I would look into asexuality because as an asexual myself, I’m getting a pretty strong vibe from what you’ve written.
I’m a man close to your boyfriend’s age and I never orgasm through sex, have a pretty nonexistent libido though I like the idea of sex and thinking about sex more than actually having sex. Sex for me just feels kinda banal, but if I have it then I need it to be very boring vanilla sex, and I honestly enjoy the intimacy more than the act itself.
Asexuals can have sex and enjoy it, but it’s not something I actively crave or seek out or consider important in a relationship.
I would strongly suggest reading up on that just from what you wrote, but going by that assumption, your libido won’t go up. I did find that I enjoyed making my partner orgasm and never cared that it was rare for me. So the best avenue for you might be to just look to ways to pleasure your partner that you can enjoy even if you don’t orgasm, like oral sex. Don’t worry too much if you struggle to orgasm. Bring in some toys if you want.
Also going by the ace assumption (asexuals often use that abbreviation), standard suggestions like making time for each other to just have sex and lean into the foreplay likely won’t work. So I guess the best advice is get comfortable with the fact that sex isn’t something you super enjoy and figure out what aspects you do enjoy and work from there. It’s possible you two just won’t be compatible and well, sometimes that happens.
With respect stop trying to be so clever and cutesy and just ask her.
I would look into asexuality because as an asexual myself, I’m getting a pretty strong vibe from what you’ve written.
I’m a man close to your boyfriend’s age and I never orgasm through sex, have a pretty nonexistent libido though I like the idea of sex and thinking about sex more than actually having sex. Sex for me just feels kinda banal, but if I have it then I need it to be very boring vanilla sex, and I honestly enjoy the intimacy more than the act itself.
Asexuals can have sex and enjoy it, but it’s not something I actively crave or seek out or consider important in a relationship.
I would strongly suggest reading up on that just from what you wrote, but going by that assumption, your libido won’t go up. I did find that I enjoyed making my partner orgasm and never cared that it was rare for me. So the best avenue for you might be to just look to ways to pleasure your partner that you can enjoy even if you don’t orgasm, like oral sex. Don’t worry too much if you struggle to orgasm. Bring in some toys if you want.
Also going by the ace assumption (asexuals often use that abbreviation), standard suggestions like making time for each other to just have sex and lean into the foreplay likely won’t work. So I guess the best advice is get comfortable with the fact that sex isn’t something you super enjoy and figure out what aspects you do enjoy and work from there. It’s possible you two just won’t be compatible and well, sometimes that happens.
We broke up officially in December. I was just bc because ex would’ve been weird.