It sounds like you have been through an emotional roller coaster in your relationship with this person. It's natural to feel frustrated and taken advantage of, and it's important to remember that no one deserves to be made uncomfortable or treated disrespectfully.
I urge you to take a step back from the situation and assess whether this friendship is healthy for you, both emotionally and mentally. Don't hesitate to ask yourself if this is really what you want out of a relationship. Additionally, don't forget that it's okay to say “no” when someone asks something of you- even if it may strain the connection between the two of you – because ultimately taking care of yourself should always come first.
Thank you for the tough love, haha! I go through this thought process every time I get the urge to reach out to him. I totally agree with you but it’s hard because I can’t get him out of my head!
It’s not that it isn’t a useful item, it’s that it’s not a good gift for her Christmas present. The issue is that he is the one who really wants to try anal and so the gift is effectively something for his pleasure/to work up to something he wants to do. He has centred his own wants/pleasure in the gift he got her. It is not a very thoughtful gift and it’s reasonable to be unimpressed.
Im exhausted of living a life I simply don’t want to be here for.
Well, you have kids, it's too late now. This is about them, because what ever you're going through they will have to grow up with worse.
That's just the long and short of it, not saying you don't have my sympathies (I'll probably never get to where you are in life)
The therapy is fine but it feels like it will never be able to help me get my wife back
Nope, you need to cut that tie, because when most women break up, that's it, even if you got back together, she will hate you and make your life worse, the respect is gone.
You need your family around you, you parents, siblings, and kids, your life is for them, they need you, you need them more than your wife than you realise.
Dude, you said that you're usually right-but you were utterly completely wrong and had no idea about what you were talking about. No one person is right all the time, that's just life.
Maybe it's time to stop and consider that you're not always right. In fact, your memory is wrong, especially in cases where you have utterly no experience or familiarity with the subject. You are a know-it-all and sound exhausting to maintain any sort of relationship with.
Okay so I’m going to try to avoid the classic “just break up!” advice that is the common default in this sub (and it’s usually correct advice). But I can’t say, as a partner, I’ve never acted this way so I thought I could probably shed some light on why she might be acting this way.
First and foremost, across the board, she sounds insecure in your relationship. To be more specific, it sounds like she believes you don’t like her or you’re getting tired of her, and you are probably ready to dump her at any moment. This is probably not you specific, it’s probably a very insecure attachment style from relationships and abandonment that have traumatized her in the past.
That’s the reason for the 12 hour barrage. She’s seeking assurance; or, she was at first. But then when you didn’t respond “right,” it turned into anger, then it turned into embarrassment over getting so angry and (probably) feeling stupid for the whole thing, so she might as well keep seeking assurance because she’s dug her hole this deep, why not keep going.
Similar reasons can probably also be applied to responses you think are short and sweet that she reads as short and curt. A lot of women have a really REALLY mean inner voice that they use when they read messages that aren’t flowery. Example: ??omg hi babe! I’m so sorry, I really wish I could but I’m still stuck at this party!!?but I’ll let you know if anything changes! Love you!! ?? Otherwise they read it like “I don’t [fucking] know how long I’ll be at this party [you stupid bitch].” It’s very annoying, but it’s not unusual at all and is just usually a result of socialization as a woman. I have broken the habit in adulthood but, as a woman, I have had other women (like, female managers) say that I was “bitchy” in an email merely because I didn’t pile on the “if not, no worries!!” And “I’m so sorry for asking!” ? it’s exhausting.
In short, it seems like she’s having insecurity issues that probably have less to do with you personally and more to do with an unresolved fear of abandonment. You aren’t a jerk in this situation but she’s not “crazy” per se either (at least from this occurrence alone). I think she just needs some confidence.
I’m sort of less interested in her role in this and more interested in your alleged best friend nailing this girl (let’s be real) and never telling you about it.
If she just asked, it would be different. I am firmly in the “don't ask questions you don't want answers to” camp. But it's his behaviors in this one. And he did answer about boobs, categorically, as an indirect way to say he didn't like hers. I can't tell if you can't read between the most simple of lines or just want to yell at this girl. Not sure which is worse!
I wouldn't make any permanent commitments until you've both been living outside your parents' houses, and been gainfully employed, for at least a year. You learn a lot about yourself in these situations, much of which is crucial for making a permanent relationship work.
Also, talk to him about everything that's important to you and make sure he agrees with you on it. Ask him about the things that are important to him and make sure you agree with him on them. This includes things like sex (frequency, activities, moods or styles, etc), children (how many, how to raise them, etc) and of course whatever else strikes you as being important. That being said, if you're not sure if certain things are important to you, you now know why I recommend not making any permanent commitments until you have lived on your own and held down a job. That's when you learn some of these things.
Other than that, have fun. You can't actually move too fast — or, rather, you can, but only in hindsight. if you have sex on the first date and then have an acrimonious break-up two days later, it's obvious you moved too fast. But what if you have sex on the first date and then, exactly 3 years later (to the hour) are driving that person home, still wearing your tails and her still wearing her wedding dress, with all the wedding presents in the trunk, and later this year will celebrate your 7th wedding anniversary together? Did we move too fast? Did we somehow ruin our relationship? How? Success is as success does, and that includes relationships. Besides, sometimes you just know. I remember pacing outside the restaurant before our first date alternating between excitement and panic: “You know, this could be it. I haven't even seen her face and I can already tell that I have a more realistic chance of a Happily Ever After with her than I've had with anyone else I've dated. (And I proposed to one of them!)” Having sex 4 hours later didn't tell me that; it merely confirmed that I was right — and that she felt the same way about me, which was by far the more important discovery.
Yeah for sure, thank you for that. I think that's bascially exactly my plan now, offer to bake or make some food to take with us to contribute too 🙂 Thank you for the comments, I appreciate them!
Do you have savings to cover for that month’s lack of income? I think that he’s too focused on that to show empathy. I’m not trying to justify him but maybe explain him. He probably feels helpless as a SAHP to cover for your income loss and he’s possibly angry at him and quite stupidly takes it out on you.
i will,,, thank you so much
It sounds like you have been through an emotional roller coaster in your relationship with this person. It's natural to feel frustrated and taken advantage of, and it's important to remember that no one deserves to be made uncomfortable or treated disrespectfully.
I urge you to take a step back from the situation and assess whether this friendship is healthy for you, both emotionally and mentally. Don't hesitate to ask yourself if this is really what you want out of a relationship. Additionally, don't forget that it's okay to say “no” when someone asks something of you- even if it may strain the connection between the two of you – because ultimately taking care of yourself should always come first.
I wouldn’t have a bi- girlfriend. To me it just seems like anyone who is bi happens to not know how to control their libido.
Yes it does but the question is why are they exchanging pictures and gifs…
Thank you for the tough love, haha! I go through this thought process every time I get the urge to reach out to him. I totally agree with you but it’s hard because I can’t get him out of my head!
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It’s not that it isn’t a useful item, it’s that it’s not a good gift for her Christmas present. The issue is that he is the one who really wants to try anal and so the gift is effectively something for his pleasure/to work up to something he wants to do. He has centred his own wants/pleasure in the gift he got her. It is not a very thoughtful gift and it’s reasonable to be unimpressed.
Im exhausted of living a life I simply don’t want to be here for.
Well, you have kids, it's too late now. This is about them, because what ever you're going through they will have to grow up with worse.
That's just the long and short of it, not saying you don't have my sympathies (I'll probably never get to where you are in life)
The therapy is fine but it feels like it will never be able to help me get my wife back
Nope, you need to cut that tie, because when most women break up, that's it, even if you got back together, she will hate you and make your life worse, the respect is gone.
You need your family around you, you parents, siblings, and kids, your life is for them, they need you, you need them more than your wife than you realise.
u/Iced_Coffee_Is_Love, it looks like you're trying to post a throwaway submission. Your account is too young and/or your comment karma is too low.
The right way to do it is to create a brand new Reddit account that begins with ThrowRA.
Please create a new account that starts with ThrowRA in the username and try again. Please note that we will not make exceptions to this rule.
I am a bot, and this action was performed automatically. Please contact the moderators of this subreddit if you have any questions or concerns.
I can’t
Dude, you said that you're usually right-but you were utterly completely wrong and had no idea about what you were talking about. No one person is right all the time, that's just life.
Maybe it's time to stop and consider that you're not always right. In fact, your memory is wrong, especially in cases where you have utterly no experience or familiarity with the subject. You are a know-it-all and sound exhausting to maintain any sort of relationship with.
Stay away from this person and his friends
Seems like your bf has mentionitis? And you are correctly picking up on that.
Okay so I’m going to try to avoid the classic “just break up!” advice that is the common default in this sub (and it’s usually correct advice). But I can’t say, as a partner, I’ve never acted this way so I thought I could probably shed some light on why she might be acting this way.
First and foremost, across the board, she sounds insecure in your relationship. To be more specific, it sounds like she believes you don’t like her or you’re getting tired of her, and you are probably ready to dump her at any moment. This is probably not you specific, it’s probably a very insecure attachment style from relationships and abandonment that have traumatized her in the past.
That’s the reason for the 12 hour barrage. She’s seeking assurance; or, she was at first. But then when you didn’t respond “right,” it turned into anger, then it turned into embarrassment over getting so angry and (probably) feeling stupid for the whole thing, so she might as well keep seeking assurance because she’s dug her hole this deep, why not keep going.
Similar reasons can probably also be applied to responses you think are short and sweet that she reads as short and curt. A lot of women have a really REALLY mean inner voice that they use when they read messages that aren’t flowery. Example: ??omg hi babe! I’m so sorry, I really wish I could but I’m still stuck at this party!!?but I’ll let you know if anything changes! Love you!! ?? Otherwise they read it like “I don’t [fucking] know how long I’ll be at this party [you stupid bitch].” It’s very annoying, but it’s not unusual at all and is just usually a result of socialization as a woman. I have broken the habit in adulthood but, as a woman, I have had other women (like, female managers) say that I was “bitchy” in an email merely because I didn’t pile on the “if not, no worries!!” And “I’m so sorry for asking!” ? it’s exhausting.
In short, it seems like she’s having insecurity issues that probably have less to do with you personally and more to do with an unresolved fear of abandonment. You aren’t a jerk in this situation but she’s not “crazy” per se either (at least from this occurrence alone). I think she just needs some confidence.
Very hard spot to be in. Even if you leave him that doesn’t mean you will find another who also wants kids.
But you could leave him and adopt.
I will go no contact
I’m sort of less interested in her role in this and more interested in your alleged best friend nailing this girl (let’s be real) and never telling you about it.
Did you sprain a brain cell with these gymnastics!
If she just asked, it would be different. I am firmly in the “don't ask questions you don't want answers to” camp. But it's his behaviors in this one. And he did answer about boobs, categorically, as an indirect way to say he didn't like hers. I can't tell if you can't read between the most simple of lines or just want to yell at this girl. Not sure which is worse!
Not really sure where being patient comes into it lol. Asking strangers for hard pics completely out of context is crass no matter how long you wait!
I wouldn't make any permanent commitments until you've both been living outside your parents' houses, and been gainfully employed, for at least a year. You learn a lot about yourself in these situations, much of which is crucial for making a permanent relationship work.
Also, talk to him about everything that's important to you and make sure he agrees with you on it. Ask him about the things that are important to him and make sure you agree with him on them. This includes things like sex (frequency, activities, moods or styles, etc), children (how many, how to raise them, etc) and of course whatever else strikes you as being important. That being said, if you're not sure if certain things are important to you, you now know why I recommend not making any permanent commitments until you have lived on your own and held down a job. That's when you learn some of these things.
Other than that, have fun. You can't actually move too fast — or, rather, you can, but only in hindsight. if you have sex on the first date and then have an acrimonious break-up two days later, it's obvious you moved too fast. But what if you have sex on the first date and then, exactly 3 years later (to the hour) are driving that person home, still wearing your tails and her still wearing her wedding dress, with all the wedding presents in the trunk, and later this year will celebrate your 7th wedding anniversary together? Did we move too fast? Did we somehow ruin our relationship? How? Success is as success does, and that includes relationships. Besides, sometimes you just know. I remember pacing outside the restaurant before our first date alternating between excitement and panic: “You know, this could be it. I haven't even seen her face and I can already tell that I have a more realistic chance of a Happily Ever After with her than I've had with anyone else I've dated. (And I proposed to one of them!)” Having sex 4 hours later didn't tell me that; it merely confirmed that I was right — and that she felt the same way about me, which was by far the more important discovery.
Run as fast as you can, red flags everywhere
She does suck. She’s extremely immature and I hate to tell you this but it just won’t work out
Yeah for sure, thank you for that. I think that's bascially exactly my plan now, offer to bake or make some food to take with us to contribute too 🙂 Thank you for the comments, I appreciate them!
Do you have savings to cover for that month’s lack of income? I think that he’s too focused on that to show empathy. I’m not trying to justify him but maybe explain him. He probably feels helpless as a SAHP to cover for your income loss and he’s possibly angry at him and quite stupidly takes it out on you.