I think you already know the answer. You aren't happy with how he reacted. Whether his reaction was right or not doesn't matter. You were in a situation where the support you want was not given to you. Let him go and find a partner who will give it to uou.
That's just a drama queen, if she's always like this I don't know how you've made it 18 months together. The friendship thing makes. Me think she might just enjoy the drama and being the victim.
I get the “feeling a lot” thing, I can be quite emotional myself but this is ridiculous!
Someone on-line realized I wasn’t interested and went and befriended my sister instead. I don’t think I have ever been as angry as I was when I confronted them.
Are you aware that she may “desire” you only because you are in relationship? There are women like that out there. The moment you break up she will lose her interest. Not to mention that she may get bored regardless. So either talk with your current gf and try to sort it out or break up and take have a break from relationships.
It might be time to start see the lawyer and get things in order for a quick split-then she can hang out with her friends, unencumbered, as much as she'd like.
100% she's out banging someone else and that's why she hasn't replied. Grass always seems greener. If you hear from her its because the other guy fell through.
She sounds quite reserved. I'm similar. I'm passive, insecure, and can be awkward. I can only speak from my experience, but it took my partner at the time to tell me what it was he wanted/needed for me to try to be a little more active and take the initiative (which my ex messed up so bad there). I also felt that being on top was too vulnerable and I just couldn't do it right. There was, probably still is, a whole mental barrier.
Seven years is a long time, have you not communicated all this with her? Or just kind of waited for her to do these things without prompting or being the one to come up with the ideas?
You'll only really know the answers if you sit down and ask the questions. That will tell you if you if you need to “kill” that part of you or compromise somehow. Even if she's all for being more active, if she's not in the mood, she's not in the mood.
Yeah you ask the first few times absoloutly, but kiss body language is pretty obvious, you lean in, stop, wait a beat for a return lean in or pull away. If she felt like she couldn't pull away, that shows an issue, and you probably did the right thing for her and yourself by ending it.
Hell, first time I kissed one of my freinds, I did the lean in thing, next time she just went for it almost out of no where and shoved her tongue down my throat, I'm doubting you were that forcefull?
I only stated that because I was asked if I don’t view her as an equal. And I don’t want her to pay for the bills if we were to marry because those will the responsibilities that I want to be accountable for. For context the amount she makes more won’t be by much, but it is something I am proud of that she will be accomplishing
Before he lost his licence he drove my kids to/from school and multiple appointments so I could keep working. He does make dinner most nights cos I hate cooking and we'd just have pasta all the time otherwise. He's improved a lot at cleaning and does most of the washing now, puts the dishwasher on most nights.
That took time to get to but he does do that now without me asking. It just took a lot of asking and harping to GET there until it was a habit for him (apart from cooking which he always did as he enjoys it).
They're good points about me needing to do those things. I forgot to add he likely has autism (my view, he never considered it before we met, and he is being assessed soon professionally), so he often struggles to see my POV or needs. He says he needs me to communicate a lot, and trust me, I'm a talkative, talk-about-feelings kind of person, but sometimes I feel like if I don't communicate EVERYTHING then he says, well, you didn't tell me you needed that, you didn't ask me to do that thing, etc.
I always feel physical touch vs acts of service couple always skews to the physical touch partner doing everything possible and acts of service partner coming up with excuses as to why they don’t want sex.
If you're trying to better yourself then get therapy. Reddit can't fix your intrusive thoughts. Asking reddit is a pretty lazy way to work on yourself.
It genuinely look like you do have something going on that affect the way you perceive things indeed. I have autism and it does that to me : Most people can't handle the way I on-line because of that, but my partner does
I never got married, but from my experience in relationships, when one is fed up and think it's over, it's generally very difficult to come back from that. I suggest you to talk with him about how you feel about all of this and discuss your options about what is he expecting from you now.
I don't know what that means! I've only been on reddit for like a year, and mostly due to stupid ass fb jail. I know when I look at my account it days karma and whatnot but I don't really understand the entire point of it. Like, what does it get you, or what's the point, rather?
I think we found his burner. You’re calling his children other people, he’s been their dad for 16 years. The wife also states she is bringing in double his paycheck. Either make the fund, or tell your husband until you start bringing more to the table, you can’t dictate what we do with the money I make. Give your daughter a trust and I’ll give my kids one. See how quickly the tune changes then.
It's one thing to be angry at your cheating, lying father but this girl is a completely innocent party who had her father never in her life because of his mistakes and his wife's anger and her mother's stupidity. She did nothing wrong and you clearly have so much hate for her. Seek therapy.
I can’t believe people are trying to make OP the villain here. It’s the most Reddit thing ever.
His wife has purposely lied to him for YEARS about getting pregnant and having a child with him (all whilst his biological clock is ticking), now only a week ago, she lets him know of this massive betrayal and people are saying he’s being horrible? It’s been a WEEK and he’s adjusting and just keeping his distance.
Honestly reads like she’s talking about a puppy and not a 19 year old young man. Especially the “when he’s calm it just makes me so happy I could cry” part like……is he a rescued German shepherd or…?
ill say this, as a trans man, its okay. you are not attracted to men, and he will come to understand that. you are a straight guy, and its fair that you do not want to continue this relationship.
i can tell you love them as a person, you love who they were to you for a long time, and hopefully you both can stay friends and you can help be a support system to him in this journey of his.
its okay to break up, you cannot see this relationship flourishing anymore.
If he decides to stay with you the only thing you can do is be better. To don’t make talk your way into trust or convince someone to trust you. You prove it. But your actions. Everyday.
And be honest with yourself and each other where if he starts being abusive again or you start slipping in this way again. Then you just end it.
Your husband clearly does not respect or care about your pain and your needs. As a 34 year old he purposely went after 20 year old you because your lack of experience and confidence made you easy to control, coerce, manipulate and dominate. Your only value to him seems to be in giving him children, and maintain his the home and he has no care for your needs and illnesses. He is degrading you with his cruel insults and callous attitude towards you. This 44 year old middle aged man has the nerve to call you old and tell you that you are degenerating. Please get some self respect and start seeing your husband for the selfish abusive asshole that he is. Sounds like he thinks he can get another 20 year old and like he is threatening to leave you for one. Your husband is trash and you deserve better than that miserable abuser.
Might be a bit of an AH move but since you’re being called one anyway- talk to the fiancée and let her know the real reason he wants you there isn’t for the kids, it is because he’s still weirdly obsessed with you and can’t let you go. Ask her why else would literally no one-including the babysitter who already watches the kids- can substitute for you? Does she really want to enter into this marriage knowing you are still irreplaceable in his life? It’s the wedding today but then maybe he wants you to go along on family vacations and all that jazz. Out of respect for her and her special wedding day you cannot in good faith attend and encourage this obsession with you.
I’d book a holiday with friends. I wouldn’t let anyone make a big thing of it, and I wouldn’t mention the drinking. I’d just say that holiday leave is precious and since I don’t share bf’s family’s hobbies it makes sense to leave them to it and have fun my way, with likeminded friends.
I thought i wasnt able to conceive naturally and really good at tracking my cycles, so we would definitely be ok and not get pregnant whilst we waited for more permanent birth control.
She has said she understands why I wrote the message, but she said it was also a bit rude and demanding
Bru do you have any real friends?? You're homegirl thinks THIS nice message is rude and demanding? TF?
I'm from the Midwest and while we are very polite people generally speaking what Bob did to you would be met with serious, unrelenting, dragon-force interactions from most folks. As we say in Cleveland, don't start none won't be none. You don't get to help bust up someone's marriage and then be met with a nice letter requiring respect. You're better than me my guy
Very tr000. I wouldn’t say it’s over or to end it. I do strongly feel if it were me, I would confront it head on, calmly. I also think it’s important to discredit other peoples negative opinions if they are detrimental to one’s own self esteem. One girl calling me small, and we’ve only been together less then a year? Brush it off, it’s one girl and most of us ain’t porn stars. If 10 girls call me small?… well I guess I’ve gotta own it. Thank goodness there are many other ways to please a woman. Self respect is key.
OP, I really wish I could find this amazing essay by this woman with a very large vagina. She talks about feeling like her vagina is a ballroom that most penises simply dance around in. She said not all men were made for her, and though she had dated some wonderful guys, if they didn't fit, it was a no-go.
If she is saying you are “too small” it sounds like she feels that the two of you are not a good match. I know men fetishize size, but I can tell you, most women don't. What we want is someone who is a good match. For all you know, your girlfriend may be a ballroom, and you just need to find someone who isn't.
Talk to her about it. And when you are doing so, remember that it's not just about you and your size, but about her and her size too. Good luck!
Early on in the relationship I noticed she hides all of her notifications on the phone, and she gave her reasons that she's always been doing it.
In subs like these this almost always appear to be a sign of trouble. I realize that you're not married yet, but open phone policy is the way to go. Secrecy is not privacy.
With all due respect, this comment is the one that makes me think it's a good idea to bow out of this exchange. I really hope you eventually decide to consider other points of view on this matter. Again, nothing wrong with your profession. But how you're approaching it is not conducive to a healthy relationship. If this is a dealbreaker for your boyfriend, you're going to have to accept it. There are probably men out there who would be okay with all this. That's valid. But your boyfriend's POV is also valid, and there also men out there who wouldn't be okay with this. You may simply have to part ways at the end of the day if you aren't compatible and he doesn't feel like his boundaries are being respected or even considered.
So your way to soothe yourself is to have sex. He doesn’t have to have sex he doesn’t want to have. Not sure what to tell you.
I’d find a therapist and use them as a therapist. Wanting on demand sex to make yourself feel better after a bad day or week isn’t a reasonable expectation.
I am embracing it currently (I think, there is no combover).. just a question on because it's hidden up there at the top it isn't seen in pictures or even in most situations because most aren't taller than me..
Is it socially acceptable to date like that.. just embracing it but not explicitly showing pictures (not trying to hide it.. just that I don't take pictures above my head).
Some of those girls are explicitly mentioned to be gay or bi. You are being a bit of a hypocrite here, it's not really reasonable to make that distinction solely by gender. The behaviour is either ok or it isn't, saying it's ok for same-sex people only, while ignoring same-sex attraction, is a bit sexist.
You are doing nothing wrong. No one should treat you rudely or bad because of a difference of opinion. I suspect she wants to 'lock you down' so she can have a baby and perhaps financial security on her timeline. You learned about how she handles conflict OP. And it's not in a mature, respectful manner.
This is her problem and you can’t fix it. She needs to know that if she can’t fix it it’s probably the end of the marriage because there’s no reason for you to go through life being harangued for something out of your control. She knew this when she married you and still chose to, now she has to on-line with it or not be married. There’s literally nothing you can do.
Comedy option: suggest that as a fix you sleep with one man for every woman you slept with, to cancel them out.
You are right, this relationship will never go past where it is right now. I don't blame you, I would not want to sleep over with him and his mother either – creepy!!
He is never going to want anything different than this, because this works for him. His mom takes care of all of his needs, except sex, which he goes you to for a couple of times a week. He is completely happy with this arrangement
If you were completely happy with this arrangement, then I would leave it completely like it is. I mean you don't have to feed him or clean up after him nor financially support him. If you were older then this might be the ideal situation. But, you aren't happy with it the way it is. The question is, how much time are you going to spend on this person when there is no future besides how things are today?
Not to be doom-y but if his mother should die, would you really want to take on her job?? Because this is a supposedly full grown man who does not cook nor do his own laundry and she probably cleans both his bedroom and his bathroom. Is that really something you want to take on?? He has no idea how to on-line on his own at 36!!
show him this post, if he doesn't immediately go “OH, FUCK, I'M SO SORRY BABE” then he's not a keeper
I'm going to err on the side of people sometimes being complete morons that he might not have realized how bad of a fuckup he just made
I think you already know the answer. You aren't happy with how he reacted. Whether his reaction was right or not doesn't matter. You were in a situation where the support you want was not given to you. Let him go and find a partner who will give it to uou.
Thanks
hm still is cheating though
also, are you 100% sure your friends were ok with you kissin them???
That's just a drama queen, if she's always like this I don't know how you've made it 18 months together. The friendship thing makes. Me think she might just enjoy the drama and being the victim.
I get the “feeling a lot” thing, I can be quite emotional myself but this is ridiculous!
People can be friends with their exes.
Sounds like couples therapy would help you guys.
Someone on-line realized I wasn’t interested and went and befriended my sister instead. I don’t think I have ever been as angry as I was when I confronted them.
That seems the most sensible and just wanna talk with her so she could make this clear any tips on how to talk on this?
He will never stop watching porn, he will get better at hiding it. Either get used to it or let it go.
For me personally, yes 100%
Are you aware that she may “desire” you only because you are in relationship? There are women like that out there. The moment you break up she will lose her interest. Not to mention that she may get bored regardless. So either talk with your current gf and try to sort it out or break up and take have a break from relationships.
It might be time to start see the lawyer and get things in order for a quick split-then she can hang out with her friends, unencumbered, as much as she'd like.
LMAO what ARE you doing girl?!
I'll suggest it and see if she's willing
100% she's out banging someone else and that's why she hasn't replied. Grass always seems greener. If you hear from her its because the other guy fell through.
She sounds quite reserved. I'm similar. I'm passive, insecure, and can be awkward. I can only speak from my experience, but it took my partner at the time to tell me what it was he wanted/needed for me to try to be a little more active and take the initiative (which my ex messed up so bad there). I also felt that being on top was too vulnerable and I just couldn't do it right. There was, probably still is, a whole mental barrier.
Seven years is a long time, have you not communicated all this with her? Or just kind of waited for her to do these things without prompting or being the one to come up with the ideas?
You'll only really know the answers if you sit down and ask the questions. That will tell you if you if you need to “kill” that part of you or compromise somehow. Even if she's all for being more active, if she's not in the mood, she's not in the mood.
Yeah you ask the first few times absoloutly, but kiss body language is pretty obvious, you lean in, stop, wait a beat for a return lean in or pull away. If she felt like she couldn't pull away, that shows an issue, and you probably did the right thing for her and yourself by ending it.
Hell, first time I kissed one of my freinds, I did the lean in thing, next time she just went for it almost out of no where and shoved her tongue down my throat, I'm doubting you were that forcefull?
I only stated that because I was asked if I don’t view her as an equal. And I don’t want her to pay for the bills if we were to marry because those will the responsibilities that I want to be accountable for. For context the amount she makes more won’t be by much, but it is something I am proud of that she will be accomplishing
Before he lost his licence he drove my kids to/from school and multiple appointments so I could keep working. He does make dinner most nights cos I hate cooking and we'd just have pasta all the time otherwise. He's improved a lot at cleaning and does most of the washing now, puts the dishwasher on most nights.
That took time to get to but he does do that now without me asking. It just took a lot of asking and harping to GET there until it was a habit for him (apart from cooking which he always did as he enjoys it).
They're good points about me needing to do those things. I forgot to add he likely has autism (my view, he never considered it before we met, and he is being assessed soon professionally), so he often struggles to see my POV or needs. He says he needs me to communicate a lot, and trust me, I'm a talkative, talk-about-feelings kind of person, but sometimes I feel like if I don't communicate EVERYTHING then he says, well, you didn't tell me you needed that, you didn't ask me to do that thing, etc.
I always feel physical touch vs acts of service couple always skews to the physical touch partner doing everything possible and acts of service partner coming up with excuses as to why they don’t want sex.
How far away is he
If you're trying to better yourself then get therapy. Reddit can't fix your intrusive thoughts. Asking reddit is a pretty lazy way to work on yourself.
It genuinely look like you do have something going on that affect the way you perceive things indeed. I have autism and it does that to me : Most people can't handle the way I on-line because of that, but my partner does
I never got married, but from my experience in relationships, when one is fed up and think it's over, it's generally very difficult to come back from that. I suggest you to talk with him about how you feel about all of this and discuss your options about what is he expecting from you now.
Thank you. This is very hot, it’s hurting my heart
If you are truly done, just leave, you are not anyone's slave.
Or… she had someone in mind already.
I don't know what that means! I've only been on reddit for like a year, and mostly due to stupid ass fb jail. I know when I look at my account it days karma and whatnot but I don't really understand the entire point of it. Like, what does it get you, or what's the point, rather?
I think we found his burner. You’re calling his children other people, he’s been their dad for 16 years. The wife also states she is bringing in double his paycheck. Either make the fund, or tell your husband until you start bringing more to the table, you can’t dictate what we do with the money I make. Give your daughter a trust and I’ll give my kids one. See how quickly the tune changes then.
It's one thing to be angry at your cheating, lying father but this girl is a completely innocent party who had her father never in her life because of his mistakes and his wife's anger and her mother's stupidity. She did nothing wrong and you clearly have so much hate for her. Seek therapy.
I can’t believe people are trying to make OP the villain here. It’s the most Reddit thing ever.
His wife has purposely lied to him for YEARS about getting pregnant and having a child with him (all whilst his biological clock is ticking), now only a week ago, she lets him know of this massive betrayal and people are saying he’s being horrible? It’s been a WEEK and he’s adjusting and just keeping his distance.
Just divorce her OP. She was just using you.
Honestly reads like she’s talking about a puppy and not a 19 year old young man. Especially the “when he’s calm it just makes me so happy I could cry” part like……is he a rescued German shepherd or…?
You are weird and your friends are right leave my man alone.
What would you do if you catch you potential child in a risqué situation with someone of the same sex?
I'm very interested.
ill say this, as a trans man, its okay. you are not attracted to men, and he will come to understand that. you are a straight guy, and its fair that you do not want to continue this relationship.
i can tell you love them as a person, you love who they were to you for a long time, and hopefully you both can stay friends and you can help be a support system to him in this journey of his.
its okay to break up, you cannot see this relationship flourishing anymore.
You can’t make him hurt less.
If he decides to stay with you the only thing you can do is be better. To don’t make talk your way into trust or convince someone to trust you. You prove it. But your actions. Everyday.
And be honest with yourself and each other where if he starts being abusive again or you start slipping in this way again. Then you just end it.
We talked and broke up
This isn’t an age gap problem but a poor selection (avoiding wise choices ) problem. He doesn’t want marriage or children.
It’s not a debate or negotiation. You are wasting time staying.
The good news is he absolutely served as an example to those employees!
Be grateful it’s something that responds to treatment. HIV or Herpes are considerably less treatable.
Fuck I can’t stress this enough her. It ain’t worth your peace
This is why i don't date people with trauma. Its just so exhausting to have to deal with people who cry a lot
Your just being a cum dumpster when he wants to get off
Do you see how you REFUSE TO TAKE ACCOUNTABILITY???
All you’re doing is deflecting and being defensive. My god man.
Your husband clearly does not respect or care about your pain and your needs. As a 34 year old he purposely went after 20 year old you because your lack of experience and confidence made you easy to control, coerce, manipulate and dominate. Your only value to him seems to be in giving him children, and maintain his the home and he has no care for your needs and illnesses. He is degrading you with his cruel insults and callous attitude towards you. This 44 year old middle aged man has the nerve to call you old and tell you that you are degenerating. Please get some self respect and start seeing your husband for the selfish abusive asshole that he is. Sounds like he thinks he can get another 20 year old and like he is threatening to leave you for one. Your husband is trash and you deserve better than that miserable abuser.
Might be a bit of an AH move but since you’re being called one anyway- talk to the fiancée and let her know the real reason he wants you there isn’t for the kids, it is because he’s still weirdly obsessed with you and can’t let you go. Ask her why else would literally no one-including the babysitter who already watches the kids- can substitute for you? Does she really want to enter into this marriage knowing you are still irreplaceable in his life? It’s the wedding today but then maybe he wants you to go along on family vacations and all that jazz. Out of respect for her and her special wedding day you cannot in good faith attend and encourage this obsession with you.
I’d book a holiday with friends. I wouldn’t let anyone make a big thing of it, and I wouldn’t mention the drinking. I’d just say that holiday leave is precious and since I don’t share bf’s family’s hobbies it makes sense to leave them to it and have fun my way, with likeminded friends.
I thought i wasnt able to conceive naturally and really good at tracking my cycles, so we would definitely be ok and not get pregnant whilst we waited for more permanent birth control.
You know who disagrees with that?
My one year old ?
She has said she understands why I wrote the message, but she said it was also a bit rude and demanding
Bru do you have any real friends?? You're homegirl thinks THIS nice message is rude and demanding? TF?
I'm from the Midwest and while we are very polite people generally speaking what Bob did to you would be met with serious, unrelenting, dragon-force interactions from most folks. As we say in Cleveland, don't start none won't be none. You don't get to help bust up someone's marriage and then be met with a nice letter requiring respect. You're better than me my guy
Very tr000. I wouldn’t say it’s over or to end it. I do strongly feel if it were me, I would confront it head on, calmly. I also think it’s important to discredit other peoples negative opinions if they are detrimental to one’s own self esteem. One girl calling me small, and we’ve only been together less then a year? Brush it off, it’s one girl and most of us ain’t porn stars. If 10 girls call me small?… well I guess I’ve gotta own it. Thank goodness there are many other ways to please a woman. Self respect is key.
OP, I really wish I could find this amazing essay by this woman with a very large vagina. She talks about feeling like her vagina is a ballroom that most penises simply dance around in. She said not all men were made for her, and though she had dated some wonderful guys, if they didn't fit, it was a no-go.
If she is saying you are “too small” it sounds like she feels that the two of you are not a good match. I know men fetishize size, but I can tell you, most women don't. What we want is someone who is a good match. For all you know, your girlfriend may be a ballroom, and you just need to find someone who isn't.
Talk to her about it. And when you are doing so, remember that it's not just about you and your size, but about her and her size too. Good luck!
Early on in the relationship I noticed she hides all of her notifications on the phone, and she gave her reasons that she's always been doing it.
In subs like these this almost always appear to be a sign of trouble. I realize that you're not married yet, but open phone policy is the way to go. Secrecy is not privacy.
I’d be leaving a review on Amy’s salon, detailing the incredible breach of trust.
Why would you stay with someone who so flagrantly mislead you about his expectations for marriage? Yeesh. Run away.
Literally don't need to read the post when the title has multiple red flags.
This guy is a loser, dating young women because he likes the power dynamic. Not surprising that he's also controlling and hypocritical.
Please, for the love of God, don't waste any more of your twenties on this man.
With all due respect, this comment is the one that makes me think it's a good idea to bow out of this exchange. I really hope you eventually decide to consider other points of view on this matter. Again, nothing wrong with your profession. But how you're approaching it is not conducive to a healthy relationship. If this is a dealbreaker for your boyfriend, you're going to have to accept it. There are probably men out there who would be okay with all this. That's valid. But your boyfriend's POV is also valid, and there also men out there who wouldn't be okay with this. You may simply have to part ways at the end of the day if you aren't compatible and he doesn't feel like his boundaries are being respected or even considered.
Take care, and good luck.
You are a newly single dad living it up on your spare time and having fun.
Ages don’t matter, you all have a common interest, dance, which brought you together.
You do you and you enjoy your life and on-line it up.
It’s just a way to turn the argument against you and make it about her. She’s not actually hearing you when you express your “feelings”.
So your way to soothe yourself is to have sex. He doesn’t have to have sex he doesn’t want to have. Not sure what to tell you.
I’d find a therapist and use them as a therapist. Wanting on demand sex to make yourself feel better after a bad day or week isn’t a reasonable expectation.
I am embracing it currently (I think, there is no combover).. just a question on because it's hidden up there at the top it isn't seen in pictures or even in most situations because most aren't taller than me..
Is it socially acceptable to date like that.. just embracing it but not explicitly showing pictures (not trying to hide it.. just that I don't take pictures above my head).
Sex is important in a relationship to someone that is sexual. I think you need a more compatible partner.
Even if she wants to keep it, that doesn't mean she's happy. It could just mean she's accepted the situation and is willing to face it.
You need to tell him. This could be a sign of a serious medical condition.
Important questions – Who initiated the break up and why? ( If i may ask)
Some of those girls are explicitly mentioned to be gay or bi. You are being a bit of a hypocrite here, it's not really reasonable to make that distinction solely by gender. The behaviour is either ok or it isn't, saying it's ok for same-sex people only, while ignoring same-sex attraction, is a bit sexist.
You are doing nothing wrong. No one should treat you rudely or bad because of a difference of opinion. I suspect she wants to 'lock you down' so she can have a baby and perhaps financial security on her timeline. You learned about how she handles conflict OP. And it's not in a mature, respectful manner.
“I wouldn't want to join a club that will accept me as a member.” – Groucho Marx. Sounds like you have self-esteem issues.
This is her problem and you can’t fix it. She needs to know that if she can’t fix it it’s probably the end of the marriage because there’s no reason for you to go through life being harangued for something out of your control. She knew this when she married you and still chose to, now she has to on-line with it or not be married. There’s literally nothing you can do.
Comedy option: suggest that as a fix you sleep with one man for every woman you slept with, to cancel them out.
Is she bisexual? Has she ever asked for a three way?
You’re in a monogamous relationship. She might be hurt when you ask, because it gives the impression that she’s not enough.
If she is not enough, do her a favor and end it
You are right, this relationship will never go past where it is right now. I don't blame you, I would not want to sleep over with him and his mother either – creepy!!
He is never going to want anything different than this, because this works for him. His mom takes care of all of his needs, except sex, which he goes you to for a couple of times a week. He is completely happy with this arrangement
If you were completely happy with this arrangement, then I would leave it completely like it is. I mean you don't have to feed him or clean up after him nor financially support him. If you were older then this might be the ideal situation. But, you aren't happy with it the way it is. The question is, how much time are you going to spend on this person when there is no future besides how things are today?
Not to be doom-y but if his mother should die, would you really want to take on her job?? Because this is a supposedly full grown man who does not cook nor do his own laundry and she probably cleans both his bedroom and his bathroom. Is that really something you want to take on?? He has no idea how to on-line on his own at 36!!