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Date: October 25, 2022
Downvoted because she made a fake email to make the account with
Reading your reply, it sounds like exactly the advice I'd give someone here myself. Love really does blind you lol. Thanks for the valuable advice
had a friend that asked his girl to be his gf 2 weeks after meeting her. You do you mate.
Yeah this isn’t good man, and I can understand why you’re having the urge to break up.
When you get into a relationship that is long term, you want someone who fills all of your needs. You want the sexual and emotional connection. You want the physical attraction, desire to please, loyalty and compassion. Honestly, it just doesn’t sound like that’s where her head is at. It sounds like she knows what her needs are and is, currently, content with you because you fill some of those needs.
I don’t think this has the potential to go the distance man. If I were in your shoes, I would probably end it.
OP too busy getting his dick wet to be decent
Maybe I’m too skeptical but this just seems odd to me. You met a guy and literally within 24 hours of meeting him you basically said ‘I can really see a future with him. Better tell him about the abortion I had seven years ago’?
Because that just doesn’t sound believable.
You need to like run away from this chode like yesterday.
I’ve known her a long time and I do believe what I said in my post, that she was cheated on, that she earned her promotion on merit and that this current relationship is new. She isn’t like this normally.
I think you should end it with him amicably. Don’t tell his wife. There are too many people killed by their spouse or affair partner. People lose their minds when their lives start crumbling. Look out for yourself.
And your first concern was enabling him further?
Hmm. Yeah I know some people are cool with that and that’s fine but me, no. Lol it’s so unsettling
One-sided platonic friendships don't exist. He wants you. Always has. That will always be a problem whether you feel the same way or not. Personally, he's already come off as that guy who will want to come over the first time you and your boyfriend have a fight to “comfort” you. Stop being naive. He will affect your relationship.
Ask her how she'd feel about you seeing other women then, see how she responds. Guarantee she won't like it. Don't compromise your values. “If an open relationship is really what you want, then it won't be with me, I hope you find what makes you happy”
Good! I’m glad you’re being safe, and it’s such a relief when you know there’s people around to help if things escalate. Side note that you probably know but for anyone else that doesn’t – if you’re ever walking home and someone’s following/harassing you, don’t go home if you can avoid it! First objective should be to get off the street and inside a safe building obviously, but if you pass an open store or restaurant, duck in for a bit. Last thing you want is a creep knowing where you online and feeling like a challenge. You’re right, it’s SO gross (albeit relieving) and i was around 23 when I noticed too. Im 28 now and fully entering my “useless hag” phase (kidding) but I had someone try to follow me home recently. At first he was talking to me, then was trying to be sneaky about it. It was the middle of the afternoon and super public, but honestly scared the shit out of me. Luckily I online near a shopping mall and lost him there, but I’m always trying to pass on advice to stay safe!
I know I'm a bit impulsive
She should have walked away when he tried to make a move, or at very least look your way (whenever this happens to me, I look for my husband/friends and ask for help with my facial expressions. 100% success rate)
She could just apologize but instead she doubled down and tried to gaslit you. Big, enormous red flag ?
Can't respond to that as there's nothing in your post related to it.
If you can’t handle the idea of your girlfriend interacting with men on a daily basis for her line of work then you aren’t mature enough to be in a relationship point blank period. This isn’t 1950 my guy.
To be a bit gentler about it though, I understand the insecurity but it’s based in misogyny and seeing women as sex objects first and people second. You can work on this, probably not in this relationship, but as a single person. Get to therapy if you can afford it and if you can’t, you can start with something as simple as journaling and just mentally “catching” thoughts like these and correcting yourself. I had to do that for a partner in college and it made a world of difference for my own internalized misogyny. She’s perfectly within her right to never speak to you again and you should definitely work on this before entering into another relationship. But you can do this
Thank you, I guess. The thought of her being the second thing in any way feels like a knife through the heart, but I understand what you’re saying.
This situation sounds absolutely intolerable. When I opened this post I assumed he was inviting his friend to stay for a brief period while he gets set up with his own place, but apparently this is intended to be permanent?? Hell, it was unacceptable to unilaterally invite someone to come online in your shared space even when I thought it was for a few weeks tops, let alone forever.
There are so many giant glaring red flags here.
The walls are paper thin, and both my boyfriend and his best friend are loud as hell. I’m autistic, and get VERY overstimulated easy with noise.
his friend is CONSTANTLY high or drunk. I have yet to see him sober and he has been with us 3 days already.
I feel incredibly uncomfortable being the only woman in the household, and having a random male who I DO NOT KNOW living in our house.
he is letting his friend stay here RENT FREE. Our rent is $2000/mo. Add other bills like utilities and groceries on and shit gets expensive.
Emphasis mine because that one is especially insane.
his friend, is bringing in 2 dogs. On top of the 2 cats we already have. One of which is a puppy. This upsets me as my bf just guilt tripped me just last month, into rehoming my SDiT..
Emphasis mine again because how fucking dare he? He made you get rid of a service dog and now his buddy is bringing in multiple pets??
alongside me having SEVERE anxiety and CPTSD. So yes I’m being selfish with my level of discomfort
You are not being selfish, at all. Even without the anxiety and CPTSD (and I'm still seeing red that he made you get rid of your service dog) and all the other factors at the end of the day it's incredibly selfish OF HIM to just invite someone to move into your place without your permission. He was wrong even when I thought this was temporary and didn't know about your extenuating circumstances. Now he's insanely wrong. There is absolutely nothing selfish about your position here whatsoever, I really need you to hear and understand that. You are not in the wrong, at all. Your boyfriend is. And he keeps getting wronger:
we just found out I have serious heart issues
Does it not seem weird for him to side with his internet best friend?! This is only the second time they have EVER met face to face.
What the hell??
I don’t have anywhere to go. I cannot rent a room due to my disabilities, and the fact I have a cat who I refuse to get rid of as she is my ESA.
I am so sorry you're stuck in this situation, it is not at all fair to you. Are there any shelters nearby that might could take you and your cat in? Because if your boyfriend doesn't care yet he's not going to, and frankly this relationship sounds horrible.
I feel like he isn’t listening.
You feel that way because he isn't listening. I suspect he knows your options are very limited, so he's doing whatever the hell he feels like thinking that you have nowhere else to go and nothing else to do except online with it. There's no way he's so clueless that he hasn't realized yet that this is a horrible situation for you, he just doesn't care.
I get me having issues with this is selfish, and petty.
It absolutely isn't, at all. You are having the most reasonable and understandable issues in the history of issues.
I haven’t even been able to get dressed without freaking out because our door doesn’t have a lock and I cant add one.
This keeps getting worse. And I don't trust the “friend” your boyfriend barely knows at all, either.
Can anyone give some advice on how I can make my point heard…? 🙁
I'm sorry to have to tell you this but he's already heard your point, he just doesn't care. He doesn't think you can or will actually leave him over this so he's doing what he wants to do without giving a damn how it impacts you.
If you're comfortable sending a private message with your location I can start doing some research on potential shelters or resources for you in your area. My wife used to run a Domestic Violence nonprofit, which I know isn't exactly the situation here (it's not that far off to be honest, it almost sounds like your boyfriend is taking advantage of your disabilities to stomp all over your boundaries) but there are resources available everywhere, just about, and lots of different types of shelters for different types of situations. We may can find someplace that will take you and your cat in until you can work out some other arrangement.
Yeah. Unless she is dying, or her uterus is a ticking time bomb (as in health issues that will make her infertile in the next few years), she has plenty of time to find someone to have kids with.
She is insecure because she has cheated and most likely either still is cheating or at least still thinking about cheating and is trying to deflect on OP to keep him off balance enough not to realize. Also sounds like she is trying to trap him into a relationship where he is totally under her thumb, via manipulation and possibly might even try to baby trap him.
He needs to get out from under this gigantic pile of red flags and run for the hills.
I did-not super regularly but because of medication I was on I wanted to be sure I hadn’t conceived.
that was part of my argument! I'm lucky to have a job where it is semi-acceptable to bring your children with you. I have made so many nanny friends that started their own families and were able to bring their babies with them, but they all told me that it wasn't easy finding employers that were willing to allow that which is why I said I wanted to stay home… that would have been a good idea to add to the og post :/