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SHOW BOOBS OR BLOWJOB, U CHOOSE [122 tokens remaining]
Date: October 4, 2022
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Fuck all of her past sexual partners to assert dominance.
This is the second time you have posted today. You got your advice yet you don't want to take it. Oh woe is me.
i’ll help you.
I'm sorry, but 70s?! I was expecting late teens
Just remember something here. You're an adult and you're the one who has to live with your partner for the rest of your life not your parents. This is their choice to cut you off. This is not your fault, this is all on them. So if they want to go NC by all means, let them. You'll probably be much happier without them. I have 3 adult children and I would never dream of doing what your parents are doing. I never could understand parents who think that they should still have control over the adult children's lives.
your brother is a pedo groomer
What in the world did she do for the other 28 days in November? She really needs to figure out her employment.
It isn’t right, fair, or remotely appropriate for her to guilt you when paying the agreed upon rent. I’m sorry ☹️
Wow big wall of text. I got this:
“yes he’s abusive and cheats but I love him, he did something awful should I be worried”
? ? ? ? ? ? ?
Advice: naw girl, don’t be worried. You like abusive guys after all. Maybe a baby will fix him
I know it's selfish to want to inject myself back into her life, I just miss her so much and I can't stand it anymore.
Then I would be very careful about how you confront her about this. If at all.
You need to talk to him and declare boundaries. Tell him how you feel. Be upfront, respectful, serious, and honest as possible. Try to find an alternative or compromise. Maybe he can take you shopping or something. Maybe you can let him pick out an outfit for you that you also agree to.
He will not magically know how his words affect you. You must tell him.
If theres no other major issues, then this is a simple communication problem. Use this smaller issue to see if you can both resolve it and move on. This will help you know if he is good for the long term also. You havent been dating very long.
Fix the problem while it is a smaller issue and dont let it grow it into a big bad monster.
He's cheap and rude. Decide if you want to waste your time dating a cheap, rude man.
Yeah, we have a long distance between us neither of us are fully financially stable. We haven’t set a date to meet, it’s more so just hopeful plans. I haven’t spoken about meeting for a long time. I’m honestly considering letting them down gently so I’m glad someone else thinks so too. Gonna see what others have to say too of course.
You understand there is a BIG difference between finding other people attractive (normal) and wanting to fuck them…right?
If you're having misgivings then better to part ways sooner rather than later.
… However:
His first comment seems like being jaded by live dating due to poor experiences. Here he's saying 'women' because he doesn't appreciate that many men on live dating are the same. Lots of people genuinely do dither more and 'keep their options open' on-line.
As for his second comment, if we interpret his words charitably he's saying that he has a particular worldview but is willing to accept yours being different. I'm not keen about the comments he made about other men, but holding ourselves to a 'higher standard' than we do others is pretty common.
I'd say to spend a bit more time with him and see what else comes up.
She doesn’t financially support me, we split our expenses and I’m capable of supporting myself if need be. That’s not really a factor in any decision. We have had a lot of conversations about life goals and stuff and it’s always been kind of moot on her end. As you said, it’s not like there’s anything particularly wrong with that, it’s just one of the things that doesn’t click between us. Thank you for your advice and comment
So do you want to live like this for the rest of your life? (Btw, you don’t) You lay down your needs, he either wants to meet them or he doesn’t. We all get our hearts broken, we all get over it. If this isn’t how you want to live, and he won’t change, then leave. Life is short, the world is an amazing, beautiful place with lots to explore. A life of sitting in a box while others go and on-line the life you want will just make you depressed and resentful.
The issue is the difference between apologizing when you hurt someone vs apologizing only when you agree you intentionally did something wrong. We apologize to show that we care about other people's feelings. His extreme resistance to a simple apology simply because he didn't intend any harm is a nuanced way to tell that his ego is still bigger than his empathy. I hope he will grow to understand that apologies aren't admissions of guilt or invitations of blame, they're gifts of care we give to loved ones.
Keep the baby and live happily. You wanted a child for years. This is your chance. You won't regret it. What you will regret is if you terminate it then next thing he tells you he knocked up that chick and he runs off and plays family while you lost your chance
I am so relieved that most people in the comments are passing the vibe check
Would you prefer Papi or Dad?
Yes!!!! Do it!
Firstly, you'll have a lifetime of brownie points and argument enders. Win!
Secondly, if she's already on her own way out of your relationship refusing just seals your fate faster-use this to your advantage bro. Don't be insecure. The harder you cling the faster they wing.
Thirdly, I've always thought it would be a turn on to watch my chick with another guy, if she's going to leave me for him let her do it in front of me.
But most importantly I'd like to see his insecurity when in my presence. It would be a threesome after all and it would be an opportunity to out alpha the other guy because that's what she's missing in your relationship. You're not satisfying her. So Obviously be sure in advance that you can do that. Good luck bro.
I am not seeing enough info to call it abusive, you are likely leaving chunks you that your friends notice. But I at least see that you are in a toxic situation that is very incompatible for you that is making you sick and giving you anxiety. It also sounds like you got manipulated by your “wife” to having a mutual boyfriend with her. That’s really not cool. They also left you out of a huge life changing decision, which says a lot about them as people. It also concerns me that this is a set up to turn you into a nanny. Get out while you can. If the upset of losing you could cause a miscarriage, then she’s going to miscarry anyways over some other stressor. But you have no business putting you own well being in harms ways, just because you imagine something like this. Just go.
Good luck.
Is this only about external factors or are there relationship issues you’re avoiding?
Honey, stop giving your parents the power. Make them say no. Make them uninvite him! From now on, if you are invited, your partner automatically is as well.
You're mindreading for your dad here, making it easy for him to snub your partner without actually being the bad guy. Stop doing that. Make him say it out loud. Stop listening for clues about how they feel.
A good therapist can help you set healthy boundaries in all of your relationships.
First of all, that's an insane complaint to have in a supposedly monogamous relationship. It's basically him whining that you're not ok with him cheating, which means he's either already cheating or wants to start. Secondly, this part is a red flag that's visible from space:
I want to talk about it, but it seems that anytime I try bringing up what has bothered me, he sees it as bringing up the past. I can't even talk about it in the moment because he instantly goes on defense. At times, calling me names to end the conversation quicker. He always apologizes and claims he doesn't know what comes over him, but it's getting really old… very fast… any advice would be helpful. I honestly feel like we're too old to be handling conflict like this.
My kid is 9 and HE'S too old to be handling conflict like that. Take a break and reread the post you just wrote us and imagine that this is an issue a friend of yours is bringing to you, seeking your advice about her boyfriend and his behavior.
Is there a chance in hell that you wouldn't be telling her to dump him? I'm thinking not. So do yourself the favor of being as protective of yourself as you would be of a friend and get out of this terrible relationship.
Everyone is just (rightly) outraged at this gross pedo dude and that’s why you’re getting downvoted, I think. But I absolutely agree with you about the algorithm taking creative liberties to try to tell you what you should like based on things you also like. Def not the case here, OP’s husband is cultivating this crap but I get what you were saying.
!UpdateMe
That’s good, cause I was gonna say if you’re still in the “talking him out of it” phase then you need to switch tactics ASAP. The whole “I’m so terrible” thing is 100% deflection, even if it stems from a place of genuine low self esteem. It’s about derailing the conversation away from your very reasonable concerns and shifting it so you have to either comfort him or feel so bad that you back off. It’s about avoiding the discomfort of trying to actually tackle an issue by making a show of wallowing in how bad you feel. Self-flagellation is easy and comfortable compared to actual effort and change.
Next time he says something like that, try not to engage with it: say something like, “That’s not what I’m talking about right now – I’m talking about when you’re going to get your drivers licence. I need you to do that to make life better for our whole family, so let’s work out a plan to make that happen.” It’s almost like a small child having a tantrum; you need to keep bringing him back to the core problem and calmly insisting on a solution, even when he tries to avoid the discomfort of having to confront the issue. Needless to say you shouldn’t have to be doing this kind of emotional labour for a grown ass man who’s supposed to be your partner in life, but this is the hand you’re playing with and you don’t seem to be in a position to leave, so this is what I think might actually get him to do something useful. Good luck!
Someone is ready for a baby and it ain't you. Rethink and then skedaddle.
He did stood up for me in the beginning but stop because all of the drama But when we are together he is really sweet, lovey, and so on, so it is really just is family that are the problem
It's like actually a thing anti depressants cause, I don't think he's watching much pork, he could just adk me for pictures, he had to look up suicide girls when I told him that people tell me I should be one
We didn’t even plan no contact it just happened
this account of OP's is a sleeper bot probably, a year old but nothin on it except for posts ONLY on this subreddit
My husband and I split everything and this wouldn't be OK in either of our books. You laid down your boundary and he isn't a fully contributing partner, why exactly you keeping someone around you that likes to disrespect you? And he has money to go out but not to help with rent?
it is litterally BDSM. a BDSM he did not warn about and that you didn't consent on base of relevant informations. you may consider it as sexual assault.
go on therapy before the PTS kick on.
he may cry on you trust because he broke it definitively.
I’m 36 and got out in 09, I wasn’t this fit the entire time but I am now….
PTSD made life pretty hot for a while and it’s still hard but I’ve just got better at letting my mind fuck with me all it needs to so new thoughts can come in. The more I resist them the more they will persist
Maybe he needs some actual help….
I am now seeing the edit where his ass didn’t deploy or nothing. We had a guy on deployment that wouldn’t shower or do any hygiene, well we took care of it the Marine way but my point is, some people didn’t learn good hygiene growing up, some people are lazy as shit, some people have a mental block and some people just plain don’t care.
Figure out which one he is and proceed with dignity or leave.
….do you really not know what happened here? This entire story is example after example of you nit picking her and calling her out for things. You had only been dating for a few weeks and you seem to have so many times called her out for things, convinced her she was wrong, and expressed distaste for her actions. That is an absolutely horrible start to a relationship. It makes perfect sense why she ended it. She lost her feelings due to this constant stream of conflicts and probably also due to feeling like she couldn’t do anything right in your eyes.
Maybe he doesn't feel threatened by you seeing a woman. What if you wanted to see another man? Would he be ok with that?
A hoe phase isn’t all it seems, it’s mostly disgusting sex with disgusting people.
She wants YOU!
Please explain to me how that joke is funny.
Then go watch Jigsaw by Daniel Sloss on Netflix. He tells actually funny jokes about relationships.
Not when both parents hate each other. And OP clearly doesn't plan on staying married or on good terms with the mother.
Having two parents doesn't make them better off if they aren't on the same page about raising the child or even like each other. You're just setting that child up for a shitty home life and a bad example of what partnership is.
I quit reading after you said a part of you thinks you can do better. Let this poor man go so he can find someone better.
It’s kind of a pride of ownership thing. Like if you initiate it then it was not his idea.
You can get people to do almost anything, if they think it was their own idea.
Just commented this on another post but a really good lesson I learned in life is to put equal effort in where it is given back. Obviously he’s not showing effort, so why should OP put all this effort in and bend over backwards for this man? Like you, I’d take a huge step back.
She did a very stupid thing, and she is going to spend a lot of time rebuilding what she broke, and that's assuming she was telling the truth.
The truth is she has been talking to him for months and at no point in time did she feel the need to tell you anything. you had to find out about it so it stands to reason if you hadn't found out she would still be talking to him now. the fact she told you nothing tells me she knew deep down what she was doing was wrong.
For me personally, I would find it very hot to even look at this person the same way again. There would always be this part of me that knows she is capable of this and the only thing she has to do is hide it better.
On the other hand, she may have been scared straight and won't ever do anything o stupid again.
Either way I think going to talk to a therapist, both of you alone and then together to work this out would be for the best.
Like, sensual touching is PRETTTY frequent, we just don't go all the way.
Thank you. I will be discussing it with him tonight.