Well if I were in a new relationship and my new boyfriend was crying I would have to know the circumstances of the crying episode- it’s healthy to release your emotions but to much emotion to soon in a relationship can signal a red flag for some women… if it was an established long term relationship this would be a completely different story
The attraction thing I think is just years and years of a relationship and the love we have for eschother. Or shit. Hopefully it really is she loves and is absolutely attracted to me. I don’t know which.
Nah the sheet was just a simple she stated that she puts more effort in than me when texting so I made a graph to show her I need more effort from her. Wasn’t a jab towards her.
I can just see it now. She gives birth and had something else that's heavy to tell you. That she not only kissed and gave the guy head, but also banged him and took in his seed. Screw her man, you need to get a DNA rest fr.
we were talking about a hypothetical if one of us got sick, would you stay and look after them?
he said that he was conditional and it would depend how sick I was and for how long.
context for clarity, is this a long term illness we’re talking hypothetically about or a flu? because if it’s something like a flu, this is a very reasonable answer.
if it’s in terms of a long term illness, it’s understandable to be hesitant even if it’s hypothetical, considering this is only a 3 year relationship and you’re both in your 20s. becoming a full time caretaker that young is a very scary thought, hypothetical or not. im someone who has chronic illness that does require assistance, i have a partner who needs to take care of me in certain aspects, and the reason this is manageable as it is, is because he works remotely. we managed it before he did and life wouldn’t end for me if he couldn’t, but i understand that for a large majority of people this is daunting unless there’s the disposable income needed for a caretaker. i recognize i chew up a lot of time for my partner and so that’s something i have to always be aware of.
as far as being rude in public, i… get it. somewhat. i try to go out of my way to not be an ass in public, and truth be told passive aggressive attitudes do get under my skin, but i also go out of my way to not be noticed in public at all because the very concept itself makes me extremely, extremely anxious. some people process this anxiety and frustration different, some people shut down, others have a short fuse with being out and about. should he control it better? yeah, maybe. but i don’t think being passive aggressive to someone you’ll never see again is the worst way to vent. not a great way, but not a terrible way. servers though? dick move, buddy. that’s a good way to get boogers and cum in your food. just kidding.
as far as influence and pressure about your relationship from outside sources, take it with a grain of salt. ultimately, it’s your relationship. nobody really knows the intimate details besides the both of you. make that judgement on your own, but keep those outside opinions in the back of your mind if you want. whatever works for you.
but.
this post alone should give you something to think about. this is how a lot of bad scenarios in relationships start. it goes from loving everything about them and then one day, there’s small things you notice that you disagree with, that leads to nitpicking, which leads to fostering resentment, which leads to arguments or internalizing something that will probably not be great for you. that is a shitty and toxic cycle to get stuck in, and it can happen to anyone.
my advice? obvious answer, but talk to him about these things. he can’t read your mind (although let me tell you, i wish people could read mine) and these might just be behaviors he exhibits that he doesn’t even recognize. can’t always know something you do makes someone uncomfortable unless it’s pointed out. but don’t go into these conversations with a goal set in stone. if you go into this expecting an immediate change in behavior and to compromise behavior that is honestly not that much of a big deal objectively speaking, it could feel like you’re cornering him or trying to change him. which sucks to feel. the outcome of this conversation may be the thing you need to guide you to stay or to go if you think these qualities are not something you can on-line with long term. we all have annoyances, nobody is perfect, but don’t make yourself miserable for anyone else.
honestly, it seems like you’re comfortable for the most part from what you say here, but this is just one post and i think you should put more time into thinking about it, and you absolutely should be talking to him about this. let this be your sign that communication is key. this isn’t a huge deal, but unresolved small deals given time can become impassable, gigantic deals. don’t let it get to that.
ED is terrible psychologically for men and the overriding urge is to try and pretend it doesn't exist and you brought it up in one of the worst ways. His masculinity has been harmed.
But like if you brought it up like that it obviously bothers you as well, and that's ok. Like it sometimes feels like we have to pretend some things are just fine because they can't be helped but ultimately that's not a healthy way to be.
Assuming that this doesn't end the relationship you're going to have to talk about it and how it makes you both feel. It's not going to be pleasant for either of you but ultimately you pointed out the elephant in the room (in a bad way let's not pretend this was good) and now it's something you can chat about.
Idk why he has ED obvs but unless there's a physical reason for it, it's usually a sign of something deeper that needs healing so take the opportunity if you can
I may have went against all the rules the mods have set forth. It's kinda hot not to. I was truly speaking in good faith with good intentions. But if I did I apologize and it was good to be here for a little bit.
I don’t understand why your ticked off. I just googled it. It’s rare. I’m sorry it’s rare and I’m sorry I don’t agree with you. Good night I guess? Lol
I don’t understand why your ticked off. I just googled it. It’s rare. I’m sorry it’s rare and I’m sorry I don’t agree with you. Good night I guess? Lol
I don’t understand why your ticked off. I just googled it. It’s rare. I’m sorry it’s rare and I’m sorry I don’t agree with you. Good night I guess? Lol
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It sounds like it's best to just put any thoughts of this guy either totally behind you – or on the way back backburner. And to put your energy into being generally social, including meeting new people, and spending time with acquaintances who may someday become friends.
he’s way out of my league
It also may help to think of people as individuals, where what's most important is mutual attraction, and not some arbitrary scale derived from advertisements and mass media.
I don't think anyone but the bf can definitively say if he was completely “with it” or not when the sex happened.
The fact he told you after is what makes me say this. Granted, he lied the first time, but called back to tell you the full truth, and you may have never found out anything at all.
However the choices he made all night up to that point are what lead him there and the real issue.
As a pothead, you sound like a dick. What kind of person smokes around their pregnant partner and then gets high while said partner is having a miscarriage?? She’s not going to leave you because of weed, she’s going to leave you because you’re a lying addict. You’re putting your addiction before your family and responsibilities. I’m a single parent to a toddler, as much as I love to get high I wait until my daughter is asleep and my chores are done for the day before I sit down and smoke a joint. You sound absolutely exhausting, it’s unfortunate you won’t wake up until she leaves you, even then I doubt that’ll make you get your shit together.
She doesn’t know what’s in store for her in her future. Maybe she moves to the other country and meets someone cute there. Maybe she moves and you meet someone cute who lives near you.
Just keep talking if you like and when she comes back then make a move if you want.
Honestly you sounds immature. Like with the asking for cleaning supplies and a shirt back? And refusing to kiss him on nye? Telling him youre not sure if you ever want to see him again? You need to figure out what you want and clearly communicate that.
Separately, How is it acceptable to you that he forgot your birthday? And didnt get you a gift? And didnt get a christmas gift? He should be trying to impress you.
When dating someone you are a package deal, because you are a package.
The simple fact she just straight up said no she doesn't want to ask friend to include you says a lot. Especially when she could have said, well if you get a motel to stay in that would be great, I can stay with you, and hang out with my friend. But she didn't. She just straight up said no.
She also doesn't have money to do things with you, but all of a sudden can afford to go visit this friend.
So he's been supporting the first child and said nothing, while saying you should abort the child you were having because of finances and still didn't think it was relevant to tell you he had a kid ??
If he was qualified to be a therapist he would realize providing therapy to your spouse is considered a dual relationship, and therefore, completely unethical.
If she's offered to get rid of the cat, let her do it. It'll even still be in her family. The alternative you propose here is unsustainable in the long term. Just let her give her cat away.
First of all, you got back together with someone you broke up with. Mistake number one. Bad idea. Every time. Don't do that. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Second of all, I'm not sure what you mean by he “tried” to break up with you. He DID break up with you. If one person says the relationship is over, then that's it, its over. It really is that easy. It really is best to just let him go for both of your sakes.
You have a gap in your ages. This isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, but it is clear that you two are in very different phases of your life. He is most likely a college student, and you are a mature adult who has adult responsibilities, including taking on a care-giving role in your family.
Second, its possible that you did everything right. You gave him the biggest amount of time to him you could give. But just because you didn't do anything wrong doesn't mean you were meeting his needs. Some people need things you are not able to give them, and that's okay. It doesn't mean one of you is the bad guy. It just means you aren't compatible.
I really think you have to let this guy go, OP. I know you love him. I know you've put a lot of effort into this relationship. But its clear he isn't happy in the relationship and its clear you on-line different life styles and have different needs and priorities. You both deserve someone who can meet your needs and share your priorities.
I think you should take this as an insight on who she is deep down.
What happens if she doesn’t feel presentable enough for an important event like a funeral, wedding, etc? Will you be okay going alone and making excuses for her?
What if you get more seriously injured and have a missing tooth, facial wounds, or burns? Or something more permanent like scarring?
I don't think we compliment men enough. This was a very sweet and thoughtful gift from her, and your appreciation is making it even sweeter! Can you remember the last time someone said something complimentary to you? Especially appearance, that's important and most of us have insecurities, so it's nice to hear positive feedback from people we like, and care about their view of us ?
I feel like I’m on a ship heading straight for a rogue wave because my partner never takes accountability
Let's add to that that you aren't taking accountability either.
You've been watching your partner be a trainwreck for years. This isn't a recent change. She showed up on your doorstep claiming one thing and then proved to be soemthing, and then you brushed that off for five years.
Gosh, good luck getting out of this mess. Find some help and dig yourself out.
This is heavy. It depends on person to person. I’m a little different and wouldn’t put up with that and divorce. But that’s me. But you also can’t have a healthy relationship if she’s unwilling to at least communicate what she needs time for. And relationships like this, never seem to last.
She needs to take a self-defense class if she wants to fight everyone. Otherwise, she doesn't need to tell the world her past. Everyone has a past. Not everyone needs to know about it. Geez, keep your history to yourself unless it's going to do someone good. Tell them the amount they need to know, no more. You can't trust people with your skeletons.
And while this can hurt, it is so very much better than what my former best friend, who is now dead to me, did to her spouse when she came out as trans. Asshole ex friend unilaterally decided that both of them were now in a poly relationship and suddenly had 3 boyfriends. Her spouse was supportive of her being in those relationships while not pursuing any other relationships herself. Ex friend then up and announced that she was moving in with her boyfriend and they were moving to another city. At no point did my ex friend just say that while she supports her spouse and her transition, she was no longer attracted to her and that they should end their relationship. Ex friend talked a really good talk about being pro LGBTQIA+, but she sucked at walking the walk. Her best friend is a kink and poly friendly sex therapist and that friend was appalled at her behavior. It was a cluster fuck from beginning to end. Her spouse, who has been our friend since my second year of college 20 years ago, is doing wonderfully and invited our kids to be some of the very first non inner circle adult friends to know about her transition.
He wasn't getting physical with me but he was standing over me so that I couldn't make any phone calls. He was refusing to take me back to my city and was telling me that I was the cause of all the problems in our relationship because I was always starting shit.
I guess to him me calling him out on his bullshit is me starting shit. I was fine with a few days but a few days turned into 3 weeks and it seemed that he had no plans to leave anytime soon. So he can do exactly what you said, he can play house with her. I'm done and I'm back in my city.
Oh hell no I would not be okay with this. Him inviting her and her whole family over to stay with you, she’s unhappy in her marriage, he’s distant and confiding in her. How very convenient. He either had an emotional affair and then it stopped or it’s still going on.
If it’s innocent this shouldn’t damage whatever progress you’ve made. You have a right to transparency in your relationship and he has clearly not been transparent.
There’s a reason the other comment got a bunch of downvotes. It’s not controlling to ask your husband for boundaries when he’s clearly crossed them many times with another woman.
The problem is, can you believe him when you ask him about it? I personally wouldn’t.
Leave this poor guy. He deserves so much better than you, not someone who gets pissy with him for small things. Go have your fun, but don't go crawling back to him if it turns out the grass wasn't greener. Reading your post you want to have your cake and eat it too.
You will probably have regrets either way, staying means you regret not having “fun” and then you're probably gonna resent him( You already do which is just so stupid and moronic). If you leave and it turns of the grass isn't greener you're gonna be crying about how he is the one that got away and be full of regrets there.
At the of the day it isn't fair to your boyfriend, he deserves someone truly committed to him. There isn't a magical way to fix this, it's something you have to come to terms with yourself
Exactly. He's not got closure and still has raw feelings there. He's not focused on or present in his current relationship. I'd question all his future plans with you OP.
Approximately 60% of people have admitted that they are cheaters so there are very good odds that you will encounter more cheaters in your life simply based on statistics and nothing to do with you.
If your gf goes on this cruise though and you stay with her you are asking to be disrespected at that point because you stayed with her.
Ok, for the sake of argument, let’s go with that. In that case, her modus operandi is, “I’m totally going to take this stupid, horny chump for everything he’s worth on this cruise, while denying him what he wants. (While my ‘actual’ boyfriend is home fretting the whole time.”
Because the Douchebag learned it from watching porn more than likely, and they think women really like that when having sex – You should've punched in the throat! then asked him how he like it?
I don't really get why that's a bad thing that he's upset that their sex life has dwindled? I'm on birth control rn and i have the same side affects, and it killing my libido has affected me just as much as the weight gain and mood changes. He shouldn't bring this up to her by focusing on the lack of sex, but it's valid to be frustrated by it imo.
Stopping it would have been stopping dancing period, not continuing to dance. There wouldn't have been a second attempt if she stopped dancing and walked away.
So git instincts are real, scientific things (you have brain type cells in your abdomen that pick up signals missed by your brain). If she is creeping you out, get away.
I can’t think of any way of resolving this in a way that won’t be damaging to you, and also damaging to your child. He has lied to you about who, in his heart, he actually is. And he’s lied to you very well and successfully. He would have never been honest with you if you hadn’t come across proof and confronted him.
He seems to have lost all sense of propriety in his sexual desires (if he ever had any). Are you absolutely certain your child would be safe with him?
You can’t be certain he’s never indulged in these fantasies. You should get tested for all STD’s. If you test positive for anything, the baby should be tested too.
9 hours a day could still be his normal amount of sleep needed regularly. Any more than that especially a lot more and he should see about doing a sleep study. You can’t be spending 12+ hours a day asleep and have as fulfilling a life. Gotta find a way to fix what’s causing that like sleep apnea.
I literally fell in love with him which triggered me
That's not what a “trigger” is. What you're describing is the most basic, normal, 100% predictable progression of events there is. It's called “catching feelings,” and everyone told you it would happen
i dont get it why he still talking with me even after i got crazy angry at him
Because he gets everything he wants from you— validation, sex, the ego boost of being desired, feeling powerful, etc., and he doesn't even have to stop dating other girls or take on any responsibilities he doesn't feel like taking on or make any commitments to you in exchange
You're basically asking why he would accept a free beer when offered; it's because he wants one, and it is being offered to him for free.
So you think he’s lying then
Well if I were in a new relationship and my new boyfriend was crying I would have to know the circumstances of the crying episode- it’s healthy to release your emotions but to much emotion to soon in a relationship can signal a red flag for some women… if it was an established long term relationship this would be a completely different story
Why even ask that question if you're not going to accept his answer. So what if he does, you can't control a person's thoughts.
The attraction thing I think is just years and years of a relationship and the love we have for eschother. Or shit. Hopefully it really is she loves and is absolutely attracted to me. I don’t know which.
Nah the sheet was just a simple she stated that she puts more effort in than me when texting so I made a graph to show her I need more effort from her. Wasn’t a jab towards her.
I can just see it now. She gives birth and had something else that's heavy to tell you. That she not only kissed and gave the guy head, but also banged him and took in his seed. Screw her man, you need to get a DNA rest fr.
we were talking about a hypothetical if one of us got sick, would you stay and look after them?
he said that he was conditional and it would depend how sick I was and for how long.
context for clarity, is this a long term illness we’re talking hypothetically about or a flu? because if it’s something like a flu, this is a very reasonable answer.
if it’s in terms of a long term illness, it’s understandable to be hesitant even if it’s hypothetical, considering this is only a 3 year relationship and you’re both in your 20s. becoming a full time caretaker that young is a very scary thought, hypothetical or not. im someone who has chronic illness that does require assistance, i have a partner who needs to take care of me in certain aspects, and the reason this is manageable as it is, is because he works remotely. we managed it before he did and life wouldn’t end for me if he couldn’t, but i understand that for a large majority of people this is daunting unless there’s the disposable income needed for a caretaker. i recognize i chew up a lot of time for my partner and so that’s something i have to always be aware of.
as far as being rude in public, i… get it. somewhat. i try to go out of my way to not be an ass in public, and truth be told passive aggressive attitudes do get under my skin, but i also go out of my way to not be noticed in public at all because the very concept itself makes me extremely, extremely anxious. some people process this anxiety and frustration different, some people shut down, others have a short fuse with being out and about. should he control it better? yeah, maybe. but i don’t think being passive aggressive to someone you’ll never see again is the worst way to vent. not a great way, but not a terrible way. servers though? dick move, buddy. that’s a good way to get boogers and cum in your food. just kidding.
as far as influence and pressure about your relationship from outside sources, take it with a grain of salt. ultimately, it’s your relationship. nobody really knows the intimate details besides the both of you. make that judgement on your own, but keep those outside opinions in the back of your mind if you want. whatever works for you.
but.
this post alone should give you something to think about. this is how a lot of bad scenarios in relationships start. it goes from loving everything about them and then one day, there’s small things you notice that you disagree with, that leads to nitpicking, which leads to fostering resentment, which leads to arguments or internalizing something that will probably not be great for you. that is a shitty and toxic cycle to get stuck in, and it can happen to anyone.
my advice? obvious answer, but talk to him about these things. he can’t read your mind (although let me tell you, i wish people could read mine) and these might just be behaviors he exhibits that he doesn’t even recognize. can’t always know something you do makes someone uncomfortable unless it’s pointed out. but don’t go into these conversations with a goal set in stone. if you go into this expecting an immediate change in behavior and to compromise behavior that is honestly not that much of a big deal objectively speaking, it could feel like you’re cornering him or trying to change him. which sucks to feel. the outcome of this conversation may be the thing you need to guide you to stay or to go if you think these qualities are not something you can on-line with long term. we all have annoyances, nobody is perfect, but don’t make yourself miserable for anyone else.
honestly, it seems like you’re comfortable for the most part from what you say here, but this is just one post and i think you should put more time into thinking about it, and you absolutely should be talking to him about this. let this be your sign that communication is key. this isn’t a huge deal, but unresolved small deals given time can become impassable, gigantic deals. don’t let it get to that.
You have good judgement to think he may be grooming you. I’d distance myself from him if that is how I felt
i'm so so disappointed. his friend is in a very serious condition yet he's being so cold to him
He can ask whatever he likes…and you can decline
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ED is terrible psychologically for men and the overriding urge is to try and pretend it doesn't exist and you brought it up in one of the worst ways. His masculinity has been harmed.
But like if you brought it up like that it obviously bothers you as well, and that's ok. Like it sometimes feels like we have to pretend some things are just fine because they can't be helped but ultimately that's not a healthy way to be.
Assuming that this doesn't end the relationship you're going to have to talk about it and how it makes you both feel. It's not going to be pleasant for either of you but ultimately you pointed out the elephant in the room (in a bad way let's not pretend this was good) and now it's something you can chat about.
Idk why he has ED obvs but unless there's a physical reason for it, it's usually a sign of something deeper that needs healing so take the opportunity if you can
I may have went against all the rules the mods have set forth. It's kinda hot not to. I was truly speaking in good faith with good intentions. But if I did I apologize and it was good to be here for a little bit.
I don’t understand why your ticked off. I just googled it. It’s rare. I’m sorry it’s rare and I’m sorry I don’t agree with you. Good night I guess? Lol
I don’t understand why your ticked off. I just googled it. It’s rare. I’m sorry it’s rare and I’m sorry I don’t agree with you. Good night I guess? Lol
I don’t understand why your ticked off. I just googled it. It’s rare. I’m sorry it’s rare and I’m sorry I don’t agree with you. Good night I guess? Lol
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It sounds like it's best to just put any thoughts of this guy either totally behind you – or on the way back backburner. And to put your energy into being generally social, including meeting new people, and spending time with acquaintances who may someday become friends.
he’s way out of my league
It also may help to think of people as individuals, where what's most important is mutual attraction, and not some arbitrary scale derived from advertisements and mass media.
I don't think anyone but the bf can definitively say if he was completely “with it” or not when the sex happened.
The fact he told you after is what makes me say this. Granted, he lied the first time, but called back to tell you the full truth, and you may have never found out anything at all.
However the choices he made all night up to that point are what lead him there and the real issue.
As a pothead, you sound like a dick. What kind of person smokes around their pregnant partner and then gets high while said partner is having a miscarriage?? She’s not going to leave you because of weed, she’s going to leave you because you’re a lying addict. You’re putting your addiction before your family and responsibilities. I’m a single parent to a toddler, as much as I love to get high I wait until my daughter is asleep and my chores are done for the day before I sit down and smoke a joint. You sound absolutely exhausting, it’s unfortunate you won’t wake up until she leaves you, even then I doubt that’ll make you get your shit together.
She doesn’t know what’s in store for her in her future. Maybe she moves to the other country and meets someone cute there. Maybe she moves and you meet someone cute who lives near you.
Just keep talking if you like and when she comes back then make a move if you want.
Troll
Honestly you sounds immature. Like with the asking for cleaning supplies and a shirt back? And refusing to kiss him on nye? Telling him youre not sure if you ever want to see him again? You need to figure out what you want and clearly communicate that.
Separately, How is it acceptable to you that he forgot your birthday? And didnt get you a gift? And didnt get a christmas gift? He should be trying to impress you.
That is unfortunately what I have been thinking about. It might not happen for me at all. I feel like I have been robbed of that and it makes me angry
That’s the real SURPRISE
He’s not amazing
Thank you for your comment, what would you suggest if they start talking about it again?
Yep time to move on.
When dating someone you are a package deal, because you are a package.
The simple fact she just straight up said no she doesn't want to ask friend to include you says a lot. Especially when she could have said, well if you get a motel to stay in that would be great, I can stay with you, and hang out with my friend. But she didn't. She just straight up said no.
She also doesn't have money to do things with you, but all of a sudden can afford to go visit this friend.
Yep time to go, exit left, and move on
So he's been supporting the first child and said nothing, while saying you should abort the child you were having because of finances and still didn't think it was relevant to tell you he had a kid ??
Any person that ask for relationship advise on here should expect it to be leave them.
That is the only advise your going to get….just leave its so easy. Just leave.
People actually have any good relationship advise, like things she could do before theblast resort of leaving the person?
I mean seriously
If he was qualified to be a therapist he would realize providing therapy to your spouse is considered a dual relationship, and therefore, completely unethical.
You might be on to something.
Certainly a dangerous game
If she's offered to get rid of the cat, let her do it. It'll even still be in her family. The alternative you propose here is unsustainable in the long term. Just let her give her cat away.
First of all, you got back together with someone you broke up with. Mistake number one. Bad idea. Every time. Don't do that. Insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting different results.
Second of all, I'm not sure what you mean by he “tried” to break up with you. He DID break up with you. If one person says the relationship is over, then that's it, its over. It really is that easy. It really is best to just let him go for both of your sakes.
You have a gap in your ages. This isn't necessarily a bad thing in and of itself, but it is clear that you two are in very different phases of your life. He is most likely a college student, and you are a mature adult who has adult responsibilities, including taking on a care-giving role in your family.
Second, its possible that you did everything right. You gave him the biggest amount of time to him you could give. But just because you didn't do anything wrong doesn't mean you were meeting his needs. Some people need things you are not able to give them, and that's okay. It doesn't mean one of you is the bad guy. It just means you aren't compatible.
I really think you have to let this guy go, OP. I know you love him. I know you've put a lot of effort into this relationship. But its clear he isn't happy in the relationship and its clear you on-line different life styles and have different needs and priorities. You both deserve someone who can meet your needs and share your priorities.
True! I would def die of social suicide but thank you! 🙂
I think you should take this as an insight on who she is deep down.
What happens if she doesn’t feel presentable enough for an important event like a funeral, wedding, etc? Will you be okay going alone and making excuses for her?
What if you get more seriously injured and have a missing tooth, facial wounds, or burns? Or something more permanent like scarring?
What a lovely, wholesome post, thank you!
I don't think we compliment men enough. This was a very sweet and thoughtful gift from her, and your appreciation is making it even sweeter! Can you remember the last time someone said something complimentary to you? Especially appearance, that's important and most of us have insecurities, so it's nice to hear positive feedback from people we like, and care about their view of us ?
Pretty sure his love language is eating meals.
I feel like I’m on a ship heading straight for a rogue wave because my partner never takes accountability
Let's add to that that you aren't taking accountability either.
You've been watching your partner be a trainwreck for years. This isn't a recent change. She showed up on your doorstep claiming one thing and then proved to be soemthing, and then you brushed that off for five years.
Gosh, good luck getting out of this mess. Find some help and dig yourself out.
I don’t understand. If he’s at work and you’re at work, it’s really not an appropriate time for a chat.
I don’t text or call my partner during the day unless it’s an emergency. I don’t even check texts during my work day. It’s distracting.
If that’s something you need, maybe date someone who doesn’t have a job and can be at your beck and call.
This is heavy. It depends on person to person. I’m a little different and wouldn’t put up with that and divorce. But that’s me. But you also can’t have a healthy relationship if she’s unwilling to at least communicate what she needs time for. And relationships like this, never seem to last.
!RemindMe 1 week
NTA.
She needs to take a self-defense class if she wants to fight everyone. Otherwise, she doesn't need to tell the world her past. Everyone has a past. Not everyone needs to know about it. Geez, keep your history to yourself unless it's going to do someone good. Tell them the amount they need to know, no more. You can't trust people with your skeletons.
And while this can hurt, it is so very much better than what my former best friend, who is now dead to me, did to her spouse when she came out as trans. Asshole ex friend unilaterally decided that both of them were now in a poly relationship and suddenly had 3 boyfriends. Her spouse was supportive of her being in those relationships while not pursuing any other relationships herself. Ex friend then up and announced that she was moving in with her boyfriend and they were moving to another city. At no point did my ex friend just say that while she supports her spouse and her transition, she was no longer attracted to her and that they should end their relationship. Ex friend talked a really good talk about being pro LGBTQIA+, but she sucked at walking the walk. Her best friend is a kink and poly friendly sex therapist and that friend was appalled at her behavior. It was a cluster fuck from beginning to end. Her spouse, who has been our friend since my second year of college 20 years ago, is doing wonderfully and invited our kids to be some of the very first non inner circle adult friends to know about her transition.
He wasn't getting physical with me but he was standing over me so that I couldn't make any phone calls. He was refusing to take me back to my city and was telling me that I was the cause of all the problems in our relationship because I was always starting shit.
I guess to him me calling him out on his bullshit is me starting shit. I was fine with a few days but a few days turned into 3 weeks and it seemed that he had no plans to leave anytime soon. So he can do exactly what you said, he can play house with her. I'm done and I'm back in my city.
Or WHY?
I won’t tell you to look through it but at times when I’ve had the same feeling, just like everyone else that has, usually your gut it right..
Oh hell no I would not be okay with this. Him inviting her and her whole family over to stay with you, she’s unhappy in her marriage, he’s distant and confiding in her. How very convenient. He either had an emotional affair and then it stopped or it’s still going on.
If it’s innocent this shouldn’t damage whatever progress you’ve made. You have a right to transparency in your relationship and he has clearly not been transparent.
There’s a reason the other comment got a bunch of downvotes. It’s not controlling to ask your husband for boundaries when he’s clearly crossed them many times with another woman.
The problem is, can you believe him when you ask him about it? I personally wouldn’t.
Leave this poor guy. He deserves so much better than you, not someone who gets pissy with him for small things. Go have your fun, but don't go crawling back to him if it turns out the grass wasn't greener. Reading your post you want to have your cake and eat it too.
You will probably have regrets either way, staying means you regret not having “fun” and then you're probably gonna resent him( You already do which is just so stupid and moronic). If you leave and it turns of the grass isn't greener you're gonna be crying about how he is the one that got away and be full of regrets there.
At the of the day it isn't fair to your boyfriend, he deserves someone truly committed to him. There isn't a magical way to fix this, it's something you have to come to terms with yourself
Oh Lord forgive me dear sovereign word police. I apologize for offending thy sensitivities.
I hope i don't burn in enternal hell for it!
Oh Lord forgive me dear sovereign word police. I apologize for offending thy sensitivities.
I hope i don't burn in enternal hell for it!
Exactly. He's not got closure and still has raw feelings there. He's not focused on or present in his current relationship. I'd question all his future plans with you OP.
just block him.
Approximately 60% of people have admitted that they are cheaters so there are very good odds that you will encounter more cheaters in your life simply based on statistics and nothing to do with you.
If your gf goes on this cruise though and you stay with her you are asking to be disrespected at that point because you stayed with her.
I agree. For guys, so much of attractiveness is in grooming and your personality/how you present yourself.
Ok, for the sake of argument, let’s go with that. In that case, her modus operandi is, “I’m totally going to take this stupid, horny chump for everything he’s worth on this cruise, while denying him what he wants. (While my ‘actual’ boyfriend is home fretting the whole time.”
If she isn’t a cheater, she’s a grifter.
Well OP -I guess you just got the memo that your GF of 5 months isn't always truthful.
Because the Douchebag learned it from watching porn more than likely, and they think women really like that when having sex – You should've punched in the throat! then asked him how he like it?
I don't really get why that's a bad thing that he's upset that their sex life has dwindled? I'm on birth control rn and i have the same side affects, and it killing my libido has affected me just as much as the weight gain and mood changes. He shouldn't bring this up to her by focusing on the lack of sex, but it's valid to be frustrated by it imo.
Stopping it would have been stopping dancing period, not continuing to dance. There wouldn't have been a second attempt if she stopped dancing and walked away.
End it and then block him.
You're closer in age to his TODDLERS than you are him. That's insane.
So git instincts are real, scientific things (you have brain type cells in your abdomen that pick up signals missed by your brain). If she is creeping you out, get away.
This sounds entirely fake and made up. Cause otherwise it just sounds like shes looking for a way to break up with you.
Yeah this is a very large red flag. Talking of the future is fine. Demanding then crying is a hot freakin no. Bail.
Wait, there was supposedly a time when Slavic people weren’t considered to be white?
I can’t think of any way of resolving this in a way that won’t be damaging to you, and also damaging to your child. He has lied to you about who, in his heart, he actually is. And he’s lied to you very well and successfully. He would have never been honest with you if you hadn’t come across proof and confronted him.
He seems to have lost all sense of propriety in his sexual desires (if he ever had any). Are you absolutely certain your child would be safe with him?
You can’t be certain he’s never indulged in these fantasies. You should get tested for all STD’s. If you test positive for anything, the baby should be tested too.
9 hours a day could still be his normal amount of sleep needed regularly. Any more than that especially a lot more and he should see about doing a sleep study. You can’t be spending 12+ hours a day asleep and have as fulfilling a life. Gotta find a way to fix what’s causing that like sleep apnea.
I literally fell in love with him which triggered me
That's not what a “trigger” is. What you're describing is the most basic, normal, 100% predictable progression of events there is. It's called “catching feelings,” and everyone told you it would happen
i dont get it why he still talking with me even after i got crazy angry at him
Because he gets everything he wants from you— validation, sex, the ego boost of being desired, feeling powerful, etc., and he doesn't even have to stop dating other girls or take on any responsibilities he doesn't feel like taking on or make any commitments to you in exchange
You're basically asking why he would accept a free beer when offered; it's because he wants one, and it is being offered to him for free.