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LittleCherries Public Chat Channel
Date: October 27, 2022
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It sounds from this like you were being passive aggressive for no reason. You were annoyed that he didn’t offer you his pizza when you don’t even eat that kind of pizza? Why didn’t you just order something else for yourself?
Would he have had a problem with it if you’d ordered something for yourself?
Nope nope. He can just stay away. It's a tactic to get their hooks in you again.
Imagine credential in your relationship. Getting a bachelors degree in an economically unviable field proves the lack of intelligence in a person.
Your dating now, you’re just not saying the word? Why are you going to throw it all away over a label?? He’s happy, he just wants to know you’re in this with him…. Don’t overthink and throw it away because you will lose the lover and the friend. Can’t stay friends with those feelings involved.
Yea so idk he could be watching porn or something
Be as kind, gentle, and honest as you can be when breaking up with her. Let her know that you still care for her and respect her as a friend, but that you don’t wish to be in a relationship at this time. After that, be a good listener and allow her to talk as long as she needs to. Overall, her suicidal depression is not your cross to bear. It’s her problem. And whatever happens is out of your control and not your responsibility.
At best, he’s trying to be polite. At worst, he’s trying to keep you on the hook so he can use you when it’s convenient. But if he wanted to hang, seems like he’d not be skating around making a plan to do so.
Red flags. Lots of them.
Wow, this sounds toxic.. Don't marry this dude!! Red flags all around
You shouldn’t be getting married if you don’t trust your partner 100%. Maybe he cheated is enough.
That's a huge amount of time that I would also disagree with.
She can guilt trip you all she wants, it's not your job to ensure the success of their trip or be responsible for their (lack of) finances.
A “normal life” with a friend who cheats on every partner he's ever had, is a sore winner constantly rubbing his money in everyone's face, is manipulative to the point of trying to destroy other people's relationships, and who knows what else?
Dude. Is your only friend this much of a jerk?
no skin off your bones if you dont want anal but its not “gay shit”
My boyfriend and I were vehemently child free when we met and now I warm up to the idea of a child with him and I think he doesn't mind the idea very much either. I feel like if he hasn't warmed up to it and this has been an ongoing argument, he won't change his mind.
Lost the savings money I trusted him with ($300), had a video of his ex giving him brain in an album labeled “arsenal” on his phone. An album that had our videos and stuff in it. Told me it was just him going through his old nudes and that he didn’t watch it or care about his ex. (Didn’t see any other of his nudes.) And told me he went broke to come visit me so that proves he loves me and I should basically not be mad at him for it. Got mad at me for saying he wasnt the biggest D size I’ve had- even though I’ve told him he is perfect for me. And he asked me straight to my face. Told me I chose another dude over him, tried to get me to message and harass the dude who was bigger. And etc. Got upset that I hung out with a friend when he said he needed me. But I had asked him prior if he wanted me to cancel my plans but they kept telling me no. Until I just canceled and he was still mad. Things like that.
I think the one who asks the other person out & plans the date should expect to pay for the date, at least in first date situations. Although I always offer to split the bill.
It sounds like she asked you to go buy her brunch which is kinda rude & looks like a red flag to me.
I have completely given up on trying to make men understand sexism because they really will not understand what it’s like to experience it. It’s not really their fault, it’s systemic and it’s a steep uphill battle that doesn’t get anywhere. Prove me wrong please if you know a reformed misogynist…
She knows instinctively what is in that letter and is avoiding it. If you force it, prepare yourself for being single
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You're wanting to make it work because???? Plus all his friends are cheaters? People are the company they keep, IMO.
Sounds like this was love bombing. Great, magical, so attentive in the beginning, now do you feel like you're begging for scraps from him?
Out of her life asap
Try it now. Go to the top post “I really need to chat” and delete the thread.
I don’t recall what her position was, but she was something that then made his bank account not be part of the original probate items. I actually called the lawyer who represented grandpa and his will to ask him and he confirmed it was not part of the probate/inheritance money.
He’s a nut job.
How long have you known this guy for?
Thank you! Yeah, I’m not going to press it any further. I just want to avoid any potential misunderstandings in the future.
I feel bad for you, what a shitty situation. Sounds like your boyfriend lacks empathy and you may need a more nurturing guy in your life. I think its time to go home. This is not a healthy relationship for you.
For future reference, if you are feeling over stimulated or not feeling good about a situation while you are at a theme park, go to the medical centre. You can sit in a quiet space there, just let them know your needs. They are trained with helping people on the spectrum.
She loves the attention too much unfortunately and that's more important to her as she doesn't seem to care about your feelings the slightest by deleting the pics of you together. She won't change so you need to get over it or leave.
I have in the past envisioned a mini copy of my partner. But doesn't mean I would be disappointed if it turned out to be a girl.
How is it unrealistic? Asking your partner if they'd be open to trying something new is the definition of healthy and realistic.
Sounds like he is depressed of his failed business.
He needs to sack up and provide his half at minimum.
I mean an easy way to communicate this to him, is to tell him you can no longer afford to cover all of the joint expenses and it’s time to bring in more money. If he isn’t willing to help you out then it’s time to consider moving on man. How long you want to baby him?
I was a late bloomer and a failure to launch kid for way too long but now that I’ve got my life figured out I provide heavily for anyone in need.
I definitely killed a few relationships in my early 20s though. I was entitled and stubborn and a know it all.
So happy those days are far behind me.
Tell me about it.
Is this real ??!?
I have a disabled daughter. My wife. Her mom does most of the dirty stuff. I help when needed. Tell you GF to fuck off with that shit. Taking care of family is responsibility and love. She needs to either keep her mouth shut or go away.,
I’ve tried to talk with her about what I would feel satisfied with/how often I would like to have it if my partner was on the same wavelength as me. She doesn’t take any medication and has felt with some depression/anxiety but the weird thing Is it was so much worse last year then it is now. Yet we’re having less sex now. I hear her out and don’t want to do anything with her if she doesn’t want to do anything it’s just odd how big of a difference it is now and how instant it changed.
I’ve tried to talk with her about what I would feel satisfied with/how often I would like to have it if my partner was on the same wavelength as me. She doesn’t take any medication and has felt with some depression/anxiety but the weird thing Is it was so much worse last year then it is now. Yet we’re having less sex now. I hear her out and don’t want to do anything with her if she doesn’t want to do anything it’s just odd how big of a difference it is now and how instant it changed.
I would start with some intimacy without the expectation of sex. I have four kids myself, my husband is constantly gone for work, and I have problems at times with low libido. I am not just a mom, I'm a therapist, a ring leader, a chef, a courier, a nurse, etc etc etc. Touching with only the promise of intimacy has me drier than the desert. But being held after a hard day with only the comfort being the goal makes me more comfortable for when I do have times of high libido. I know I can turn to my husband without being railroaded for sex, not saying you do that of course!
My bf he still has loving selfies of them two on instagram. I approached him about it and he said he barely has any pictures on instagram because he doesn’t use it much, although he watches videos there daily. I left the conversation at the time because i didn’t want him to feel like i was telling him what to do and tbh i have no right to. The conversation came up a few weeks after and i made it very clear it made me feel insecure
Funny how that conversation just happened to come up again.
If you're really this immature, you could try dating an even younger guy.
In the meantime rehome that dog before he turns vicious out of fear. If you choose to live in that situation that’s in you but you’ve no right to subject that poor animal to this.
Its definitely gone which he knows. He keeps trying to convince me he has changed but I don't believe it. I think he is trying to roll me back around his fingers. He knows I try to always see the good in people even after they've hurt me but he has hurt me in a lot of terrible ways that I just can't forget, it's very hot to go back. I've been so much better with him gone.
If you're disgusted by it, you should leave. Just because he's got a kink doesn't mean you have to accept it. If you want to stay with him, you'll have to be okay with it. If you can't do that, it's better that you leave. Personally, if I found my bf with that kind of writing, I'd leave, just because I would have lost respect.
She cleaned up history? I cannot find that post (I may be blind). 3y ago posted that a 23yo should not date a 41 year old because they were not in the same decade (in comments). Recent post about pooping pants. Troll? OP has the kink?
to be honest I also feel like she has to know…how can she not.but also…yeah:/
Why do so many people just think opening the marriage after discovering infidelity is the answer? If he has an issue w the infidelity why would he choose to open the relationship so more men can get w her? It makes no sense.
He’s damn if do, damned if he don’t. I understand your frustration with him from before, any of us would have been frustrated with him, but he’s done everything you asked. He needed the swift kick in the ass, yes, but now you’re not happy because he’s not himself. You can’t have it both ways, my love. He sounds like he’s become a shell of himself. But…that’s what you wanted, wasn’t it?
Sigh. That sounds mean when I read it back and I don’t want to be mean to you. He HAD to change from before, absolutely, but his going so extreme to the other side is concerning. I don’t know what the answer is here.
Does he know how much you love him? Do you ever just… Take care of him? Do you ever surprise him? Do you ever, I don’t know, give him a massage? Do you bring him flowers? Do you get him little gifts since he won’t buy anything for himself? Have you shown him how appreciative you are of his effort? Or was this all just sort of one-sided?
He needed to grow up.
He needed to be more responsible, like with the money.
He needed to give in his relationship.
This wasn’t just you who was worried about him. His family and friends were also worried.
Maybe this is just…the man he is? Maybe he’s afraid if he just slips up one time you’re gonna leave him.
I wish you luck…?
It's the series of choices where each time she chose pursuing him over loyalty to you that is the real problem. The choice to have sex is certainly terrible, but it's really just the logical culmination of all the other deliberate choices she made – starting with accepting his invite to lunch, to deciding to meeting again, to deciding to let him flirt.
My advice is to not focus simply on the sex part, but to realize that each time each step of the way that she took for hours, days, months was to choose him over you.
It's not about anything you did at all. It is entirely about the thousands of little choices she made where she prioritized him over you, where she chose loyalty to pursing him over loyalty to you.
You new the right thing to do at the beginning, the only difference now is you have a cheater – who willingly chose him over you thousands of little and big times – telling you that your priorities are wrong. Are you really going to take advice from someone with her priorities and sense of loyalty and right and wrong?
Here’s the thing. She can or doesn’t need to do something that she is uncomfortable doing. But, she also doesn’t get to trap you into “wanting her to do something that hurts her” by twisting the narrative. The end goal is that those muscles don’t tighten and hurt her anymore by working them out. It’s like, you go to the gym every day and push yourself more and more until you’re fit and strong. Do you leave feeling exhausted, sore, uncomfortable? Do you still have to go back every day (or whatever your schedule is) and keep working to IMPROVE? Yes. It’s the same idea.
As for advice. The best I could give is to seek relationship counseling or therapy and work through this with a third party who won’t put words in anyone’s mouth.
OP, this seems like a “straw that broke the camel’s back” kind of moment. You don’t get to that moment without a lot of BS that came first. Even if this isn’t narcissism, it’s toxic. Dr. Ramani on YouTube is my source for info on narcissism and toxic people.
Nah man. Are you sure that was her brother? How can you be sure of the ex white boyfriend story if you haven’t met her family?
If you pick me up in front of the Champs Elysees palace, would you believe I was the French president?
My man. Actions, papers (acceptance letters from the university, for example), meeting her family and not just once, friends, seeing with your eyes, not words. “She said” doesn’t mean anything.
It’s a bit odd that she isn’t/wasn’t married and she’s 36. Other stuff doesn’t add up either. Again what a person says isn’t worth the oxygen it takes to saw a few words.
No over reaction here. Unfortunately it probably won't stop him from drunk driving again but you did the right thing by cutting ties with someone who has no qualms about potentially hurting or killing himself, another person, someone's children and everyone who cares about them. It makes me sick to my stomach thinking selfish assholes like your ex share the road with my children. You've shown a great amount of integrity and he's shown the opposite. Congrats for getting out of that relationship.
It doesn’t really matter why he does it.
What matters is that you need to stop accepting it. This isn’t your future. You don’t need to be with someone who puts you down.
Btw the reason he does it is because he doesn’t actually care about you, but enjoys controlling you. You’re a puppet to him. Move on asap.
It's heartbreaking but it's also funny how many people are surprised when their cheater cheats again. Like what did you expect??
Where does not wanting to know could come from ?
Dude, you need to find a job, some help and get the hell out of there, ASAP. Yes, the age gap is very concerning and no, in this case love IS NOT love, is control, submission and phycological VIOLENCE. Wake up
Well said friend
It does makes sense.
But there are various ways to be intimate. Cuddling for an example, just laying down and holding eachother doesn't have to include anything sexual but does you some intimacy.
What ever works for you basically, but if it's the sexual stuff you want from her, it seems you have to go without it, besides the very few times she really feels like it.
Yeah I'd cut and run at this point.. I
Therapy
He knows nothing big is happening in my life until I get my doctorate. He’s a great guy, my parents love him and he gives me the world (cockroaches included)
(It’s the apartment complex not him)
he probably should not be in a relationship at all if he “shuts down” when someone is emotional. sometimes you upset people. it’s completely unfair to expect all conversations about upsetting topics to be free of emotion. he needs a lot more therapy.
yep