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Date: February 23, 2023
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But is there anything I can do, i just feel like if I don’t do anything it won’t show her how much I’ve changed and my willingness to continue with everything to keep myself better
Dude, that’s such a huge generalization. I have Xanax in baggies because I sometimes need to take it on a plane with me and then forget to put it back in the bottle. I have also never assaulted anyone. This is not a rare exception. That’s an intense leap to make.
do you want her to tell him AFTER they’re already married?
She didn’t have to advertise her life tho. You reap what you sow.
God I used to be told that by my toxic ex all the time. Was so fuckin irritating as I let her gaslight the shit out of me. Should probably save it myself
But the reaction of the roommate is not the real problem here. The problem is that the guy dismissed OP as dramatic after havong a natural reaction to having a gun pulled on you.
Yeah he prob shouldve communicated that his plabs changed. I hate it when people make me wait up. Its not like it takes much effort.
Even my best friends do that and i give them an earful about it.
Also what is sneaky link? Is that like hide the sausage?
Its not always about doing something wrong. Sometimes it's just about not being calibrated enough to meet needs for each other. But it sounds like the friend has a way he validates that involves things the fiancees normal process doesn't have yet.
The thing is you are BOTH grieving. You in one way, him in another. I don’t think it means he cares but he probably has his own grief to deal with and doesn’t know how to help you right now when he himself is in a mes, so he’s probably taking comfort from his mother.
Can you go to your family or a friend and have one of them to come with you to the hospital etc?
Please look at the many charities that support people who have lost children in pregnancy and when your partner gets back suggest you both go to sessions together.
I’m not going to call anyone Assholes as everyone grieves differently
Ask him if that means you can blow your friends sometimes. You know, just as a favor
Yeah, OP's age and gender varies wildly yhroughout their posts. Absolutely just creative writing.
That's fair. I still think he should tell me if he doesn't want to talk about it. I view interrupting as rude when he could communicate it.
I really don’t even expect a proposal in the next year or two – if he’s not ready that’s not an issue. It’s more about knowing that’s the end goal. Like we are working towards something. Maybe that’s corny but I felt very secure that that’s where we were eventually heading and his comment has me second guessing
Speak for yourself
*ya hear that little buddy, we found an answer”
I think you are judging him a lot. Your entire post is judging him and so I was surprised to read that you think you don’t judge him for it at all. You find him lacking in every conceivable way when it comes to business, career and personal finance.
I’m not saying there’s anything wrong with that. I’m just saying there’s a disconnect that you don’t see it. And I think he feels judged by you. He doesn’t need or want you to show him job listings. He’s a grown ass adult. Stop treating him like a child you have to oversee. I wouldn’t want my partner asking me “have you applied for any jobs today“ like my dad would when I was looking for a summer job in high school.
I’m not saying you’re wrong in your assessment. He sounds like the type of person who would be a shitty founder. He clearly doesn’t have the drive and the propensity for action that is needed to move a start up forward in a successful manner. And it sounds like you two are polar opposites in your approach to life, to work, and to money. I think you would make each other very unhappy if you stayed together. It sounds like you love him, but it doesn’t sound like you could successfully and happily partner with him for life. There are just too many fundamental differences on things that will eventually tear a couple apart.
I think he probably feels beaten down and belittled and like a failure and like he can’t measure up to your expectations. It’s not healthy for him to be in a relationship where he’s viewed as a failure all the time. And it’s not healthy for you to be in a relationship where you are constantly disappointed and frustrated and feeling like you need your partner to make 180° change in their personality. Because that’s never going to happen.
I do think it would be wise to end the relationship. I think it’s making him feel like a failure and that’s becoming a self perpetuating thing and that’s not good. He deserves to be with somebody who values him for who he is, warts, and all. And you deserve to be with somebody who isn’t going to cause you all of this stress because they aren’t as successful as you want them to be.
He makes no effort to make plans with you; if you want to do anything together that goes beyond hanging out as his place then you have to organise it (and, I presume, pay for it?).
He borrows money from you but can afford to go to a concert? What does that tell you about his priorities?
You feel your invitation was an afterthought. I'd say the friend he's going with either assumed you were going anyway and your BF had to cover his arse by inviting you or the friend outright shamed him into it. That's not being an afterthought. That's not being thought of beyond your wallet at all.
Why are you wasting your time on someone who gives so little but is happy to take everything? Don't you want someone who can at least put in a little effort to match the level of care and attention you are giving? He's 31 years old and still acting like the kind of teenager who only remembers he has parents when his belly rumbles or he needs an overdraft from the Bank of Mum and Dad. Walk away and aim higher next time.
Dump him. Do you know how many people look up addresses (street views) to know where parking is, what the location looks like, to look at neighborhoods when considering moving, out of curiosity, etc., etc., etc.? He is an ass. If after 1 month he is this big of a jerk it will go swiftly downhill from here.