 100% is not worth finding out. There are plenty of other people in the world that you can love and that will love you. Do not go back to someone who abused you.
You know we’re fine on the weekdays but it’s when I see him and stay over on weekends that little things like this just happen. It’s not every weekend. I feel like it’s something we can work out. Thanks for staying this long.
Do not have children with this man without legal protection!!!
Bite the bullet and tell them. The longer you keep it a secret, the more difficult it becomes. Just tell them.
What can I say to him to get him to realize, I am sorry but I didn't do anything wrong
You aren't curious. You just want to be told you're right.
But you aren't right, you're both wrong and if neither one of you is capable of understanding that you're too immature to even be in a relationship.
No, age gap too big. He’s barely an adult, you’re in your mid-20s.
I think you are probably right that he's in the closet but cannot come out for fear of homophobic family. Telling him that you were available to answer any questions if he was unsure of his sexuality was very kind; I wouldn't expect him to take you up on it anytime soon but making the offer clear is the best you can do. He may take years to come to terms with his sexuality but his depression and suicidality is a big red flag to me and you might want to suggest he speak with a therapist or other mental health resources such as the crisis line, counseling, etc. It's not your job to make sure he sees them but you might mention it in passing if you want. I know you offered yourself as a resource for him to speak to but he might not want to speak with you specifically (for various reasons, none of them say anything bad about you) so bringing up a third party option may be best. At most I'd bring it up once and then not bring it up again until he mentions it. I also recommend looking out for yourself and protecting your own feelings, I know he said he loved you but the truth is it could be years, maybe never, before this guy is ready to be in a relationship with a man and hanging around waiting for a coming-out that might never happen would be a terrible waste of that time. So I would just try to be gentle and understanding with him — it sounds like you already are! — but I second all the advice that you should set firm boundaries and don't let yourself be used.
There's something deeply unsettling about your dads behavior here that I can't quite put into words.
i don’t disagree with this. i would support more alone time. the problem with that is she would absolutely take that as an affront, considering i already “don’t spend enough time with her” or want to be around her. even though i say that i want that every day, and act like it, too. i rarely ever do anything without her, and it’s still not enough.
i appreciate your perspective. i wish there were ways to communicate these things without making her defensive. but i feel like i’ve exhausted every combination of words in the world.
What you gonna do when you have actual problems in your relationship, she will run to him and he will comfort her. A few drinks later whoops it happened again. Friendships and partnerships are two different things, you can't so eaily jump between the two. The other guy will forever seek to get with her, all the advice he gives he will be in pursuit of that. He will never accept you as her partner and will undermine you when he can get away with it.
It's a dumb tradition. She is not the one who decides whether to marry him. She is not the one who has to make the marriage work. She is not the one who decides to leave if it doesn't work.
What does her permission contribute? If she says no, and you say yes, isn't it still a yes??
I refused to do this. If you don't like it then don't ask him to do it. If your mom doesn't like it she can say “no” to his proposal. And you'll get married anyway. Which is kind of the point.