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ramon, 27 y.o.
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Date: November 3, 2022
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Explain the base of your foundation of monogamy and be ready for divorce. If she wants to try and get back to you guys developing your passion for eachother, work on the magic and adventure of traveling etc. God bless
The Attraction stage of Relationship-Building often has both sexes
saying and doing things to accomplish very specific sexual outcomes.
Just like other mammels, Humans will often posture, and call, and strut
all in the name of getting the copulation accomplished.
I used to liken this to the sorts of behaviors Used Car salesmen employ
to make their sale, but its not quite the same so I cut that out.
All the same, sometimes its not unhelpful to reflect on oneself,
imagining to be a perfect KOBE steak in a room full of Hungry
Dogs. The trick is to find the one dog who is more taken with your
KOBE quality, than viewing you as just a steak. FWIW.
Eh its happened now, you told ger eventually, tell her you'll make sure not to hide in the future, take her on a nice date to make up for it. We all make mistakes its human nature. If its meant to be then itll last if not cut your losses and move on bro
but he gives her children the same amount of money as his kids? so what extra money does she need for her kids that his doesn’t need?
no, that's not what i meant. is more like know how he deal with that and if he feels something for her yet…. as far as i saw he def does
I'm hoping the 51 yo. is the mom?
Take him up on the offer, his brother sounds nicer
Not really advice, but it made me think of the Dad in Cougar Town who named his new dog Travis when his teenage son was already named Travis.
When his son confronted him about it, he said, “I name all my favorite things Travis.”
It's weird as hell and makes no sense and you're right to be pissed off about your Dad being weird. But also, it's not your little sister's fault and whatever her name is, she's going to have a weird fuckin Dad and need an emotionally stable and mature older sister to be able to help her navigate that shit.
Stay pissed, make up with him, it's on you and you're gonna feel differently minute to minute while you try to process this and communicate with them.
But at the end of the day, life is short as fuck and a name is just a weird noise we make with the meat flap attached to our neck hole and it means very little. You're going to have a new human in this world that looks up to you and adores you and that's pretty cool. And you can call her “LeeLee” and it will stick because you'll be a rockstar to her and she'll think it's cool as fuck.
And you can stay pissed off about it or cut off contact with your Dad about it, but make sure you don't punish your innocent little sister by becoming a distant “stepsibling” that she doesn't get to have a relationship with.
Look at all of this as an opportunity and take your time with the weird name situation. It's not the end of the world and it's not a big deal, but that doesn't mean you can't feel justifiably pissed off about it and process things at your own rate and in your own way.
^
40s and beyond is better for dating?? Really??
I think you’re exaggerating the severity of what OP did but I agree with you. They’re sunglasses, it isn’t something inappropriate like lingerie, and she even said they appeared to be a model for men. It shouldn’t really matter who it’s for because nothing here indicates any bad behavior from the husband, at least to me.
Cut your losses and move on.
Your situation was exactly my biggest fear. When I met my late husband, he told me about his income, his house, his business, etc. I told him I can’t take his word for stuff like that, and on the next date he brought receipts. The man literally brought all the proof – bank statements, tax returns, papers related to his business. He was dead serious about me and he was willing to do what it took to make me know he wasn’t full of shit.
I hope this is a joke. If it’s not, dump him. A lot of guys out there would love their girlfriend to orgasm no matter what it took
Aren't you afraid of starting your life with someone so absent-minded?
This isn't absent-mindedness. Her bf NEVER gets it right. You'd THINK, at some point, he would WANT to get it right. Right? Yet, this is the pattern right up to the engagement ring. That means it's on purpose. He'll do as he wants, she'll take it and give in.
That's grooming for a marriage that will get even more abusive once that ring is on her finger and paperwork signed.
My dad pulled this with my mother for decades. It was ALWAYS about him, what HE wanted, how HE did things, and he emotionally battered my mother into submission. He even stated that he had stopped loving her at one point in the marriage, long before she passed away, pretty much once she got sick and he had to take care of her… taking away his ability to do what he wanted because he had to take care of her.
OP is setting herself for a similar marriage and her bf has been pulling this game to ensure she will take it once they are married.
“I don't think sleeping with other people is a good idea!”
This is the beginning of a controlling and disastrous relationship. You deserve someone who doesn't give a shit if it takes you 2 minutes or 2 hrs to respond.
Especially with a shitty ultimatum, like the one he expressed.
This is how abusive relationships work. Once they think you're in too deep to leave, that you're stuck with them (marriage or kid or multiple kids or moved in together etc) they show their true colors. He is telling you who he is as a person. He's showing you exactly who he is, how he thinks of you, and how he thinks of women as a whole. Believe him.
Dude you threw away personal and shared mementos out of what?
Spite or rage?
You do not “have life figured out”
Tale as old as time
why does he need porn?
Hahah thank you! I could never imagine saying that to a kid though, seems a bit harsh.
The system is absolutely horrible to us guys regarding the big R, declaring us guilty until proven innocent. He must have his own trauma, because the accusation is usually enough to destroy our lives: you get expelled from school or get blacklisted from your job, you lose your friends and family, you get your belongings robbed and/or vandalized with impunity, police harass you, and in a sufficiently small city or town, you get labelled a pariah. The only way to get over the accusation is to move away and start over from scratch. He told you because he wants to be with you, and doesn't want it jumping on your face unexpectedly. Any chance he got invited into a family gathering and wants to take you?
Exactly. His kids, his problem.
Get a therapist.
It sounds like the lowest form of voluntourism tbh. So many places right at home could use volunteers, and on an ongoing basis!
Congrats on your decision. You aren't a failure or a monster for breaking up over this. Dating somebody means also taking on their baggage. Baggage can be debt, health problems, family problems, legal problems.
It's sad we can get in crippling debt over education. Her mother doesn't understand value or debt or investment, and that mindset was taught to her daughter. Best to leave her mother to deal with that trainwreck of debt. Schools have amassed so much overhead so they can charge what they want, especially those prissy schools. I'm so glad I got an associates degree. Making 60k out the door and debt paid off same year. Insane that 200k+ doesn't even get her the standard middle class income. She doesn't know a good route for education and doesn't know how to apply that education. It's not your responsibility to pick up the slack there, especially when her mom is encouraging these bad decisions.
This is above Reddit’s pay grade. She needs to talk to a therapist about it. Which would require her actually wanting to correct the behavior.
Possibilities that I can think of but are not limited to:
psychosomatic response to anxiety.
learned behavior.
you are literally the person she feels most safe with and therefore are the only one she feels safe showing these symptoms to.
unconscious/subconscious manipulation
an actual medical issue that responds to certain types of stress.
That’s what my tired brain can come up with right this second.
My advice is to get her a physical to make sure she doesn’t have ulcers or something medically wrong. Then get her into see her/a therapist for some one on one time for managing this condition.
Then book some couples therapy sessions where you can talk through these disagreements with the therapist there and the therapist can help her through the issue and hopefully help her develop better coping mechanisms.
GET YOUR BF TO SEE A DOCTOR!!
Besides other things, this could be a serious Kidney problem.
Blahblahbabbity blah. The ENTIRE reason we're having this discussion is because his partner is debating whether to end the relationship or not. My reply is in context TO THE ACTUAL DISCUSSION. Not your whiny manchild agenda. So sorry you can't follow a conversational thread but that ain't my problem either .
It is cheating and you’ve been through it to know what it is. You asked your husband previously about those text conversations and he lied and played it off as nothing. You read the messages and it’s not nothing. You are being manipulated and gaslit by him. Find a lawyer for yourself and get a lawyer. Your lying, cheating husband and his manipulative therapist are keeping you depressed.
Do you have a question for relationship_advice?
Thank you thank you for this. My gut tells me you're probably right but I couldn't see through my own frustration. Regardless, well proceed carefully.
This is why I didn't go into a career that would take that type of time commitment. You don't have time for a personal life. That's certainly fine for some people, but as others have said, it is probably an incompatibility between you two. She will either learn to deal with it (doubtful) or you will separate once it becomes too unbearable. Even if you make it to marriage (and imagine if there was a kid you were responsible for), the future seems bleak.
You say, “overall the time I invest in my career.”
Invest in your relationship or you won't have one. Marriages don't work on two days a month.
Please above all keep your baby safe
Absolutely right about that!
Tell him the Bible is full of passages about not judging, none about being an atheist. Actually, yes it does. Revelations 3:15-16 Looks like dear old daddy is lukewarm and deserving of spit. There's also Roman's 14:4 in regards to yourself. If he can be so unchristian, then you're better off without him.
I dated a guy when I was 15(lost my virginity to him) for over a year and then we broke up for 3 years. It was a very messy breakup and we had eachother blocked for a year then tried to be friends again so we started talking pretty regularly and also hooked up whenever we saw eachother at parties.
We started talking more and more until it was snapchatting every day and calls every weekend. We had discussed the possibility of maybe getting back together someday in the very far future potentially. Then Covid happened and we started spending a lot of time together. We eventually realized we were still very in love and decided to give it another go(cautiously)
Last May we bought an acreage together, got engaged and got pregnant all within the month. Just had our firstborn baby at the end of February.
Now, I’m not going to lie and say it has been easy. The past few years have been a ton of work trying to get through our past issues/baggage, learning to trust and forgive and move past everything that happened between us that tore us apart the first time. It’s been a lot of ups and downs along the way but we are truly the happiest we have ever been thanks to the very hot work we have both put into being the best versions of ourselves so that we can thrive as a couple since we are so madly in love. It took a lot of growing up and change but we successfully did it so I know it’s possible.
I can’t see myself with anyone else in the world but this man so I am undoubtedly sure that getting back together was the right thing to do even though there has been a lot of stress and heartache involved. When it’s the right person, you just know, so go with your gut instinct.
I accept that. I don't tell him to dump her, it's just on my mind. I told him only that I don't get what they have in common, but I also accept that it's been there before me. What I'm asking is if I should waste my time here or go.