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Date: October 5, 2022
Too many red flags, move on
Good grief, your little tantrum in the edit makes you sound utterly insufferable. I feel sorry for your wife, having to look after two young children as well as having a passive aggressive and whiny husband looking over her shoulder whenever she dares to have a moment for herself.
You keep saying that’s she’s a child and that’s exactly how you need to approach it. She’s a child coming into her sexual prime. 12 and 13 years olds have sex, yea it’s to young, but it happens. Don’t shame her into thinking sex is bad, but due to her young age it’s a serious matter and you don’t want her to end up pregnant at such a young age. Talk to her about safe sex and protecting her self cause pregnancies aren’t the only thing that can happen when sexually active. Bc at the end of the day you can’t stop her from exploring sex, it’s human nature and you don’t want to scare her to the point she has negative connotations towards sex as she gets older.
How is it a red flag? She's most likely worried (and rightfully so) that getting him in trouble will make him worse
Civil unions and gay marriage are the exact same thing.
Breakup with her, but stay in touch distantly, she'll run out of money quickly. Wait until she reaches out to you for money, then give her some to keep her hooked.
the irony of calling her your finance
Five weeks ago she was coping in the world without you. She will again. Stop leading her on and end this toxic mess. Be direct, that you are ending the relationship as it’s not meeting your needs and that you don’t want contact with her anymore. If she threatens suicide or self harm then contact the police to do a welfare check, don’t engage with her. I’d recommend you block her.
You should have ended this long ago, it would have been much easier for her if you’d had the bottle to do the right thing then. It would be a good idea to try assertiveness skills training.
NO
This guy is a sicko.
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“We know he's at his friend's house.”
No, OP says she located his phone at his friend's house; he is not necessarily in the same place as his phone. Also, snooping people's location is creepy.
“We know he's ignoring OP”
Nope; you know OP hasn't received a response. Ignoring is one option; so is him forgetting his hone at his friendhs house, the major storm hitting large parts of the country knocking out towers providing cell service in his area, text delivery glitching out for other reasons (I've had people not receive messages until weeks later on occasion), or a dozen other things. OP giving him the silent treatment just means not communicating, not finding out what happened, and not resolving the problem.
It's hot to say if she cheated. But she has poor judgment as and was disrespectful.
Be clear about your boundaries in the future, and move on if you feel they're being crossed.
RUN AWAY. Fast as you can.
OP you might want to head over to r/BDSMcommunity to get a perspective from people who are in the lifestyle. Your fears and feelings are valid, and it seems like you might need help figuring out how to communicate your feelings and boundaries to your husband or even help understanding what boundaries you would like to set. They can help you with that, without judgment.
They can also go over the finer points of some of the vocabulary you used here.
Yeah, right?
Or, maybe, his own self.
A kiss is even more intimate than a fuck and I wouldn't be able to come back from that no matter what. I am very much like you. Even if she is telling the truth and is so so sorry and would do anything, I wouldn't care, a kiss is a kiss and if my husband “just kissed” another woman I would be devastated and absolutely end it. I'm so sorry, but like you said, you will be allright. So much love and healing to you.
Where’s the love for her? You can’t forgive her? BTW, you asked for advice. It’s just my opinion. However, you’re hurting her. Is that what you want for someone you supposedly loved for all of those years?
It's not baby-trapping when you voluntarily ejaculate into a vagina.
You’re an AH for using language like baby trapped. No one made him have unprotected sex. He made that dumb decision on his own.
Get a lawyer. Establish paternity. And pay child support
Frankly I don’t understand being attracted to someone who doesn’t take care of their kids but hey that’s on you
She was at least cheating emotionally, and probably physically as well. And it looks like she preferred him, but probably didn't want to give up the luxury life she had with you. Like others already said, press charges against Mark. Even if it's only to get a restraining order, because you'll never know if he tries something again.
Seriously OP, what's your sister's beef against your gf?
I perciebe you have no ill intentions but damn, it does feel unsettling to read that. This looks definitely like romanticizing trauma, but I'd let it pass if the relationship is healthy and your partner is maintaining a good mental health.
Just one thing…no, do not expect people who have been through tough times to be that strong. Some of us are tired of though times and don't want to be the strong person again.
Look at mental health like wheels of a car: depending on the terrains they traveled they will be more or less damaged with time, and some can be more damaged and delicate than others. Even if they demonstrated to be strong and of good quality, anything can happen for the wheels to fail. Mental health can crumble at any time for anyone, even for the most healthy person. People who have been through a lot can crumble easier than others in some circumstances, and although having good relationships can help to reduce the damage, it won't guarantee that person will be “strong”.
I can't believe people are hating on you. As a man who's been through the ringer of life to some degree, I wish there were more like you because you see things how they really are instead of all those girls who just want the guy who seems like a perfect dude just because he's had an easier path. You rock girl ?
For sure. But Im aware she has been with other guys, its expected.
The thing about the recycled nudes is they stick out so much more to us too. Like that hot wasn't for me.
I was just getting to know a girl and she sent me recycled sexy pics and I just didn't like that aspect. I love when my gf sends sexy pics from her posing today 🙂
It's fine, just keep it low key and playful.
TELL YOUR FAMILY NOW!
You don’t owe them a damn thing. Don’t let them lie about their betrayal to make themselves look better.
Ofcourse most relationships aren't all bad. I've seen men who severely beat up their wives who occasionally also did the dishes for them.
Still made them a POS tho. You on-line ur life lady. U clearly want to stick around for more abuse. So good luck to u.
No kids. Just scroll on Reddit and fb and insta, and work on his career.
It's one of the only things I don't like about him tho ;;
I am baffled by your nonchalance. Based on your history, your wife has threatened to take your life among a whole list of other abusive behaviour and you're just considering this a normal relationship dynamic? It's like you're not even seeing that this person is clearly unhinged and it's manifesting in terribly irrational ways frequently. You're choosing to view her as a rational and non toxic individual whose suddenly has a problem with your pillow. Your behaviour is quite unreasonable yourself and you are not doing anything to end this cycle of abuse. You're ignoring everyone telling you to end this relationship and run. Unless you're willing to confront this unreasonable need of yours to tolerate her abuse because you want to stay with her, no advice can help you in a meaningful way.
is there any reason you can't set the alarm and he disable it when he comes home and resets it?
You’re 24 and you don’t know what to do after someone crossed a major boundary?
not a troll, but ok
Ok so new Reddit question, how can I get access to her phone or find out what’s on there?? Any way to do so without physically going through it??
Looks like you are getting too old for him, he wants another 18 year old ( mature) ? to groom
He's in a wheel chair he can't force me to have sex.
Agreed, this could be him being a child but, honestly, it sounds like he snapped for some reason. If that was my partner I’d be very concerned and not because I thought it was stupid
She is likely hitting on him but it isn’t a 100% guarantee. She may just have been curious. If you trust your BF it shouldn’t be to big of a deal. The fact that he told you about it should tell you everything you need to know
So she is giving you ultimatums on property you own before you get married? This is wrong. She is a Dr. so why does she care? She is the one that sounds selfish not you. Why is this a deal breaker for her? It doesn’t make sense to me. And the fact that she brought this up in the beginning of the relationship!? Honestly this is something a Gold Digger would do. I don’t care what her job is. Her demands are concerning
Is that her plan too?
Let me tell you the whole case.
The bed is only for one person but we always sleep together it was as normal as other nights, so at that night we both were unconscious (means we were in deep sleep. I remember this because I thought it was my dream), she hugged me and now she hugged me in that way(her one leg was on me and her half body was on me), that my hand constantly touching in that area and I can't move. But after some time I woke up suddenly and i placed both of us in a better place and i again back to sleep
Now after some time, she took my hand and put it on her chest ( now now at that time she didn't know what she was doing as she was in sleep). As I just slept so I took my hand back.
But after some time, she did again and put it on her belly. As we are close friends I thought she is comfortable and thought she is making herself safe (because this was happened before also) so I kept my hand there. Now after that I too went to sleep. After that I don't know what happened.
Now I don't blame her neither myself because, she thought I was her BF and i thought it was a dream
In the morning, I woke up and show that she was not there( she went to her residence). After a while i realised that this was not a dream. Now I want to talk to her but she didn't talk to me, she didn't meet me. So, called her BF( he is also my close friend and we three are close mutual friend) so I confessed him everything, because we trust each other.
After sometime, he text me that everything is over, now both of them don't want to talk to me. I don't know what she told to him. He told me that she claimed that I touched her breast.
After this incident even I think that I should never talk to them, because they trusted me the most and broke their trust.
Now I just want to move on and focus on my career. It's hot for me cuz I have never broken someone trust.
Absolutely block him and call the police for harrassment if he pulls these stunts again. He broke up with you, he doesn’t get to worry about you anymore. Getting over him will be easier when you don’t speak to him anymore.
Ain't nothin wrong with havin high standards, we all do. But if he can't even handle the little things, like updatin his passport or insurance card, it's probs a red flag. Ur better off findin someone who can handle the adulting and not make excuses like “mom safeguards all the docs”. Just be upfront with him about how u feel and see if he's willing to step up, if not, it's time to move on.
Who said only her? They should have apologized, but OP stormed off before anyone could have the opportunity with her dramatic ass. Once she went that far I’m not surprised no one is falling over themselves to reach back out. They need to break up.
Tell her, bye Felicia!!!
wow. it seems like you are in two different phases of life. i wonder why that could be? man, I wish someone could figure this out.
Looks like you restart a whole lot..why do some your deleted posts have really conflicting details?
I respect that.. but you don’t owe him anything at this point IMO, you’re free to do you.
I told her I was open to counseling.
I think you're right about over bonding. When we both started working from home is when things became noticeably worse…
Thanks. I'll check out Esther Perel
Like someone else said, please send it to her family.
Make him an ex now. He is Insecure and it’s been how long now since he has been grieving with his own dog? You need your dog for your own sanity too. Redflag right there giving you ultimatums
Your standards just seem that you want to be respected as a person and find a partner without any baggage. That's not unrealistic at all! Never degrade yourself or settle with someone who doesn't respect you. That'll just lead to more heart ache.
If you're only finding people who don't match what you're looking for, it sounds like you need to branch out.
Thanks that actually made me feel a lot better. It is just really weird. With any other past girls I can break up and move on but this is something else. Makes me sad and angry especially at my parents. If they wouldn’t have fucked me up at such a young age I’d probably just have a normal relationship with my sis and wouldn’t have to deal with this. I have plans on moving out, hopefully joining the army is my fastest and best choice it seems.
This is fact? Op said the texts aren’t clear and used the word “seemed” so we know he did in fact propose?
I'll never understand people like yourself who come to subreddits focused on advice simply to make weird, presumptuous comments towards people who are in fragile, fucked up situations like this.
This person came here seeking advice, and you're here trying to pass some weird sort of moral judgement on them as if you're the purveyor of morality. It really must be nice having it all figured out, huh?
This isn’t being contrarian, it’s describing nuance when many people jump to conclusions based on little information.
This isn’t being contrarian, it’s describing nuance when many people jump to conclusions based on little information.
I was married last August, 31st. Earlier that month, two of my friends went into labor and delivered healthy babies. I am happy for them and ofc I knew they were pregnant (and the due date) when I planned my wedding. But since the date did fit us perfectly, we didn't change it. I told my friends about it and wished they could've come but in the end, it was okay. I respected their wish to get used to their new family situation and they respected my wish to have the wedding as my husband and I please. Lots of other family members could make it. Nobody was hurt and my friends and I plan on meeting soon (they on-line in a different country). Funny tho, now I am pregnant 😀
You are arguing about what words he uses, but what’s bothering you is that he thinks that way. That he doesn’t appreciate how much your body, mind and baby will need that month off. That he doesn’t show empathy for something so intrinsical to motherhood as is a maternity leave.
What, are you scared you're going to cheat again?
That's concerning.
No I don’t try to paint him in a bad picture. To be honest, I just didn’t want to include bad stuff about him to be held morally accountable for my own mistakes.
It’s not about his mistakes and failures, this post is about me being aware of mine. I didn’t want to include all the bad stuff he did to me.. because with all his mental and also physical abuse towards me, people would feel sorry for me and would judge my mistakes differently. They’d say “yeah go for it” but I don’t want or need to hear that right now because I want to be held morally accountable for my own mistakes and feelings.
I don’t have an amazing boyfriend who is caring and loving. He is dr jeckyll and mr Hyde and if he doesn’t get his way he is gonna force it on me. He ignores me all the time, when I talk he doesn’t only listen he tells me to shut up. My voice is making him angry and when I say something wrong or he doesn’t like he becomes Mentally and physically abusive. So excuse me, but your answer is full of your own prejudice. Maybe you should look into that a little deeper.