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  1. We had agreed that she would try to get some information from from an event organizer a few days ago and the organizer said they'd get back soon. The event is today and my partner messaged me saying she hasn't heard back yet. And I asked if she'd followed up and she responded saying “I just texted them” – after I asked if she had followed up.

    At that point I said “I'd like you please be more proactive with such things going forward. Please try these things at least 1 more time.” (referring to following up) at which point she said “it feels like you are directing me and giving orders” There is more of a back story to this comment and other similar instances where we found out she had a kidney infection and that she needed to get to the emergency unit and I suggested that she check her insurance to see if it was still valid (shes in the middle of provider change and whether she would be covered for the trip). She called the provider and only checked whether it was still active.

    There have been more similar events and in general I'm finding she's unable to do the things thoroughly and I really need her to be more proactive about these things as it end up affecting both of us.

    To clarify, its not like I off load everything on to her. I also take a decent amount of the shared work on and I'm not saying I'm perfect – but going back to the original question — is it really an order / demand to say those things?

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