Yes, but it says so nowhere in the post. True she maybe wouldn’t put something like this in there but in actuality people who do that are rare. When I’m having issues with self harm again, the worst thing is being alone. I have gone to libraries or cafes but i prefer a friend or my boyfriend to hang out. I need to be reminded that I’m not alone, that I’m loved and it would not only hurt myself but the people around me
Ok this can be difficult you don't want her to be her ex's therapist as it's very emotionally taxing. You also don't want them to get too close in general.
You should tell her you don't want to destroy their friendly relation, but would like to get updated on anything too personal from them towards her.
If their contact becomes too frequent and start to negatively impact your relation then you obviously need to ask her to distance herself from him.
Totally agree but lol'ing at “let him go.” This guy ain't leaving, he just wants her to think he is. I'm betting if she told him she understood and he was free to go, he'd be all, “wellll, I really do love you though so I guess I'll give you another chance.” And if she said she was leaving him he'd be begging and sweet-talking her into staying.
Am I the only one concerned about the age differences here? I mean he's 23 and she's 36, that's a gap of 13 years. They are in different stages of life, he's young and in the stage where he wants to enjoy his life whereas she's in a stage of life where people want to settle down etc.
To me it looks like she's trying to “groom” him into being her ideal partner and baby daddy and it can be quite a toxic environment. My cousin was in a similar situation where he was going out with a woman in her 30's while he was only just 18, he admitted at first it was quite fun having all the attention an older woman lavished upon him but eventually he got into quite a pit of depression and despair due to her constantly trying to mould and shape my cousin into someone she pictured in her mind as her “ideal partner” instead of letting him grow and evolve into his own person.
This situation sucks, I'd say best to break up and find someone the same age as you or at least in the same life stage as you. Absolutely DO NOT sign any paternity papers until a proper DNA test is done, and make sure it IS PROPERLY DONE and not some random piece of paper that says so, the internet is a scary place and any type of falsified documents can be found quite easily, paternity fraude is a big thing.
Know your boundaries and values. Know what you want in a relationship and partner. Those answers should guide you. You can't fix him only he can. How many times do you want to be hurt? How many times is one too many? Can trust be rebuilt? Can you see this relationship in the long run? Believe in yourself . Best wishes
To me it seems these women “pressuring” you to marry know or feel your stringing them along. There is nothing wrong with asking your partner where the relationship is headed, also nothing wrong with not wanting to commit, but you need to be honest.
It's not as much a question of how much you drink, as of why you drink. If you use alcohol to regulate your emotions (which it seems like you do) then yes, it's the first step to become addicted.
It would be a good idea to try finding alternative ways to unwind after a long day.
Your parents are elderly and are travelling overseas to visit you and you want them to just entertain themselves? I understand you’re working for yourself but once they are gone, I guarantee you will not say “gee, I’m glad I worked instead of spending time with my parents”. Can you work shorter days? Work longer on other days to take a day or two off? Enjoy this time with them. On the days you work, maybe cook something together?
So this is actually my first relationship ever. Prior I’ve only had situationships and/or met weirdos on Bumble. My parents experience with their children’s SOs are my brother’s gf who is also white and whom they like and don’t treat differently but she’s more go with a flow and accepts it because she doesn’t come very often, and then my sister’s first BF who was like my current BF and my parents now miss him because the guy she’s currently dating is (even by my opinion) two roses short of a bouquet.
Not everyone is like that. I travel a lot for work and my husband and I often do long distance. We’ve been together for 10+ years. Absence does make the heart grow fonder for some. We both value our own autonomy and person freedom. We like having our alone time. We need it. And when we get together, we have the most mind-blowing sex. Ya’ll don’t know hat you’re missing out on. Lol
I would recommend calling his doctor and telling them he's addicted and even resorting to stealing your Rx. Tell them he needs to be weaned off the drug ASAP. Tell them he's buying it off coworkers and everything. They might cut back his Rx enough to wean him… But he also might just go full on street mode to find it. If he does this, it's ultimatum time: “It's me or the Adderall.”
I don't need therapy, loyalty is a big deal for some people but not everyone. And I fully understand that a mountain for some is but a hill for others, loyalty is my mountain. I'm not an idiot for saying no, because in the end this is a robber and they can easily still kill me and my partner. This is a worst case scenario, and it's not a bad thing to know what your partner is thinking when shit hits the fan. You and I can just agree to disagree and that's fine.
Lol why are you trying to nitpick my post? Regardless, I mention that it was another girl after saying he recorded me without my consent. Honestly when I typed this post I already had proof he’d deleted the pictures and videos of me so yes I was disturbed by it, but it was no longer the focus of my attention because I can’t travel back in time and stop him from doing it in the first place. I posted in the first place because I’m genuinely perplexed by all of the above. I don’t say it here, but in person I told him he needed to delete the picture of the other woman as well because I doubt she knows he still has it on his phone. I have no ill will towards the other woman, a major reason it’s even mentioned is so people have the context necessary to understand him then claiming to have feelings for me
“As I said I am so happy that you are living your truth. That said, I need you to try to be happy for me as I continue to on-line my own truth.
That truth is – I am a straight woman, and I am sorry to say that means the end of this relationship as it is today.
Please know that I love you as a person and this is very difficult for me too. I understand you are going to be upset and possibly angry, but I hope in time you will understand.”
She could have been away for work. They could have been on a break or fighting. You have no idea what went on… but what other explanation is there for him spending nearly every night there now?
But at the end of the day, none of that really matters. He’s lying, you know it, she’s pregnant… this is nothing you need to deal with at 21. Do NOT waste your time on this loser. Honestly. I get that you like him. But there are tons of other people out there that you will like that aren’t lying dirtbags.
Ive gone through trauma too growing up and have done what your gf has done before, shes being abusive whether she knows it or not, and she needs more than therapy if not medication straight up. I have BPD which was the reason i felt so out of control and depressed to wanting to kms while with my partner, she wont change if she doesn't actively try to better herself and acknowledge that what shes doing is abusing you.
Just so you know, there is a Forbidden Secret, that you must know, but only when the Proper Time Has Come.
I mean, what sane person thinks THAT shit is going to fly.
I would guess it's something like “I'm afraid of flying” or “I'm undocumented and can't leave the country” or what have you, and she is trying to create a situation where you make the choice that's best for you, instead of holding yourself back for her. Trying to be considerate, but actually making things worse.
There's no way she could expect you to not ask now. You need to do so.
They're both overdrafting enough to make it a comparison and she paid her debt with a settlement so I wouldn't hype her up too much. It sounds like they're equally bad with money but he just wants more say in the bad decisions that get made
I'm over 30, so my friends I've known for a while and have accepted me being myself. It just occurred to me this disparity. And was wondering if it made me look bad or if generally ppl dislike hearing stories about their friends partners (I don't mind, its a part of their life, no different than anything else). Also, I'm wondering if they just don't trust me for some reason?
I’ve been agonizing over this for two days and I’m sure my ego has a minimal part in it. I know this can be corrected easily without violence, it feels wrong letting this happen
Yep, and guess where people develop those ideas about themselves… starts in the family. Are we surprised he accepts someone being controlling and close to hysterical?
No it's not ok. Your wife has some explaining to do and lots of work to build back your trust. If you can be bothered. She's using you as a babysitter while she goes out on the pull with her single girlfriend.
Someone threatening to kill themself if the other party ever breaks up with them is super toxic and dsyfunctional behaviour. Of course you feel like a hostage- you basically are.
99.9% time people threaten shit like this they don't follow through with it. And in the 0.01% chance they do? Then their issues were far greater than you and anything you could have done to fix them.
Look, if you aren't really into this infatuated, immature and mentally unstable girl, then just leave. You're very early into the relationship and things will only become more hurtful and difficult to deal with if you end up stringing her along for months/years on end.
Yes, but it says so nowhere in the post. True she maybe wouldn’t put something like this in there but in actuality people who do that are rare. When I’m having issues with self harm again, the worst thing is being alone. I have gone to libraries or cafes but i prefer a friend or my boyfriend to hang out. I need to be reminded that I’m not alone, that I’m loved and it would not only hurt myself but the people around me
Ok this can be difficult you don't want her to be her ex's therapist as it's very emotionally taxing. You also don't want them to get too close in general.
You should tell her you don't want to destroy their friendly relation, but would like to get updated on anything too personal from them towards her.
If their contact becomes too frequent and start to negatively impact your relation then you obviously need to ask her to distance herself from him.
Totally agree but lol'ing at “let him go.” This guy ain't leaving, he just wants her to think he is. I'm betting if she told him she understood and he was free to go, he'd be all, “wellll, I really do love you though so I guess I'll give you another chance.” And if she said she was leaving him he'd be begging and sweet-talking her into staying.
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Cold, but spoken in anger, with a grain of resentment.
Is his ED treatable?
Am I the only one concerned about the age differences here? I mean he's 23 and she's 36, that's a gap of 13 years. They are in different stages of life, he's young and in the stage where he wants to enjoy his life whereas she's in a stage of life where people want to settle down etc.
To me it looks like she's trying to “groom” him into being her ideal partner and baby daddy and it can be quite a toxic environment. My cousin was in a similar situation where he was going out with a woman in her 30's while he was only just 18, he admitted at first it was quite fun having all the attention an older woman lavished upon him but eventually he got into quite a pit of depression and despair due to her constantly trying to mould and shape my cousin into someone she pictured in her mind as her “ideal partner” instead of letting him grow and evolve into his own person.
This situation sucks, I'd say best to break up and find someone the same age as you or at least in the same life stage as you. Absolutely DO NOT sign any paternity papers until a proper DNA test is done, and make sure it IS PROPERLY DONE and not some random piece of paper that says so, the internet is a scary place and any type of falsified documents can be found quite easily, paternity fraude is a big thing.
I think OP should be my new friend.
She really tried sliding it in there like it was the norm.
Know your boundaries and values. Know what you want in a relationship and partner. Those answers should guide you. You can't fix him only he can. How many times do you want to be hurt? How many times is one too many? Can trust be rebuilt? Can you see this relationship in the long run? Believe in yourself . Best wishes
To me it seems these women “pressuring” you to marry know or feel your stringing them along. There is nothing wrong with asking your partner where the relationship is headed, also nothing wrong with not wanting to commit, but you need to be honest.
It's not as much a question of how much you drink, as of why you drink. If you use alcohol to regulate your emotions (which it seems like you do) then yes, it's the first step to become addicted.
It would be a good idea to try finding alternative ways to unwind after a long day.
Two wrongs don't make a right. His first reaction was to be mean instead of hurt so idk what that days about OP
If you “have” to disappoint someone in your life, would you rather be you, or someone else?
On-line your life for yourself and let others online their lives for themselves. It's short and you only have one.
Cut the boyfriend off, not just your hair 🙂
Your parents are elderly and are travelling overseas to visit you and you want them to just entertain themselves? I understand you’re working for yourself but once they are gone, I guarantee you will not say “gee, I’m glad I worked instead of spending time with my parents”. Can you work shorter days? Work longer on other days to take a day or two off? Enjoy this time with them. On the days you work, maybe cook something together?
Believe whatever you want ?♀️
So this is actually my first relationship ever. Prior I’ve only had situationships and/or met weirdos on Bumble. My parents experience with their children’s SOs are my brother’s gf who is also white and whom they like and don’t treat differently but she’s more go with a flow and accepts it because she doesn’t come very often, and then my sister’s first BF who was like my current BF and my parents now miss him because the guy she’s currently dating is (even by my opinion) two roses short of a bouquet.
Not everyone is like that. I travel a lot for work and my husband and I often do long distance. We’ve been together for 10+ years. Absence does make the heart grow fonder for some. We both value our own autonomy and person freedom. We like having our alone time. We need it. And when we get together, we have the most mind-blowing sex. Ya’ll don’t know hat you’re missing out on. Lol
I would recommend calling his doctor and telling them he's addicted and even resorting to stealing your Rx. Tell them he needs to be weaned off the drug ASAP. Tell them he's buying it off coworkers and everything. They might cut back his Rx enough to wean him… But he also might just go full on street mode to find it. If he does this, it's ultimatum time: “It's me or the Adderall.”
I don't need therapy, loyalty is a big deal for some people but not everyone. And I fully understand that a mountain for some is but a hill for others, loyalty is my mountain. I'm not an idiot for saying no, because in the end this is a robber and they can easily still kill me and my partner. This is a worst case scenario, and it's not a bad thing to know what your partner is thinking when shit hits the fan. You and I can just agree to disagree and that's fine.
Lol why are you trying to nitpick my post? Regardless, I mention that it was another girl after saying he recorded me without my consent. Honestly when I typed this post I already had proof he’d deleted the pictures and videos of me so yes I was disturbed by it, but it was no longer the focus of my attention because I can’t travel back in time and stop him from doing it in the first place. I posted in the first place because I’m genuinely perplexed by all of the above. I don’t say it here, but in person I told him he needed to delete the picture of the other woman as well because I doubt she knows he still has it on his phone. I have no ill will towards the other woman, a major reason it’s even mentioned is so people have the context necessary to understand him then claiming to have feelings for me
“As I said I am so happy that you are living your truth. That said, I need you to try to be happy for me as I continue to on-line my own truth.
That truth is – I am a straight woman, and I am sorry to say that means the end of this relationship as it is today.
Please know that I love you as a person and this is very difficult for me too. I understand you are going to be upset and possibly angry, but I hope in time you will understand.”
She could have been away for work. They could have been on a break or fighting. You have no idea what went on… but what other explanation is there for him spending nearly every night there now?
But at the end of the day, none of that really matters. He’s lying, you know it, she’s pregnant… this is nothing you need to deal with at 21. Do NOT waste your time on this loser. Honestly. I get that you like him. But there are tons of other people out there that you will like that aren’t lying dirtbags.
Oh God!! Sorry to hear this! Hope you are doing well ??????
Ive gone through trauma too growing up and have done what your gf has done before, shes being abusive whether she knows it or not, and she needs more than therapy if not medication straight up. I have BPD which was the reason i felt so out of control and depressed to wanting to kms while with my partner, she wont change if she doesn't actively try to better herself and acknowledge that what shes doing is abusing you.
I believe it was Ricky Gervais that said being stupid was like being dead. Its only painful for others.
Just so you know, there is a Forbidden Secret, that you must know, but only when the Proper Time Has Come.
I mean, what sane person thinks THAT shit is going to fly.
I would guess it's something like “I'm afraid of flying” or “I'm undocumented and can't leave the country” or what have you, and she is trying to create a situation where you make the choice that's best for you, instead of holding yourself back for her. Trying to be considerate, but actually making things worse.
There's no way she could expect you to not ask now. You need to do so.
“demanding” i literally asked him respectfully once
Oftentimes, a bf/fiancé/husband is only a deterrent if he is there in-person!
I've seen plenty of times, usually in bars, where even the physical presence of a male partner is not enough for the creep.
They're both overdrafting enough to make it a comparison and she paid her debt with a settlement so I wouldn't hype her up too much. It sounds like they're equally bad with money but he just wants more say in the bad decisions that get made
I'm over 30, so my friends I've known for a while and have accepted me being myself. It just occurred to me this disparity. And was wondering if it made me look bad or if generally ppl dislike hearing stories about their friends partners (I don't mind, its a part of their life, no different than anything else). Also, I'm wondering if they just don't trust me for some reason?
I’ve been agonizing over this for two days and I’m sure my ego has a minimal part in it. I know this can be corrected easily without violence, it feels wrong letting this happen
Yep, and guess where people develop those ideas about themselves… starts in the family. Are we surprised he accepts someone being controlling and close to hysterical?
No it's not ok. Your wife has some explaining to do and lots of work to build back your trust. If you can be bothered. She's using you as a babysitter while she goes out on the pull with her single girlfriend.
He certainly taught you that you can't trust him or rely on him.
Someone threatening to kill themself if the other party ever breaks up with them is super toxic and dsyfunctional behaviour. Of course you feel like a hostage- you basically are.
99.9% time people threaten shit like this they don't follow through with it. And in the 0.01% chance they do? Then their issues were far greater than you and anything you could have done to fix them.
Look, if you aren't really into this infatuated, immature and mentally unstable girl, then just leave. You're very early into the relationship and things will only become more hurtful and difficult to deal with if you end up stringing her along for months/years on end.