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Date: November 29, 2022
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“Forgot”
Your BF sounds entitled and immature. Tell him you can’t afford it- now or in Jan and tk let you know if he wants you to back out. (Btw, if he does, he’s not someone I’d want as a BF).
I’ve read a lot of posts of woman who didn’t cheat on their spouse being asked to do the tests. All of them did it, and asked for divorce. What’s the point of being in a relationship if there’s no trust. Are you gonna tell your kids “ daddy asked for tests because he didn’t trust me to not sleep around and didn’t believe you were his.” This is pretty messed up.
Don't stay.
It’s not about how much you did weigh, how much you currently weigh, when/if you started losing… it’s about the fact that you spouse has not been supportive of you as you worked on the ROOT of the problem of your issue with food. He was supposed to be with you for better or for worse. You’re trying to better yourself, not by just losing weight, but by getting to the heart of your problem so that you can make significant life changes. Because of that approach, you will most likely be more successful in your inevitable weight loss. The life change you need to consider making next is forgetting about this weight obsessed, unsupportive loser and finding a genuine partner who will love the person that you are (inside and out).
I noticed it too! The fact that OP’s second go-to potentially big issue is forgetting to do the dishes is really sad.
I’m mixed Jamaican and Nigerian yet have super pale skin and blue eyes. It doesn’t necessarily mean they aren’t related. Due to my ancestory I could have a baby come out dark skinned, even if my other children were light and my partner was light. Just get a paternity test done.
There’s a fresh batch of high schoolers for him
No, don't. It would be deceitful, possibly criminal. If you don't trust him, talk to him about it to see if it's fixable, and if you still feel the same after that, the right thing to do is break up with him.
lol OP's wife has helped raise his kids for the past 8 years – that might sway some people from “never” to “wait i think i actually do like kids”
cause lord knows anyone who was truly childfree wouldn't have married this dude who thinks plan b is birth control.
You don't.
Try reaching out and starting with actually getting to to know her. Because asking her out without any former communication is just going to make things awkward.
If relationships can only be successful when each person can fulfil all the others fantasies, tentacle yaoi fans have a lot to explain.
Relationships are supposed to make you feel happy loved and secure. Not make you cry on a regular basis. He sounds toxic and you deserve better.
I'm not judging you but I seen this happen a lot with girls in their early/ mid-twenties who are dating guys that more than a few years older than them it's The power dynamics. He doesn't see you as his equal and doesn't respect or value you. If he says he doesn't need you, tell him he can go fuck himself and leave him. You don't have to accept being treated like this.
A lot of people on here constantly say “don’t phrase it as a question, just ask when they’re available or just tell them a day”. Now you can see that is not realistic advice. It puts people in a weird place
Her counselor is wrong (if he actually said that) she has a drinking problem. It’s called binge drinking. I’ve seen people with this problem, unless there is someone there that will stop them, they will drink themselves unconscious. It only takes one drink to get them going and they can’t stop themselves. She needs to get herself to rehab or AA immediately. If she refuses, you are going to have to leave her. She feels safe to do this with you there. You are there to pick up the pieces. She will say or do whatever it takes to keep drinking.
If she doesn’t get help for alcoholism and you do decide to stay with her (big mistake) get the phone numbers of the friends she’s with. Call them if she isn’t home on time and have them tell you where you can pick her up. At least this way there should be less stress. I can’t stress this enough though, she’s an alcoholic and she needs help.
Please re-read. He said I’ve been compared to Nicole Scherzinger and Ariana Grande in the past. I did not compare myself to them, in fact I said I don’t see it. Again, it was the fact it was said quietly as a joke between him and his friend. If he had said Shilpa Shetty in front of the whole group as a serious answer I would not be here writing this now.
I'm glad you found something that helps, even if it's just a little. It sounds like these feelings are going to exist in this relationship and likely any relationship you'll be in in your life(as most people will have relationship history). Think of therapy as a way to teach and train your brain to look at things like this differently.
I’m kind of baffled by a lot of the responses but I suppose it makes sense seeing as Reddit is overwhelmingly male and American.
Re: what happened, whether or not legally you used reasonable force (IANAL), your girlfriend is clearly seeing you in a new light. If I found out my partner was capable of tremendous violence, it would also quite likely change my perceptions of them. Let’s not get into what some of the other comments have said about “she could have been killed” – yes possibly, but armed intruders aren’t quite the thing here that they are in the US.
It’s soon after the incident for you both, but I don’t think the onus is just on her to sort out what sounds like PTSD; not only must the incident have been nude on you, but it is also concerning that you blacked out and did this in a rage. I’d suggest both of you getting help, but I’m not sure as to whether a counsellor would be obliged to break confidentiality in this case (as they usually are if it’s a serious crime, and I’m not sure if potential GBH would fall under this).
It sounds like a really tough one all round. I’m sorry, and I hope that you can both find a resolution, but it might be that that resolution is you no longer being together and you might have to be prepared for that.
If he's stupid enough to be red pilled, he is a lost cause.
There is nothing wrong with you. Everything is wrong with him.
You need to leave. Keep all the messages that he sends you. He is not someone who should be around vulnerable children either. His toxic bs will mess them up too. Good luck.
I am literally describing the social convention to you.
That's not a healthy, two sided relationship at all and you need to address it, and he needs to work to fixing it before it becomes an even bigger issue.
7 years tho? Are you sure you’re compatible because at some point assuming you want a traditional type of relationship you have to move in together. Do you want to get married to him eventually?
The questions you’re having doesn’t seem normal for a 7 year relationship. Not saying your wrong but I question your compatibility.
He doesn't have to be interested in “your” interests. If you're expecting him to come to all of your races this may be the problem. He should not feel obligated to partake in your interests they are yours and not his, he doesn't have to like what you like. It sounds like he doesn't care about you doing them but that he may dread it because you expect him to attend. I had a partner who loved to throw concerts at clubs/bars and coffee shops. It didn't bother me that he liked to do those things but I do not like to hang out in bars or clubs. It became a problem because he wanted to me to become absorbed in his hobbies. He wanted me to help him make flyers and attend every show. I did not want to go, I did not want to make flyers I had my own interests I wanted to spend my time on and it was unfair that he would guilt trip me and demand that I be involved in something I had no interest in being apart of. I was miserable. We broke up and that wasn't the main reason for why I left him but it was a part of it
I think it’s already too much, you’re on Reddit asking for advice.
What are you looking for then? You are at an impasse. If she's not willing to change the only thing you can do is move on for yourself. You can't force someone to understand you ….
I'm curious as to your husband's response that would tell me how you should navigate it.
Hah! I'll try anything once!
Yeah, she has other interests. She can talk about other things normally, just seems to get fixated on this topic when she meets these people. The military was really idolised in her family, so I think it's deeply ingrained in her.
Yeah, she can talk to me about the military, but it's not a topic where our views align much at all. I think I have a much less idealised view of the whole thing. I was certainly not raised in a house where the military was idealised, and I studied international relations in my undergrad which gave me a very different perspective to hers.
You are correct to be concerned.
Research (not just opinion) of couples find that the #1 source of affair partners is coworkers.
Because of the high risk associated with a coworker relationship, the friendship must be 100% transparent to you , there should be no out of work contact (no catching up), and they never discuss their love life.
I do, and that's exactly why I'm at this point. It's gone on for far too long, and seemingly, it's only when his friends dont want to play anymore. He'll watch his friends streams and I cant even talk to him until hes done. He keeps using the sad little puppy look and at this point I can't even tell if it's real or not. Everything in me screams run, and it's like he's trying to coax me into thinking everything is okay while he slowly drowns me.
The teaspoon was a nice touch and will forever be on my mind when I cook now.
I don’t think partners should yell at one another at all. It isn’t at all a mature or helpful way to communicate . There’s always a better way. You partner sounds like he needs to work out why he immediately jumps into yelling. He seems to know it’s wrong afterwards; he should look into ways to healthily deal with frustration
Oh yes she’s overly self-reliant, like to a fault. She’s hanging in there though lol
Just a thought, but going through with this is a lose-lose scenario. If you DO find she's doing something she shouldn't be, well, after an ugly confrontation, it's over, and she may deny and fight you over it too.
And if she isn't doing anything wrong, then you did something wrong by betraying the trust and invading her privacy, and she won't forgive you for it, and then, the relationship will either end abruptly, or become more miserable and painful until it does.
So if monitoring her leads, most likely, to breaking up regardless, what do you hope to accomplish here? What scenario do you consider a “win” that is worth taking this course of action?
That's not to say that the alternative is to sit on your hands and do nothing. In my reckoning, it's clear that the trust between you has been slowly dying, as well as the intimacy and love. So you can either try to fix that, perhaps through external help (like a couple's therapist), or you can decide that you trust her so little, that it doesn't matter if she's cheating or not, because you don't want to on-line with a partner you don't trust.
It doesn’t have to hurt the first time. Certainly didn’t for me. It’s a harmful misogynistic myth that get young women thinking it’s ok for sex to be painful.
therapy
Its the same post… with like two sentences added?
Not sure why you first considered starting a relationship with this dude. Sounds awful – I hate smoking, fast food junkies, etc. How you’ve looked past all that is beyond me. I don’t think you’re being shallow at all. He better have good health insurance bc he’s headed for a cath lab soon
You two are not compatible at all, split off now
Yikes, making your son an emotional replacement for a romantic partner. Sounds about right!
Really what it comes down to is I like the name Cameron for a girl