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SalomeBeauty69 Public Chat Channel
Date: October 23, 2022
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You block him and delete him from your life, and then you just take it one day at a time, lean on friends and family for support, and focus on taking care of yourself. You will come out of this stronger and smarter and next time you see a red flag in a potential date you will recognize it right away and run fast in the other direction. There are good people out there and you will find someone who will treat you with respect and never have to deal with any of this BS again. I am sorry this happened to you.
Slept with my bestfriend-whom I’ve loved for nearly a decade-and now I’m terrified. What do I do? She wants to have dinner tomorrow and I want to go
Seems to me that everything is going fine.
but I also don’t wanna hear her say it’s a one time thing.
Well, look, you shot your shot with her so congratulations on that because that's more than what a lot of people are willing to do. However if you aren't willing to take the risk of her NOT choosing you, then you shouldn't have bothered trying to be more than a friend with secret feelings.
Either she wants to be more than friends or she just wants to stay friends. Go to dinner and find out which and be prepared for her answer and RESPECT whatever answer she gives.
Lovely I don't think you're being alone is what you should be afraid of.
Please. Please please. Get your stuff and move out as quickly as you can. I know you've bought a house together. I know you love him.
But please leave. He is not going to get better. He is going to get worse. For your safety, please leave now.
Sounds like this relationship has been toxic for a while and then you went and had a baby with this woman and now your surprised that it’s getting worse? Honestly, you probably should get a divorce and work on healthy co-parenting before you inflict a bunch of emotional damage on your child.
Does she mention anywhere that this guy is doing chores? Making the home? Raising children? Nah. 99% he’s not doing any of that and just sits on his ass watching his documentaries all day.
Well – if she’s washed the sheets, can’t really see an issue.
I mean, if it’s JUST the having had sex on the bed with someone else that’s the issue – dude, I hate to break it to you but her vagina was probably involved too…
If it’s the fact that she’s had ten partners prior, as some sort of retroactive jealousy takes hold… She’s not with them now. She’s with you. By choice. And wants you to go to Spain with her.
Just… get over it. (Harsh words but there’s no other way to put it) people have histories, both emotional and physical. All that led her to be the woman you say you love, the one that’s CHOSEN to be with you.
Leave him/break up with him and call the police. Tell them your ex threatened to take his life and you have picture evidence
Hormones lol just give her space and time
Yes absolutely abusive
Because it means he can't keep a serious relationship he's more focused on sex not the actual person
But again, that’s why I believe that you’re not reading my comments. I have said I don’t know how many times not that I’m not forcing him to do (or not do) anything. He can do what he wants, and I’m allowed to set boundaries for the relationship that I’m in. Regardless of what you think, it’s perfectly healthy to set boundaries in your relationship and EVERY relationship has boundaries of some form.
Omg honey your husband is so unreasonable here! He’s upset at you being 75kg??? I assumed you’d be over 100kg.. he doesn’t care about your health but how he wants you to look. Leave.
Man is making a clown out of you. Find a new date.
He feels no concern about his actions and you do.
You are choosing him.
If you want him to change. He’s not.
Bc he was fighting back. You’re delusional
Yes his dad and step mom lives here
Let it happen and move on. He's a jackwagon.
You best waiting.
You are both choosing a career right now. That is really your priority and that lifestyle could change a lot about both of you.
When you decide to end it, you will know a lot more about yourselves and if your feelings are still strong.
Have you tried asking her? You’re assuming she didn’t post about her ex cuz she was hiding him or something and you’re also assuming she’ll never ever post about being with you if this get serious. But maybe the ex just didn’t want to be on social media? Maybe he asked her “please don’t post about me, I don’t want your 10,000 followers to know who I am or see pics of me cuz I like privacy”
Really sounds like you made a statement and are backing out of it. She called your bluff
Yeah he’s probably upset by it and doesn’t want to bring up a traumatic event
You need to bring it up and have clarity because nothing is resolved otherwise. You can’t just say life changing statements and pretend otherwise. It makes conversations meaningless, words have no accountability, and you will feel unstable.
Has he forgiven you? Have you forgiven him? What changed? Does he understand that saying those things are not appropriate unless he means it? Where is your relationship now? How do you both feel?
Don't underestimate an arts degree! I have one in English and worked as a copy editor right out of school. Now, I write copy and coordinate projects for the digital arm of a retail company. I don't make 200K a year, but I am OK.
You might be surprised at the work from home and freelancer jobs that you are qualified for.
Is he wealthy or are his parents wealthy? Just because his parents have money, it doesn’t mean he has any. You “assume” his parents help him. In general, people like to be appreciated for more than their bank account. What exactly are you bringing to this relationship?
So when you move into the boyfriend’s position who will take yours?
Sounds like she just wants to rest and not having a baby for one night means you’re going to try to get her to not only have sex but probably be active and extroverted when she just wants to rest.
It seems you don’t understand how tiring it is to be a mom in the first year of having a baby. You adding in “she naps when I get home from work” is the most tone deaf comment.
It happens a lot. Perception about things is a common occurrence and often people will go with the evidence that is front of them, even if that is not the complete picture.
From his point of view, you went on a holiday with some friends and he was excluded. Your other friends left early and rather than also leave with them, you stayed behind and shared a room with a guy who I'm sure you have said “you don't have to worry about him”. This all happened after you made a pretty fair effort of making yourself presentable.
Given this it's not a stretch to see how he has put two and two together and had his gf cheating on him. Anyone in his position would think exactly the same thing.
So has it happened before? Oh god yes. This sub is replete with stories such as this (and worse) where a very seemingly innocent sequence of events have been taken the wrong way and it resulted in a breakup.
You have to ask yourself though – if the situation were reversed and your bf was in your position, what would your reaction be? My bet is that it would be the same and you'd be boxing his stuff up before he got home.
Sorry to say but this is going to be a very hot one to come back from and if you go in with the attitude that you are hurt for him suggesting you have cheated when you haven't, you will just be adding fuel to already burning fire.
Because denial and attack is the course of action of anyone who cheats.
You have a very hot task ahead of you to recover this and even if you do, your relationship with your bf will always feel “off” as he just simply won't trust you. Whether that is warranted or not is sadly not the issue.
Because his perception of this is based on what you have done in his eyes. And that is not a good one to have.
No idea
No you are not obligated to tell him everything you’ve ever done. That would be silly. Yeah this was a big deal but you have grown and changed and would never do anything like that again. You were clearly having some sort of mental health crisis because there would have been other ways to deal with it and you went the false rape claim route instead. But you were young and ill and when people have mental health issues, they sometimes do things they wouldn’t have otherwise.
If I were him tho, I would be a bit concerned if I found out. Knowing you have made false claims in the past would put me on edge for sure, like would you do it again if you weren’t getting the attention or help you need? Would he be at risk? Would you lie over a domestic issue if it ever came down to it? Those are the things I’d be thinking if I were him.
First off, there’s a saying that “BJ are like pizza, even when they are bad, they’re still good.” I wouldn’t worry about whether you are going to be good at it. My wife had a similar SA happen to her, she to this day has never given me a BJ and probably never will. I accept it and if he truly loves you so should he.
You have two options going forward. You can decide that you never want to do it or you can try therapy to see if it’s something you can overcome. Both things are well within your rights to decide and is your decision alone to make without outside pressure from friends or BF.
No matter what you decide you need to sit down with your BF and explain your choice. You should tell him there’s a big (or no) chance that you will ever give him a BJ and that you will never give him permission to get one from someone else. This puts the ball in his court. He needs to decide whether he can live his life with you without it.
No that can be faked it's better to give him the option
If BOTH of you are still harbouring feelings for your respective exes, what the fuck are you doing. Neither of you are ready for a real relationship, plain and simple.
Babygirl, never change who you are for any guy. He will find something else to pick apart from you. You deserve someone who SUPPORTS YOUR LOUD AND ADORABLE ASS! People like that exist! So don't settle with mr not-a-follower, unless you want to live a sad, SAD life.
Seriously, get rid of him. If he doesn't make you feel like a goddess but demands you nake him feel like a god, he's not the one.
Here, reach into my bag of self-respect, and take one extra: ⭐️?⭐️
Yes it’s possible to fall out of love. You put some distance between the two, stop hanging out and texting. Stop looking at his social media or twitch or any other way you’re connected. Say you’re busy, work family etc, you’re his friend you’re not exactly obliged to spend time with him. If you find yourself unintentionally thinking about him throughout the day, you acknowledge those feelings and deliberately put them aside to focus on something else. Eventually love fades away. Maybe it’ll take a few weeks, maybe a couple months. Good luck
He probably would have become abusive if the relationship had lasted longer or you'd had children together. (Its not like he treated you super well, he did get off with your sister while you were together, that's pretty cruel.)
He's probably the type of person who becomes abusive when he's sure a person is trapped with him and won't leave, and 2 happy years in with no drama is very different from caused-a-rift-in-my-family-broke-up-sister's-marriage-now-have-a-baby levels of trapped.
In any case, you don't have to prove yourself to these people. You've done nothing wrong. Guilt can be a weird emotion, I bet that your sister is projecting her guilt about the relationship onto you now her prize that she won from you turned out to be a pile of garbage, trying to make you the bad guy for something because she's hurt everyone and all she's left with is an abuser, not the perfect happy relationship she thought she'd taken from you.
Lol yes you must. I know 4 woman who wanted kids at 40 and older and every one of them needed some sort of medical intervention to either get pregnant or hold onto the pregnancy. I wasn't able to naturally so it didn't happen for me.
Yeah you have to break up. He’s gross. That’s not normal and it’s not ok and you gotta dump him.
End it or open it. If she wants to pretend she is not a married woman with kids, that does not mean you have to play along. The boys would have a much worse time growing up in a house with resentment floating in the air like a cloud. Your wife is acting like a selfish brat so you should treat her as such. Make sure to document everything though because I would be amazed if she does not also try to play victim after you end it. You’re still young enough to easily find a better woman who is serious.
You sound like two people who need to step back and work on yourselves individually (mental health, trauma, etc) before you try to fix the relationship.
Correction, these people aren't your friends, they're your drinking buddies. Friends don't use fear of being excluded to manipulate you into doing what they want. If you were 18 this might be understandable, but who the hell acts like this at 26!? By their age most people are more focused on their career than which member of “the collective” failed to get sh*tfaced last week.
Do yourself a favor and find some new friends who A) are as mature as you and B) actually value you personally.
It’s not normal to constantly be questioned when your just living your life. You say you aren’t judging her but in your second sentence you call the things she does ‘strange and questionable’.
You wouldn’t ask her why she was doing a perfectly normal thing. So by asking her why she does stuff you’re saying she’s being weird and making her self conscious.
You should stop asking her why she does things the way she does. It’s just a backhanded way to criticise her
It also feels violating to have non porn images of you used as porn esp by a friend. It crosses a line imo.
Yes, this. It doesn’t hurt to me to know my boyfriend had experiences with other people before our relationship. So did I. Totally fine. However it WOULD hurt me to just be sitting on the couch one night and he randomly bring it up because he thinks it’s a big deal and wants to go out of his way to talk about it lol. Why is she so important you wanna think and talk about it?? You shoulda forgotten she even exists by now! Lol.
What was his relationship situation like prior to you?
It's very disingenuous to compare outliers to systemic abuse of women.
That was the petty part of me coming out because I really have a deep disdain for cheaters. It was more talking shit than actual advice on what to do, but I realize that might not have translated well over text.
Based off what? Your salary? Thanks for your opinion tho.
From what you wrote it seems like he’s just being nice and friendly tbh. First paragraph sounds like he trains employees for the company. He wants to make sure new hires aren’t struggling and goes above and beyond to make sure you guys understand how to do the job properly. Second paragraph sounds like friendly banter which you’ve admitted he does with other coworkers. Third paragraph sounds like he didn’t want you to go hungry so he offered to buy you lunch out of the kindness of his heart.
Sometimes when we develop crushes we tend to read into every interaction thinking it means something more than it was. If you’re interested in him then I think you should tell him. But be prepared for the consequences since you work together. Up to you what you want to do.