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Hello guys and welcome to my Room;)
Date: October 15, 2022
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They should be there for each other.
I am too but it is pretty clear that she isn’t open to advice and sometimes advice that is unwelcome can actually be detrimental to the end of protecting someone like this. If he is too caught up in her making the “right” choice for her but she is determined to take the other path because of the pressure he is putting on her it is better for him and for her that he relieve that pressure by putting up a boundary that they not speak on it.
“Can they not think things and see it in their own head”
Many people can't?
Why would you assume your internal dialogue and such would be the same for everyone else?
I read a lot of books.
The characters for me don't have faces.
No hair color, no eye color, etc.
When I read porn stories I generally skip the descriptions, they do nothing for me.
I experience emotions, states of mind, etc. but not really environments or people.
Don't mind masturbating without porn still though.
I agree, that's how I read it too. The gf is continuing the cycle of abuse and needs therapy.
Ew
Honestly I get where you’re coming from, you did not give him permission to let himself into your home while you weren’t there, and expected him to get there at 7
And having all your personal stuff cleaned and looked through can definitely feel invasive if it’s a guy you haven’t been seeing that long (just a couple months)
But I wouldn’t overreact, instead just be really grateful now and establish better boundaries with your house key in the future. It was a sweet gesture but definitely showed a little lack of awareness for your privacy & boundaries.
That’s weird. It would be different if an uncle was naming his daughter Lilly. Not your own father
Don’t ruin a good thing over some cheap hag who is throwing herself at a man who has a girlfriend. These types of creatures are never worth it. Be a decent man and either let your girlfriend go to find someone who will love and cherish her or if it’s just a hormonal outbreak you’re having over wanting to feel craved then snap out of this.
Ok, lets look at what happened.
You bf expected to have sex in public. That was his definition of “having a good holiday”.
He neither communicated that nor did he seem to care that this isn't your kink too.
He became passive-aggressive and punished you with stonewalling.
When that also didn't lead to you giving in he lashed out and accused you of trying to attract other guys.
That guy payed for this trip simply because he wanted to fulfil a sex fantasy. And he cared so little about what you want that he didn't even talk about his intentions with you. He seems to be of the opinion that “he paid so he should get what he wants”.
This guy is a sea of red flags.
I understand your self esteem has taken a hit, but I would ask you why you’re setting the bar so low for a life partner.
I really don’t believe the cheated once trope that people that have forgiven trot out.
I believe they will learn from mistakes and not get caught next time.
I believe it is a flaw in their character.
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Girl, you should be unsure of him. You made the best choice for you at that time. You did nothing wrong, and he’s going to judge you for that, then he’s not worth a can of beans.
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Honestly, it just sounds like you two are incompatible
I would tell her that, if you really want that, you want to support her if her cancer comes back. This is YOUR decision and if she can't accept it you should break up right away.
However really think about if you want that. If the cancer comes back and you stay together and offer your support it can be quite gruesome. She can be really sick for a very long time. She can loose her hair, weight, feel bad all day long, not be able to do anything… She can also die and wither away over months or years. Be sure you want to go through that because once you are in that phase and you fought to be allowed to be there it would really be kind of shitty to leave then. Also make it clear to her that you know what that means and that you are well aware what you are in for.
And honestly if she insists that she will break up still you should break up right away.
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She needs therapy. I was inclined to believe her on the first incident because women can be catty like that but three separate groups in which there is no definitive proof that anything negative was said to her is way too much.
Don't drop anymore friends for her and make therapy a requirement of staying in a relationship with her if you think this is worth salvaging.
I say this with kindness. I have bpd and have been in a similar mental state. She may be undiagnosed but its clear she needs help to address her delusions.
Even if you break up I strongly recommend pushing her in this direction.
Lol people are so weird these days with everything. It's just too much. We should be able to kiss our loved ones without consent each time. Stop youth, just stop.
What happened at that party?
Aw thank you ☺️
This is my moral dilemma. I am trying to analyze the situation from each angle, considering the cultural differences as well. I understand your two points. I am very “westernized” and I have adapted to the Canadian culture. With that said, my mother lived most of her life in the Soviet Union and left Ukraine after it collapsed. She was upset after I told her what happened. My friend that told me the hurtful things spoken behind my back, lived in Ukraine her whole life. Most refugees I helped at the welcome center were so kind and refused help, even from the food bank because they thought others needed it more. What is the boundary between what is culturally “normal” versus what is rude in every culture?
I am trying to understand why they would speak behind my back and whether something was lost due to lack of context or interpreted differently. She may have been lying as well.
Of course, they did the other things I mentioned in the post but honestly we just glossed over it because we thought it was a different culture and we didn't need to be thanked every time we did something nice. But, I don't think speaking behind someone's back is an acceptable Ukrainian norm.
It's hot without confronting my godmother's son because I don't want to betray my friend. But this is serious, as we are potentially going to stop talking to them so I am really afraid of making the wrong decision and misjudging them based on our cultural differences in what behaviour we believe is acceptable.
“I didn't want her to feel like I used her for sex either, because I did care about her well-being.”- really, REALLY??
C'mon man, you said it yourself: you dumped and ghosted this emotionally vulnerable girl the moment you found yourself a “real GF” (your words: “I stopped hanging out with the fwb as soon as I was taken”), despite knowing that she was in love with yo and psychologically dependent on you. You 100% used her for sex and support!
You didn't just lie about a lot of things, you've been a very shitty person. You're the one who is in the wrong here, and you should be apologising to both parties for what you've done!
Smoking weed isn’t a personality trait though. Smoking weed so much that it’s affecting your life is an addiction, he should be self conscious about that.
Agreed, that was the vibe I got.
All that says is that you make decisions while under the influence. You're the one who did this and yet you're clearly seeing yourself as some sort of victim while not even considering his feelings here.
You cheated. Bottom line. Doesn't matter if you were under the influence.
If I got drunk and ran you over you wouldn't say “oh it's ok you were just drunk”.
I'd take this as a learning experience and stop drinking because you can't move trusted to make good decisions.
Respect the fact that you fucked up and show that you at least feel a little bad about the situation and respect their wishes to break up.
You are not a victim in any way shape or form. You were not drugged or forced to do this.
Golden retrievers need a lot of exercise and a lot of love. Ditch the boyfriend. You made a promise when you got the dog and he will be more loving and loyal than almost anyone else who comes into your life. You’re not compatible with bf, you are with your dog. Find yourself a dog person.
What if he offered to pay for half of it and give her a ride? Could make things easier.
Honestly I agree she doesn't have to tell him and if she think he won't react well all the more reason. It just bums me out that dudes don't have to deal with any of this (this being the cost and logistics), when they're half the equation.
Yeah having pets is crazy
if you feel uncomfortable trust your instincts
That make sense. I'm really paranoid because these are people I hold near my heart and the thought of things going south terrifies me. I'm hoping I'm lucky enough to stay with all of them for years to come. I know it's probably really idealistic without a drop of cynicism, but it's what I'm hoping for!
I don't go to clubs or bars for attention. Just because it's not what you like doesn't mean it's whatever fantasy in your head you make it out to be.
I mean so is cheating so if you're gonna blow up life chose the least destructive way
Sorry dude, you don't own her. If it bothers you this bad, the best you can do is leave her.
In this case, you are in the wrong. You sound overly controlling and petty. Yuck.
You only just started seeing them. Its not serious with either. So you're under no obligation to tell one about the other. If they ask, be honest, but otherwise, this is how casual dating is. If you decide you really like one of them and you want to pursue a relationship, then you should stop seeing the other.
If you’re married, you both need marriage counseling and he needs therapy for sure. If you’re not married, do you want to live! this way forever? I’d be seriously thinking of ending the relationship. Partners should bring out the best of one another – not the worst.
I'm not sure it's reasonable to expect the man to have a whole speech on tap in that situation.
Something simpler — e.g., “I like them anyway” or “You're still the one I want” — would be a little easier to pull out.
This isn't an open relationship, OP. Y'all should probably start with that.
i mean statistically it’s much more likely they’re cheating than a failed vasectomy so it’s a natural suspicion to have
It’d be great if she could recognize how she grew up with and therefore had better opportunities, not saying she didn’t work for her lifestyle, but like there’s obviously a difference between her physician/professor parents vs your Construction/Teacher parents. You might not convince her, but you can at least explain the issue. Most people with privilege don’t recognize they have it
Everything you’ve said is valid. What would you do?
My advice would be file a police report and get as far away from the rapist fuck as is humanly possible
No amount of interfering with his life is going to make him love you.
When I walked out she knew it was a big deal, the dozen messages, and her long email plus the voicemails of her crying were pretty telling. I spent over half my life looking for someone like her and to kick her to the curb over this would be ignorant. We have a very complicated lifestyle and bonds between us that I could never have with another human being. She isn't getting a pass on this but I'm not kicking her to the curb either.
Creeps
Usually posts like this make me angry but this one just made me sad. You’re in love with someone who doesn’t respect you. Oh he doesn’t work because he takes care of the kids…that’s lovely but the reason why you’re he’s now at home and your finances are ruined stems from the fact that he fucked someone and left you while you were late in your pregnancy. And he ONLY came back because the other woman was no longer an option.
He didn’t come back because he loved you. He came back because he knew YOU loved HIM, and that you would obviously take him back.
One is honestly worse than the other, and it isn't the snooper. She has a bigger plate of issues if she's lying about that.
Now the question is, why?
you both need to stop and move on
You shouldn't expect anything from her
she on her fiance your are not special so don't expect her to be loyal to you
So tall dudes can't be submissive and only tall women can top?
Buuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuullshit
Your fiance either condones cheating, or is ambivalent to it. Do you really want to spend the rest fo your life with someone who actively covers for affairs and cheating? Your fiance is a shit person for trying to cover this up. Tell the poor girl what happened, she deserves to know. And if your fiance dumps you, it means you got to cut free someone who would rather defend a cheater than do the right thing
This is the hill to die on.
He said he’s not talking to anyone else
I married a man who is smart, funny, and INSANELY attractive. He is objectively more attractive than me. I’m aware that I’m cute, but it’s nothing compared to him. People are constantly asking how I “pulled it off” in a way that’s a little too sincere, and he gets hit on if I leave his side for more than a second.
He chose me. I won. The most attractive man in the world is utterly enamored with me.
When people think they’re “dating up,” they generally either tear their partner down so they don’t know how great they are or build them up so they do. Both reactions stem from a fear of losing them. Be the latter.
Friend, you won the prize! Go tell that amazing boyfriend how much you admire him and then go look in the mirror and say the words, “I’m a bad bitch who he chose over everyone else.”
No, and for your own sake stop looking for any insignificant thing as a sign he’s wanting to cuff you. If he wanted to, he would. Don’t agree to FWB if you want more.
The way you know that you’ll eventually heal is that almost everyone has had their heart thoroughly broken, often more than once, and they all eventually heal.
You’ll date again, and you’ll fall in love again, and you might get your heart broken again. In the end, though, you’ll likely find your person.
In the meantime, take care of yourself. Exercise. Drink water. Eat healthily. Spend time outside. Go out with your friends. Don’t wallow. When you find yourself thinking of him, change the channel – redirect your thoughts.
You’ll get through this, and one day you’ll be glad this relationship ended. It’s hot to believe, but it’s true.
If I didn’t have bad luck, I wouldn’t have luck at all.
Yeah, get a therapist. Listen I’ve been cheated on before and done dirty but you can’t take that in the next relationship. It’s both for your mental health and so you don’t self sabotage your own relationship
Friend drunkenly ordered that bad dragon horse dildo and forgot about it until it showed up. Turns out she also left it at “medium” firmness and it just flops about because it's too long. I mean there's a chance she's used it, but I think she enjoys it more like a weapon and joke than anything.
This is unhelpful without adding a solution to the problem you've suggested.
I almost completely agree with your assessment.
I think that you can be 30 and be friends with someone that's 19. This friendship is obviously not appropriate, but I (30M) have a friend (20F) that I know through motorcycling. We'll go riding motorcycles from time to time, and bonded over that. I don't think that you have to be in the same stage of life to be platonic friends with someone.
I’ll try that, thanks !
You are definitely being abused. I am so sorry you are going through this.
Try to find a friend that will help you get out. She’s physically, mentally, and emotionally abusing you. You are your own person and you don’t need to be tied to the hip 24/7/365.
Try to get out as safely as you can and tell no one where you are going. Pack up your stuff and your important documents (birth certificate, social security card, financial information, etc) and give them to a trusted friend who will not tell your soon to be ex-girlfriend where you will be.
Once you are safely out, block her on everything. Once all that is done, get some therapy for yourself. You will need it even though you may feel like you don’t need it. If you’re in college, check to see if they offer any services to talk to a professional.
You’ve got this and you deserve so much better than this “woman” (I’m using the term very loosely).
Update us when you can and hopefully it will be good news. Good luck.
I read your first post an hour ago and didn't comment because my initial reaction was something like: ?
But posting it again makes me think you're serious about this, and your title is different and intriguing now. Listen, you're going to get rejected over and over and over again throughout life. It's just the nature of the beast. The trick is finding value in yourself regardless. But, you need to get your first rejection out of the way before you can even start down that path.
Here's what you do, boss: next time you strike up small talk with this girl, you bide your time. Don't push this unless the small talk is going well. “Hey, I like talking with you. Is there any chance I could get your number?”
If she gives it, text her that night and ask her on a date. If she doesn't, take it in stride, continue the smalltalk and never bring it up again.
Running into the people she’s been with and knowing they have seen what’s mine
Ok well this is something that needed to be added to the post. He should be supporting you and encouraging you. I'm glad you are trying to figure it out. Have you checked your thyroid? Birth control or anti depressants, could possibly be PCOS ? ( All can cause weight gain and make it hot to take off) you are clearly struggling. There is being honest and being hurtful. What he said was hurtful. I hope you can figure this out with your doctor's and start to feel better.
First and foremost his mother is WRONG and took advantage of you…understand that. On the other hand….Space. Give him space. I would be so upset if my partner did this to me, especially if I never gave them a clue about wanting my mother in my life. His reasons may be a lot deeper than you know and seeing her could’ve opened up a really bad wound. People don’t usually cut their mother off straight to college unless some pretty bad things happened. Again, give him lots of space and don’t push trying to make up, give him time.