Well first, congrats on your recent marriage. And congratulations on having good communication and an open mind.
My only advice is to keep talking about it. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. And so let him know what you’re thinking.
My experience was a little different. After I married my (now ex) husband, I started finding things that led me to believe he was bi or gay. I approached him on multiple occasions and offered an open relationship for him to pursue his interests but he denied that he was interested in men for years. Time and time again things came up and he always had a plausible explanation.
The last time I found something, I sat him down and told him that I loved him and wanted him to be able to be his authentic self. All I asked is they he keep me safe physically (use protection), keep me safe emotionally (not screw around with anyone we knew or his kids knew). That was it.
And about 3 mos after that last chat I found out he’d been having an affair with a man for 6 mos and brought me home a couple of STIs.
I filed for divorce the next day. He’s still not out to his family or now adult kids. I hate that for him.
But like you, I really was willing to “let” him be his authentic self. I just needed some boundaries around that which are important even in a more “traditional” opposite sex open relationship. That stuff requires varsity level communication and honesty and trust.
I can appreciate the anxiety you’re experiencing. Especially since you yourself are bi and made a conscious choice that once married, you were expecting monogamy. He’s flipping the tables on you—and that is nude to deal with. But people change and grow and part of a healthy relationship is trying to change and grow together.
Maybe a sex positive marriage counselor would be a good option? I dunno. But if you do go forward with this, make sure you’re both really clear on expectations so you are safe physically and mentally.
Well first, congrats on your recent marriage. And congratulations on having good communication and an open mind.
My only advice is to keep talking about it. Don’t do anything you’re not comfortable with. And so let him know what you’re thinking.
My experience was a little different. After I married my (now ex) husband, I started finding things that led me to believe he was bi or gay. I approached him on multiple occasions and offered an open relationship for him to pursue his interests but he denied that he was interested in men for years. Time and time again things came up and he always had a plausible explanation.
The last time I found something, I sat him down and told him that I loved him and wanted him to be able to be his authentic self. All I asked is they he keep me safe physically (use protection), keep me safe emotionally (not screw around with anyone we knew or his kids knew). That was it.
And about 3 mos after that last chat I found out he’d been having an affair with a man for 6 mos and brought me home a couple of STIs.
I filed for divorce the next day. He’s still not out to his family or now adult kids. I hate that for him.
But like you, I really was willing to “let” him be his authentic self. I just needed some boundaries around that which are important even in a more “traditional” opposite sex open relationship. That stuff requires varsity level communication and honesty and trust.
I can appreciate the anxiety you’re experiencing. Especially since you yourself are bi and made a conscious choice that once married, you were expecting monogamy. He’s flipping the tables on you—and that is nude to deal with. But people change and grow and part of a healthy relationship is trying to change and grow together.
Maybe a sex positive marriage counselor would be a good option? I dunno. But if you do go forward with this, make sure you’re both really clear on expectations so you are safe physically and mentally.
Good luck.
You are seriously overthinking this. Truly. Imagine where else you could have spent the emotional energy you've expended on this.