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Date: March 23, 2023

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  1. I have ADHD and we are all up in our emotions so I'm really pleased to hear your fiance is someone who has been able to be understanding.

    I wish I could go on a year retreat in the woods by myself to figure my shit out but you know that's just not an option unfortunately.

    As much as running away is not usually a good option, it may be worth speaking with your therapist about taking a break and cutting contact from both relationships. I think nostalgia is clouding your judgement with your ex and you're not able to truly connect with your fiance who is standing in front of you, ready to love you forever.

    However, just because someone loves you or is ready to love you, it doesn't mean they are the right person for you (your fiance) – and just because we love someone it doesn't mean they are right for us ((your ex).

    I really think you would benefit from cutting off contact with your ex and possibly even your current fiance and taking a few months to yourself to do things you enjoy, spend time with positive friends and influences, and after a few months of not seeing (in person or online) or speaking to these men, your heart will tell you if you still want to be with one of them or possibly neither of them.

    You don't need to settle for someone who treated you so poorly and has really messed with your mental health (your ex) just because you have nostalgia and you love him – you'll love a lot of people in life but if it hurts you terribly, mistreats you, hinders your mental wellbeing then you need to step away as very hot as that can be.

    Also, in regards to your fiance, he could be the best person in the world and love you so much and be terribly understanding but that doesn't mean you have to feel the same way about him.

    I think taking some time, having a fun time with friends and hobbies, or even a vacation, and speaking with your therapist will do you wonders and clear your mind and show you what you want. Right now your mind is busy and clouded and being pushed in all different directions – how on earth could you decide what you want and what is right for you with all of that going on?

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