The first step to being a better partner for your anxoius and insecure office is to communicate in a way that builds them up, rather than tears them down. Validate their feelings and try to understand where they're coming from. Make sure you are expressing yourself clearly so there's no room for misunderstanding. Work together on setting boundaries that prioritize both of your mental healths and make sure all expectations are clear. When conflicts arise, focus not on who's right or wrong but how the two of you can come to an understanding. Finally, take regular breaks away from each other if needed – it doesn't mean you care any more or less about one another; it just means listening and self-caring which will ultimately strengthen your relationship dynamics over time.
I just love how people are close to bashing this guy, while I have seen numerous posts about women in similar situation( sexual trauma, not having sex for long time), and responses were sympathetic.
It is almost as if people justify the cheating of the gf.
OP, there is no justification for cheating, don’t let hypocrites gaslight you into thinking that it is somehow your fault.
If she felt in need she should have communicated, or left you. But I am sure like the rest of the comment section your gf has justified her cheating. She is a jerk who does not respect you.
To cite famous poet Omar Khayyam
“You better starve than eat whatever, and better be alone then with whoever”
I qualify myself as pan. I don't care what combination of parts and expression you have, if I like who you are as a person and we connect, that's what I care about. I like people, I don't like parts.
well I have told him that, which is why I mentioned that he has been respecting my privacy and all that. he asked and I said no, (as politely as possible of course) and he accepted that, but I can tell he struggles with it sometimes still. I'm trying to find advice for what I can do, or even advice I can give him, to make it a bit easier for him to move past it mentally.
This child lost her mom 2 years ago. You can not replace her.
I am adopted. My adopted mom raised me from birth and is my mom. I am her child. My bio mom was not in the picture.
You are the stepmother. I've been that, too. Even if you end up adopting Rose, this is NOT your call to make. If Angel didn't tell you the reasons before her death, it's because she trusted you to act on her requests without justification. You should honor those requests.
Already, the sister is calling Angel a liar. That's a HUGE red flag. She doesn't even know what Angel told you, and she's saying she lied.
You should block the sister. It's odd that your alarm bells aren't going off all over the place, but since they aren't, just honor Angel's wishes.
Yes exactly like walking on egg shells. For example she was making Colombian soup. And I asked is it similar to the dominican soup sanchocho. Immediately she starts getting angry. I’m Colombian I don’t make that. The soup is Colombian. Who is the Dominican woman you are cheating on me with and making soup for you? I was like wtf my male coworker is dominican and would bring it into work.
And yes exactly with the list. Anytime there is a argument she brings out the list of things for a year. Things that didn’t even happen or that I never did. And then threatens to do what she thinks I did against me.
Hi if you’re able to send the advice through chat also since some of the settings don’t let me see the comments I would greatly appreciate it! Sorry still trying to figure out how Reddit works!
I post a fair amount on social media. However, I am extremely selective about what I post. You will not find any information about my spouse or children anywhere. You can figure out my profession but not where I work. SM is great but one should protect their privacy.
I have no idea if this is a red flag or not. Talk to your girl, find out what the deal is.
she is not pushing me or anything and I usually like it. It is the fact that she had those things if she didn't then I wouldn't have any problems but she had and it reminds me thos disgusting people. She is not forcing me she doesn't even know I have this concern.
My sister is on the spectrum and used to eat raw potatoes because she ‘didn’t know you had to cook them.’ She is really smart and we grew up eating every potato dish because potatoes were my Dad’s favorite food. (Mashed, baked, baked stuffed, au gratin, home fries, french fries, baked french fries, potatoes on pizza, buttered potato skins). She lived alone, so this was ND, not weaponized.
I think it is fair that you don’t want to cook everything. Unfortunately, you can’t fast forward him through learning how to cook. You either break up for someone who has adult skills, you teach him, or you insist that he teaches himself and starts cooking one meal a week or something.
He legitimately may or may not know how to make mashed potatoes. If it is weaponized incompetence, he will not make the effort to learn. If it is ND, he should make an effort and learn basic cooking. My sister isn’t a great cook, but she learned how to make basic dishes like chili and quesadillas.
Cold feet. Everyone goes through this with their first kid. He’s just nervous, all parents go through it when they don’t feel prepared enough for parenthood. It’s also realizing it’s now not just talking about pregnancy, it’s really happening and he thought he had more time. But be blinked and it’s now 16 weeks in instead of only a few weeks when it just started.
Does he have any friends that have a kid and can talk to them about first time parent fears?
It’ll be far easier if he had even one guy friend that’s a dad and can talk him off this ledge.
You're welcome. I understand family dynamics can be tough to navigate but you have to live! for yourself not your mother.
She may be upset in the beginning but eventually she'll realize that Texas is also your home and she'll need to come around in order to maintain a good relationship with you.
Yep.. but I understand what she's going through. When i was a teen I had built up my dad so much in my head.. when I did finally get a chance to talk to him, he went off how my mom kept him away, how she had an affair and left him and then took his rights away so my step father could adopt me
Then as an adult I got both my paternal and maternal grandmothers POV's.. he was a bipolar alcoholic who beat my mom and endangered me and my sisters lives many time. Had visitation rights but never made the effort to visit, never paid a dime in child support and when they petitioned for his rights to be terminated, he showed up at court and willfully signed.
My mom could have explained all this when I was a teen.. but she thought she was protecting me by hiding the full truth. All she ever said was that he was sick and couldn't be a father, so he did the best that he could and gave my step dad the right to adopt me.
Hello, thanks for answering. You mentioned some points that I have discussed with my parents and that is that for some reason it is very difficult for me to believe that my boyfriend could have “bad intentions”. He is always very nice to me and everyone and has been my best friend since I was 16 years old. I use the word confinement but I wanted to refer to the lockdown during the pandemic, I apologize for the mistake. It's a bit unreal for me to see what my relationship has become. I feel like I'm waking up from a very long sleep and I'm paying attention to everything I didn't do before. Again thanks for your reply. Seeing that my parents aren't the only ones who think this way helps a lot.
Lol I don’t know what guy you have meet N the only time it becomes annoying is if we genuinely don’t like you and you become overbearing which none of that is the case here. You have to make it known to him that you are choosing him for him that this is not a to good to be true situation. I also read the other comments about him not being assertiveness yes I do agree to an extent he will need to be that but not every guy in this world is assertive some are just passive people so. You just have to be serious with him and have the conversation I would say being face to face would be better because it so nude to read emotions through text but I do believe he need a little push because this just sounds like he is self sabotaging himself with him knowing that he is a “Geek” and a lot of women( the ones who voices) don’t like someone who is into video games and he has probably meet someone who told him exactly that and when you came and told him that you are interested his mind probably couldn’t believe it someone is okay with him being himself. I always try to look for the best and good in people and to me this guy just sounds like he is and shy introvert.
I appreciate that you actually have examples. You didn't sugar coat it (that we know anyway) and even though it made him look bad, you still told us.
But yeah, basically he's an asshole, so it makes sense your daughter doesn't want to see him. Giving her a looks rating is creepy. And telling her he's never seen her as kind is super mean.
I've never met him, but I don't want to hangout with your husband either.
You can’t make her leave him unfortunately and you are right forbidding her to be with him will make it to where she won’t have anyone to turn to when this happens again. She needs her support system now more than ever
I can’t imagine why your gf would have issues with you being friends with someone you were with for four years in an toxic relationship. Re-read your post and how you refer to this woman.
You should address things with a relationship. This isn’t some short term high school relationship or a quick fling. This was a long term relationship.
Does he not care about his hygiene? I get that he could get sweaty again from sex, but I would rather get sweaty from sex than add sex sweat to work sweat.
Does he not care about his hygiene? I get that he could get sweaty again from sex, but I would rather get sweaty from sex than add sex sweat to work sweat.
If your boyfriend's yelling and “stuff” aren't enough to get you to dump him, what would be your tipping point? I mean, it must be pretty bad as it is to get you evicted. Just dump him.
As far as I understand, word never got back to the neighbor about this lie. He never faced any retaliation or anything like that, friends essentially just raised an eyebrow at the time that it would’ve been illegal
I’m currently working part time so I don’t have enough money to afford a personal trainer. I know I need to reestablish contact with people. But only one of the people I consider to be my friend congratulated me on my birthday. It’s like the world is against me
I mean, people make mistakes, sometimes bad ones. It sounds like she is genuinely upset and regrets her error, and understands it in a different way in retrospect. It would mean a lot to me that she was voluntarily offering to do the things that she could think of to fix the situation, even if it cost her a good job and $$. I hope you guys can figure this out.
are you…are for real? Bc if you are, I def think you should talk to a dr bc you're not being at all reasonable or logical. Being a jerk to him vs “being mad” has the same effect. If you're not so unwell that you cant take care of yourself, why didnt you just get the chocolate yourself?
Choose your daughter. It might mean losing your wife, but choose your daughter. She's lost her mom, she's losing her grandma, her aunt can't keep her…this girl has nothing left. Choose her.
This was a done deal as soon as you decided to spend time with your daughter. You need to be prepared for your wife to be unsupportive and leave. Not just because you now want to bring children into the house, but basically because you made this decision for the both of you. You should’ve sat your wife down and talked to her the moment you found out that you had a child. Because even if there wasn’t any asks for custody, they now have a valid claim against you for child support. Which affects your finances as a married couple. You didn’t have to have all the answers before you sat down and talk to your wife, but she should’ve been involved in this a whole lot sooner than she has been. So, don’t delay this any further and talk to her.
I see two possible explanations: either he's very bad at communicating, or he wants to keep you on the defensive (so he's giving you vague, nonsensical criticism).
He isn’t treating you well. Ignoring you like this over something that small is ridiculous.
There is something so wonderful about being in a relationship where you are reassured, feel loved and appreciated. You deserve that but you will not find it with this guy.
Please look out for yourself and don’t settle for less
Op if he only started acting like this when you moved in together he’s going to act like this and more when your married. Leaving all the housework to you, childcare to you, mental load to you. Is that a future you really want for yourself?
As someone who turned down many great opportunities for someone, please don’t make the mistakes I did. If it’s meant to be it’ll work out, if not now then in the future.
You sound really intelligent, motivated and have your whole life ahead of you. Grasp the opportunities that come your way.
Where's the gaslighting?
How did they validate Dengars behavior?
Let us know how the conversation goes OP
If she isn’t talking to you then give her space till she starts talking again.
I'm sure he was just acting flippant back then, to his peers or something.
What a dumb thing for the nephew to say though. I wonder if he's aware of how it might sound.
The first step to being a better partner for your anxoius and insecure office is to communicate in a way that builds them up, rather than tears them down. Validate their feelings and try to understand where they're coming from. Make sure you are expressing yourself clearly so there's no room for misunderstanding. Work together on setting boundaries that prioritize both of your mental healths and make sure all expectations are clear. When conflicts arise, focus not on who's right or wrong but how the two of you can come to an understanding. Finally, take regular breaks away from each other if needed – it doesn't mean you care any more or less about one another; it just means listening and self-caring which will ultimately strengthen your relationship dynamics over time.
Thank you, maybe I should honestly, I ended things with him the other day but he promised he’d change :/
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I just love how people are close to bashing this guy, while I have seen numerous posts about women in similar situation( sexual trauma, not having sex for long time), and responses were sympathetic.
It is almost as if people justify the cheating of the gf.
OP, there is no justification for cheating, don’t let hypocrites gaslight you into thinking that it is somehow your fault.
If she felt in need she should have communicated, or left you. But I am sure like the rest of the comment section your gf has justified her cheating. She is a jerk who does not respect you.
To cite famous poet Omar Khayyam
“You better starve than eat whatever, and better be alone then with whoever”
INFO: How old are you two and have long you two been together?
If
Likely pan or demi.
I qualify myself as pan. I don't care what combination of parts and expression you have, if I like who you are as a person and we connect, that's what I care about. I like people, I don't like parts.
well I have told him that, which is why I mentioned that he has been respecting my privacy and all that. he asked and I said no, (as politely as possible of course) and he accepted that, but I can tell he struggles with it sometimes still. I'm trying to find advice for what I can do, or even advice I can give him, to make it a bit easier for him to move past it mentally.
This child lost her mom 2 years ago. You can not replace her.
I am adopted. My adopted mom raised me from birth and is my mom. I am her child. My bio mom was not in the picture.
You are the stepmother. I've been that, too. Even if you end up adopting Rose, this is NOT your call to make. If Angel didn't tell you the reasons before her death, it's because she trusted you to act on her requests without justification. You should honor those requests.
Already, the sister is calling Angel a liar. That's a HUGE red flag. She doesn't even know what Angel told you, and she's saying she lied.
You should block the sister. It's odd that your alarm bells aren't going off all over the place, but since they aren't, just honor Angel's wishes.
Yes exactly like walking on egg shells. For example she was making Colombian soup. And I asked is it similar to the dominican soup sanchocho. Immediately she starts getting angry. I’m Colombian I don’t make that. The soup is Colombian. Who is the Dominican woman you are cheating on me with and making soup for you? I was like wtf my male coworker is dominican and would bring it into work.
And yes exactly with the list. Anytime there is a argument she brings out the list of things for a year. Things that didn’t even happen or that I never did. And then threatens to do what she thinks I did against me.
Havevyiu been able to finish with your past partners?
That’s his decision to make, not hers, not yours.
Hi if you’re able to send the advice through chat also since some of the settings don’t let me see the comments I would greatly appreciate it! Sorry still trying to figure out how Reddit works!
I post a fair amount on social media. However, I am extremely selective about what I post. You will not find any information about my spouse or children anywhere. You can figure out my profession but not where I work. SM is great but one should protect their privacy.
I have no idea if this is a red flag or not. Talk to your girl, find out what the deal is.
I’d prefer if he didn’t talk to me at all, to be honest. We don’t attend events together. I go with my husband and he is also there.
she is not pushing me or anything and I usually like it. It is the fact that she had those things if she didn't then I wouldn't have any problems but she had and it reminds me thos disgusting people. She is not forcing me she doesn't even know I have this concern.
My sister is on the spectrum and used to eat raw potatoes because she ‘didn’t know you had to cook them.’ She is really smart and we grew up eating every potato dish because potatoes were my Dad’s favorite food. (Mashed, baked, baked stuffed, au gratin, home fries, french fries, baked french fries, potatoes on pizza, buttered potato skins). She lived alone, so this was ND, not weaponized.
I think it is fair that you don’t want to cook everything. Unfortunately, you can’t fast forward him through learning how to cook. You either break up for someone who has adult skills, you teach him, or you insist that he teaches himself and starts cooking one meal a week or something.
He legitimately may or may not know how to make mashed potatoes. If it is weaponized incompetence, he will not make the effort to learn. If it is ND, he should make an effort and learn basic cooking. My sister isn’t a great cook, but she learned how to make basic dishes like chili and quesadillas.
Cold feet. Everyone goes through this with their first kid. He’s just nervous, all parents go through it when they don’t feel prepared enough for parenthood. It’s also realizing it’s now not just talking about pregnancy, it’s really happening and he thought he had more time. But be blinked and it’s now 16 weeks in instead of only a few weeks when it just started.
Does he have any friends that have a kid and can talk to them about first time parent fears?
It’ll be far easier if he had even one guy friend that’s a dad and can talk him off this ledge.
You're welcome. I understand family dynamics can be tough to navigate but you have to live! for yourself not your mother.
She may be upset in the beginning but eventually she'll realize that Texas is also your home and she'll need to come around in order to maintain a good relationship with you.
I understand what you mean.
Sometimes your feelings for someone/something just kind of “drop” and you don't feel any certain way about it.
Yep.. but I understand what she's going through. When i was a teen I had built up my dad so much in my head.. when I did finally get a chance to talk to him, he went off how my mom kept him away, how she had an affair and left him and then took his rights away so my step father could adopt me
Then as an adult I got both my paternal and maternal grandmothers POV's.. he was a bipolar alcoholic who beat my mom and endangered me and my sisters lives many time. Had visitation rights but never made the effort to visit, never paid a dime in child support and when they petitioned for his rights to be terminated, he showed up at court and willfully signed.
My mom could have explained all this when I was a teen.. but she thought she was protecting me by hiding the full truth. All she ever said was that he was sick and couldn't be a father, so he did the best that he could and gave my step dad the right to adopt me.
You need to be in therapy.
Hello, thanks for answering. You mentioned some points that I have discussed with my parents and that is that for some reason it is very difficult for me to believe that my boyfriend could have “bad intentions”. He is always very nice to me and everyone and has been my best friend since I was 16 years old. I use the word confinement but I wanted to refer to the lockdown during the pandemic, I apologize for the mistake. It's a bit unreal for me to see what my relationship has become. I feel like I'm waking up from a very long sleep and I'm paying attention to everything I didn't do before. Again thanks for your reply. Seeing that my parents aren't the only ones who think this way helps a lot.
Lol I don’t know what guy you have meet N the only time it becomes annoying is if we genuinely don’t like you and you become overbearing which none of that is the case here. You have to make it known to him that you are choosing him for him that this is not a to good to be true situation. I also read the other comments about him not being assertiveness yes I do agree to an extent he will need to be that but not every guy in this world is assertive some are just passive people so. You just have to be serious with him and have the conversation I would say being face to face would be better because it so nude to read emotions through text but I do believe he need a little push because this just sounds like he is self sabotaging himself with him knowing that he is a “Geek” and a lot of women( the ones who voices) don’t like someone who is into video games and he has probably meet someone who told him exactly that and when you came and told him that you are interested his mind probably couldn’t believe it someone is okay with him being himself. I always try to look for the best and good in people and to me this guy just sounds like he is and shy introvert.
I appreciate that you actually have examples. You didn't sugar coat it (that we know anyway) and even though it made him look bad, you still told us.
But yeah, basically he's an asshole, so it makes sense your daughter doesn't want to see him. Giving her a looks rating is creepy. And telling her he's never seen her as kind is super mean.
I've never met him, but I don't want to hangout with your husband either.
It only sounds rude because the truth hurts
Don’t fall victim to the sink cost fallacy.
You can’t make her leave him unfortunately and you are right forbidding her to be with him will make it to where she won’t have anyone to turn to when this happens again. She needs her support system now more than ever
Unless he held a gun to your head please stfu
Yeah out conversation has been calm. I just feel like he’s not listening to what I have to say
I can’t imagine why your gf would have issues with you being friends with someone you were with for four years in an toxic relationship. Re-read your post and how you refer to this woman.
You should address things with a relationship. This isn’t some short term high school relationship or a quick fling. This was a long term relationship.
Does he not care about his hygiene? I get that he could get sweaty again from sex, but I would rather get sweaty from sex than add sex sweat to work sweat.
Some dudes really don't care about hygiene.
Truly. Fight fire with fire. Unwashed balls and vagina are a match made in hell.
Does he not care about his hygiene? I get that he could get sweaty again from sex, but I would rather get sweaty from sex than add sex sweat to work sweat.
Some dudes really don't care about hygiene.
This is a terrible relationship for you. She’s a shitty partner. Her autism is not a free pass for being a shitty partner.
Call the police. Report him assaulting you.
Simple answer…
Yeah, the good relationships part is key here. This isn't a good relationship.
Yeah, the good relationships part is key here. This isn't a good relationship.
Yeah, the good relationships part is key here. This isn't a good relationship.
bruh
If your boyfriend's yelling and “stuff” aren't enough to get you to dump him, what would be your tipping point? I mean, it must be pretty bad as it is to get you evicted. Just dump him.
bruh
I read this as the OP bragplaining.
As far as I understand, word never got back to the neighbor about this lie. He never faced any retaliation or anything like that, friends essentially just raised an eyebrow at the time that it would’ve been illegal
You're right. Way too much inaccurate info about HPV in this thread. Not the first time recently in these subs either.
I’m currently working part time so I don’t have enough money to afford a personal trainer. I know I need to reestablish contact with people. But only one of the people I consider to be my friend congratulated me on my birthday. It’s like the world is against me
I mean, people make mistakes, sometimes bad ones. It sounds like she is genuinely upset and regrets her error, and understands it in a different way in retrospect. It would mean a lot to me that she was voluntarily offering to do the things that she could think of to fix the situation, even if it cost her a good job and $$. I hope you guys can figure this out.
What relationship is it you are trying to save? That is gone.
Now you got to think of saving your pride.
Good luck. Don’t accept this
are you…are for real? Bc if you are, I def think you should talk to a dr bc you're not being at all reasonable or logical. Being a jerk to him vs “being mad” has the same effect. If you're not so unwell that you cant take care of yourself, why didnt you just get the chocolate yourself?
Choose your daughter. It might mean losing your wife, but choose your daughter. She's lost her mom, she's losing her grandma, her aunt can't keep her…this girl has nothing left. Choose her.
This was a done deal as soon as you decided to spend time with your daughter. You need to be prepared for your wife to be unsupportive and leave. Not just because you now want to bring children into the house, but basically because you made this decision for the both of you. You should’ve sat your wife down and talked to her the moment you found out that you had a child. Because even if there wasn’t any asks for custody, they now have a valid claim against you for child support. Which affects your finances as a married couple. You didn’t have to have all the answers before you sat down and talk to your wife, but she should’ve been involved in this a whole lot sooner than she has been. So, don’t delay this any further and talk to her.
Or walking across the street etc etc.
I see two possible explanations: either he's very bad at communicating, or he wants to keep you on the defensive (so he's giving you vague, nonsensical criticism).
Tough shit. If you take on ownership of a cat you pay for its care or surrender it, not let it degrade until the poor thing does of neglect.
Oh my.. multiple things my SO wouldnt care but I feel no need to discuss those things with anyone.
I agree, that’s the plan. Thank you
He isn’t treating you well. Ignoring you like this over something that small is ridiculous.
There is something so wonderful about being in a relationship where you are reassured, feel loved and appreciated. You deserve that but you will not find it with this guy.
Please look out for yourself and don’t settle for less
Op if he only started acting like this when you moved in together he’s going to act like this and more when your married. Leaving all the housework to you, childcare to you, mental load to you. Is that a future you really want for yourself?
Your gf sounds super immature. Doesn't sound like shes ready for a big girl relationship
My ex did this. My ex.
Yeah not a bad idea, except I never asked what bad it was until he got home. I guess if it happens again I’ll ask.
Probably buy her chocolate
His mother should get a job, and sell her house and move to a senior community. And you should run from both of them.
I would suggest that you talk to your partner about your concerns and try to come to an understanding about the issues that are bothering you.
If she wants more rings then she should buy them herself.
As someone who turned down many great opportunities for someone, please don’t make the mistakes I did. If it’s meant to be it’ll work out, if not now then in the future.
You sound really intelligent, motivated and have your whole life ahead of you. Grasp the opportunities that come your way.