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1. This is so much more than just words of affirmation. That stuff displays in ways like, if he's had a bad day you're probably more likely to talk with him about it or verbally comfort him, while somebody whose language is AOS is more likely to offer a massage, to do extra chores, cool some nice food, etc.

   Saying “I love you” to someone you do, in fact, love isn't so much a display of a certain love language so much as it is a normal thing that partners just do. After a while it basically becomes reflex in a lot of ways. 4 years in and he still looks “panicked” every time you say you love him? Either he's being very dishonest with you about at least one aspect of his life/feelings, or he needs major therapy to uncover and work through why saying 3 words that tend to come naturally to a lot of people damn near gives him a panic attack.

   Either way for me it would be over, but I'd maybe be willing to revisit things later under the right circumstances (it turns out he wasn't dishonest just had baggage around “I love you's,” he got help to work through his issues and reached out respectfully, we hadn't drifted too far apart/found other partners by that time, etc) depending on what kind of partner he is outside of this hang-up.

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