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  1. This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.

    Mandatory English isn't my first language but I live in the US.

    My partner (not married) is generally considered “rich”. He's a good person, with a good career, and is a good caretaker. He loves and helps his family any way he can, he's a good father, even a good ex husband (to his ex wife). We met when he was going through some dark times, I helped him get through many things, and overcome some dark behaviors.

    For this reason, he feels thankful to me, he spoils me, not only with love but with things. For instance, I had a really bad accident so he bought me a 6 figure car which I didn't ask for, but he did it anyway. He takes me on trips 3 times a year, one with his family, one with friends and one just the two of us. He spends money on cars, technology, and travels. But that's about it, we don't go to fancy places, we don't buy expensive jewelery or wear designer clothes.

    This is where my problem starts, my mom suddenly stopped working and asked me to pay for her car while she looked for a job. This was 2 years ago, she stopped working and I'm stuck with her car note. My siblings expect me to pay for their kids parties because “I can afford it” because my partner is “rich”. My friend and I went to a concert and I paid for the tickets and she was supposed to V e nmo me for her ticket but she didn't because “I don't need the money”. During a house party, some friends asked me to buy the “good liquor” just because I can and got upset when I didn't. Siblings expect me to pay when we go out to eat, and don't even offer to pay. They tell me what they want for Christmas, things that I don't even have like an LV bag. And the things I need to buy for my nieces and nephews for Christmas (expensive things).

    How can I tell everyone to just stop expecting me to use my partner's money to buy them stuff? As I said before, we're actually very frugal when it comes to everything else.

  2. Tell him to do all the chores for a week. You're not cooking, cleaning, doing anything that he can do when he's around. If he's not apologizing to you after day 3, I'd be surprised.

  3. I have posted just looking to read comments but not reply to them. My brain tells me it is easier to reply to no one than to choose who to respond to. Anxiety is great lol.

  4. Don’t think of it as losing it all. No one should ever be with someone that doesn’t want to be with them. She’ll go and party, do drugs, sleep with guys and then realise her mistake. By this point, you’ll have moved on and be happy with someone else. Good luck.

  5. But he always tells me he wants me to have “his kids” and he can’t wait to marry me and whatever and I agree so idk why he wouldn’t say “ours”

  6. Oh wow. I’m sorry you went through that. I have helped him some in the past but have recently told him my atm is closed. And can’t anymore look to me anymore for financial help. He didn’t bail on me but we haven’t had another self inflicted crisis recently to deal with either. Although living in this kind of chaos there will be one soon enough. I would likely be more generous if he was taking on any kind of part time work to alleviate the chronic brokenness. And he wasn’t a 40yr middle aged able to work man.

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  8. Thanks. He doesn’t use dating apps so I have no idea, but entirely possible. Is there any way to salvage the friendship?

  9. OP read and re-read the prior message a few times.

    You have a right to say no? Duh? Does he have a right to ask? Not really, he said he liked how you were at the start of the relationship and now he would like you to change and match his “preferences”.

    How about you ask if he can mentally and emotionally grow up to match your personality preferences?

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  11. But she's asking my cousins about this stuff all the time. She wants to see their TikToks, she's asking about their Tindr matches. I think she's loving being one of the girls and is loving living vicariously through them.

    Meanwhile I worked as a NASA intern this last year and nobody wants to even ask me about the freaking rocket that just went to the moon that I helped out with.

  12. Sounds like you and hubby need to talk. Don't be defensive or attack use the hi honey how was your day…want to watch a movie.. Pour some wine ask his if he wants to share his day with you.. To defuse him from getting defensive

    Have date nights And get aways Increase your sex ..dress up . Gotta get him to re-see you..

    Try reenforce your sex life and communication with massages and pillow talk. because it sounds like his therapist is wedging you.

  13. You’re not doing anything wrong by breaking up with him. You’re being honest about your feelings, which is ok.

    The wrong thing is leading him on and letting him believe you are as invested in him as he is in you. That’s just not being honest.

    You should end it with him and be honest that you just don’t feel the same way he does. Nothing you can do about it. Let him find someone who is a better fit.

  14. What would you call not getting a divorce when explicitly asking for one? I know I’ll get divorced eventually, but there is no reason to drag this out. If anything, his refusal only shows how he probably regrets his asshole behaviors and how he lost the most supportive person he had ever known. I thought I was being honest about why I didn’t leave sooner: because he wasn’t physically abusive, was financially stable and better than both of our dads. After growing up emotionally I realized that’s not enough for a sustainable marriage.

  15. Let your friends know where you are Put call times in for stages with them Makes coffee words for its going on out “i need out”

    And if you like him, it's up to you if he gets to push it into you

  16. OK first if you don’t grab somebody’s phone out of their hands and he slapped your hand away from doing that unless there’s some thing I missed here. So you were kind of pushy. I frankly don’t considered abuse I consider you pushy.

  17. You might be right, maybe you're just as mature as he is. Or maybe he's as immature as you are. But even if that's so, you should be in very different points of your life, evidenced by the fact he thinks you should be in a point in your life where you should be taking care of elderly parents and you object. A 38 year old man and a 22 year old woman very rarely have anything in common. A 22 year old is still trying to establish their place in the world. A man in his 30s preying on a teenager is looking for someone to control.

  18. Break up. You’re both young and need to live, especially her. Studying abroad?! Lol 😂 She should take advantage. Give it to her. Let her free.

  19. Sounds like you are both verbally abusive to each other. “Jokingly” telling him to shut up? Ya right. Doesn’t excuse what he said to you though. Y’all should break up.

  20. But where’s the evidence that he was hiding anything? The wipe was in the trash where you easily saw it. The fact that it was underneath something else just means that it wasn’t the last thing he threw away. He could have simply put some on to try a technique and then took it off before work.

  21. If you can't do it alo e, bring someone to help you. I mean some close friebd to have as emotional support.

    Make bo mistake, you absolutely need to work on yourself. Being able to be both firm and “mean” when necessary is vital ability to have in life. However this is not the time to work on this. First kick him out, only then either get therapy or train this ability yourself.

  22. I think if you look at anybody, it’s easy to imagine they deserve someone better. I’m sure my partner could do better than me. Maybe I could do better than them.

    Kind of irrelevant. You got your man. That’s a win. It wasn’t some CEO lady who got him, it was you. Everybody else can suck it. Don’t give up a good thing; just keep working on yourself until you feel better.

  23. She's already asked you out, so I don't understand why you are doubting her interest?

    Just ask her out if that's what you want. If that's not what you want, then don't.

    “Hey Person, sorry I couldn't go for drinks when you asked, so maybe we can try that again? I'm available [DAY 1] or [DAY 2]. Either of those work for you?”

  24. Embarrassment over his behavior is justified, running away from that embarrassment is him refusing to be held accountable.

    Lay out the things that need to happen for you to continue your relationship.

    couples therapy

    read a book called “crucial conversations”

    whatever else you feel like he needs to be doing. His fair share of the housework or community volunteering, etc.

  25. Also, if this has happened to you, chances are it has happened in the past with other interns or employees there. If so, this may start a pattern for HR / supervisors. Not your responsibility to protect people in the future but it is your responsibility to speak up now!

  26. So who made the plans first you or your friends? Did they decide to go at the same time, after you told them about your plans? Also, I wouldn't be very happy about having to experience Paris with a woman who doesn't even like me. She wants a friend there too. Maybe next time you don't want her friends around you shouldn't make plans to have your friends around…

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