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Room for live! sex video chat MarcindaDesade
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Date: October 22, 2022
From experience this is not for a couple with any doubts like u said…only do it if you guys have a perfect no jealousy relationship
This is very dangerous and this is how men end up with false accusations against them. You need to stop communicating with him all together and leave him alone. You are nothing but a danger to his future.
Ooooh hadn't considered that angle. Letting him know that you know what he'll be doing, and ensuring that he understands that you'll be doing the same thing while he's gone? Verrry interesting.
“Let's compare numbers when you get back. See if you can pay for more than I can get for free in 3 weeks. Have a fun trip, hon!”
Not really strange, this is a pretty common dynamic. She says he got laid off during her pregnancy, sounds to me like he's enjoying the unemployed life and she hasn't delivered any consequences for not working so why would he change?
What about his commitments? How is he honoring those by ignoring three children he contributed to making and leaving OP to manage their entire lives and household on her own?
without trying
Did you miss this?
We've gone through this probably over 100 times. I've gone blue in the face, cried, yelled, talked calmly. It doesn't matter
How can you characterize this as “not trying”? What do you suggest since talking to him clearly makes no difference?
I would look into compassion fatigue and some resources to help. What you’re dealing with sounds very similar, and things get sticky when the lines between lover and caretaker are blurred.
I am in a similar situation, so the more I think about this the more it tangles my brain, but what I can say for sure is that your needs are 1000% valid and deserve to be fulfilled. You do not exist solely to care for another human. You are not a shitty boyfriend or selfish person for having needs.
Can you talk about the same “stupid stuff” with your bf?
Maybe you’re overthinking it a little bit, I’m sure it’ll be fine once he gets there! My partner and I go to exhibitions, try cool food places, go for long walks, sometimes just sit on the bench in a park and talk lol. You can go to a bar, or maybe an activity like mini golf/bowling. If either of you drive maybe a day trip to a different town nearby will be fun and exciting? Good luck 🙂
Agreed.
Putting in this kind of effort to understand and correct bad behavior is a differentiator between great parents and good parents.
Suggestions?! You know the answer to this, it is just that you are trying to justify it somehow. Nothing wrong with it either.
You two are not compatible with each other, but it was to late in the game that you've found that. Your wife sees nothing wrong in this as well, albeit selfishly, but you are as well. We all are selfish when it comes to our needs and wants and there is nothing wrong with wants and needs and if things are not working out then go separate ways.
You are in that bubble of comfort for material but you are not at peace for immaterial. Whichever decision you make, you have to leave something behind.
When you connect with someone it doesn't matter the age, sometimes you just vibe with certain people right away, you're on the same wavelength, the conversation flows like gravy, similar senses of humour. You just like them, that's it.
Is it possible that she is his daughter?
Honestly, I doubt this is anxiety and insecurity on his part. A lot of people who have been with a narcissist or raised by narcissists talk about their almost pathological need to be seen and heard. It's common to stomp walk and fake a crisis and talk excessively to remain the center of attention. Other things you might watch out for is slamming doors, theatrical sneezing and coughing, TV on loud, rattling crockery and kitchen cupboards and so on. They need to know you know they are there. Getting prissy in the car about you getting lost in the landscape is also fairly common. When you apologize for letting your mind stray they see it as a confession you did them wrong. You should have known not to let your attention wander!
As you might guess, the relationships usually turn abusive. In the early phase narcissists can be great and charming, but change once they feel secure in the relationship. Then they can cause chaos for no other reason than a need for attention. Punish you for looking at the weather instead of him. It can be utterly baffling what minor things set them off.
So heed your gut feeling that something is not right here. Even if he doesn't change for the worse, he still sounds super exhausting. I doubt he can become more normal. You should seriously consider leaving.
This is disgusting.
Not justifying his side at all. Everyone on here including me acknowledges and understands that his blow ups are unacceptable. My only point is that we don’t have all of the details regarding prior situations and therefore may be missing some information that is important to consider. Not information that excuses or justifies his behavior, but information that is important nonetheless.
I couldn't live! with that toxicity. If I were in that situation I would leave asap. Life's too short to deal with people like that.
i’ve tried to explain more in comments why i don’t want to completely disobey her as she’s mentally unstable.
Are you attracted to your coworker?
Thank you so much. I appreciate you and the considerate commenters’ words. I am accepting the situation for what it is and cutting things off. This is what I want to say before I block him(in response go him saying what made him first talk to me after i asked; his response was me being really pretty and my “nice and genuine bio”), “
i thought you couldn’t see my bio at first bc it had what i said about not being ready for hooking up yet and you told me you couldn’t see it so then i sent it to you. i don’t want to talk about it, but it does make me feel bad that we hooked up anyway. after i said i wasnt ready. i didnt even know that condoms are a sign of consideration until recently. i feel more sex positive now obvi, but it did feel bad emotionally. i dont know if it was your plan the whole time to hook up with me regardless of my sentiments, but i don’t even want to dwell on that. you showed me a bunch of new feelings and every time i wanted to feel that way i associated it with you. and like you saw, i did miss you and those feelings. i accepted that what happened, happened, and that i could still feel good. but like i was months ago, i still have my catholic feelings and i think i need to go back to my roots for my safety, morals, and health. and i ask that you respect this separation. and being completely honest, i did find out you have a daughter only a year older than me. how could you do it? you watched her grow up, so you had some idea of where i am mentally and emotionally. and it does make me wonder if youre not the honest type of person i thought for you to want to be with me when that person exists in your life, at such a close age to me. please never talk about me or think about me again.”
I think everyone here is ignoring the fact that op does almost everything in the relationship. Maybe it’s not just about her appearance but her lack of effort overall? She barely cooks, cleans, works, and doesn’t wanna spend time with her husband. The weight might just be what broke the camels back for op which, without context can make him seem conceited but with everything else it’s understandable. It’s probably maddening to see someone who doesn’t do much not able to maintain themselves and become overweight (at that height she is overweight). If she doesn’t care about her health or being a good partner then there’s no reason to stay together. You can’t force someone to care.
Is she on hormonal birth control? That can really lower your sex drive, it’s a common side effect. There are other things that could affect her sex drive, or maybe that’s just how she is.
What do you mean? Pretty much everyone in the comments is defending the guy. No one is saying that what she did was right.
I wouldn’t break up with him over this, but things like this definitely go into my decision makung
I'm not sure what you expect him to do retrospectively or even in the moment. Call her out on it and make everything weird the first night meeting her? Maybe it was nerves. Maybe she's a natural flirt. Maybe she's socially awkward and just had word vomit. Either way, what do you expect that you're concerned about it on your boyfriend's side? What is he supposed to do after the fact?
I have advice that comes from dealing with a roommate who would also get drunk and say uncomfortable things that he regretted after: if he really regrets it, then he'd cut out the root cause. According to him, that's drinking, so tell him to stop drinking if it causes him to be cruel to you. If he says yes, that's fair, then he's genuinely committed and remorseful.
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I guess I didn’t take that into consideration. I’m white and my mom isn’t anywhere as overprotective as his so there’s definitely a cultural difference
The fact that your step mom had to ask why he stayed with you and, his response was because you wouldn’t leave him alone, is weird. If he actually wanted to leave why didn’t he?
I’m not trying really very hot. Ive written maybe 100 words and you’re writing like a whole essay in each comment.
But your wife is fine to hang out with him? A guy?
The most you can do its yourself tell your parents everything shes Blackmailing you about so her main weapon is gone, further on make a test to if the baby if really yours, if it is, then only after his born you will have the most difficult part, find a way to not let your ex make your son/daughter hate you, seens Very hot now but after the baby is born and the custody send to her it will be way harde4
Bring her up on charges, period.
I mean if this isn’t fake, then get genetic testing done. It’s been a loooong time since I studied genetics/dominant and recessive genes in biology, but I was under the impression that two blue eyed people can’t make a baby with anything other than blue eyes?
Lmao sexist dudes like this will try to give any example to justify their sexist opinions as truth.
What he would realize if he had a shred of empathy or the smallest bit of critical thinking skills is: “On a whole men are smarter than women due to centuries of women being excluded from “male” jobs in the workforce.”
That stuff only works if you are willing to walk away and are okay with her never talking to you again which you aren’t
How is it inconsequential that he thinks he is smarter than you by virtue of his dick? It is a big deal. Here's how to react: Break up with him, and find someone who respects you.
He shamed you for an abortion when yo7 were barely an adult
He wants to talk marriage with your parents when you've bot even been dating 6 months.
He wants you on the Rollercoaster and wants you to feel grateful he's with you. He also love bombs you.
Run! Run far far away feom all his BRIGHT RED FLAGS!
In the current political climate, it’s near impossible to be in a healthy relationship with someone who doesn’t share your views. Break up with him, you both deserve to be with someone who shares your belief and value systems.
The dentist thing could be due to anxiety. I didn't go to the dentist for over 10 years because I have such bad anxiety about going that I feel like im having a heart attack.
But the caveat to that is I didn't go when I was in pain either because of the anxiety until it literally became unbearable and then I discovered I had to have 6 teeth pulled (4 wisdom teeth, 2 molars). But my mouth wasn't “gross” because I did brush and floss. I just had impacted wisdom teeth that led to cavities that couldn't be filled and the teeth had to be pulled.
So I would say you should try to get him to go to the dentist specifically for that reason. Your teeth don't grow back unless you spend over 20k like I did to get implants. Your enamel doesn't come back if you ruin it. Cavities don't go away if you dont get them treated and by the time you can feel them its much worse. The dentist is just one of those things you need to do to prevent major problems, and shouldn't be used as a “oh this hurts so now ill go see someone” type deal.
As for the washing hands thats just nasty but I know a lot of guys do that for some reason. If it bothers you tell him it does and explain why. And if he still doesn't get it you don't have to put up with it anymore. Hygiene is important to you and it's okay to leave to find someone you're better suited to.
Your bf is a piece of shit based on his comment during the fight.
He's also emotionally unstable. Marry one day and I have to think it over the next.
Get out while you can. This won't get better and likely will get worse.
For now I’ve given him until we go off to uni which is a solid 5 months to change, Im currently living with him so I can’t support myself on my own until we go to uni. Afterwards if not we’re going our own seperate ways because of the scholarship I’ve received.
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Name one state that doesn't allow abortions when the woman's life is in danger.
Set the boundaries and stick to it. She does it on purpose just to annoy you. No, she has no right to touch you without your consent. If she will not stop, limit any time with them. If needed buy a small spraybottle, fill it with water and use it on her in case of future unwanted touch….it might help as harmless repellent.
Based on your comments so far…. Honestly. You don’t seem compatible. You made her sound psycho in your post but your comments make it seem like your parents are just nos. This has been going on for years and you aren’t moving forward in your relationship at all or working how your issues.
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He wants sex, once he gets it he loses interest. Until he gets horny again. Not a big mystery.
Not that I'm aware of. I do feel that it's my responsibility to assess the potential for harm to my children though. With the amount of time that has passed, the developmental age difference, and the fact that her daughter has been involved with alcohol and drugs. It just makes me hit the pause button on them interacting again.
She’s full of shit. You can respectfully broach any topic that’s important to you. And if you’re honest and respectful you don’t have to pussyfoot around it. What you shouldn’t do is allow her to emotionally bully you this way.
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Thank you! I’m going to have him go get tested on Monday and I’ll be going with him. I’m going to try this after the testing to see if he comes clean if he doesn’t I’ll just have to deal with it. I just really don’t want to get a divorce if there’s any possibility he’s innocent. As much as I don’t trust him anymore, I do still love him and it’s gonna be a very hot process.
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I would 100% agree with you if we hadn't established beforehand that its okay to go through each other's phones. He has gone through mine exactly like I've gone through his.
I know this is 99,99% of the “advice” that gets given here, but you are obviously very heated, angry and irritated by this. Your boyfriend has already shown you he gives jack shit about the well being of you and the other girls he'll be involved in.
So, just break up. He isn't going to change, it is not your job to “fix” this issue. Because he doesn't see the issue.
Let your phone die (accidentally) and ask to use his. His response will tell you everything.
Maybe she doesn't need it, she knows how to manage her live!, but unfortunately she tried not to cut you off, but finally she has to. She waited until you were grown enough to made your own choices and you did. Now she is doing her decision.
It's funny that reading your post she seems as the bitter one, the bad one, putting you agains the wall. NO, you are nor against the wall, you are free as she is to go NC with everything related to your father, even you. I don't see any introspection in you, no understanding why your mother wants to be finally free of anything related to your father. She may see some tips, behavior she doesn't like about you. She is your mother but must not to agree with everything about you.
No.
Yes!!! Came her to comment this! I would dump someone IMMEDIATELY if they did this, this is so wild to me she just blew past it so casually
Have you look into yourself and try to understand what made you do it?. Imagine if it wasnt a scam, you would have cheated for sure rn.
Internally, out of your own volition, what actions have you done to make sure you dont be tempted to do that again?. Im not talking about live!, what if you are on a trip or at a bar and a woman propositioned you for sex?. How do you know that you will not take the plunge?. This is internal. Its within you. If you dont solve it, next time you are going to fall.
She is not joking. She said that to test your reaction. When you didn’t reply with something like “oh well if you get pregnant it would t be a massive problem” she tried to backtrack into saying it was a joke.
I’d stop having sex with her until you decide if you want to stay with her.
If you decide to stay then you’re either going to have to keep your condoms on you at all times or accept that she will get pregnant one way or another.
If you are 100% sure you do not want a kid for another 5+ years, you break up now.
Sometimes writing things in a letter helps. However being unable to have serious relationship conversations is just another sign that she isn't giving you the effort you deserve.
It is disgusting
Spot on
You might still want marriage and kids, just not with this man-child.
Protect your birth control and start making an exit plan. He won't change. If you do marry and have kids, he will just be an extra child you have to take care of.
no it's not MIL it's his own mother what's more fun
You're very right, I do spiral and it's terrifying. He is a mildly ” alpha” type and the pair of them are weeeell above average intelligence and would keep overt declarations of affection of the printed page. I hope to god I'm blowing this up. I'm not in therapy yet due to a huge waiting list. Medication begins this teusday.
She belongs to the streets
I was recently at IKEA with the girlfriend of a buddy of mine. While the drive was only 30 minutes we spend about 5 hours together. Guess what: Nothing (besides spending too much money to make my apartment “nicer”) happened. It is just cooler not to go alone and to have a second opinion. Talk to your doctor about upping your medication. Borderline is very difficult to learn to deal with. Especially, as a late teen/young adult.
I don't think you appreciate the difference in skill here. Playing worse I can believe for sure but to play that much worse I don't think is feasible. At her level certain moves will be completely second nature and just playing the first move she considers on instinct will be enough to win easily.
Dude no, he pissed purposefully.
I think you guys are now finding out that you are not compatible. You have nothing to be ashamed of, you just have different needs. She could have communicated earlier that she feels uncomfortable about it, you're not a mind-reader.
The most mild chat I’ve seen is Minecraft. Halo was pretty toxic and now from what I’ve heard COD. Chat is good for factions or free companies when you KNOW the people.
Your boyfriend is disgusting. Period.
You need to understand that you looking at her messages and seeing what you saw didn't lead to a lack of trust. You already didn't trust her. That's why you snooped. At least you found what you were looking for.
You don't need proof that she's cheating. You already know she's lying, and like I already said, you don't trust her. Healthy relationships can't work without trust. Your “solution” here is to wait and snoop again. Do you not see how ridiculous that is? Walk away.
And??
What advice are you seeking here?
If you say something ridiculous, don’t be surprised when someone rolls their eyes. If you can’t be respectful, why should anyone else be?
Be the foundation for her to grow professionally while you grow in other areas. What those areas are will be completely up to you, without the pressure to work more hours you can get a lot done. Plan fun things for you to do together when she’s not working. If “work very hot play hard” is her style, make some plans for whatever her play is. She will be really happy that someone did that “work” for her, because that’s not the kind she enjoys. Be the yin, it is a lot better for both of you than you trying to make more money out of some social obligation to out-earn your wife. It’s a partnership, play the role that works best for you and yours.
It’s really nothing. Don’t let it affect your relationship.
Dump this girl immediately
My point was never be in a situation to be reliant on anyone.
I tried experimenting that night but she got awkward and I stopped. That’s upset me even more bc she doesn’t even want to work with me on it
There have been things that make me doubt(not cheating) but things that make me question things . Which is why I don’t feel comfortable
It's only illegal if she can prove ownership, if the cat isn't chipped then it's in the cat's best interest to “run away” and never be found by that abusive girl ever again. You can buy chip scanners cheap live! and check, if it's not chipped then you can drop it off at a shelter and say you found it, wait it out and legally adopt the cat. Lose a girlfriend, gain a cat, sounds like a win to me.
If it looks like you don't take care of yourself – perhaps you can keep the punk ambience but spiff things up a bit. No torn clothing, boots polished, things like that? Be freshly showered, etc. Why don't you ask her for more info.
Everyone is saying take screenshots.
Don’t. Screenshots can be faked all too easily.
Take pictures or video of her phone with the messages pulled up, after you show the data about her phone(make it obvious, too, that it’s a picture of a screen.)and send them to a private preferably new email with only evidence for your divorce. Also, show the contact card for her affair partner, so that you can use it against him in the future if you desire.
Then consult a lawyer, preferably from a large city near you. Don’t do anything else but document the texts until you consult with the lawyer. Don’t move any assets, or change your direct deposit before the consult, all those can look bad. Use that same email address, only, for communication until the proceedings are in the open. Don’t save the password on any devices, and don’t write it down. Sneaky cheating people are often sneaky in other ways and she may be monitoring you.
It’s a trap!! Don’t do it! You’ll ruin your friendship, as she’ll think you took advantage of her sister instead of her seducing you. Get your rocks off elsewhere.
It's weird to me how supportive the sub is of her abandoning the child. There would be an entirely different reaction if she were the father.
Like could you imagine a guy posting that he has two kids, his wife is pregnant and keeping the baby, and he tells her if she keeps the baby, he's going to cut and run and only care for 2/3 kids and the third will be all on her, and he'll just pay child support?
And imagine how this poor kid is going to feel.
“My siblings go to their mom's house every other week.” “Oh, so they're like your half siblings?” “No, she's my mom too, she just wants nothing to do with me.”
I'm not defending the dad here in guilting her out of an abortion, but she's now in the position that tons of dads are where there's going to be a child that exists now and she's abandoning them. Dads get absolutely crucified for having her attitude about a kid they don't want, and that's when there aren't even siblings involved.
This makes no sense. I have never heard of an inheritance being void if the recipient has debt. Even if this is true, someone is contesting his right to the money. That means he may not get the money anyway. If that happens you are screwed.
This sounds like a scam. He should have legal paperwork he could show you. I would have wanted to speak to his lawyer before taking out a loan. You have a right to know where and how your money is being used if you expect it to be repaid.
I think you were scammed. Insist on meeting the lawyer. Ask to see the receipt from the lawyer for the funds paid. There should be a contract between your bf and the lawyer that you can see what is being paid and what it covers.
You may want to go to the police with your concerns.
This makes no sense. I have never heard of an inheritance being void if the recipient has debt. Even if this is true, someone is contesting his right to the money. That means he may not get the money anyway. If that happens you are screwed.
This sounds like a scam. He should have legal paperwork he could show you. I would have wanted to speak to his lawyer before taking out a loan. You have a right to know where and how your money is being used if you expect it to be repaid.
I think you were scammed. Insist on meeting the lawyer. Ask to see the receipt from the lawyer for the funds paid. There should be a contract between your bf and the lawyer that you can see what is being paid and what it covers.
You may want to go to the police with your concerns.
I have seen the other side too, which is even worse – the one that didn't want kids caves in order not to break up and ends up a regretful and uninterested parent, and the marriage (or relationship) ends up anyway. Sadly, now there is a kid in the mix. OP and his gf may be perfect, but not for each other.
Like Mark said, the expecting mothers are not the ones who do the invites and planning. So this is all on the planner whom A. May have an issue with you so they deliberately did not invite you. B. They got so overwhelmed with planning and accidentally forgot about you and maybe other friends. C. They sent the invite to wrong address either snail mail or email. D. The invite for your wife includes a plus guest so they felt that sufficiently covered you.
What you should do is as you wife who is doing the planning, then privately approach the planner and ask them about it, or have your wife approach them if it is some one you are not comfortable with approaching.
Most people dont consider the government or big corporations victims . We will probably never know really , since OP deleted her account .
Your parents made their choice.
You have no obligation to include them in your life if they effectively cut you from theirs.
Don't waste your time. She might be actually doing you a favor by rejecting you because of a whole variety of reasons and/or issues she might be experiencing. Just smile and move on, you will be much happier you did when you find someone that wants to be with you.
So we're back to the selling of indulgences.
Good god. You obviously married a woman ten years your junior for a reason, and are now just pissed that she isn't malleable and controllable.
You haven't been there for her as a partner or father, you have allowed your wife to consistently harass her, you don't seem to even care that she almost died giving you a child because of how “weird” you find it…you don't even take care of one kid, why the hell would you want more??
She's apathetic towards children because she's coping with the trauma of almost dying giving birth and her husband caring more about more children than her life. I would honestly leave my husband for that, no question.
She absolutely needs to see someone professionally about this all, (take it from someone who also had a traumatic birth but at least had a supportive partner). But you need to get your head out of your ass, kick your mother out, and start caring about your wife as a human being instead of an incubator for your offspring.
Is he a serial killer marking shallow graves on his navi app?
The one he takes you to being his favorite?
Honestly, if you guys can’t do couples therapy, this is gonna be a hell of a thing to table until you’re done with your masters
Yeah it’s Reddit, a bunch of people are gonna assume stuff and then the comments are gonna pick up on assumptions and assume things about that and then it’s all a tangled mess by the end of it. What I don’t get is the amount of people here that are just pissed that he wanted a one night stand. Like yeah, some people need to know if it’s gonna be a one night stand, but I’ve had two and both of them just kind of happened. One of them I ended up sneaking out and one of them the girl ghosted me afterwards, so I’ve been on both ends and neither time did we ever say anything about it being a one time thing. Also, side note, if the roles were reversed in this, all y’all women would be saying “that man broke into your phone, you need to hire a hit man and end his life” and all that bullshit. Stuff happens, maybe she did break into his phone (in which case I’d see that as a major red flag) or maybe she got OPs number from him and he didn’t remember off of 5 drinks. Either way if I intended to have a one night stand and she got ahold of my number, I’d either 1) Call her and let her know that I’m not looking for anything serious and that I’m sorry it didnt seem like that last night, or 2) Just block her number. If she doesn’t know your address there’s only so many ways she can contact you, and while ghosting sucks, you can’t say it doesn’t work.
Yeah it’s Reddit, a bunch of people are gonna assume stuff and then the comments are gonna pick up on assumptions and assume things about that and then it’s all a tangled mess by the end of it. What I don’t get is the amount of people here that are just pissed that he wanted a one night stand. Like yeah, some people need to know if it’s gonna be a one night stand, but I’ve had two and both of them just kind of happened. One of them I ended up sneaking out and one of them the girl ghosted me afterwards, so I’ve been on both ends and neither time did we ever say anything about it being a one time thing. Also, side note, if the roles were reversed in this, all y’all women would be saying “that man broke into your phone, you need to hire a hit man and end his life” and all that bullshit. Stuff happens, maybe she did break into his phone (in which case I’d see that as a major red flag) or maybe she got OPs number from him and he didn’t remember off of 5 drinks. Either way if I intended to have a one night stand and she got ahold of my number, I’d either 1) Call her and let her know that I’m not looking for anything serious and that I’m sorry it didnt seem like that last night, or 2) Just block her number. If she doesn’t know your address there’s only so many ways she can contact you, and while ghosting sucks, you can’t say it doesn’t work.
Also I too shake fizzy drink bottles (they’re too fizzy it’s hurts) and keep silica gel packets (I dry my own fruit and veg and it helps keep the moisture out) ?
What kind of a pet owner are you, if you think a lock of your pet's fur “might have” mites or fungus?
They're all guilt-tripping you because they don't want to take him in and prefer that you look after your boyfriend.
It's your dog of many years, if that is a deal breaker, then yeah, bai boyfie
That is not an open relationship. That is you letting him sleep with other women.
Have you talked to her about how each of you feel towards and about each other? If not then you need to do so. From there the two of you need to talk about exclusively dating each other, or just being friends with benefits.
Lol do you realize where her debt is from? It is likely from her education. The “best” kind to debt to have. She could easily wipe it out w savings, but she likely is making more in savings than the interest on the debt, so it’s still a better call to keep the savings and pay off the debt over time.
Everyone here is saying that OP should pick the Graduation.
Honestly I think that is a mistake. Its not that great to do this all by yourself – I am not sure it will be a cherishable memory.
OP you said your brother is the golden child but at the same time you love him very much. Sounds to me like that resentment clouds your judgement and you feel like you need to skip his wedding because this is such a special day for you.
What is love to you then? What would you do for a person that you love? Is your graduation a sacrifice you are willing to make to see your brother at this immensely special day? Isnt that a celebration of yourself aswell to see him? It made me cry to watch my best friend read her vows. It filled me with so much joy! What a wonderful experience it was!
You can still celebrate your Graduation! Invite the people you love. Make a party out of it! Now you will be able to make two unforgettable memories instead of one.
He's 25 and living apart from his parents, if he doesn't know this he has no business living with someone, relationship or not.
It's not about stacking benefits or demerits. It's about love, and whether or not you feel like your partner has your best interests at heart and vice versa.
Good luck
Why does it matter what we think? this is entirely up to you, we cannot tell you how to feel or what to be comfortable with or what to do. The fact that you did come here tho makes me think you are not mature enough to handle that woman.
Your message was nearly perfect, it couldn't possibly have been more respectful. Bob is just being a little bitch. Though, I guess it may be possible that he's feeling guilty about his past behavior. It's clear that he intentionally stepped between you and your wife. Perhaps he's grown a conscience.
I would either leave it OR, write another message examining that you have no issue with him attending, and it's simply that you prefer not to interact with him, then run it by Alice and her groom to ask if the wording is OK.
The only spot where it was a little demanding was here:
If you do interact with me, you must do so with respect and proper acknowledgment of social boundaries.
I would have (in retrospect at least) put it as:
If you do need to interact with me, please follow the rules of common courtesy. I'm sorry to have to say so however, given our prior interactions I feel that it's appropriate.
For the second note (if you write one) I would include something like:
I don't have any intention of running you down to the other guests or having any sort of confrontation with you. You've been a friend to Alice for a long time, she'd really like you to attend and I have no issue with you attending.
Do you think he will still let us come to his graduation, wedding, come home for Christmas and still be a part of our lives. I want to be there for him all the time.
You do realize you probably already have HPV right? Like… if you have had sex before you already have it.
Would you two be willing to try couples therapy to talk out the issue? I agree that if you and the ex are both uncomfortable, then you shouldn’t do it. I’m curious about how she will respond if you put your foot down and say no. I think therapy would be helpful and you may discover more about how she handles conflict.
I’m not sure if there’s anything you can do.
Whatever happened in those 3 hours, it was extremely negative for her. So much to the point she’s uncomfortable talking about it until your father is literally gone from this world. That’s how serious whatever happened is to her. She’s afraid of repercussions if she tells you.
Your father is of course claiming that nothing happened, because why would he openly admit to doing something negative to your girlfriend? He’s not going to be honest with you about this, full stop. Asking him is not going to get you anywhere.
But whatever happened to your girlfriend, if she’s not ready or willing to talk about it, you can’t force her to. I know you want to know the situation, especially since your dad is involved, but pushing her to talk when she’s not comfortable will likely just make her shut down more.
I would just let her know that you’re there for her, you’re worried about the situation, and you want to make sure she’s okay. Tell her you don’t know the severity of what happened, and aren’t sure how to proceed because of that. But that whenever she’s ready to open up, you’re there to listen and not judge. That’s the best you can really do right now, OP.
Hire a sex worker. Seriously. Get a professional so it's transactional and a good experience.
You took a 40% pay cut, you are making what kids at McDonald's are making. Get over yourself.
So I don’t think your GF is a bad person or did anything particularly wrong in amassing this amount of debt.
The system is literally set up to “fool” young people to be saddled with massive debt for the rest of their lives. Her debt, is unfortunately, not that uncommon.
However, I also don’t think you are a bad person for not wanting to be burdened by this debt, esp if you are starting to think about kids, family life etc …. I think you are very smart for making this consideration.
This debt will affect your hopes, dreams and aspirations.
I’m sad for you, because it’s a damn fricking shame that this is what kills the relationship… but try not to be too angry at her for the choices she made.
At 26, ya frontal lobe is just fully developed, and she probably got, what turned out to be, some really bad advice as a teenage that set her on this path.
I don’t blame either of you for the choices you have to make.
Just try and do it with empathy, and personal bravery.
Even the way you've described the situation makes clear what's going on – I've read through it several times, and I don't see where you lied, and yet you're obviously convinced you did and are in the wrong.
Your wife is not “strong-willed.” She is abusive and controlling. Almost any situation where a partner demands you choose between them and your friends is a situation of abuse where the abusive partner is attempting to isolate you from anyone else.
Most of the comments you're receiving here are attempts to justify your wife's abuse and are simply insults based on the low self-esteem you have after years of abuse. Ignore them. Get out and get yourself and your kids, who shouldn't grow up in an abusive environment, better.
Why no condom?
What did you want from her and why do you think cleaning your own house is a favor to her?
Eh, personally I think youre being reasonable.
Even if she is used to a lot of male attention and yadda yadda, the day he sat accross from you and started trying to befriend you, she should have let you know.
Not so you could go caveman on him, for a totally different reason: if she cares about you she should warn you when someone insincere is trying to use you. Thats just partner 101.
Secondly it sounds like she is not interested in shutting him down/avoiding him. What if you and him had actually made plans to hang out? Like was she going to go along with it?
I feel like she threw you under the bus a little bit.
Could you buy a place somewhere cheaper in the country? That way you’d have equity, but don’t have to pay the absurdly inflated prices of your city, then rent a place.
The borrower is slave to the lender.
Especially because they are both practically the same age lol
Does the no contact rule really work?
It works, but it's not passive. When you get those feels, name them and let them go. “Oh, I'm having a sad. It's ok. This is sad and has upset me. It's ok to be upset and I will be ok.” It's time to rely on your friends and get yourself living. Fake it till you make it.
As for what he feels about it? Who cares? I know that you think that if he's as miserable as you, it'll be some sort of sign or salve or something? We're all human and that's a human impulse, but ultimately, no one can give you closure but yourself.
Dismiss all that wishy-washy “maybe in the future” talk for what it is: break up platitudes and work on getting in with your life. If —and that's a big “if”—you happen to cross paths again, if you both haven't moved on and changed your circumstances, you'd just be repeating the same failed relationship again.
“Socialism never took root in America because the poor see themselves not as an exploited proletariat, but as temporarily embarrassed millionaires.” – John Steinbeck
Some practical advice – I think you SHOULD spend a couple of months backpacking around Europe! You need a genuine break and change of scene, and that kind of adventure would teach you a lot about yourself and the world. Few people have the funds and the opportunity to do that. What's your alternative, come back after 2 weeks and stay living with your in-laws until you have decided what career you want and have enough income to apply for a mortgage? I think a trip would be a great solution here.
In terms of the inheritance, worst case scenario is your family are bitter and jealous. Best case is they are genuinely concerned that you're out of your depth and they are trying to help. I can see that it might be the second one – honestly, you are handling all this really well, but it doesn't really sound like you have a plan for the money. With a windfall comes some responsibility, and you probably do need to make a rough plan, even if it's just 'get our own place by the end of the year, find a job by summer, etc'. I'd second the advice to get a financial planner for longer term benefits and to clarify your thinking.
Budget for this trip, and stick to it. It can be a good amount, just have an amount because otherwise things can spiral. Let your relatives know you have a plan and are so excited about this opportunity and know your mom would be so pleased. I know other commenters have advised giving minimal information and blocking your family out of this, but I think that's short sighted – assuming they are good people and you care about them, I think showing you have control of the situation will give them the reassurance they need, and things will improve. Good luck!
Thank you. Me too.
So your saying young hormonal men don't deal with mental disease? People with intelligence have deep thoughts, even at younger ages.
Well, I think that calling off the engagement is absolutely a reasonable response that you should consider. You can tell her that resuming the engagement would be contingent upon both of you going to couple's counseling, and her figuring out how to regain your trust.
Breaking up entirely is another option and TBH if I were in your position that's the option I'd be seriously considering. If she's cheating on you and lying to you even before the wedding, I just don't see the point of having a wedding, you know?
Oof precisely why I keep pushing back a proposal
Thanks this is helpful! We have already started going through these topics! I’ve been thinking about this for a while before we decided to really do it. I also am studying to be a couple’s therapist so I’ve known about major issue areas for couples.
He has been taking care of himself and his younger sister from a young age. He lives in a separate apartment attached to his parents home and fully cares for himself. He still helps his parents out a lot because they almost exclusively speak polish (we’re in the US).
we both agreed to spilt rent 50/50 (it’s super cheap which is why we’re gonna be at my place for at least a year to build up our savings). We want to split everything else proportionally, but aren’t sure how to go about figuring that out. We have 6 months to work out the logistics, mostly because we both have anxiety and I’m a big planner.