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Molly, 18 y.o.
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Date: October 16, 2022
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I get it plenty lol… which is probably how I’ve ended up married with a wife that understand I’m invested in this relationship. She’s known it from the beginning. Pretty sure I also stated in my OC that it makes no difference to me whether it’s a girlfriend or a wife. Taking a look at the context of OP’s post, maybe it’s just me, but it sounds like after dating this person for the last few months, they’ve made it official. At the very least, that’s her implications and intentions for their relationship.
Feel like I’ve said this in a few comments now, but at some point in your relationship (dating/girlfriend/wife), you’re going to need to start treating them like a long-term partner, which means telling them the things you would tell a long term partner. I don’t keep secrets from my wife, or lie to them for our friends.. nor did I when we were dating. What I think people here don’t seem to understand is a relationship will end or your person will lose faith in your relationship if they learn you’re willing to omit information from them that is their right to know when deciding if they want to pursue a relationship with you. Information coming out later than would’ve persuaded them to not pursue a relationship with you is almost a guaranteed way to end a relationship.
In my opinion, it’s better to start treating them like a long term partner and act with that same intention from the very beginning if you have any hope in actually turning that relationship into a long term relationship. Just because it’s worked for me, doesn’t mean it’s worked for everyone.. but it’s worked for me. Secrecy and lies by omission are a very easy way to kill a relationship. It’s also her right to know and decide whether or not she wants to pursue a relationship with someone who has essentially engaged in sex with his best friend. The fall-out from finding out months or years later can be way more catastrophic, probably lead to insecurity and trust issues as well toward other potential future partners.. on a human level, it’s pretty fucked up to be okay with that. Relationships are about looking outside yourself toward your partner. But everyone is allowed to have their opinion ?♂️
Am I wrong though?
Reality being that she sleeps with 2.5 dudes a year on average, and doesn’t value sex as an intimate act like OP, right?
Gifts can be returned. If the relationship is not right, its better to end it than prolong it.
In my personal experience, that note was passively left for you to find. Your bf is spinless.
That is a really dangerous word that does not match your reaction to her reaction at all. Insecure is the word, which you are already aware of. Her friend obviously wants your GF to feel better, but your GF is going to have to take it upon herself to look up the definition and signs. I had to do that and discovered that my husband may actually be a narcissist.
It sounds like you're in a very tricky situation, and it's clear that this is an important topic for both of you. The truth is that neither one of you are wrong (or right) here – it's complicated! What matters most to me, first and foremost, is your health and well-being. I would encourage you to take some time apart from the conversation or conflict with your partner- take a few days if needs be- so that everyone involved can have some space and perspective on the issue. That way,you can come back together at a later stage when things don't feel as emotionally charged, talk through what happened calmly and rationally in order to understand each another properly. Gather different perspectives but ultimately make sure whatever decision has been made suits both of you best by making sure all considerations have been taken into account given their individual pasts and experiences with his brother.
I'm really sorry for how your relationship ended… Resentment is a very real concern that we are actively trying to tackle by communicating openly, honestly and regularly Just keeping our fingers crossed and soon, hopefully our bodies too 😉
Exactly! An abusive husband is NOT a good dad. Divorce for the child, to save history repeating itself.
I have felt that the addiction has caused resentment and led her to say those things about me cheating, She know how shy I am and how unlikely IT is for me to randomly start a seeing someone behind her Back.
I also originally thought that the ex would be The last person on earth she would want to ever meet again,but apparently that has changed. I am really torn about The matter at The moment, I talked to her about she mentioning The opening our marriage and how it felt off-key for her to Even being it up,but she kinda just shrugged it off and breezed on to other subject. So I can't tell If it was just a moment of desperation to say that to feel less violated and cheated on,or is she actually done/thinking of doing something.
I appreciate your comment. I’m the person that this happened to but I was too embarrassed to write under my point of view. I realized how much of a doormat I was and I wasn’t sure if my feelings were valid. She made me feel like I was unreasonable and a bad person for being hurt, so I quoted what she said to me over text. You all have helped me realize that my emotions are valid and that blocking her was the best decision. What I listed was only a small part of things, but she had the audacity to ask me for money a couple days before she told me about her date.
Just wait. Have a nice Christmas together and then break the news after.
The way you talk about being unable to let him go is something you should discuss in therapy. I’ve been that way and have a lot of trauma and found out I have bpd. You sound a LOT like me and if that’s not a warning sign idk how to convince you. I get that no internet stranger will talk you into leaving but the expression of your attachment is definitely one of the signs.
I honestly had to check to make sure this wasn't a troll post. You're literally mad at the poor guy because he's excited your date went well?
Would you prefer he ignore you and date other people while playing naked to get and pretending he doesn't actually like you?
Please end things now and let him go find someone else who deserves him.
He doesn't want more than friendship so what more is there to be said? If you can't accept just being friends then you should tell him that and then move on.
I managed to speak to her after mooooonths of this incident but again it was me initiating a conversation about this – she said they didn't actually make out and that it'll probably never happen between them. I told her if it does she can tell me and I might leave the space physically but it won't affect the friendship but I think we've outgrown each other as friends. Him and I spoke and I told him we're done so he should hit on the girls if that's his wish but the friendship didn't work out – he wanted me to apologize for my behavior that night but I couldn't do that personally. It's not about being right but I was so overwhelmed and I was just asking them if they made out after he threw it in my face. Before that I was confused but I was trying to get along with everyone. So idk. I hope I don't seem bitchy towards anyone? I don't want to be bitchy Or mean especially to the girls
It’s not normal, it’s incest, and gross. You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t bring it up and stayed complicit. His mom needs to finds other male attention other than her son. If he gets angry at you and defends his mom then he can go ahead fuck around with his mom but you’re getting the fuck out. He’ll enjoy having you explain it to your divorce lawyer.
It’s not normal, it’s incest, and gross. You wouldn’t be normal if you didn’t bring it up and stayed complicit. His mom needs to finds other male attention other than her son. If he gets angry at you and defends his mom then he can go ahead fuck around with his mom but you’re getting the fuck out. He’ll enjoy having you explain it to your divorce lawyer.
Honestly I would just “accidentally” send a link to this post and forget that you did so you don’t have to think about it and can focus on what to do next
In my state, you cannot go into a court and ask them to waive your parental rights and obligations. It is a process that only the court can start and they do it for cases of parents fighting to keep kids who keep getting pulled from their care to help stop the cycle of abuse, it's not for cases like yours of people who just don't want to be parents. It's a legal intervention to protect children when nothing else is working.
That said, they can't and won't force custody on someone who doesn't want the child, as that wouldn't serve the best interest of the baby either, but just like the case of an absentee father, you will likely be legally responsible for financially supporting the child you helped create. It's not the child's fault they are here and they now need things that cost money that you are obligated to provide. If you don't want your ex taking your to court for the support he is rightfully owed, you should at least work out an arrangement with him through a lawyer that works for everyone, including your child.
Well what’s the difference between the two? If you sleep with someone else I’ll break up with you. Vs If you go to the bar without me I’ll break up with you. Why is the former ok and the latter controlling? Unless he physically abuses her he can’t stop her from going to the bar. But if he finds out then he can decide for himself if he wants to be in the relationship.
Block her for your sake.
If only there was a way to have a video call so that OP could still witness the wedding remotely, before or after her graduation ceremony. And maybe OP’s family could witness her graduation before or after the wedding ceremony.
If only there was a worldwide communication network that would allow that type of technology. If only …
Don't be so desperate to have her as a friend. Just be friendly and platonic. If you're compatible as friends (and she wants you as a friend) it'll be organic.
That whole, “I opened up one night…(that) I enjoyed her company and appreciated her and let her know if she need to talk I’m there for her”…do you talk to your potential men friends like that?
I love that! I’m going to use that from now on about grief being a spiral.
Ok then delete and apologize because he literally said in multiple comments that he think she’s still in love with her ex. Just go look at his comment history.
She could've cheated (in whatever way cheating might be to you) or she could've just gotten too in her head and decided to self-sabotage. I think you'll have to come to terms with being okay with not knowing. At the end of the day, she didn't want to be with you. Her love for you wasn't enough to make her communicate or trust you. She decided to walk away and not care how it affected you. Grieve the relationship and do your best to move on. You don't need to talk to her to get whatever “closure” you think you need in order to move on either. Just do what you need to do in order to heal.
Who the hell downvoted this comment. It's at zero. It's fine and reasonable for your friends and family to not want to give someone who is unpredictable their address. Also there is no point. If he won't pass the things over to a friend (or leave them in the mailbox or on the porch for the friend to pick up, so he wouldn't need to have any interaction with the friend) he is not going to mail the items. It's a control thing.
Like I explained in another comment and probably have to explain again; No, that was not a serious question. I automatically assumed he would react naturally to the current context. But he did a 180°. I know I'm not the hottest or sexiest woman out there obviously, but I wanted to be to him, only for that moment to 'get back at' his cat.(Our inside joke) Just like he is perfect to me. There is not a single strand of hair on his body that I would change. I am fully content and satisfied and love how he looks, down to the exact atom. I am completely in love with every “imperfection” he has. They're perfect to me. I wouldn't change or edit them for anything.
I do not see him as the world objectively sees him. I see him as the one person I truly love. Because of this, nothing beats him.
(Also, he did date a drop-dead gorgeous person. They broke up because she cheated.)
It only gets worse from here. He now knows that you are trapped and is testing to see if you stay all while you wait and wait for that man you knew before to return.
Divorce is way more expensive then whatever you have paid out for this wedding. You might need to think about paying people back or still having a party.
Run!
Did I do the right thing by sticking to my guns and ending the relationship?
Yeah, it's important to be on the same page about things like this. “If I get pregnant, I'm having your baby and moving across the country” isn't going to be ideal for most people.
She sounds pretty entitled but bruh with 24 millions (if I'm understanding this right) you could retire right now if you keep your investments going. You could've retired a good couple years ago tbh, all you had to do was buy a couple of houses and rent them.
Go over to r/sex and take a look at any of the videos posted on there. Many of the girls are doing less than you are and looking for guys to subscribe for jerk off material. Sorry, but this is definitely more than what is covered by naked modelling if that was the only reference you gave to your bf.
She won't go because in her mind it's all his fault, not hers. She feels she's justified because according to her their marriage is terrible. Instead of being an adult and talking to him about things, she chooses to cheat.
My issue here is how glowingly to speak about the guy, thats tells me there was an instant attraction on your part.
The second he asked for your number after you said I'm married should have sent up creep alarms.
Poor boundaries are poor boundaries.
Keep him blocked in all platforms. Don't date controlling people that try to act like your dad.
Ok, then I guess you are with her.
Or give the car to me
Significant personality changes often feel like the “person” is no longer the person you chose.
Its not like regular illness even when it has a physical cause.
My hubby and I always agreed we would stick by each other to the end if we were completely disabled or need 24/7 care but even we ( after 36 years together) feel that once the brain is seriously altered by dementia , brain injury or serious ongoing mental illness then we are allowed to part if we need to.
You are not even married you have made no promises and she is not your dependant. She needs to be with someone who knowingly choses her for who she is AND might become.
Not a great situation to bring kids into if you want them either. Be honest and say you wanted to be there for her ans still do but you can't handle such an uncertain future.
You also deserve a good life.
You gotta talk it out with someone. Your wife did nothing wrong so it’s not like you need advice on leaving her. But you need to process your feelings. You can’t stuff them down. That leads to resentment. So set aside time either alone, with a therapist, or a trusted friend and hash it all out. You’ll probably find afterwards you don’t feel as strongly, and in time you won’t be bothered with it. You’ll make more good memories to replace it.
Because my brother cares what she does and what happens to the house.
I’ve told him I want him to get his stuff while I’m not in the house.
This is a man I was telling my mum I wanted to marry a week ago. This is all very scary and upsetting. But I have to thank all of you for supporting me.