He paid a trans (MTF) sex worker $200 for penetrative, anal sex. He had met her at a hotel, and left after 10 minutes (he states). He said he wore a condom, had no other sexual interaction with her (other than anal), and couldn't come or stay naked, so he left.
Rewind to how I found out: through his recently deleted messages.
He had gotten drunk with his friends this past weekend and starting acting strange when I picked him up at a bar he got dropped off at. On the ride home, he went apeshit and kept trying to take off his seatbelt and opening the passenger door. I knew something was up.
We got home and he ended up running away and left his phone behind. Me, thinking that maybe he did some drugs, I picked up his phone from the passenger seat to find out if that was true.
Curiosity got the best of me and I opened up his recently deleted messages. A random number with multiple attachments and a video stood out. And lo and behold, there was his conversation with the sex worker.
In the messages he stated it was his "first time" and was "experimenting". He sent her a shower selfie and confirmed a time to meet her (before he had to go into work). After said interaction he messaged her saying that the intercourse left him "so hot and horny". She suggested another "round" and he said when he had more "$". These messages were all from the same day, but she did message him two days later 4 pictures of herself. No response from him, but this was the same day he went drinking with his buddies.
I have been crying and arguing with him about how devastating this all is. How could he put my health at risk I ask him. How could 4 years together not be more valuable than a sexual interaction with a complete stranger? Was he never going to tell me, and the cherry-on-top, he was going to keep doing it too?
This man has given me the most unconditional love and we've been through a lot of growing pains. I thought we were in such a beautiful place in our relationship that he would have at least sat down and talked to me about his sexual desires. I will admit 2 years back, I found out he was watching trans porn, but when I asked him if this is what he wanted physically he said "no", "it's just a fantasy". Same when I found an escort site on his phone that he denied he would ever pay for sex and was just "looking and laughing". I believed him. He seemed so selfless and honest and on love with me.
The red flags were present but I ignored my predictions (I foresaw the scenario), but I kept thinking I was being paranoid. But breaking up with this man I share a home with is harder than I thought it would be. I still have love for him and my anger is practically nonexistent. I always thought I would burn the house down if I ever caught him cheating, but I would rather hold him and cry.
He tells me that he messaged her back only to feel confident and didn't want to see her again. But I just have a hot time believing that. He said the sex wasn't worth it, but I don't know if I can believe he wasn't satisfied. Apparently, it wasn't what he expected. But how true is his statement?
Does anyone have advice?
submitted by /u/chanidyoll
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