Have a really open and honest chat about it – as honest as you are with Reddit. Tell her how you feel and why but be careful not to point any fingers or throw any accusations. Allow her to tell you the full story as hers may differ from her roommates account and ask why she didn’t tell you before – it could be something as silly as her not wanting you to overthink the friendship to protect your feelings when it really is platonic (still not a good idea to lie but an understandable mistake).
Try not to make any rash decisions fuelled by emotion. Once you have all the details consider what you need moving forward – is a friend with an ex a dealbreaker for you or is it something you could be ok with? What can she do to make you feel more secure in the relationship? And how can you build trust moving forward and ensure no more nasty surprises?
He’s not supportive practically, by pulling his weight in the household, and he’s not supportive emotionally, by listening to and respecting your feelings and needs. So, in what ways do you feel supported by him?
it's really a mystery to me how people remain saine
That’s so funny, because I was thinking the same about you. It’s a real mystery to me why some people keep loving someone who doesn’t love them back? As soon as I’m rejected, they’re out of my mind. I only love when I get love back. I don’t get limerence at all. So I can’t really help you except to say, you’re wasting all that energy on someone who doesn’t love you and doesn’t even want to be with you.
Why don’t you push yourself to date rather than fall back on a convenient excuse that you couldn’t possibly date when you’re in love with someone else. You don’t have to be interested in doing it, you just have to do it. Like going to the gym. I think it’s unhealthy for to to decide that you’re staying in this bubble you’ve created for yourself.
Libido fluctuates for many factors outside of you has her partner. You’re over-reacting prematurely. If it persists then maybe be concerned but it’s only been a week and a half.
I kind of think you have to tell her. Even if he later gaslights you.
You might want to reconsider that trip – maybe just go with your own boyfriend. If your friend's BF begins to get hostile toward you, that could be very difficult.
this is frustrating situation and my heart goes out to you and your family…relationships and parenting takes 2 to tango…and whats crappy is you cant control another person…just yourself. i wouldnt do anything without writing your pros and cons down and talking to someone. maybe couples therapy may help…or even something for yourself to weigh your options and see whats best…
but you are not responsible for your husbands tapping out. he needs to put work in…it requires work…everything…relationships especially. theres only so much you can do on your end before you explode and are done. i know im helpful…i just want you to know i read it…i feel bad for you and your family. this is a tough decision and i wish clarity for you.
Fights in a relationship are normal. Being abused and groomed isn't.
Because he abuses you by subjecting you to screaming and temper tantrums.
It’s a little intense.
Yeah..he won't 🥲he thinks because he “fed us, clothed us and educated us” we owe him this much
How did she explain getting in the car with the guy?
Have a really open and honest chat about it – as honest as you are with Reddit. Tell her how you feel and why but be careful not to point any fingers or throw any accusations. Allow her to tell you the full story as hers may differ from her roommates account and ask why she didn’t tell you before – it could be something as silly as her not wanting you to overthink the friendship to protect your feelings when it really is platonic (still not a good idea to lie but an understandable mistake).
Try not to make any rash decisions fuelled by emotion. Once you have all the details consider what you need moving forward – is a friend with an ex a dealbreaker for you or is it something you could be ok with? What can she do to make you feel more secure in the relationship? And how can you build trust moving forward and ensure no more nasty surprises?
Good luck!
Forgive her. She was probably only to give him a blowie.
Right . It just that he makes me feel like I’m not a good girlfriend because I don’t give him sex as often as he wants
That he’s not the center of attention
“He is supportive in every other way”
He’s not supportive practically, by pulling his weight in the household, and he’s not supportive emotionally, by listening to and respecting your feelings and needs. So, in what ways do you feel supported by him?
Takes two people to make a marriage work
it's really a mystery to me how people remain saine
That’s so funny, because I was thinking the same about you. It’s a real mystery to me why some people keep loving someone who doesn’t love them back? As soon as I’m rejected, they’re out of my mind. I only love when I get love back. I don’t get limerence at all. So I can’t really help you except to say, you’re wasting all that energy on someone who doesn’t love you and doesn’t even want to be with you.
Why don’t you push yourself to date rather than fall back on a convenient excuse that you couldn’t possibly date when you’re in love with someone else. You don’t have to be interested in doing it, you just have to do it. Like going to the gym. I think it’s unhealthy for to to decide that you’re staying in this bubble you’ve created for yourself.
Omg you’re only 20, forget him and his baggage and go live! your life!! You’ll end up with someone who actually appreciates you! Damn
Just don't have sex during your period?
Libido fluctuates for many factors outside of you has her partner. You’re over-reacting prematurely. If it persists then maybe be concerned but it’s only been a week and a half.
I hope OP reads this.
Now: losing a child often brakes couples up.
Both have different ways to deal with things.
He may feel so guilty, that he couldn't protect his beloved girl and woman, that he now has turned to straight out denying his girl ever existed.
As he hates himself for this… he projects it onto OP.
He may even swing it to reproaching her to have gone to work on that cursed day.
Him grieving his way, you grieving your way is one thing.
But grief is exactly NO excuse to abuse and mistreat you. Or make you miserable.
Either get help and get HIM out of the apartment. Or get help and move.
It can't stay like that. He can't hold your things hostage but throw you out. No go.
Get a job. Make an exit plan.
And you want to BREAK UP?
I stopped reading after she took him back
I kind of think you have to tell her. Even if he later gaslights you.
You might want to reconsider that trip – maybe just go with your own boyfriend. If your friend's BF begins to get hostile toward you, that could be very difficult.
this is frustrating situation and my heart goes out to you and your family…relationships and parenting takes 2 to tango…and whats crappy is you cant control another person…just yourself. i wouldnt do anything without writing your pros and cons down and talking to someone. maybe couples therapy may help…or even something for yourself to weigh your options and see whats best…
but you are not responsible for your husbands tapping out. he needs to put work in…it requires work…everything…relationships especially. theres only so much you can do on your end before you explode and are done. i know im helpful…i just want you to know i read it…i feel bad for you and your family. this is a tough decision and i wish clarity for you.