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squirt , ♥ [553 tokens remaining]
Date: November 6, 2022
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You are right. But this particular thing is one guys cares a lot about. Sex workers views sex a lot different than normal people. If I told you a was a axe-murderer and slaughtered people until we were exclusive, would you say it’s fine and in the past? Habits form the creature, not the other way
You tell your gf exactly what happened, before she finds out another way, and let her decide the future for you. And you should grovel and apologise as much as you possibly can.
Don't bring another child into this world. He doesn't want it. It will stretch your resources for your two current kids. The baby will grow up without a father because I can tell you now that man is not going to be in your life forever. Please don't do this to yourself or the child.
He pissed me off today about that cause today I worked it was the second day so I was fine to work but he goes off saying he's going to go shopping cause that's he's period day off and that made me mad because it wasn't like I went out on my day off i was in bed all day in bed not going out shopping!
You’ve been on and off for 6 years, have children and you don’t discuss your relationship with each other or how serious it is? Wow.
Thanks 🙂 this makes me feel a lot better about not really being in the whole hook up culture, which is a big deal at my school
Agree. My mom didn't push for much child support or to enforce other requirements, including that he cover our health insurance, because every tiny thing was so awful with him.
We struggled financially, and medically since there just wasn't money for basics, let alone some medical nonemergencies, wellness visits, etc.
We, not him, had to pay for it.
Be fair in child support, but don't wave it away. What is easier now may not be easiest longterm.
Glad it’s ending but you should definitely be seeking child support, it’s for them and their stability, not you.
Could be this is some Karma Goddess giving you the chance so many people want. That is to look great and be happy when your miserable ex encounters you. Well done, congrats. In terms of him not asking about you, why would he? He's already proved that he's a selfish git. So all you know now is that he hasn't changed or improved at all. Go be happy without him.
I’m being overly optimistic, but: Maybe he’s checking in one her a lot because she’s in the middle of a crisis. She could have asked him to not tell anyone about the crisis. Maybe he’s so defensive and weird because he wants to help her but isn’t very good at navigating that while also being open with OP about it.
I hope that’s what it is.
You have to get comfortable with who you are because that’s what she likes. You also need to understand that maybe you aren’t “at her level” right now, but you have the ability and also the motivation to be the best version of yourself, not for her, but because you are a normal human being, with potential. She seems to see it in you, so carry on my friend!
Sir, you simply don’t want to be married. No, these feelings are not normal. It’s natural to want alone time, but if you enjoy vacations or dates with yourself more, then just let her go. She deserves better.
That’s a horrible situation! Maybe talk to her in private and let her know how you feel, and that you’re there for her. Good luck!
I’m sorry, did you expect him to just sit there and be verbally abused even after repeatedly apologizing and trying to de-escalate?
All relationships can be exhausting sometimes
The guy doesn't fundamentally understand what love is. Love is a choice you make every day. He found someone he was attracted to, and he chose to build his feelings up for that person instead of building up his feelings for you.
There is always someone around the corner who is attractive and exciting. If you are not ignoring them and focusing on the person you are with, then you are not capable of love.
Lust is cheap and easy, love is hard. Sometimes, actually loving someone is too difficult for some people.
Can he figure it out? Maybe, but I wouldn't stick around to find out after he said he chose to love someone else.
The mental load, a lot of men don't care about most of it, and they struggle to just step in.
I think what you mean to say is that men don't perceive the mental load because it's invisible labor, but they would definitely miss it if their woman stopped taking care of it. For example, if your wife stopped doing your laundry, you'd notice eventually. Or you might not notice that your prescription hasn't been filled until it runs out, but you'd notice then.
I don't think household labor = appreciation. That's a confusing assumption. “If you loved and appreciated me, you'd do the dishes.”
My question for you is, how much should OP's husband appreciate her, regardless of her income? Do you think he appreciates her enough to wash a fucking dish?
Love and respect isn't based on income, or at least it shouldn't be.
You might be the most deeply programmed misogynist I've met on reddit in years.
It sounds like you really want to do this.
Personally I think it sounds kinda mean but I’m not you or your partner.
No go alone show that you are confident in yourself and don’t need anyone! Who cares what she thinks or says it’s your life to on-line not hers. Don’t lie or fake things for someone that isn’t worth your time. Walk in there with the confidence of being alone for yourself.
Make your boundaries clear OP. You don't have to be blunt, but make sure that your boundaries are set and your partner respects them. If you don't like it, you don't like it. Just communicate with her in a calm state of mind when you're both in a good mood.
If you’re not going to leave him, at least start paying attention to his abusive behavior, however “mild”, and also try to become aware of how often you overlook it or make excuses for it. Loving someone in an abusive relationship isn’t love, however powerful it feels. Start making a plan so leaving in the future will be easier. Good luck.
Fr this is a level of self respect that's straight up sad
I’m definitely the weird one here.. personally I’d think it’s funny, like a gag gift. My husband and I have a very open communication and sexy relationship, so I wouldn’t think anything weird about it. I would’ve found it weirder if he game it to her without me present, then I’d have questions.
You. a. hoe.
Idk how much porn is considered an addiction so I honestly can't tell you. Resentment and anger are not the same. I'm not angry with her I just feel unfairly attacked. And I understand that people change the whole point is how can I deal with this change when I don't believe I am doing anything wrong.
He’s not considerate. He says things without thinking about the way it can make you feel.
I’d say let him know how you feel once. If he continues, I wouldn’t put up with that.
If you love them, why not try it at least? I get it being a different idea of what you are looking for; but that is love.
This is not normal no matter what she says. Maybe for a crazy person it's normal but not for someone in a supposed committed relationship
How do you watch your woman struggle for months and don’t help pay anything? You’re part of the problem.
Just break it up early. Christmas is good season to find a new partner.
I would just tell him that I’m not a 2D caricature, and that people can act differently depending on the day or the setting and have a variety of interests. I don’t even understand why he feels compelled to comment on it, it sounds quite annoying. Do you also comment when he does something slightly out of the ordinary? I also find it strange that you somehow know that you’re not your boyfriend’s type. Is that information that he volunteered to you? That’s quite odd. What was his end goal, other than obviously make you feel insecure about yourself for the rest of the relationship? I can’t imagine being in a relationship with somebody and then informing them that they are “not my type.“
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Yes because after birth it's just a cheek swab but in utero it's more invasive
I’m starting to come to them now if I’m honest. Just the thought of refinancing with a new puppy with me to leave is now making my stomach turn
Dump him. He’s dirty
That ship has sailed no saving it.
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You’re insecure and also dating a dude who doesn’t compliment you or treat you the way you want. That’s the gist of it.
When I thought she was having sex with a woman in an open relationship, she received a video that showed her sucking a dick and getting fingered. She thought that video would've been automatically backed up to my server like phone photos/videos. It wouldn't have been uploaded, but she didn't know that. So she made up a story about how her “psycho boyfriend” came home and how they made her suck his dick. Then they sent her the video to blackmail her into coming back. That was her story. What really happened is she was fucking a guy all along, and he sent her that video to send to other women, hoping to entice them into joining them for a threesome.
So he says. Leave for your child's safety if not for yourself!!!
I’ve already seen the pattern I’m working on being a better person for him , on trying to be the right one for him I know I can be too much I’m trying to dial myself back so he’s not overloaded
Maybe you can ask to join in at some point? Meet the guys so they don't seem like threats because you don't know them.
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If it was really an issue of he was sooo afraid of getting you pregnant, that he was avoiding sex…then he could have a vasectomy and relax about that.
You are right
I don't think you are an idiot. She clearly is not over her ex, doesn't necessarily mean she still loves him though. She hasn't made peace with it, thats for sure.
Your space in this relationship is still half occupied by the guy before you, even though none of you want this to be the case.
It is your gf who behaves like a nutjob if I am being honest. I can very much understand if you leave her for your own good, it is just way too messy to have a solid relationship.
Do know how hard it is to interact with women in the workplace, especially with the me2 movement and sexual harassment policies. With how women want equality, why haven't you just flat out asked him on a date.
Neither of you should. There shouldn’t be any judgment.
You two are a team. You should becoming together to help each other heal. And be working on growing a new loving relationship.
If someone is being toxic they must go.
I would try and just embrace her and communicate that you’ll treat her well.
And don’t be afraid to look inward and work on whatever it is that you do wrong too none of us are perfect partners. But effort to grow goes a long way.
Y’all just need to remind each other you’re both in this thing with each other.
You’re a good friend. I think the same as the first commenter, but I know a lot of people who wouldn’t have taken care of it even after being asked.
Hangry?
If you do, glove up. You don't want to catch something that can't be cured w penicillin.
You should ask her again in person how she would like you to express how much you value her. Are you attracted to her sexually or romantically at all?
Ahhh you are right, definitely not white lies. I think I'm just trying to make sense of it ? I'll be open about it and see what he says.
That’s what I’m thinking she can throw an engagement party when we come back. I just don’t want her to make my engagement in Korea all about her and why she wasn’t there, why it couldn’t be here, and why can’t there be an after party?
I really want to get engaged there it’s going to be so beautiful. I’m so happy just thinking about it.
How old is she?
dude is old enough to be your dad lmfao
Listen, as someone more than twice your age: While you are legally an adult, it's not like some magic occurs the moment you turn 18 and you become this super-experienced adult. Not how it works. And even if it would – you were sexually assaulted. That's nothing age will ever prepare you for.
There may indeed not be anything that can be legally done to your aunt, but that doesn't mean that there is nothing that can be done for you – because you are traumatized and you need help with that. Mental wounds heal slower and far worse than physical ones, so your aunt not hurting you physically means nothing. This means that you shouldn't keep your “mouth shut”. You possibly need a trauma therapist and you need support.
I don't know your family and can't tell you whom you should talk to. Maybe choose the family member you trust the most and, if you feel like you can't get the right words out, just print out this post here and show them. If you feel like you can't trust any of them and if you are still in school, you could also talk to a trusted teacher. Just please talk to someone. Keeping this bottled in is incredibly unhealthy and you absolutely should never, ever be forced to be around your aunt again.
She is sometimes and sometimes I'm really annoying too, but aren't we all annoying to someone else at some point in our lives? 🙂
Fortunately, we talked it out and it's all good now.
I don't think there's any need to see a couples therapist, she needs to divorce this abuser ASAP. Therapy can't fix what he did or the fact that he was okay with doing it.
Why doesn't he shut down the flirting? Other than that it just seems lime he's being honest.
Sounds like he just wasn't in the mood. The advice I'd give you is to try not to overthink it and please don't make it into a big deal for him. Plenty of guys aren't comfortable turning down sex because their partners assume something must be wrong with them or that the man doesn't find them attractive anymore, leading to lots of men “going through the motions” of sex even if they'd much rather just be held in the moment or anything along those lines. He'll feel safe knowing that you won't force him to do anything he doesn't want to do
Not all consent is verbal, yes.
But there is no consent able to be given when she was asleep. She happened to wake up.
It's all well and good setting a boundary, and she should do that if she wants to stay with him. But I'm sure it's a pretty standard boundary to not grab someone's hand, and make them touch your genitals without asking. Especially when they're asleep. And these types of moves shouldn't be made before a boundary is placed in the first place.
How would she have shown she wasn't interested had she not woken up? How do we know their intent was to wake her up and initiate sex? We don't. I'm going off of what we're told. And what we're being told is that he took the hand of an unconscious person and placed it on his genitals. He made them preform a sexaul act without consent. That's sexual assault.
Okay, and where was this video taken? Where was it originally uploaded? And who owns the video? Does it portray anyone in a defamatory way? Think critically. You said these people couldn’t get it taken down at all (which you’ve now edited bc you know you’re wrong). Where did I say anything but these people have legal recourse for getting their video taken off the internet? Have some humility. You can be wrong sometimes.
How's it discrimination when it's a buyout? Nothing is obligated for that. I'm assuming it's a private company so the boss can sell to whomever he wants.
I'm not positive if he does or not, he should but that doesn't mean anything
Yeah, you need to talk to him about this so that you can understand what happened. It's possible that there's some sort of reason other than him just not caring (e.g., he might have felt like you were uninterested in his idea of the spa day as you didn't want to pick it yourself, and that could have demoralised him).
I'm not making excuses for him, but the best thing to do is to talk to him
I didn’t change myself but yea while before i was a part time in the family business now i am full time so i don’t have that much time
That chick is crazy….smh
Assume you’re celibate then?
And no. Because as outline above consent to sex is not consent to pregnancy in most the world. All it is is an acceptance that there is a risk it may happen and you have whatever options legally available to you in those circumstances.
You’re welcome.
I did tell him that and he said he would really love to meet me on Valentine's Day. But that if I didn't think it was a good idea then ok and that it was my call.
These are all really good ideas.
He sounds like an emotionally abusive person. And it could be projection. Maybe HE is cheating.
Adoption not an option? He didn’t think he was gonna have any children but all of a sudden you can get sperm from his family naturally. This is very odd.
Fathers sperm = child is your brother in law and your husband is his child’s uncle
Brothers sperm = child is your brother in law and the child will be your husband brother
If my family did this to me. I’d me very upset. I understand people want kids but this is not the best way for the child. Can’t keep this a secret
Years of no sex? This is not reasonable. There is no reason for sex to be off the table for years. Unless one person simply doesn’t WANT it. In which case the other should move on.
This is the only normal comment in the sea of people wanting to control their partner's appearance. Of course they're downvoting you, are we surprised? no lmao
What part was a joke. I responded to what I interpreted in the post as ABUSIVE, but you interpreted as SATIRE. Why satire?
I think it's OK in general to keep finances separate in a modern marriage (using a prenup or similar), but that is not the same as paying all bills 50-50, especially if he makes 3x more than you. This is also impractical, because he might want an expensive house or expensive vacations etc and you will not be able to afford any of it because everything has to be 50-50. I would talk about that part and resolve it before marriage. This would probably be a deal breaker.
His savings is another thing. Maybe he has a lot more money then you, he is a lot older and maybe has a lot of savings. It doesn't make it easier like you said that it's common for people from your country marrying people from his for a 'greencard' or similar. You say your background is wealthier than his, but you also say you have no money, moving there was very hard financially and you make 1/3 of his salary. I think if you push full sharing of finances immediately it's probably not going to work out.
Opening a relationship only works with strong bonds and excellent communication. Ngl, it isn't something that you hear about in positive connotations otherwise. The fact that he only wants to open up HIS side is also sus.
If he's that lonely, he could suggest compromises that allow you both to see each other more or at least talk more to make up for that lost one-on-one time. Instead he wants to have sex with other people? Nah, sounds like you need to break up, then. His priority is his dick, not your relationship.
But if you really want to try, you need equality and rules.
“The only way we open this relationship is if it's open on both sides.
We both then have to set up ground rules:
No catching feelings and if we start to feel something we immediately cut that person off and go completely No Contact.
Never with someone we already know. No friends, no exes, no relatives of the other person, and no coworkers.
No unprotected sex EVER – condoms every time, without fail, or else.
We have to communicate about what's happening and when. If I have a date with my side guy, I have to tell you. If you have a date with a side chick, you have to tell me.
We also aren't allowed to stop the other person without reason. If I'm going out, you can't just tell me not to – you have to communicate why you don't want me to, and then we talk about. The same is true for me, I can't tell you not to go out with a girl unless I'm willing to give a reason and talk it out.
We have to tell each other who we're with. First and last names, no hiding our partners.
Our partners must be aware that we're in a long-term relationship, that they're just a side piece, and that our relationship is Open.
No sex with our side partners at our home (only really needed if you on-line together).
If either of us breaks a rule intentionally or lies about our partners or activities, our relationship is over.”
…
You should probably come up with your own rules if you stay with this guy (please don't) but there's some suggestions for you.
Post is too vague. Hard to offer any meaningful advice.
How did he come the closest when you pointed out a piece in which I said “ but I kept him updated then and there about what I’ve been doing for him for v day”.
Something then and there doesn’t mean I’m speaking about it everyday. I mention my excitement and I move on.
It might not be a national holiday, buts it’s something that’s still being celebrated. Is that not considered a holiday?
Not true. Often, even when there's joint custody, a baby's best interest is to be in one household during the first year of their life at least, after which the custody arrangement is reassessed.
Was thinkin this. I've never kissed/slept in the same bed as a woman where at some point down the line intercourse wasn't involved.
Doesn't matter since it was before you, still…
Focus on things you have in common. Discuss Boruto's dad. Can't go wrong with that one.
Sis probably thinks that you're only able to forgive her betrayals and try to help her bc you must have done something wrong too. How could you forgive her and try to be there for her unless you were also guilty of something? Bc if you had done that to her, she would probably feel that you could never be forgiven or trusted or worthy of understanding.
Your brother is right. Leave it alone bc all they want to do is blame you for everything instead of facing their own problems and fuckups head on. You have nothing to do with your ex abusing her, you tried to help to no avail, and you're being shit on hard by everyone. Even when you know that stuff isn't true, of course it hurts to hear your family say awful things about you and think of you that way.
Good luck OP. Hold on to your brother.
Even if you don’t break up from this, do not marry her until that debt is paid down enough to a manageable level. Once you’re hitched, her debt is your debt. Question: not that you’re obligated to in any way but are you paying anything toward her debt?
Police
I would put some serious distance between the two of you. I’ve had some very close, trusting friendships and never once have I experienced anything like this.
Just tell him you’re aware of what’s going on with him and his co worker and that your relationship is over.
End of conversation. You don’t have to tell him how you know but I’d do it in person to see the look on his face.
Just say you won’t tolerate a cheater and walk away with your head held high.
I also studied stem but it was a more multidisciplinary program and I’m so fucking thankful for it. Not just that CS probably wouldn’t have been right for me, but holy fuck people like this (OP) are the fucking WORST, it’s this attitude I cannot stand.
If you want out, get out. Yes, from your description, it sounds like she at the bare minimum has emotionally cheated. From the way she spoke to her friend, it definitely sounds like the “distraction” could have gone further than texting. It doesn't matter whether you were married yet. You were still in a monogamous relationship.
Side note: Is she an alcoholic?
Just because this confused young woman has fallen prey to another of the office lotharios doesn't mean she's the shift bicycle and everyone gets a turn. It's always a terrible idea to have personal relationships with coworkers. It's always a terrible idea for a F20 to date anyone over about 23. Don't destroy your career by trying to keep this going.
He needs to find a different “girlfriend”.
Most institutions can set up a payment plan. Start paying your parents a fair rent and they can put that money towards the debt.
Only give money that you are comfortable never seeing again.
Are you sure this money will be going to back taxes or is this from something else like gambling debt? Does your mom know what’s going on?
First you need to somehow be sure of her feeling towards you. Should be obvious from her actions if you guys still get to hang out. And if she already has another bf, you can stop thinking about her. Maybe try to somehow get in contact with her first if you haven't already.
Get another job or if you can’t minimize all contact you can with the Boss
I stayed home and only cooked because I was resentful of society and scared of rejectio
What?? This is just weird.
You don't. You can't solve his insecurities.
So that comes down to a personal understanding between you two. Just because it’s happened before doesn’t mean she’ll betray you like that. She was probably single at the time. I like to think of it like this. “Don’t get suspicious if she hasn’t given you a reason to”. Trust is everything in a relationship, and you can have trust if you’ve done drugs before. If you think your gf is the type of person to let someone do that while you guys are dating, then you may want to leave and find greener pastures
Yes, ask her out. Life is short. It's really not a big deal if it doesn't work out. It will only be weird if you make it weird.
He sounds very depressed. I’ve been where he’s at. He needs some psychological help.
OP,
If they know your living/sleeping together then why hide it. Just be honest and tell them in the middle of the night she elbowed you in your sleep and move on.
Texas
Even Dave Ramsey wife has her own bank account with some money.
Fuck that guy be happy in your relationship, I don’t know you so I have no reason to suspect you are a bad person
Took a chance I guess
He has legally already agreed to the children, when the eggs were fertilized. He might have changed his mind, but the consent was checked before the procedure. Legally he should never have consented if he assumed he might change his mind
Not at all.
This retreat has a full intake team with therapists and on site doctors, nurses, and paramedics. It's structured, not some burning man thing
When will it be the best timing to do so
My ex did something similar to me, and I continued to date him for another year, even remaining friends after I finally ended things. I was in denial that it was wrap because I didn't physically fight back. I told him NO many times but eventually just laid there silent crying. He did rape you, and in no way is any part of this situation your fault. You do need to get away from him. He will likely do this whenever you decline sex. Your consent is important! You matter! Someone who really loves you wouldn't do this.
If it makes u feel any better me and my boyfriend haven't had sex in 3 years lol. And we are only mid 30s
Please stop giving advice. It’s horrible.
Don't make it complicated. It will open it up for her and her friends interpretation of how it's your fault somehow. Make it short and Sweet.
“I'm sorry to hear that you feel this way. I'm blindsided and wish you'd have been a little more honest with me in the past, but no hard feelings. Best wishes for a happy future”
Also, 3 months.. you dodged a bullet train!
You asked this yesterday. Why you posting it again?
Her trying to isolate him from a rational outside perspective is a classic when it comes to abusers. It makes him easier to control if there isn't anyone else to challenge all the gaslighting etc. Basically the same you see with cults and how they isolate their members from family and friends.
He sounds like he is trauma bonded to her which is something that can happen between victim and abuser. I recommend reading up on that to better understand why he is putting up with being treated so poorly. As others have said then you will unlikely be able to make him see reason but you can be supportive still and be ready to help pick him up when the relationship will inevitably fall apart.
she's embarrassed. don't try too hard to apologize. just say hi and bye, be nice to her but don't try to start a conversation. u shud b fine
You didn’t do anything wrong. She was only half into having a relationship with you. Good retreat. Onwards and upwards.