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realcest, 18 y.o.
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Date: November 23, 2022
I wouldn’t stay silent, that will probably make her think you aren’t interested or talking to a lot of other women. Just chat with her like you would any other friend. “How was your day? “ “what are binge watching?”
Good luck on your date!!
Yes, forgiveness is for the offended, not the offender.
You deleted the main post so I can’t remember that exact wording you said.
But you said he asked her if she was there and then something about hanging out with her friend group. Not her.
because a 3 second phone call is cheating, when no words were exchanged before, during, or since the call? bffr
Lesson learned. Never listen to commenters on this sub.
When your BF of 2 yrs is a sociopath but you don’t notice, guess what that says about you both.
Your story is a mess so I'm not sure I fully understand. You had a guy alone at your place for hours & hours?
You mention that you have guy friends and it's never been a problem before. But in this instance, something MUST have been different that hasn't happened before, and you aren't being upfront about it. Have you ever hung out with a straight guy friend alone at your place before while your fiance was off at work? And then sent out cutesy snapchats together that could be misinterpreted?
Also I have absolutely no clue how you have a best friend, yet you've told your fiance so little about your best friend that your fiance didn't even know your best friend was gay. Obviously I'm not implying you should out your best friend's sexuality to everyone around you, it's none of their business. But this one person is your fiance, the one person you should be able to trust with anything. You're gonna marry this man. What's going on there that you never told your fiance about your best friend? Something weird is happening
Look, you had a relationship crisis and he failed.
Know that all those things can be stressful but that's no excuse for cheating. It does not matter that he's under stress and pressure, there is no excuse to cheat. Not only that, he did it with a student. I would not want to work through this if it were me. However, you cheat on me once, that's it. The relationship is over because I will never trust the person again. I'm sorry that this happened to you. If I were you, I would also report him because he could do this to other students. Hugs.
Yeah uh what the fuck… as a person in their MA working as a TA I have a particular distaste for people in similar positions as me doing shit those this.
Leave his ass, that man is a predator who is preying on his students and is using their naivety and willingness to please a prof as a way to fuck them. You should report this to his department.
I dont think you should force yourself to accept an open relationship if that's not something you are into. As much as you like this person, you have different needs. One of you changing to please the other is not going to work.
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Thank you so much. You’ve made me feel a bit more at ease with what the future holds. She was sad and a little pissed off when I first mentioned the no contact cause like I said, we initially just agreed to hop right into friendship. So hopefully she won’t sad or pissed again if I need a bit more time to feel less dependant. But I think it’s okay to focus on myself here. You’ve really had a positive impact on my night and I thank you for that.
From everything you've said here, he's abusive. There is zero chance that what he's doing isn't abuse. I want to share some things that I've learned with you.
When we are in a relationship with a damaged person, we sometimes confuse empathy for them with accepting abuse. You cannot do the emotional labor he needs to do for him. It's his mind, his trauma and his choice to get help or not. You cannot save him. I left my daughter's father when she was one but she still saw emotional abuse. She grew up and dated a guy who told her only she could save him. He isolated her, he systematically stripped so much from her. Then he murdered her. Please don't model this for your child. Kids hear and understand much more than you think. They do what you do, not what you say. I told my daughter her worth every single day. I tried to save her.
Why do you feel you have gotten with your boyfriend even though he abuses you? What is it in your life that led you to thinking you don't deserve better? For me it was my childhood. You don't need to tell me, just think about it.
He's testing you. Once he makes you do this, there will be a harder test. The testing never ends. Ever. And it nearly always escalates.
I want to say this next part may sound harsh. It's not a judgement of you. It's just something I am aware of because of the work that I do. When your boyfriend abuses you in front of your child, legally, you're committing child abuse by neglect. So at any age, you can be jeopardizing the custody of your child by having them witness abuse.
In the end, it doesn't help your boyfriend to allow him to abuse you. He has a lot of work to do and doing that work is very difficult when you're in a troublesome relationship. You can't love him so much that he'll finally understand that in your eyes he deserves so much love. You can't make him feel worthy or healed. Only he can. Right now, he's failing you, your child and himself.
You have a chance now to take a different path. I hope you'll do it.
I reckon there's more than an hour's drive distance from each other. It can't be the sole reason for her to break up. Either she inmature about it (manipulation) or she wants to end it but doesn't know how.
Your heart is in a good place and he sounds overall disrespectful… I try to be super respectful of people around me because I know people hate it, and I know I smoke a lot.
I really think that most people can still function great on weed but like you say if you see it interferes then it's going to interfere with everything especially your relationship. I also know that if I were a person who had a beer for every joint I smoked, I would be an alcoholic for sure.
You are not wrong for how you feel, and it sounds like it's killing your relationship anyways. Although all we have here is this part of it. I wish you the best.
I’m not even five weeks
How do you know that you're “not even 5 weeks”? Has your pregnancy already been confirmed by your doctor?
. I feel like I need to go so that they will leave him alone but I'm so scared and I don't know what to do. If I go I know it's going to be a lot of them trying to guilt me into keeping it and yelling so I really don't know what I should do.
You go to a pharmacy or to your doctor, you get abortion pills and then take them in a safe space. Do NOT speak to your bf's parents and stay away from them.
Until you would consider opening a joint account with them, it is none of their business how much money you have..
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It’s called grooming not because of the age difference but because of their age. If her best friend was let’s say 40 and her BIL 57 it wouldn’t be considered grooming. The best friend is barely in her 20s . And her BIL is in his late 30s.
Also, it’s always the responsibility of the person older to behave and not get into relationship with teenagers and young adults irrespective of their gender.
I have had 17-24yr olds have crush on me and ask me out. I turned them down because I know it’s my responsibility to do what a responsible non predatory adult should do than take advantage of their naivety and vulnerability. I am in my mid 30s.
The BIL is a groomer.
More people don't solve the massive corporations willfully destroying the world,you can raise a family but you don't need to be some uptight church goer its normally those kind of people who fuck their kids up far more not to mention pedo priests
Thank you for the kind words and input!
My cat comes every time and sleeps on the bed during the whole act.
It will probably cause you mental stress if continue to stay. You can't hold out at the cost of your mental health.
Tell them you will attend his next wedding.
Walk that stage! Invite your friends to the grad ceremony. Congratulations ?
It doesn’t sound like you regret this. The fact that you prioritized having sex with your SON’S BEST FRIEND over your son is just…wow. And you feeling relief that he left to college??
I really, really, really hope your daughter never lets you around her friends ever.
This reminds me of the story of that guy who's girlfriend had his contact in her phone under, “Free Food” ??
I can't believe you didn't kick his ass to the curb for this. Kids more often than not seek out their biological parents. I would have asked why the fuck are you wanting numerous other women to have your children rather than just donating plasma? This is really fucked up.
You need to have the ‘exclusive’ conversation asap.
She’s exercising her privileges as a free agent and if you want that to stop then you’ve to give her a reason to stop.
Don’t forget the “too” as in “too small”.
So if she is willing to lie and hide things from you are you sure she will drop him most likely no It's time to get a back bone let her go she is playing you and using you
Is there a reason you feel backed into a corner? Just leave. This isn't going to get better if you stay, and being single is obviously better than this. Walk away and never interact with him again.
Like, I could sort of understand if he had some kind of connection to someone who was adopted due to the one child policy… sort of?
There were two sisters that where adopted in my town. Both because they were abandoned due to the One Child Policy. They talked about it sometimes and how they were thankful it worked out for them.
I could then understand one of their close friends (I was a peripheral friend at most lol) being pretty dead set on also adopting a child that was abandoned due to the child policies in China. (I think it's changed but I'm not up to date)
Like it makes sense, their friends grew up directly being told how they appreciated that from the adoptees themselves.
Same would go for any other issue that a person has connection to through an adoptee. It makes sense, someone you know closely tell you it's a good thing, you wanna do the good thing too.
But… for no reason? It's strange for sure. Definitely a reason to be very cautious with this man.
Don’t cater to morons
Yep. I didn’t meet my husband until my mid-thirties and had plenty of live matches and real life encounters to say there are a large number of dudes in their twenties who prefer older women.
The reason I never got into relationships with them is that they were all at a different stage in life than me, or they weren’t emotionally/mentally mature to really have what I knew at that point I wanted.
OP, your bf is not just plain wrong but he’s also kind of a jerk. See emotional maturity I referenced.
We recently went on a trip and didn’t talk about work that much at all and had a great time. It comes in waves, but it’s like clockwork, every 1.5 years, he’s moving onto the next job
You don't need therapy to convince yourself your a good person just a little self belief.You know in your heart of hearts that you have not done anything wrong.Right is might and you sound 100% RIGHT. Don't waste money on expensive therapists when you have nothing to be ashamed of.l do think you should go your own way, unburden yourself from your misguided and honestly awful family.Let them come to you , cap in hand, you hold the moral high ground and your sister just might be experiencing karma.l obviously don't condone violence even by a half man as your ex is, but make your bed etc……..funny old world!
Let me get this straight.
You invited your friend and her daughter to come and meet your boyfriend at his place of work. He is a chef and he made you all special foods, gave you special attention and comped your drinks. She got lovely food, attention and paid NOTHING for the evening out with her daughter.
Her response was to go home and make fun of the host with her daughter calling him “fugly” and making fun of him.
She's… a bitch.
She may be a jealous bitch but either way she is trash.
This is how you deal with it. A message to her:
“I told you that I've been dating a new guy for a month and invited you to his place of work so you could get a chance to meet him. We had some items comp'd but I paid for the rest.
Your response to the whole evening was to tell me that you and your daughter spent the trip home making fun of him and calling him “fugly”.
Even if you don't like him that was unnecessarily mean. And all the other unkind words you've said really paint you in a different light for me.
At this point, I don't think I wish to continue our friendship. I don't want that kind of negativity in my life anymore.”
And then just… drop the rope.
If she is part of a group that you habg out with then give each of them a call and say “ExFriend was really obnoxious after I invited her out for an evening. I paid for everything, introduced her to this new guy I'm seeing and she shit on EVERYTHING and I mean EVERYTHING.
I hit my limit on her negativr bullshit. I hope I can keep you as a friend but I'm done with her. Life's too short for mean girl shit.
Hey, you wanna meet my new guy?”
In this case you will probably need to create some events with this group and not invite her to get it to gel a new way.
Fingers crossed they are good friends, good people
How come every post in this subreddit always sounds like Jamie Foxx “Blame it on the al, al, alcohol!”
You cannot. If he isnt willing to split the bills differently, he needs to tone down his lifestyle or date someone with a higher income
I feel like spending $100k for something very unlikely just isn’t a good financial decision.
Putting aside the school shooting concerns, private schools can provide academic and social advantages that could greatly benefit your son. You could consider it an investment in your son’s future. I don’t know how much you’ve looked around at costs of private schools in your area but they can vary in tuition costs and some offer financial aid.
But again, it seems that the only good financial decisions, in your eyes, are ones that directly benefit yourself.
You also seem dismissive of your wife’s concerns – you pretend that certain dangers don’t exist because of low statistics. I can see why she isn’t more cooperative to compromise with you.
I don't know why you're being downvoted like this. What you said is just true. OP is completely free to have the boundary that he won't be in a relationship with someone who spends time alone with other men. That's a boundary. What is not a boundary is trying to tell her what she's allowed to do or not.
Okay? I'm not going on that trip to that place because a year ago she mistreated me, used me, and cheated on me and I'm not going to force myself to endure any more humiliation associated with that.
Not just any trip with her friends, if they wanna go somewhere else I'm down as fuck. Hell, I'll drive.
You must be forgetting, I'm forgiving her for being a terrible person in the past. She cheated, lied and manipulated me. In 2 years, I may be feeling better. I know it's not a permanent feeling. I just know right now I'm not going.
I can forgive her but we still need to work on things. I might forgive her, but I still know have self worth.
She accepted the rules of our new relationship and our boundaries. We both don't have to do this. She's free to do as she pleases.
r/rant? no request for advice..what do you want advice on?
Did you read the headline?
Frankly this attitude is disturbing
…. break up with people of they cheat on you. My only advice. You know it's cheating, she knows it's cheating. This is ridiculous. Hopefully the cats are yours
You’ve been dating him for 2 YEARS and are still profoundly insecure & jealous of his ex.
You realize that the bit about “he was never that into her” isn’t true, right? He dated her for 7 years and was in love enough to become engaged.
That you started dating him before he’d had a chance to regroup from that major relationship was a mistake. That he lied to his ex for months about your existence was a mistake. That you or he accepted his ex’ “boundary” that you could never be present for doggy visitation was a mistake.
Your bf hates conflict. He really hates it. He would rather lie than have a conversation he doesn’t want to have. He would rather lie than have any sort of conflict. If he has to choose between lying to you about something (big or small) or having an argument, he’ll pick the lie every time.
You have to decide if you can live with that. To date, all of his lies to you have been harmless – it just feels terrible to discover you’ve been lied to.
she wants a kid and you don't. that's it.
When you live together a breakup without an exit plan is half a break up.
So what’s happening about her leaving?
It’s been over 3 years…she’s not going to change. It’s okay to admit that you two are not compatible and move on to find someone who will treat you with a little more respect.
Google CHLOROPHYLL and it will change your lives. Amazon has tons, get the one with the best review. This advice is for anyone who has issues with any type of body odor or bad breath
But also, she works in the hospital. She should get that checked out
Get her a gift like you would give a normal friend. Nothing crazy Nothing over the top and nothing romantic
Those kinds of gifts are for next birthday or xmas
Haha
You should not be discussing your relationship issues with mutual friends or family
I agree with the crucification! ?
Could you please further explain “you should never put your partner in a position where the have to trust you, trust is built up by avoiding those situations”. Also what situations?
Also what should I bail on?
I think it’s too early to decide if he truly changed. Give it time and see if he’s actually consistent and changing for the better.
But honestly, maybe you should stay single for a while. You’re finding yourself again after he took so much from you. Even you admitted you feel happy and free now. That is way more valuable than rekindling a relationship that may or may not workout. Down the road when you’re in a better head space and he has proven himself worthy of a second chance, that’s when you decide if you want to reconcile.
She shouldn’t expect him to or want him to. You’d feel so guilty if it didn’t work out.
Jesus Christ
Keep on this path, he sounds cruel.
This story is so not real. Yea, he answered an ad live to have a baby with some random woman and not his wife that he’s knows for so many years. Lol common, make up a better story next time and on the off chance this is real. She’s not a random woman, she’s his mistress and you’ll be helping to raise his affair baby. Good luck.