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HELP ME GO IN TOP 10 PLEASE 🙂 [8329 tokens remaining]
Date: September 24, 2022
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So the reason that age gaps are yellow or red flags (depending on the specific ages and gaps) are that generally we are conditioned to value older people's advice/views over younger people's. In general that can be fine, but in relationships where you are supposed to be equal partners, that can manifest itself with some unpleasant results. Just because someone has done something before doesn't mean they know how to do it correctly. So for example, pretend Alex isn't an electrician and has no background in it, but has done some DIY electrical at his own home. He says it's fine for you to do XYZ on your own because he did. Call the electrician instead. Nobody wants a house fire from DIY electrical.
Now think of some more personal things, like sex. He says he regularly does a specific kink so you should just try it with him. Do your own research first to figure out what safety precautions need to be taken and figure out if he actually is taking those and if you're even interested in trying. (Pushback when you say no to something related to sex is a red flag, which I hope you already know).
Essentially all of this comes down to “don't extend more trust than he has earned”. His views on what the relationship boundaries are not more correct than yours just because he's older. Your experiences will also be different from his because unfortunately we on-line in a world where sexism still exists. Things that are fine for him (like meeting a new contractor alone in your home for a repair) may have unpleasant hurdles or dangers for you.
Some have suggested here for you to show up. I would do just that with a birthday present. This is very odd since it is her birthday. Time to meet them. Find the real reason why she does not want you there.