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ALL GOALS MET [Multi Goal]
Date: October 12, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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Yeah I second this, OP.
Even for people who aren’t the most doting romantically, taking care of someone when they’re sick is like the most practical show of affection. It’s super easy to help someone with a cold/UTI/basic infection, and it’s also the bare minimum.
After all, what does it entail? Making tea, ordering in or doing some basic cooking, one extra trip to the grocery store (or delivery, it’s that easy), making sure you’re stocked with tissues and any medication, and being generally helpful.
The even bigger red flag for this than him being selfish and wimpy during a cold is the UTI and tonsillitis thing. UTIs are rare for men to get until they’re senior citizens, and the odds of you both having tonsillitis AND a UTI at the same time, resolving at the same time basically guarantees he’s not being truthful (and doesn’t understand how to lie convincingly either— comes off as unhealthily selfish and potentially not that sharp/assuming you’re not).
I would leave. The fact that he’s not even trying to take care of you and pretending he has a worse illness tells you multiple things at one time:
He’s willing to lie to you — probably whenever he feels benefits him, definitely whenever he experiences this deep need to be the bigger victim / get attention / suffer more
** He won’t take care of you— maybe at all** Even if this behavior changed a little, you might have to fight for every inch of dignity and basic care. No one should be in a relationship with someone who they have to fight for basic care and respect.
** This behavior will probably show up in other areas** That’s if it hasn’t already. The fact that the lies are so obvious and so tightly correlated with your suffering an illness makes it seem like this deep need is somewhat pathological. Getting treated this way when you’re sick is bad enough, but about work? Social situations? No thanks.
Maybe something about sickness makes his issues worse— but I’d assume there’s still an underlying pattern to do with this callous selfishness and urges to bend the truth to justify his wants. You’re sick and suffering, and he’s not only refusing to help, but making your time sick worse.
It’s possible this guy can eventually realize how shitty his behavior is and spend several years working growing as a person. He’s young but an adult, so it probably will never fully go away as an urge, but he may eventually learn how to cope with whatever makes him feel some type of way not being the center of attention (or whatever similar issue this is) and can learn to still behave more maturely, not lie, and manage his feelings and balance them with other people’s needs.
But— that will take years.
And he won’t do that growth while he’s being enabled to mistreat people.
He’s not capable of offering you the least bit of grace while you’re sick, and is weird and lying about it. That’s what matters now, not some hypothetical of self-improvement he may never take seriously.
I’d take figuring this out as a blessing and leave. Let him figure out how to be a respectful and mature adult on his own time. Don’t “date a project”— especially when that “project” will lie to get out of basic care.
He is trying to get you to “lock him down” because he is such a hot commodity.
But he's not. He is a deeply insecure person who feels inadequate, and so makes up for it by bragging about how wanted he is. He is not wanted.
OP she sounds like a me person. Me me me me me. If you are serious about her try both to chose one hobby that is interesting to both of you.