Don't comfort him. When he starts with the “I'm a bad person” spiel, cut him off agreeing that he is, and follow it up with “because you make everything about you and your feelings instead of listening and working on problems with me. If you feel like being a better person, I'll be waiting in the next room to have the conversation we need to have about this problem.”
Then walk out immediately. Don't give into any attempts at getting attention or pity. If he starts with suicide talk, just say ok and call emergency services.
On the spectrum between strip club and McDonalds these places are considerably closer to McDonalds.
At Twin Peaks they just wear flannel shirts tied off to show a bit of cleavage and midriff, and they're usually conventionally attractive, and that's about it. From what I've heard they're not as bad as Hooters, which has a reputation for management forcing the waitresses to flirt with customers and tolerate inappropriate behavior from customers. Twin Peaks is basically a sports bar with attractive servers. Also the good is pretty decent by the usual standards of this type of place.
So I guess my question is to people who go to these places; is it an appropriate place to go while in a relationship?
My wife and I have gone together a few times, and neither of us considers it especially scandalous. (Then again we also go to strip clubs together so we may not be the best metric to use.) I don't think I would consider Twin Peaks the sort of place that you need to have a boundary setting discussion about in advance the way you might want to do with a strip club.
If you decide you're uncomfortable with him going without you again I think that's reasonable, and if you decide it's not a big deal I think that's also reasonable. Honestly your response is very reasonable in general; you're not angry at him for doing something that you had no established a boundary for, and you're looking for more information before making a judgment. I think you're handling this exactly right and I don't think either of the two decisions you're most likely to make are unfair or excessive. Trust your instincts, they seem to be solid.
If he tries that again, let it reaffirm your resolve to break up. Don't engage, just think to yourself “There he goes again. Yeah, I'm so done with this”, or something similar 😉
Ha, I read that and thought the same thing. No doubt she already has a long string of exes who wouldn't tolerate her and her friend's lunatic behavior.
Don't comfort him. When he starts with the “I'm a bad person” spiel, cut him off agreeing that he is, and follow it up with “because you make everything about you and your feelings instead of listening and working on problems with me. If you feel like being a better person, I'll be waiting in the next room to have the conversation we need to have about this problem.”
Then walk out immediately. Don't give into any attempts at getting attention or pity. If he starts with suicide talk, just say ok and call emergency services.
On the spectrum between strip club and McDonalds these places are considerably closer to McDonalds.
At Twin Peaks they just wear flannel shirts tied off to show a bit of cleavage and midriff, and they're usually conventionally attractive, and that's about it. From what I've heard they're not as bad as Hooters, which has a reputation for management forcing the waitresses to flirt with customers and tolerate inappropriate behavior from customers. Twin Peaks is basically a sports bar with attractive servers. Also the good is pretty decent by the usual standards of this type of place.
So I guess my question is to people who go to these places; is it an appropriate place to go while in a relationship?
My wife and I have gone together a few times, and neither of us considers it especially scandalous. (Then again we also go to strip clubs together so we may not be the best metric to use.) I don't think I would consider Twin Peaks the sort of place that you need to have a boundary setting discussion about in advance the way you might want to do with a strip club.
If you decide you're uncomfortable with him going without you again I think that's reasonable, and if you decide it's not a big deal I think that's also reasonable. Honestly your response is very reasonable in general; you're not angry at him for doing something that you had no established a boundary for, and you're looking for more information before making a judgment. I think you're handling this exactly right and I don't think either of the two decisions you're most likely to make are unfair or excessive. Trust your instincts, they seem to be solid.
And hey, alarms have been invented, too.
If he tries that again, let it reaffirm your resolve to break up. Don't engage, just think to yourself “There he goes again. Yeah, I'm so done with this”, or something similar 😉
Ha, I read that and thought the same thing. No doubt she already has a long string of exes who wouldn't tolerate her and her friend's lunatic behavior.