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Date: October 5, 2022
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you got ghosted buddy
OP, I lost my Dad when I was 20 years old. I would give anything to have him here with me. My husband loved my Dad. Ditch the boyfriend. I am a mom with ADD to 3 kids that I drive bonkers because of it so I feel even more for your dad.
OP for the love of god, do NOT date men with children please
I'm sorry the other comments are ripping into you, I've been here before so I can understand how you feel. I stayed in a relationship for 3 years that I was already questioning less than a year in. It's incredibly difficult to leave a relationship you're so comfortable in, especially if they are your first adult relationship and you've spent a lot of time “growing up” together (this was the case for me too). If you do not see a happy future with her, then you already know what you need to do. I will warn you that in the first few days after, you'll feel sad to not have her in your life anymore and there might be a part of you that considers going back. I really encourage you to think about your reasons for leaving, maybe even write them down so you can remember them in this time. If you want more advice you can PM me, leaving that relationship was the hardest but best decision I have ever made and I know I sought out a lot of advice from people who had been through something similar before going through with it.
It's time to consider co-parenting for a bit. There's nothing wrong with that either.
She's actually trying to be nice. Just decline and make a joke about it. Say something like “Thanks for inviting me, but I'm sure you don't want me sleeping in a corner somewhere, so I'm going to hold off until I can drink more responsibly/haven't got so much going on.” It means that you are saying no now, for good reasons, but you still may consider attending future events. It's very mature to avoid situations that may cause you harm or embarrassment. I wouldn't even go to say hi, I would avoid it completely.
Picture of said gf or you don’t even have one
To clarify because you seem to have gotten a little lost in the sauce, to start the point I was referring to her not respecting was not about trust at all, I was speaking about simply informing me of the dudes presence. I’ll agree with you I could’ve more clearly shared that view but that was the point I was getting at, trust was never an issue, being under informed and finding those things out later were the issue. I wasn’t looking for agreement I was looking for acknowledgment of the problem. The only reason this became a Reddit post is because the first reaction I received questioned my lack of trust rather than address the issue of omitting important details about a trip. I appreciate your feedback and agree I hit the ground running on some of these points, thanks for your input.
Give it a couple of years and see if she finds the yellow hue attractive
He has responsibilities that he wants to keep to someone he cares about – you could learn something from him. Shut up and leave it be. You got taken back by him and by all accounts he seems to be forgiving you and moving back to try again. He just also refuses to not help someone he promised he would – sign of a good person
That's not really an excuse for him to encourage his daughter's bf to openly show her disrespect, and it's certainly not okay that bf just went along with it.
most of the time he'll just say “i dont know” or “whatever you want” if i offer wanting to do stuff together, ask if theres anything he wants to do as an us thing, or offer to do something specific like games
says hes just happy doing stuff with me but i know hes just not wanted to ask to do stuff because i accidentally shot down attempts one too many times early on (i didnt want to watch star wars or lord of the rings movies bc i wasnt interested in the series personally ;_;)
To answer your question; talk to your therapist about how to have this discussion with him or see if he can join a session so he can learn about mental health/your diagnoses. However, I don’t think he’ll be receptive if he believes a male mindset fixes everything.
I'm stuck on the driving. This is dangerous. He shouldn't be driving anywhere. Would it be worth it if / when he has a seizure while driving and ruins an innocent life?
He likes you enough to fuck you. Did you forget the friends part of fwbs?
He does not want a girlfriend. He sounds like a decent friend.
I would tell him that he’s acting immature and insecure. I would ask him if he dates younger women because he’s immature and insecure.
No, you're not the asshole, but I don't think it's too far gone yet to salvage. She needs to understand that if she's not willing to back off it's going to destroy your marriage. She might be wildly underestimating the effect she's having.
OP, leave. Now. Tons of good advice here. I was once in your position. Cue years later I’m married to the most kind generous man. He always addresses me as gorgeous, beautiful and gives me words of affirmations daily. Once you leave you’ll ask yourself why you didn’t do it sooner.
I think it's because I only seem to be thinking about the good stuff at the moment, like the stuff I'm missing, but you are right, it wasn't healthy for me.
He doesn’t know if he can commit to our relationship
Didn’t this already happen since he MARRIED you? He should already be committed.
If you don't want this don't let this happen. If he wants a break he can get a divorce.
Take a deep breath and move on. It doesn’t look like he appreciated being bombarded with whatever messages you sent and it gave him reason to end the relationship. I’d leave the guy alone. Period.
that sounds concerning, have you gone to a gynecologist about this? The way you describe the pain makes me wonder if there is something more serious going on, which is possible
I love how it’s always “joking” when people react poorly.
News flash bud: you weren’t joking.
How on earth did you think this was going to go? It’s her sister! Now you’ve ruined any chance with her because you can’t be trusted or comfortable at family functions. Don’t fetishize people in this manner. It’s gross.
Never marry someone on the basis that you might only be happy with them if they change large parts of themselves. They never do, and you never will be.
what was the gist of it
what was the gist of it
OP emotionally cheated as a means to get out of her Bad marriage, should she have left it? Yes. Is the emotional cheating justified? Gods no by far.
Stop buying into stereotypes.
Move on from this thread OP. This subreddit is toxic. People who are happy that you're happy are being downvoted.
K this sounds like a mental health issue. My Mom has bi-polar and does this a lot when her meds are off. And yes it's exhausting, don't feel like you are a bad person. If you can, talk to her doctor. In my experience, if just getting diagnosed, get some video of it (my Mom didn't get diagnosed until her 70's and this is not typical for it to be so late in life). It can be hot to convince people, doctors whoever that it is an actual problem (as in people think you are just being an asshole). What you said, talking so naked until she's out of breath, my Mom to a T.
“Trying him like he’s stupid” well honey do I have news for you. Ask him if he’s ever got soap in his urethra or if he even knows what that is.
At least momentarily stop fucking this momo
You got a yeast infection from him. He doesn’t know how to put a condiment on. And he takes no responsibility for it. Also seems he’s creating a hostile environment for talking about sex. All parties should be able to talk about everything and ask questions and feel safe and comfortable. That’s the bare minimum. Maybe he will learn and grow and become a better person with this stuff, but it’s not your responsibility to wait for him or to encourage him to get there.
He’s excluding you from his life because he‘a hiding something from you where it’s serious enough that he’s misrepresenting himself.
As much as you want to talk to him about it – I suggest you do some investigation yourself. You gave him 2 years to tell you the truth about his situation and he dragged you along for 2 years.
Leave him alone and work on yourself.
What I suspect you miss is someone doing things for you rather than the man himself. Just reading the way you described him still, does not look like love.
Eh I think OP was using slightly reductive language because they didn't want to be specific about which subculture they're trying to get involved with. As far as actual participants, some people will broadly refer to themselves in goofy high school terms “nerds” “gamers” “metalheads” “weebs” etc. But the basic label is just a shorthand way to identify another subculture member.
Leave him. He broke your trust and won’t acknowledge it. Don’t marry him he’s a manipulative person and doesn’t care nor respect you
I don't get why you're downvoted either. I feel like people are just weirdly salty that they didn't have sex as a teen which is mega weird. Lots of teens have sex. Lots of teens don't. Neither is bad if you do it with people your age. I really don't get why ppl react so weirdly at this stuff. I'm with my boyfriend since 14 and we're 18 now… And we were sexually active since the beggining, so what's so wrong with what he said?? Salty redditor behavior to be this mad over teens fucking eachother
So your are your ex wife’s bitch and you want your GF to be chill with that?
Go to your graduation. You worked for it, you deserve it. Arrive at the wedding party later in your cap and gown, in case anyone wants to ask why you weren’t there earlier. If your family think anything about you they will understand. If not, you now have the earning power to have a happy life without ever having to deal with them again. Congratulations!
I'm in the “go to your graduation” camp.
That being said, is it far from the wedding venue? Could you attend your graduation and then go to his wedding reception afterwards? That would be a decent compromise if you could make it.
I'm the result of a rhythm method… Condoms, man, get snipped, or leave and find someone who is as invested in birth control
Sounds like Alice didn’t really seem to care that Bob had indeed fucked up your marriage and then tried to fuck your ex. Personally, Alice should really drop that guy but I digress.
It wasn’t rude, OP. You stood up for yourself. You were kind enough to send Bob a direct and firm message telling him what your boundaries were and, in a HAVE TO case, be respectful and polite when talking.
My advice? Enjoy the wedding and leave it. If Bob wants to miss a wedding because he’s afraid that message, then he needs to grow a backbone himself. If I were you though, I would kind of reevaluate what sort of friends you have if they’re fine with Bob and his outlandish behavior, especially with what happened with your ex wife.
Just throwing that out there. Take care of yourself, OP.
Look at her actions and lack of transparency.
Vs the words of someone who broke your trust for 6 months.
Lying to you. Fucking someone else Having an affair Breaking your heart You separating
Then getting back together Then doing the same actions again Having the name under a different FAKE name Trying to hide it and say its just text Then deleting stuff – which is wilfully hiding it
Not sure how much more you need to end things.
The question really becomes
How much more are you willing to tolerate?
I’m worried I might be unknowingly ruining other people’s relationship. They seem romantically involved with each other and I don’t want to be a side hoe or anything
I think you tell her something like “babe, I love you and want you to be happy. When you leave messes and garbage all over, I feel frustrated because I want to keep our home clean and tidy. I feel like I’m taking on most of the responsibility. And when you don’t shower for days, I feel worried because that’s not healthy. I’m concerned that you’re depressed and need to see a doctor and therapist. Moving forward, I need to see you making an effort with self care and home care else I need to reevaluate this relationship as it’s taking a toll on my mental health.”
Then pick a date 3-6 months down the line to reevaluate and if things are better, end things.
It’s pretty likely that she needs professional help. She’s not just going to pull out of this on her own even if she really wants to. I think you know that.
Accept it or move on
What do your other partners feel?
Hi, he either gets the message or you dump his ass that is so far past not okay
We have a great time together every single other day. Just not on the nights I wanna go out haha. It was easier for me to move where he lives than it was for him to move to me. Im talking a whole ass country here. Lol
That's her word against his on where she found it. While I appreciate the pettyness as a thoight exercise, it is really in her best interest to show it to the police so they can officially trace it back to her stb ex. It's a good thing to have on record for the divorce!
She didn't stop cheating from the sounds of it.
And, you need to nope on out of there just like her last boyfriend did. And, I'd make sure to tell her exactly why too.
Can't have her cake and eat it too, but unfortunately that's what it sounds like she's doing.
leave her and find someone new? why do you need to throw yourself down an endless pit of unrequited affection? you will find someone who treats you with the respect you deserve
Honestly, in every instance where I had a gut feeling that a partner was being shady/cheating, they were. Sometimes I wouldn’t learn the truth until after we broke up.
I agree with the others that you should stop trying to contact the woman but if I were you, I’d keep my eyes open. This is probably insane but lol my mom caught my dad cheating by hiding a voice activated recorder in his home office and sure enough he called his AP when she went out to run errands. Not saying you need to go to that extreme but this situation just screams shadiness to me. I’d be very vigilant if I were you.
You are at the end of your tether because you've been a carer with no breaks for a long time. It means you will break sooner rather than later. No one is superhuman and you've been trying to be superhuman for years.
Talk to her doctors about her disabilities. If the doctor agrees that you wife is suffering from multiple disabilities, and it sounds like she is, you will then be able to access county, state and possible federal help if you are in a first world country. Then talk to a lawyer who specializes in disability. You may get a lot of your burden lifted if you do this.
You have a lawyer, now lock down the finances!! Then tell your parents. If this has been going on for 5 years you can confront your wife but it will only muddy the waters for your lawyer. At this point she really doesn’t care. Get tested for STD’s. Good luck.
I am thinking it had to be a little more than “a kiss”, if this guy thought he had a shot at sex.
Or, if this is a writing exercise. Who knows? Not us.
Yeah, does he not celebrate Christmas? That's also a Christian tradition.
If he does, well he's a hypocrite (on top of everything else).
Google “sunk cost fallacy.”