So she’s upset and hurt by you wanting to see her phone but she’s ok with looking through yours? She’s ok with maybe you be upset and hurt by the same thing? And why would t she be able to pull up instagram when she gets the phone back?
She’s acting shady as hell. She looks at your phone because she thinks maybe you’re cheating…just like she is. I’m sorry but that’s usually the case when people act like this. She’s projecting her guilt onto you as a way to place all the blame on you and not take any responsibility for her own actions.
If she was innocent, she’d say, “I’m not cheating. Here. Look at my phone all you want. And I won’t even delete anything before I hand it over.”
She’s obviously doing something on there she doesn’t want you to see or she wouldn’t be so defensive.
Honestly, most men won't care in the slightest. In fact, since most men seem to prefer low body counts, he may prefer it. Just tell him and it'll feel like nothing, I'm sure.
I can totally understand your view and i bet it is the same way for her. Before that we had nothing to worry about we were feeling great and i feel like we were treating us great. But i can fully understand it when you said that it isnt healthy to go back because of my dishonesty
The only person I feel sorry for I'm this whole situation is that child being brought in to this mess of a relationship. You're saying now that you'll take care of the child if it's yours but you're also an addict and adding new stress when you've only been sober for a couple months sounds like a recipe for disaster.
I'm not going to tell you what to do about your relationship because honestly you both deserve each other but as for the baby, y'all need to get therapy and make sure you have a good support system in place, because you and that child will need it.
I feel like you should definitely cut all ties with him and his family. Stuff can be replaced, your mental and physical health is more important. Maybe it is an idea to go somewhere quiet and do some serious soul searching, an option is to go to a retreat. Something based on meditation, yoga. I did this 6 years ago and it was a great experience.
Be single for a while, you need to find yourself, love yourself and heal. Heal from all the stress you have been tru lately.
I hope you can pick yourself up and online a great life after this.
unless she’s told you they are in an open marriage or would be open to it, there’s really no reason to push the issue. you have every right to let her know your feelings if that’s what you want, i wouldn’t be surprised if her reaction would be “why are you even telling me this? you know i’m married” and she would see it as an attack on her marriage.
think about it from her perspective, she’s in a monogamous marriage so unless you want to change that (either have her open up the marriage or run away with you), why would you bring it up? if i were you, i would think long and nude about what you want out of confessing your feelings and whether or not that lines up with the person you want to be.
I finally got him to admit that he went today (while he was working mind you) and got a “two minute hand job and he didn’t even finish.”
I never understood the purpose behind the “BUT I DIDN'T EVEN FINISH!!!” lie.
Do they think it's somehow less bad if they didn't come? Or do they think it's not cheating?
Do they realize this would mean the majority of women who have sex with other men aren't cheating?
Anyways, he cheated and he trickle truthed you. Not only did he chest he used money that could have gone towards the baby to pay someone to handle his junk.
The cheating is bad. But the trickle truthing means even the most dedicated betrayed spouse couldn't get this relationship back on track.
He didn't own up to it on his own and when caught he's still lying.
You really think that what your doing is right? You know he is married. You really think someone that's cheating will be faithful to you. You can't change people.
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I think reasonable people can see that big age gaps can work, but it's rare and risky for the long term. It's also the reason why it's not so common because people evolve as they grow older and gain experience and it's rare to get two people together that are far apart in life and yet they match.
TLDR – it aint impossible to make it work, just rare, harder.
Your mom went out of her way to ruin every aspect of your wedding. She humiliated your wife. You did the bare minimum to protect your wife from your mother and allowed her to ruin your wedding. Then, when your wife gave you hint after hint that your mom needed consequences for her actions, you ignored it like everything would just blow over. You showed your wife a glimpse into her future and she realized that no matter what, you’re never going to put her first.
At this point, unless you cut your family off, which you should do, your wife is gone! Even now, it may be way too late.
You can try to allude to mental illness on your wife’s part, but until you accept that your mom is a raging narcissist who will never change and will always go to drastic measures to bully and intimidate everyone around her, you’ll never be happy with your wife or anyone else.
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I feel like I'm losing my mind here. There are so many comments about the husband sleeping with other people but I've re-read the post three times now and cannot find that written anywhere. Did OP edit the post or something?
I don’t understand from this if you are attracted to him or not. It kinda sounds like you are interested in the possibility, but maybe there is a lot of missing info, like you haven’t seen each other.
I don’t really understand the concept of online relationships, so take that into account, but I would just offer to have him come out.
Skip the worrying about what he means, you are clearly people who like spending time together. Just respond with something like, “better yet, come visit me.” If he agrees , have a conversation when he’s there or before about what you both want out of the visit.
Worst case, you get to hang with a friend for a few days.
As far as overthinking it, most guys don’t make marriage certificates if they aren’t interested. I think this is his way of feeling you out, while being able to say it was a joke if you reject him.
No you are not being jealous! He has no right to demand his ex-wife's presence at his wedding. Why would his new wife even want you to be there? Friendly or not, it's understandable that you'd feel weird about this.
the only difference between a 17 yr old and an 18 yr old is legality. that’s why he went after you—the law is the only thing stopping him from going after someone younger. if that doesn’t creep you out now, it will in a few years
As others have said, just be aware that he might try again in the future if you let any kind of barriers down. Stay firm with the boundaries you’ve set and don’t mistake any future friendliness for growth. I’ve been in a similar situation myself with this type of person and I’ve always regretted giving them the benefit of the doubt!
That's the main reason why I started feeling nervous. I don't want to ruin my marriage, that's for sure. But it was my wife's idea and she's the one who did all of the planning so I thought it would be okay.
It’s ok to not be ready or willing to commit to marriage.
It’s not ok to not be upfront with her about your unwillingness to commit. Anything less than a frank discussion about that now would be stringing her along and wasting her time, especially about the children question – stop assuming and projecting about that.
Don't stigmatise people with ADHD and PTSD. Not everyone needs medication or therapy and not everyone turns into monsters. He's a bad person, his mental illness isn't to blame. He is.
My best friend is very pale in complexion but she is from El Salvador and a native Spanish speaker. I can just picture someone trying to tell her she’s white because she’s pale and she likes Metallica ? that conversation would not go well. Quickest way to get cussed out in Spanish
So the guy that assaulted you, happened to “accidentally spill” his beer on your bf. No such thing as coincidence. My guess is, your bf went to confront the dude, who thought he was untouchable. He fucked around, and he found out.
It’s not a love triangle it’s called cheating and you’re cheating on your partner. You should tell him and then you should break up with him because it’s despicable to cheat on someone.
Court is what will work. Let that play out if it comes to it.
They are already married and still she is pregnant from another person? They didn't waste any time, hm?
So she’s upset and hurt by you wanting to see her phone but she’s ok with looking through yours? She’s ok with maybe you be upset and hurt by the same thing? And why would t she be able to pull up instagram when she gets the phone back?
She’s acting shady as hell. She looks at your phone because she thinks maybe you’re cheating…just like she is. I’m sorry but that’s usually the case when people act like this. She’s projecting her guilt onto you as a way to place all the blame on you and not take any responsibility for her own actions.
If she was innocent, she’d say, “I’m not cheating. Here. Look at my phone all you want. And I won’t even delete anything before I hand it over.”
She’s obviously doing something on there she doesn’t want you to see or she wouldn’t be so defensive.
Honestly, most men won't care in the slightest. In fact, since most men seem to prefer low body counts, he may prefer it. Just tell him and it'll feel like nothing, I'm sure.
Sounds like a toxic person, cut them loose. You have no obligation to them.
yeah this guy really sounds like a dick – i don’t blame you for questioning this decision
I can totally understand your view and i bet it is the same way for her. Before that we had nothing to worry about we were feeling great and i feel like we were treating us great. But i can fully understand it when you said that it isnt healthy to go back because of my dishonesty
The only person I feel sorry for I'm this whole situation is that child being brought in to this mess of a relationship. You're saying now that you'll take care of the child if it's yours but you're also an addict and adding new stress when you've only been sober for a couple months sounds like a recipe for disaster.
I'm not going to tell you what to do about your relationship because honestly you both deserve each other but as for the baby, y'all need to get therapy and make sure you have a good support system in place, because you and that child will need it.
I feel like you should definitely cut all ties with him and his family. Stuff can be replaced, your mental and physical health is more important. Maybe it is an idea to go somewhere quiet and do some serious soul searching, an option is to go to a retreat. Something based on meditation, yoga. I did this 6 years ago and it was a great experience.
Be single for a while, you need to find yourself, love yourself and heal. Heal from all the stress you have been tru lately.
I hope you can pick yourself up and online a great life after this.
You are worth it ❤️.
You should’ve replied “looks like you might need to get that checked out” then block him
She told you for a reason
Put a clown emoji reaction
Don’t be a fucking homewrecker
unless she’s told you they are in an open marriage or would be open to it, there’s really no reason to push the issue. you have every right to let her know your feelings if that’s what you want, i wouldn’t be surprised if her reaction would be “why are you even telling me this? you know i’m married” and she would see it as an attack on her marriage.
think about it from her perspective, she’s in a monogamous marriage so unless you want to change that (either have her open up the marriage or run away with you), why would you bring it up? if i were you, i would think long and nude about what you want out of confessing your feelings and whether or not that lines up with the person you want to be.
I finally got him to admit that he went today (while he was working mind you) and got a “two minute hand job and he didn’t even finish.”
I never understood the purpose behind the “BUT I DIDN'T EVEN FINISH!!!” lie.
Do they think it's somehow less bad if they didn't come? Or do they think it's not cheating?
Do they realize this would mean the majority of women who have sex with other men aren't cheating?
Anyways, he cheated and he trickle truthed you. Not only did he chest he used money that could have gone towards the baby to pay someone to handle his junk.
The cheating is bad. But the trickle truthing means even the most dedicated betrayed spouse couldn't get this relationship back on track.
He didn't own up to it on his own and when caught he's still lying.
Dump him before your baby is born with an STD.
You really think that what your doing is right? You know he is married. You really think someone that's cheating will be faithful to you. You can't change people.
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I think reasonable people can see that big age gaps can work, but it's rare and risky for the long term. It's also the reason why it's not so common because people evolve as they grow older and gain experience and it's rare to get two people together that are far apart in life and yet they match.
TLDR – it aint impossible to make it work, just rare, harder.
Listen to it!
Your mom went out of her way to ruin every aspect of your wedding. She humiliated your wife. You did the bare minimum to protect your wife from your mother and allowed her to ruin your wedding. Then, when your wife gave you hint after hint that your mom needed consequences for her actions, you ignored it like everything would just blow over. You showed your wife a glimpse into her future and she realized that no matter what, you’re never going to put her first.
At this point, unless you cut your family off, which you should do, your wife is gone! Even now, it may be way too late.
You can try to allude to mental illness on your wife’s part, but until you accept that your mom is a raging narcissist who will never change and will always go to drastic measures to bully and intimidate everyone around her, you’ll never be happy with your wife or anyone else.
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I feel like I'm losing my mind here. There are so many comments about the husband sleeping with other people but I've re-read the post three times now and cannot find that written anywhere. Did OP edit the post or something?
Please, for the love of God, can somebody please explain to me why neurotypical people do this
I don't even know what you could possibly say to actually deter them. It's infuriating.
You can't
No more trust
You ruined the relationship boundaries rules.
See a therapist and learn about the morals and boundaries of a relationship.
The problem is….. you don't get it. You have no morals. You're insensitive. Your story sounds like it was no big deal
I said I was sorry. I tried to give him a gift.
You emasculated him. There may never be a recovery.
And it seems you can't wait on him to turn over. It shows who you really are
I don’t understand from this if you are attracted to him or not. It kinda sounds like you are interested in the possibility, but maybe there is a lot of missing info, like you haven’t seen each other.
I don’t really understand the concept of online relationships, so take that into account, but I would just offer to have him come out.
Skip the worrying about what he means, you are clearly people who like spending time together. Just respond with something like, “better yet, come visit me.” If he agrees , have a conversation when he’s there or before about what you both want out of the visit.
Worst case, you get to hang with a friend for a few days.
As far as overthinking it, most guys don’t make marriage certificates if they aren’t interested. I think this is his way of feeling you out, while being able to say it was a joke if you reject him.
And not have kids right now
No you are not being jealous! He has no right to demand his ex-wife's presence at his wedding. Why would his new wife even want you to be there? Friendly or not, it's understandable that you'd feel weird about this.
You're right.
She wants to have her cake and eat it too.
Her treatment toward you is most definitely gaslighting and I would not be surprised if other stuff is happening when she's away like that.
At the minimum, she now has a “party personality” that she likely knows you won't like to see.
I am in a fraternity and we partied like that, but there were always people there that weren't drinking and enjoying themselves just fine.
If you don't want to break up with her, which I recommend, then start going to parties on your end and see how she reacts.
the only difference between a 17 yr old and an 18 yr old is legality. that’s why he went after you—the law is the only thing stopping him from going after someone younger. if that doesn’t creep you out now, it will in a few years
As others have said, just be aware that he might try again in the future if you let any kind of barriers down. Stay firm with the boundaries you’ve set and don’t mistake any future friendliness for growth. I’ve been in a similar situation myself with this type of person and I’ve always regretted giving them the benefit of the doubt!
Are you kidding me? How poorly does a man have to treat you for you to write him off?
Sure, but a certification isn’t an associate’s degree.
That's the main reason why I started feeling nervous. I don't want to ruin my marriage, that's for sure. But it was my wife's idea and she's the one who did all of the planning so I thought it would be okay.
It’s ok to not be ready or willing to commit to marriage.
It’s not ok to not be upfront with her about your unwillingness to commit. Anything less than a frank discussion about that now would be stringing her along and wasting her time, especially about the children question – stop assuming and projecting about that.
Yep, the more pathetic and weenier you act, the more likely she is to take pity on you lmao
And in this situation, pity is your friend
Don't stigmatise people with ADHD and PTSD. Not everyone needs medication or therapy and not everyone turns into monsters. He's a bad person, his mental illness isn't to blame. He is.
My best friend is very pale in complexion but she is from El Salvador and a native Spanish speaker. I can just picture someone trying to tell her she’s white because she’s pale and she likes Metallica ? that conversation would not go well. Quickest way to get cussed out in Spanish
So the guy that assaulted you, happened to “accidentally spill” his beer on your bf. No such thing as coincidence. My guess is, your bf went to confront the dude, who thought he was untouchable. He fucked around, and he found out.
Red flag flaying high.
that's probably what I'm going to do! thank you!
Wow. I’ve never heard of “slapped me in the face (lovingly)” without sarcasm applied. What happened to you that makes you think this is normal?
The only man who ever left bruises on me I left the day after it happened. Hurting me is a nude NO.
It’s not a love triangle it’s called cheating and you’re cheating on your partner. You should tell him and then you should break up with him because it’s despicable to cheat on someone.