My wife and I are high school sweethearts and have been married since she graduated HS (about 4 years). We decided about 2 years ago that we were ready to start trying for a baby. Everything up to this point in the marriage was great. She was the perfect partner, supportive and caring. Everything has changed in the last year-ish.
We have been trying for a baby for a little over 2 years now with no luck. After the first year, we followed the general advice that something may be wrong, so we started going to fertility doctors. We have both been tested inside and out and there is nothing found as a reason why we aren’t conceiving. “Unexplained fertility.” It seems that she may be blaming me for this, which probably explains her behavior towards me.
In the last year or so she has made me stop drinking caffeine (no coffee/tea/energy drinks) even though the doctors advised that caffeine intake for me should be fine as long as it’s below 400mg/day. She has made me stop taking my prescription medication. She now controls what I eat; she makes our meals, but For example, last night I wanted an extra slice of pie and she said “No.”. (For the record we’re both fit/slim).
She has read random articles on the internet or has superstitious beliefs or something related to all of the items above that she no longer allows me to do. When I push back and say that I depend on caffeine to get through my day or that I really want to take my meds to keep my skin condition under control, or sometimes I really just want an extra snack after a long day, I’m met with “You shouldn’t do that, it can have a negative impact on us conceiving. Don’t you care about starting a family with me? If you did you should try everything in your power to help. Even if it is a small chance that it’s right, wouldn’t you want to do that for us?”
I can understand where she’s coming from, and I acknowledge that she is also giving up things. But after more than a year of giving up these things, I am miserable. I miss my caffeine. I miss my clear skin. I miss being able to choose what I do. I feel like I have lost agency over my own body. And when I try to vocalize this and stand up for myself, I’m always met with the same guilt trip.
I just really needed to vent and I guess hope that someone out there who maybe has similar experiences can help me cope or give me some solid advice. Thanks for reading this.
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