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ravensnss, y.o.
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Date: November 4, 2022
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I'm planning on it, maybe I should wait at least 2 weeks tho, I think it might be too soon rn lol 🙂
Then enjoy continuing to compete with your siblings over money I guess.
I agree completely. I would just stay home and keep my peace and money. You didnt have input on location and they're rich AF so why do they need your money?
50/50 relationships protect you from being taken advantage of, but they also aren’t much help when you have bad luck and can’t contribute your part, and may lead to you being less caring for others when they struggle.
On the flip side, relationships that pool resources where people get help according to need and give help according to ability is much better at supporting each other through good times and bad. But if you approach relationships that way, it’s very important that the others around you do too, or else you can quickly be drained of resources when you’re doing good but find no one sticks around when you need help.
Yea
Yes and yes. He isn’t a mind reader. He did do a lot- breakfast, lunch, and an evening party. You seem to want an over the top display or trying to rekindle the excitement of birthdays as a kid, it’s not like that as an adult.
Lol American society is a joke. Since when it was normal for a guy to let his wife have male friends in the first place?
Benefit from?
You were 23 and she was 17, thought you were talking about another kind of list.
Isn’t this a repost from someone else ages ago?
Not frugal, cost effective! You sound like a person with above average intelligence. Using money wisely and spending when appropriate is not frugal.
You're doing everything right it sounds, you got this. It will come back around soon enough when she out earns you lol! She needs to think more long term!
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You had a LOT of changes in 3 years. You got married, had 2 kids, moved and lost your support network, moved to a house that's too big. You basically never established a routine or even had time to make friends.
You need to prioritize what to focus on. I would do:
– Couple's counseling ASAP — You say you cannot afford it, but maybe there's some expenses you can both cut to make it happen? A divorce is going to be a lot more expensive than counseling.
– Do you have sleep apnea or just snore? I'd do a sleep study. Sleeping separately is not good when she is sleeping with the kids. At the very least, you should have separate bedrooms and you can have alone time before going to sleep.
– Get a cleaning service? I found the lady that comes to my house in one of those websites.
– Is there a dad and baby group you can go to and make dad friends? Does someone from your job live! in your city?
– Designate one room in which the kids can make a mess, like a playroom. Why do they make mess everywhere? They are 10 months and 2! You shut the door and nobody can see the mess.
Other issue:
I think that expecting your wife to celebrate your birthday when she had the flu (and you too) is not nice. You could have bought the cake and asked her to share some with you. But if she has the flu, you cannot expect her to make you a cake or to go out and buy a cake.
Your cousins right and you’re wrong. Your boyfriend is a fetishizing creep that was flirting with a 15 year old. You are worth so much more than being with a creepy dude like that. That’s not true love, it’s grooming.
Well if the conversation we’re having continues, that might just be the case.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Me (22m) and my 21f girlfriend have been dating for 6 months. My girlfriend was never skinny, she was always a little over average but I always found her attractive. Recently, she has put on a lot of weight due to her fast food addiction. While I have clearly noticed the change in her face and body, it just makes me sad whenever I see pictures of us from 6-8 months ago, or from a year ago when she was skinny, she looks so much prettier. She has gained at least 66 pounds in the last year and she is quite short.
I don’t want to give the impression that I dislike overweight people, or that I hate her, I love her, and she genuinely has the best personality ever. I really want to stay with her. But this is starting to become an issue because every time I see older pictures of us, I immediately feel like she let herself go. I started noticing this about 2 months into us dating but figured it was not my place to say anything and since then it has only gotten worse to the point where now I don’t feel as attracted as I used to.
I am asking for advice, I love her, I don’t want to leave her but I’m also cautious of saying anything because I don’t want to hurt her or her self esteem. But if things don’t change I’m going to have a very hot time staying in this relationship. She has mentioned that she’s happy the way she is which does not give me much hope.
I don’t mean to hurt anyone’s feelings, this is just my experience and any advice on how to proceed would be greatly appreciated. Do I tell her or keep silent. If I do tell her, how?
TLDR: My girlfriend of 6 months has put on a lot of weight where I am starting to not be as attracted to her as I used to be, how should I approach this situation
One up this game… give her some of his own shirts and then tell her she should be wearing his shirts and not another man's and see what she says
Then buy her out.
If you continue to hurt her, you’re a POS
Yes, your ex is allowed to move on and you’re not letting her. Figure out a way to finalise the divorce. Her feelings are more important than your business
He crafted an entire false personality to be with you….you don’t really know this guy.
Yup
Leave no conversation unsaid! it's better to be hurt by a conversation than something happening and being hurt by that.
And they need to talk through what happens if something occurs that they haven't discussed and how to work through it! Being able to talk through your issues before is good, but it's even more essential throughout the situation as well. Some couples get into this relationship dynamic and close down when feeling negative emotions, and that shouldn't be the response here. Healthy communication and “check ins” to make sure both of them are comfortable is essential.
They need to center making this new relationship dynamic a tool to strengthen themselves and their relationship!
I have, he doesn’t agree with how he treats me but he says that’s just friend that’s just how he acts and not to think too much into it but it’s very hot when he treats me like I don’t matter. We have tried to talk about it before but nothing substantial has come from it as friend always gets drunk to try to talk to me about it.
I’ve been in your shoes, so I feel for you. If you want a man who will chase you, go find one! Sounds like this guy either doesn’t do that or isn’t that into you. You deserve someone who will pursue you!
You should have not let him back after he cheated!
Exactly. My ex-wife cheated on me. We were mutually miserable, it became pretty sexless and just all the gross shit that foreshadows the end. You know what? I forgave her without her asking me to. She asked me why I forgave her when she couldn't forgive herself. My response? “I don't condone it. But I understand it.”
Why is going to this wedding worth fucking up your current thing? My suggestion is to not go and fully move on.
‘I’m sorry I can’t afford to order us food this time, the money I lent you has set me behind and I need to be more responsible’ and see what she says… either way I’d cut my losses and end the relationship
Why did they get kicked out and why can’t two people in their 30’s find another place to rent?
I like how before they were replying saying they think he’s a creep but now that people bring up her decisions brought her here suddenly she’s doing completely fine and maybe it’s just random stuff on his page
At this point I’m just repeating myself. I’m obviously not wanting to keep the dog in this environment. But it spans much more than just the dog being affected. I’m trying to find a way to get the dog gone without hime EVER finding out and spiraling into a manic episode. I know this will send him into a manic episode, which could lasts months. I turn, affecting all of us for the literal worse
She saw the money and immediately felt entitled to it. What’s yours is mine after 8 months of dating not even married. She’s contributed 0 to this. Let her go, you dodged at least a 12 million dollar bullet
Your husband is a gullible loser who can only access female attention with money. Do with that what you will……
If they only spoke, then no that's not weird. Have you defined what you mean by flirting? She might not be sure, depending on how you see flirting. If she's just complimented him or something like that then it's probably just harmless. Since there are no other messages and no evidence (as such) you have a straightforward choice: trust him or don't. One potentially leads to a great and long-lasting relationship, the other will probably lead to the door.
no. you are making a mountain out of a mole hill
It’s necessarily evading but more actually getting to the point. The point isn’t about attractiveness it’s actually about her weight which has happened due to inactivity and over eating which in turn is now effecting attractiveness. You miss doing the stuff you used to do which in turn kept her in shape. So it’s all part of the same problem. This is like asking about the cherry on top and ignoring the rest of the ice-cream sundae if that makes sense.
You guys should talk about it surprises are nice but you gotta both be on the same page. You change alot in between 21 and 25 years. You will be different people then
My heart was in my throat when I read this. I’m so glad you got benji back and are divorcing that man
Haha I looked back on this and was like, “You are OTT and too old.” You’re sweet!
Good luck! I bet whatever you come up with is going to be great. ??
Op said she’d been saving for 5 years….but it doesn’t sound like she’s chipping in since her concern is using the whole $300,000. Unless she may have meant her share and his plus his brothers house. My advise would be to not borrow twice buying a home, also to buy a house based on one income, not two. Because jobs can be shaky, especially in todays world. Unless you are planning on a cash purchase of a house.
Your take is that she is awesome and picked him, hiding from her partner something everyone else knows isn’t a big deal, and that after all this time realising he didn’t know they are “tactfully” omitting that she chose him?
I can tell you that will certainly not be how most guys see it.
This post has reached one of our comment/karma limits. The text of the post has been preserved below.
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a year. I’ve known from the beginning that a threesome is one of his fantasies however, I didn’t know it was a requirement. Recently he has told me that every now and then throughout our relationship he is going to need and want threesomes to keep things exciting, he also said this will keep him satisfied and won’t look elsewhere. There are a few things holding me back; one being my minimal experience with other women ( I would consider myself straight) and the second being I don’t know if I want to see him be with another woman, I think it would make me feel incredibly insecure and thats exactly what I told him. He said essentially that he doesn’t think it’s going to be as issue, that he thinks we can get past this and to a point where I feel comfortable because he truly feels we can be together. He said doesn't want to have sex with another women without me. He wants to have that experience together but also said if it’s something I won’t give him, then it’s a dealbreaker for him. I said to him that, that makes me feel like a sexual experience is more important than our relationship together or me, which he doesn’t agree but kept going back into it’s something he needs, without fully explaining why. It’s confusing to me because how can you want to be with someone for the rest of your life but give them an ultimatum with something they’re not fully comfortable with. When I bring up that it might be better if we split up so he can be sexually satisfied, he puts it on me and makes me feel like I’m at fault, for not being okay with it and called me insecure.
I’m getting to the point where I’m considering just doing it to make him happy, even though the thought of it makes me feel sick, especially because it feels more important than me.
I'm feeling very unhappy and depressed right now. Thoughts, opinions, advice?
You have 2 plays here, either tell her to get lost and keep your dignity or use her as much as she’s gonna be using you.
Have fun with it with no attachment if you can and all around be a d*ck in the literal sense.
Sounds like your a nice guy and she is probably one of those types who wants a guy that’s gonna be an AH to her and treat her badly.
I tried to tell her and she said she gets that space is healthy, but still does it. She does have some abandonment issues from past trauma. All I’m really asking is for us to do our own thing in the same room.
Yeah, I don't know how you come back from something like this. Your boyfriend is seriously projecting.
Run.
Don't do it.
They won't for CSA.
Why would you have the kids full time? If primary custody would be a burden on your life you could have split custody. Has he made claim that he doesn’t want to raise his children/custody?
This is likely one of thousands of things you are thinking about right now, your married life is changing drastically and unexpectedly. Him cheating on you is bad, shows some character traits about him, but is no way related to his ability or desire to raise his children.
Your BF is basically telling you that:
He doesn't believe/doesn't care how bad your trauma is (He discounts your pain!) He is willing to put you through more trauma for his own curiosity
Here's a script for you:
“I have explained to you, more than once, the reasons why I am low contact with my family. This is my hill to die on. If you bring up wanting to meet them again, we are done. This is not up for discussion. If you can't on-line with that, we're over.”
Be prepared to walk.