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Lucas, 99 y.o.
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Live! Live Sex Chat rooms Lucas
Date: November 2, 2022
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Don't tell them in the moment give them a chance to prepare or they'll feel ambushed. When they seem like they are in a good headspace tell them you have something a bit uncomfortable that you need to talk to them about and ask them if they'll let you know when they feel up for a talk.
When you have the talk don't dump everything at once. Say something like you enjoy sharing things with them. You think they're a great person (if true) but you have a personal pet peeve about rehashing dreams or repeating stories. Tell them that you haven't been good about communicating that boundary but you hope that they can respect it going forward and that you also hope it doesn't discourage them from sharing other things with you because you really like that about your friendship. If they seem to get defensive tell them that you value their friendship and you believe that establishing open, honest communication and boundaries is the best way to maintain it. In your own words of course.
If they are unable to take this in and respond in a healthy, adult way that's a them thing not a you thing. You are responsible for compassionately communicating your boundaries not for how people chose to respond.
Once you have established this dynamic you should be able to set more boundaries as things come up and they will probably have some for you.
Eh. If it’s not part of your upbringing I can see why this would be strange to you, and you’re well within your rights to voice your concern about not being included in a conversation about it, so going forward I hope that would indeed take place. But I doubt your wife even considered that it was worth mentioning because for a lot of families it’s just such a normal thing; my husband and I would shower together with our daughter from birth (one hold while the other washes, one gets out and gets dried then takes bub to dry them while the other gets out and dried) and our daughter has showered with my mother as well. Little beast is 7 now and still likes to wander in for a chat while I’m showering. If bodies aren’t made out to be a secret then there’s nothing worth investigating or being embarrassed about. The kids will decide when they no longer want to see their families bodies or have theirs seen as they grow up. I wouldn’t let this become a huge deal if I were you.
we are pursuing a poly relationship structure
I don't recommend this for you. Your relationship is already toxic and you have some issues you need to work through.
So she caught you in a very vulnerable position and when someone is not in a sexual mindset and the other is… well it can look really weird. She admits that it’s normal but I also can’t imagine seeing that and getting it out of my mind very easily. Our faces in the act and the general motion… it’s just not a pretty picture if you’re not in a sexual mindset when you see it.
I don’t know if you are giving her space in this situation but it might be the thing to do so she can start missing you and other aspects of you instead of looking at you and flashing back to you being in a vulnerable, awkward position. Sometimes time and space really does us well to put things in perspective