We were married for 7 years and divorced about 15 years ago. The reason at the time was our vision for the future wasn't compatible. I wanted a family, white picket fence, etc. She wanted to remain free and travel until her last day. (FYI at the time we were married she shared my side of the vision). There is a cliche about remaining friends but honestly I think we did at the beginning. She met someone and married him in 2010. He was older and had money and gave her that lifestyle. We were close enough that I was invited to the wedding and made a brief toast. Obviously with him in her life we drifted apart and basically played facebook tag.
When we divorced I was depressed and got therapy, but after she was married and gallivanting around Europe and the Caribbean I got really depressed. Therapy only helped so much. It took about five years to really pull through and be myself. I tried dating again and it never worked out, I honestly felt that I could never have been happier with anyone than I was with her. I regretted putting my foot down about how I wanted to live!.
Meanwhile, she was facebook documenting their attempts to get pregnant, the one thing she was dead set against at all costs (to the point that she wanted to get her tubes tied 'just in case'). Fertilization clinics, IVF, etc but nothing took. They announced they had gotten a surrogate to carry their child, and tragically the child was stillborn.
Her husband passed away privately in 2021. People only found out a month after his very private burial. I messaged her saying I would be there for her if she needed someone to talk to. I did not hear back. Aside from posting inspirational messages, etc, she went dark.
On my birthday this year I received a card from her wishing me a happy birthday, thanking me for being such an important part of her life, and saying maybe we'll be in touch soon.
This last friday she called me, it was the first time I spoke to her directly in over a decade. It was light conversation, I didn't bring up much of the last ten years, but she asked if I was free to get coffee or a drink today (tuesday), she was going to be back near where I live Mon-Thurs. I agreed.
Since then we've texted a bit back and forth being slightly more intimate. I get the sense she's testing the waters so to speak to see if there is interest there. From my end it is a double edged sword. There really would be interest in seeing where it might go but I don't think I could handle losing her a second time.
I've asked a few friends and they've been split down the middle. Don't get involved again vs. see what happens.
What do you think? Has anyone every been in this situation where a relationship was rekindled after so long and what did you do? What red flags or things to worry about should I be looking for?
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