I've been in a similar position. Also grew up kind of like a tomboy, very masculine energy, loud personality etc… All my exes were softies, majority being in the IT field to give you an idea. Very submissive personality. I was always “the man” in the relationship. Some of them didn't like that, said I made them feel emasculated etc… And I'd easily lose my patience with them when they couldn't get certain things done, I always had to “fix” everything in our lives, etc…
Anyway, long story short. I realised that I probably suffered from mumy issues which resulted into me looking for softer or “weaker” men and having a more domineering/controlling personality. I did not know this or notice this in myself until the day I met a guy who brought out my feminine side (didn(t even know I had one, lol). I grew up hyperindependent as well, so always wanted to “do everything myself”, also while in relationships as I felt I could never trust my exes to get anything done.
I basically realized the reason my feminine side suddenly came out, where I trusted the guy to be “the man”, take care of me and fix things or defend me. He was a man with a stronger masculine energy, it's the only way I can describe it. I knew him for years before developing feelings. And I knew he could take care of me, protect me and he always got things done. And he'd also put me in my place even when I was being loud/bitchy. No other guy was ever able to do that. I think that's when I let go of my usual domineering/loud/masculine role and became a lot more feminine.
I know now that I never ever want a “soft” guy ever again. I know people will give me shit for seeing things that way. But those people don't know what it's like to be a woman who has always HAD to be the man in every goddamn relationship. It feels shit honestly. I want a partner who I can trust and rely upon enough to let my guard down so I can just be a fucking woman for one, lmao. So yeah, never dating softies again. I also noticed I was a lot less agitated, annoyed, angry etc… being with that guy. All my exes unconsciously annoyed the fuck out of me because I subconsciously did not like the role I was forced to take in the relationships of the past.
I've been in a similar position. Also grew up kind of like a tomboy, very masculine energy, loud personality etc… All my exes were softies, majority being in the IT field to give you an idea. Very submissive personality. I was always “the man” in the relationship. Some of them didn't like that, said I made them feel emasculated etc… And I'd easily lose my patience with them when they couldn't get certain things done, I always had to “fix” everything in our lives, etc…
Anyway, long story short. I realised that I probably suffered from mumy issues which resulted into me looking for softer or “weaker” men and having a more domineering/controlling personality. I did not know this or notice this in myself until the day I met a guy who brought out my feminine side (didn(t even know I had one, lol). I grew up hyperindependent as well, so always wanted to “do everything myself”, also while in relationships as I felt I could never trust my exes to get anything done.
I basically realized the reason my feminine side suddenly came out, where I trusted the guy to be “the man”, take care of me and fix things or defend me. He was a man with a stronger masculine energy, it's the only way I can describe it. I knew him for years before developing feelings. And I knew he could take care of me, protect me and he always got things done. And he'd also put me in my place even when I was being loud/bitchy. No other guy was ever able to do that. I think that's when I let go of my usual domineering/loud/masculine role and became a lot more feminine.
I know now that I never ever want a “soft” guy ever again. I know people will give me shit for seeing things that way. But those people don't know what it's like to be a woman who has always HAD to be the man in every goddamn relationship. It feels shit honestly. I want a partner who I can trust and rely upon enough to let my guard down so I can just be a fucking woman for one, lmao. So yeah, never dating softies again. I also noticed I was a lot less agitated, annoyed, angry etc… being with that guy. All my exes unconsciously annoyed the fuck out of me because I subconsciously did not like the role I was forced to take in the relationships of the past.