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Melissa, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 25, 2022
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Compliment things they choose, not things they are.
He doesn't have to ask your dad for permission. That's barbaric. Are you chattel? Is he buying you from your father?
Correct.
I can somewhat relate. I really struggled with the concept that my parents aren't perfect, but neither are they all bad. Mine neglected my mental health and made my school years a living hell due to an undiagnosed illness that could've been very easily treated if they had just had me tested. Instead they tried to fix me with discipline. It was really hard for me to come to terms with the fact that what my parents did was wrong and really harmed me, but that I can still love other things about them.
Your mother did a horrible, hurtful thing to you. She may not understand how much it hurts you or not intended it quite the way it sounded. It may have been triggered by some older hurt she carries herself. It may just be that she's at her wit's end and doesn't know how else to help you. Or maybe those are all just excuses, obviously I don't have the context to judge.
Either way, it is a fact that your mother hurt you through no fault of your own. Nothing you say you did deserves such a response. You can let that statement stand on its own: she did a horrible thing to you this year. You do not need to judge your mom's entire character to justify being hurt, and this horrible thing does not have to redefine every good memory you have of your parents. They do not need to be horrible people through and through to have done something really mean and unfair to you. And if they are horrible people, it does not reflect on your worth as a person in any way.
Try to imagine how you would feel and react if a friend treated you this way. It's ok to be hurt. It's ok to be mad. As adults, we get to reassess our relationship with our parents and decide what shape we want it to have in the future.
Just get out of there. This is him showing his true colors. Don't give him another opportunity.
The thing is women make themselves orgasm. I mean, a guy can be skilled, he can know what to do and when to do it, listen and pay attention, but if his partner isn’t relaxed and open to orgasm, it’s not going happen.
Men are the same. We get ourselves off. Even if we have amazing lovers, if we’re in our own head, if we can’t relax and open up, we end up losing our erection or taking forever to cum.
It takes two.
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But the whole Feminist group is stupid tho?
Which rights do males have that females don't? Lol
They won’t accept this career and it will damage the mediocre relationship you have.
Don’t expect them to help you with a house. You can’t use them when it’s convenient and on-line values counter to theirs. It doesn’t make either of you bad people but if you want to online a life by your own rules then that’s part of the package.
Super manipulative. She does not have the right to just make demands like that. You need to have a real conversation with her about that. Tell her that you love her, but that the ultimatums she has made for you are immature and manipulative. “I understand how stressed you are right now with the baby coming, but that is no excuse to try to control me or my dog.” Etc. Goodluck
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Only reason most people reconcile is for the sake of the children, but they apparently want nothing to do with her so there's no reason to whatsoever.
Affair partner is my best guess.
The financial stuff absolutely needs to be addressed. But I would also ask yourself, without getting defensive, if there’s some truth in his idea that your childhood religion is driving you to feel you need to be married by 26.
Did you just gloss over that in the conversation just like in the post? Groomed is a very strong word – is it the one he used? That seems like it is as big of a factor as the finances.
And so does the moms. She needs therapy, not burgers.
It’s only been 3 hours and as he is on a laptop the browser could be open appearing he read it but hasn’t
It's her boyfriend, aka “dump him”.
If that’s a typical example of the fights you have, then he’s certainly the one who’s in the wrong. He ate the food. He said he would go in the morning to get more food so that you could have breakfast, and then he changed his mind and decided he didn’t want to go and yelled at you for expecting him to do what he promised. If he’s like this all the time, then he’s simply a shitty boyfriend.
Do you have other examples?
What happens when he wants to please the kids and throws you under the bus to do so? While it’s been a trope in movies, it sounds like it could actually happen in your situation.
Personally, I think counseling is a good idea for him. I honestly probably would have calmly said that if he wants that situation so much that you can make it happen so at least his complaining is true. I know I wouldn’t be rushing to have sex with a man who said that stuff.
You bear responsibility for how she feels.
You don’t bear responsibility for what she did.
You’re seeing her decision-making and loyalty when she feels bad. You can’t and shouldn’t take ownership over her choices on how to deal with hurt. As you may already know, in a healthy relationship she would communicate with you to resolve the issue, because you are her priority. Instead she cheated on you and openly told you she’d have gone further.
Worse, she’s twisted it into being your fault that she did it because “you haven’t done enough” as if that could ever excuse her action to cheat on you.
She’s not even giving you the dignity of being allowed to be hurt without twisting the situation around onto you. You should understand the seriousness of the decision you now have to make.
Don’t ask, don’t tell arrangements usually don’t end up well in the long run. I would talk with your wife about the expectations in more depth, including your reservations. Don’t mention who it is yet.
Has no one gotten professional training for this dog? It’s not the dog’s fault – it’s your and your husband’s fault. Seriously.
I don’t think there is as much victim blaming for a rape as there is, some one trying to make their own boyfriend to tolerate them going out on a date with their ex. This is wrong no matter what the history is with the ex, or how much they sympathize with him even after an assault. If rape was completely out of the occasion, most everyone would be telling OP how unfair and disrespectful of him and his feelings that is, and that it’s a shitty thing to do. But because she wants to go to a concert date with her ex who also happens to be her rapist, this makes it suddenly less worse? To me that makes it even more worse. Now get gets to pace the floors a nervous wreck while his gf is alone on a date with her rapist whom raped her the last time she was alone with him, and he gets to feel all sorts of horrible emotions and think about all the ways this man might raping his gf once again. That’s a cruel thing for her to put her own bf through. He’s feelings matter here too. This is the type of thing that would make a lot of men snap and go hunting down the rapist to beat him to death. It’s not fair that he is put in this position and no people pleasing should be at the expense of your partner.
You make it sound kind of mean.. like OP isn’t attractive to her bf at all and his loyalty proves what a good person he is like idk man
OP please tell her what you know so she can get rid of that cheating scumbag and don't worry about your ex whatever happens is karma for knowingly getting with a man in a relationship.
Apparently not.
Graphic enough that there is no sense of boudoir in some of them.
If you can't enjoy all the things that come with a marriage like a child, then why are you with him? Would it not be better to end the relationship and move back to your home country where you have support and can have a child without worry?
Thank you for your suggestions. I'll definitely post it there as well, to be honest I wasn't sure what sub would be best for it. I still like the IDEA of pegging, it's just doing it in real life where I falter, so I'm wondering if I've got some kind of mental obstacle I just need to unpack and fix, you know?
I’m sorry but that is absolutely horrible and he does not love or respect you to treat you that way. He belongs in jail. Do not continue this relationship.
What’s concerning is she had to get caught meaning she won’t be honest with you if she unhappy in the relationship. She cheated for the full 3 years. Let that sink in.
Sure let’s say it’s not “once a cheater, always a cheater”, but the fact she could keep that lie going for so long.
The apartment doesn’t matter. And her family and friends you claim you’re close with probably knew the whole time. Get out and start fresh. You’re not happy, and she obviously lost respect for you and the relationship a long time ago. If you don’t, you’re going to be posting shit like this every six months for the rest of your life.
I’m sorry to say this, but it feels like this relationship won’t work out for either of you. He has made it clear that he prefers to be secretive rather than have uncomfortable yet honest discussions with you. And you will never feel as if you can trust him; without trust there’s no truth to the relationship.
If you’re feeling like you’ve invested too much time to want to be single again at age 50, consider how much more time you’ll feel that you wasted when the relationship fails in 5 years. It’s better to be single and available (or single and content with your own company for a while), than to be tied to someone who’s not as committed as you are.
Hi sorry where did you get surgery done , and what kind, that it didn’t leave scars?? Genuinely asking because I’m looking for a surgeon.
I have no clue. If she communicated me with on this matter I don’t think I would’ve even ended up here. But perhaps she’d defend her concerns the way she always does; I just feel something off between, he’s acting different, he has been staying up later at the office after she started working (an argument she used with me, I clarified to her that I only am staying later at work for the sake of work since we have an upcoming project and a launch)
When you're feeling like garbage, do you think rationally like this? He isn't obligated to text anyone he's not feeling well. And he doesn't owe an unexpected guest an explanation. He was sick. Did he do the bare minimum, yep, and it's more than what was needed. It was his home, he felt bad, he didn't have company. She did. As soon as he told her he didn't feel well, that was it. And SHE should've asked her guest to leave to he could rest.
The broad generalization IS the misandry.
Rapists aren't by definition 'men' as stated by the op.
I’m glad to hear you’re working on it. Good for you!
Just say you're not interested in more than friendship (if that's true). You don't have to go into all the reasons; no means no. Her feelings will probably get hurt because rejection doesn't feel good. However, you're not responsible for managing her emotions.
“I appreciate your honesty, but I'm not interested in anything more than a friendly neighbor relationship with you. I'll see you around.” If she doesn't back down, get more firm. If you feel like you're wavering, imagine having a bad breakup with her and having to see her every day since you live! in the same place. Shut it down. Don't imply hope for the future.
Sorry but it's almost a certainty that he is cheating on you. Solo dates at least once a week? That's a relationship. At the very least he's emotionally cheating. It's absolutely not appropriate whatsoever to regularly go to drinks and movies with someone you were recently romantically involved with, and he knows full well it's inappropriate because he lied to you about it. Why is he sending photos of the two of them to his kids? He is pretty obviously dating this woman. Your insecurity is not irrational at all here.
If he's so sociable and has so many friends, why does he need to maintain such close contact with a person he feels compelled to lie to you about? He's prioritizing his relationship with her over your feelings. I would honestly just bounce. Even if he's not physically cheating on you, he is massively disrespecting you and the relationship.
Open your own bank account.
He’s definitely insecure but why are you setting yourself on fire to keep somebody else warm? Leave him
The hardest truth to realize is that no matter how much we love someone, we can't force them to change if they don't want to.
Your husband is choosing to be like this. He's choosing to treat you poorly.
Now it's time to choose yourself.
8 months is long enough for him to try to get his act together. What are you waiting for? You don't need his permission to be done with his nonsense.
You deserve a soft life full of love and a partner who contributes meaningfully to that. You are worthy of soft love. You are worthy of compassion and kindness. You deserve a partner who lifts you up, who is your biggest cheerleader.
You are worthy.
I’m sorry, that’s classified.
Ooooh, good old “I’m not mad, I’m just disappointed.” Spicy…I like it!
Girl, I think you need to look into codependency. And yeah, please dump him:
Well you say you want to see it with someone who hasn’t seen it before.
And as you don’t have anyone to travel with, it must be someone who is currently a stranger to you.
And your other replies are just as stupid as your post.
You are being stupid.
It doesn’t matter if you go with someone who has been there once, lived there for years, or hasn’t been there before – YOU will be experiencing it for the first time.
I think I have my decision made, just dk how or when to pull that trigger now after my first misfire I just did. I like the pros and cons list tho thanks sm
That was literally my second point. Haha
He's 35, jobless, and belittling your achievements such as your hard earned money through scholarships. You deserve so much better. I hope you break up w his bum ass. You deserve someone who will help you become a better you and supports you through school/life.
I'm also in college and my boyfriend doesn't even expect me to pay half the rent even if I get a lot of help through grants and have good scholarships. He tells me its my very hot earned money and that I should save it for when I really need it.
You need to sit her down and figure out a plan
She already said she's not happy and why, not sure what else you expect. If she's not willing to continue the relationship, then it can't be forced.
When did we get to a place where deleting someone off your social media was harsh?
Anyway, delete anyone out of your life that causes you drama and pain and don't think twice about it.
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