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Fuck hard anal show!! [983 tokens remaining]
Date: October 17, 2022
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Your comment has been removed and you are banned from /r/relationshipadvice because you are brigading from /r/bestofredditorupdates. BORU and Reddit itself have rules against brigading, and commenting on posts linked on a different sub counts as brigading. Additionally, since BORU has a 7-day period before updates can be posted, the OOP has already received any advice relevant to their situation.
Your comment has been removed and you are banned from /r/relationshipadvice because you are brigading from /r/bestofredditorupdates. BORU and Reddit itself have rules against brigading, and commenting on posts linked on a different sub counts as brigading. Additionally, since BORU has a 7-day period before updates can be posted, the OOP has already received any advice relevant to their situation.
His body, his choice
I can’t speak on the first part but I’ll move onto the second – I used to say similar things to my boyfriend when he brought up problems that I wasn’t able to solve right away, I had terrible anxiety. Eventually I realized I needed to become okay with it and that it was incredibly self centered of me to only focus on how the negative situation affected myself, but this took my boyfriend sitting me down and telling me “I feel like I’m not allowed to be upset with you, I can’t share my feelings, there will always be problems in a relationship that you cannot solve right away”. I eventually learned to tolerate it and am MUCH healthier with conflicts now. But it took an effort of some soul searching to do that, and if her mind is focused on healing from her trauma, she might not have the ability for that right now. I say be honest with her, and make sure to use “I feel” statements so she doesn’t immediately shut down and go on the defensive. That was huge for me too. Honestly my boyfriend was more patient than I deserved and I’m thankful everyday for that, but I wouldn’t have blamed him at all if he left, especially 10 months in.
A sex therapist will not magically fix a hormonal nightmare. And taking OP’s and random Reddit men’s words that it can’t POSSIBLY be physical is just plain stupid. You know liter nothing.
The fact that you don't live together makes it easier. Tell him it's over and block him. Tell your family what's going on, so if he shows up, they are ready. He can't force you to stay with him.
Throw the man. Keep the cats.
Yeah the 65% being more than 50/50 recognizes some imbalances in income and gender which is super considerate. Unless she is literally the house maid/chef for this guy. Most people under normal expenses/situations would be thanking op.
I didnt ask for an apology bc i didnt think he was criticizing my culture. But i found it weird he joked about how my food wasn’t breakfast or healthy but got upset when i said sandwiches aren’t breakfast. Maybe I’m wrong here but since sandwiches are english I thought they weren’t his culture. I mean we eat sandwiches here too. But beans and tortillas is part of my culture and he laughed so idk. I thought we were both making the same jokes.
What the fuck…
Exactly. There’s a fetish for almost everything, unfortunately…
Wow. Just wow.
Exactly, people aren't cars that you need to check the mileage. There's no mystical sex funland…all we have is the present, enjoy it while it lasts, try to be a decent person, surround yourself with decent people. Enjoy sex when it's on offer. Rinse and repeat…24 is very young, life doesn't even begin to really throw you curve balls until your mid 30s…. There's a lot of living to do and he's just getting started. Lighten up….
I don't think your partner is going to take a hint until you are gone. You should just leave.
“I’m 19 and he is 30. We’ve been friends for three years”
I didn’t need to hear anymore past that. He is a creeper
Type doesnt really matter like that. I am into gothic alternative type woman, and even though my wife has a few tats, she definitely ain't that. Doesnt change up how beautiful I think she is or how attracted I am to her. Also I know she likes guys who have tattoos, which I dont, since you never put a bumper sticker on a Porsche (I kid :]). Personality plays a big role in who you are with, if not the biggest.
I agree. Thanks!
he's not loving or amazing. he's a rapist and a victim blamer. leave as soon as you can.
IT IS NOT YOUR FAULT!!!
Choose carefully, dont introduce to kids unless committed and definitely birth control. Adults need to adult sometimes just keep your priorities straight and be safe.
Exactly, it’s him that doesn’t give a shit about her happiness?
Thanks for your reply.
We dated years ago and started dating again in 2021. He contracted it years ago. I found out after we were engaged.
I'm more concerned about him deceiving me and thinking it was ok. If he was honest, I would date him since he is very responsible about his medication and health. Every single day at 11:25am, he takes his pills and is checked multiple times per year. I'd leave him for his selfishness, not his disease
After all this time, today, he said he should have done things differently …
Thank you for this. She’s told me before how she’d be helpless without me, but I need to internalise this isn’t the case, or a reason to continue in a relationship that isn’t working.
I think you need to address it with them. Like you said you're attracted to femininity, and if that's not part of who she is anymore, then she's not bothered person you started dating.
You didn't give your ages, but is it possible you're both in university and she's been influenced into this way of thinking?
There's never going to be a “good time”
I agree it will never be easy, but the day before Christmas Eve or on Christmas Eve is right up there will Easter for awful timing.
Yeah, so no. You have no clue what you’re blabbering about honestly
I don’t know what you’ve gone through. If you’ve had your trust betrayed or been cheated on, but you are projecting so much. Every single thing you say about me or my friends or even my boyfriend is a wrong assumption ? It’s mesmerising honestly.
Past bad experiences don’t give you an excuse to act like this to other. It makes it understandable?? I don’t blame you if something did happen, but I do not want to interact with you anymore because this is a subreddit for helpful advice and all this is is wrong nonsense that has nothing to do with my situation.
Perhaps they mean Kg?
Yes it can, but Reddit will say otherwise.
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If cops started helping prosecute sexual assault, more than half of them would have to turn in their badges anyways.
Pls give a final updateme as to what happened after the covo. So invested. Also, I'm really sorry she made such a dumb decision to destroy her life. It will not go down well. Pls prepare for the absolute sh/t show.
Again, sorry op.
Sooo you caught her cheating and her response was to gaslight you and try to accuse you of being paranoid despite the fact that she moved in with the AP after you separated…wild. They always come back lol. You deserve better than that.
if the kid is his, why not do the test
I really hope that's the case and she's just being pressured by her mom. I still plan on speaking with her when she ge
Since you’re already married and doing everything married couples do, what do you have to lose by continuing with the marriage? You can divorce later if you wish, but if you divorce now, you probably won’t able to come back to her if you regret the divorce.
I’m happy for you and hope you find peace and support.
The “you” in my previous comment was directed towards the person to whom I was responding. (A fifth grader would have been able to deduce that.)
Of course YOU get to decide for YOURSELF what is acceptable… but no one else.
Not really what I was asking but thank you for the feedback.
Op were you abused? I was physically abused as a child and I don’t take kindly to being hit even if it’s “playing”. When my daughter was 12 she pushed me. She was playing but my knee jerk reaction was to push her back and I pushed harder than I meant to. My ex husband got between us and told my daughter that I was physically abused and you can’t play with me like that. We hugged it out and we both apologized. She never did it again.
Please don’t tolerate this abuse and yes it’s abuse. You don’t play like that with someone who has told you over 7 years they don’t like that.
This would be a dealbreaker for me. I don’t tolerate anyone putting their hands on me. That is something I would 100% leave them for.
I'm going against most on here. I am very familiar with ENM type lifestyles and participate as well. People should do what makes them happy. But to drag your children into it is just wrong. And what I mean by that is as soon as the cat was out of the bag, it was time to have sit down conversations, stop all activity with outside partners and do family therapy until there was a handle on the whole situation. That is the least you can do with a child that is having panic attacks when one of them goes out. That is so damaging and the parents created this problem. Would it have been so nude to quit fn other people for a few months while they tried to get it worked out?
OP if you want to go to therapy, fine than go. But i don't think you should try to reconcille with your parents until your ready. Wives seem to like to fix family dynamics, but don't get pushed into it. It will only end up in arguments and further a division between you and your parents.
And do not not invite them to your wedding until you have a better relationship. You will spend your wedding fixated on them instead of your beautiful bride. And to the people that say its none of your business….bs. Bringing it into the home and effecting your life makes it your business. And most kids won't understand or or even accept this lifestyle let alone seeing some of it. Your parents should of stepped up then. Good luck guy, I hope down the road you can find peace within yourself and then maybe your parents.
You will look back on this in the future and cringe. You will be so glad you broke up. Now go find someone else more compatible
Imo i think it would be odd but i prob wouldn't be pissed
Something I had to learn was that there is ALWAYS someone better. Someone taller, better looking, more fit, bigger dick, etc. I have to trust that my lady is with me because she loves me.
I also don't make it a competition. Maybe he can fuck her better. The most I can do is my best, and make sure everyone had fun. It's not ranked competitive sex, it's pleasure sex. Don't lose sight of that. Pleasure him, pleasure her, and pleasure yourself
What's stopping her from going to work while the kid is with dad?
Then you’re proving his insecurities are true. He’s a fucking kid! YOUR fucking kid! And you’ve got a new family and he thinks you cast him aside like trash and that’s exactly what you’re planning on doing. You want parenting advice well let’s start by being a fucking parent. Jesus dude. Stop making kids if you don’t know what to do with them. What kinda childhood did you have where you can be this fuckin outta touch with your teenage son? This is a person that’s gonna be tied to you and your ex for the rest of his life and you wanna return him like a dog that won’t stop digging.
I scrolled down just to find out how shitty of a human he was. I knew he was considering how he's still trying to control you even while he's getting married. Dude is trash. Don't go.
You definitely shouldn’t assume that you’re having sex with a person that you’ve never spoken about sex with. My advice is to ask her where her head is at and politely voice your intentions.
I wasn’t in contact with anyone till I saw him on tinder. This isn’t keeping it up. The family asked me to tell them something, I asked live if I should then the responses annoyed me so I did. Now they have to deal with knowing he is fucking randoms while dating their sister that he said he is dating for money while I continue on and meet others online.
It feels so good to read this and know I’m not crazy.
A bit neglectful? You've been extremely neglectful. You spend more time with your second girlfriend than you do with her. And yeah, I said second girlfriend because you do more for her than you do your first girlfriend. You can't and shouldn't force her to stay with you. You've been selfish and unfair.
Ask your Mom to somehow explain to both of you what happened, how it happened, and why. Get it through to her that without this information, nothing will ever get better.
Why are you with this person???
But apparently you’re an insecure fuck who needs therapy if you don’t want your SO snuggling with friends according to Reddit ?
So she's been cheating and lying to you and the children for 1/3 of your marriage. And possible has a STD/STI which could have easily endangered your life. Reconciliation takes so much effort that only about 10%-15% actually make it work. Part of the reason is that so much trust is lost that it takes 2 to 5 years of nude work to get it back. And few waywards can stand the justifiable pressure for that length of time. Not to mention, that it's only possible when both parties are in 110% with the wayward carrying the heavier load.
As to “staying for the kids”, that is the worst possible reason to stay in a hostile, toxic marriage. Kids are much better off in two loving households rather than one where there is no loving parents to set an example for their formative years.
And to be sure, you absolutely DID NOT cause her to be unfaithful. That is a flaw in her moral compass. She saw an opportunity to have a little fun on the side and went for it. You could have been Mr. Perfect and she probably would have still cheated. She needs intense therapy to figure out what's wrong with her.
All of the things you mentioned stem from insecurity though…?
Poor dude thought coming to reddit of all places for advice was a good idea?
Yes, hear her out. That does not mean that he stays in this relationship. It could be great closure for him, and an eye opener. Maybe even allow him to open his heart again to someone else instead of building walls. But only if she’s willing to own up to her BS. I don’t think she’s a good partner for him but he was asking for advice. And without knowing them personally that’s all I could give. I think reactions speak volumes in these situations. I hope she owns her stuff and has her own moment of realization that the way she’s treated this is so far from what a relationship is supposed to be.
You approach the situation by growing the fuck up.
It's a regular-ass diary, not just some personal, penthouse forum collection of her own exploits. She's allowed to record her own private thoughts about her life which includes her sex life.
Why does it matter at all to you? It has zero impact on your relationship.
Poor guy…he's so nice…but he just keeps falling into all of these women, nude, dick first…
Come on, just get rid of him. You know there is no other answer.
He learned a valuable lesson.
While thinking about the history and legacy of racism and how to improve our current state is admirable, that's not what she's doing. She hasn't learned how to move PAST race, just how to reshift how we judge people for it. She doesn't seem to believe in the sharing of cultures, she dismisses opinions on the basis of the person's race, not because the opinion is bad. No one should be thinking about race to this extent with this level of rigidity. She has so much person bias and a victim complex that she uses to obsolve her of blame. A person interested in solving racism doesn't look to others more than themselves. They examine their own flaws first. She hasn't done this. She's a hypocrite and very very mean. Stop dating her. Imagine you have kids with her one day and she tells them that their opinions on say Chinese culture aren't as valid because they are half white.
Someone using the language of social justice as means to be rude and dismiss people but disguise it as activism are genuine as bad as bigots, because St heart they are.
Whenever you lose a dramatic amount of weight there is unfortunately some resentment from your partner when they don’t do the same. It also sounds a lot like you’ve just flat out outgrown him. Move on
There are also different ways to create intimacy. Some people get intimacy from sex, others need intimacy before they feel sexual. If you have someone who can only feel intimacy from sex and cannot be intimate without it leading to sex, it can be too much pressure and no fun especially from a partner who has the opposite approach to sex.
Eventually it feels like any touch leads to the expectation of sex, so they might be shutting down all forms of physical intimacy.
Trying to be physical (handholding, cuddling etc) and making it clear there is no expectation of sex could build that base back up.
That doesn’t change anything those pictures were clearly from before they got in a relationship
His reaction is all I need to know that he is/was being shady af. And tbh based on his reaction I don’t believe that he was “already” making arrangements to have someone else working with her. More like he got caught and wanted to save himself. Even worse is he knew you would be upset seeing it yet he continued with those texts. He said it himself he KNEW you would be upset and was worried you would break up with him over it and he CONTINUED to text with her. that is worse IMO. It says he knew but didn’t care enough to stop. He probably likes the attention so he continued on despite knowing it was wrong.
Also I’ve worked with PT and the only time I texted was to confirm my appointment time, or ask to reschedule or if I had a question about one of my home exercises.
Oh God. “Makes me look him in the eye” controlling fuck. Narcs def hop from one relationship to the next. Seems to line up. Smh. Many ppl just want to hear what they want to hear & reject anything else. Cognitive dissonance.
This is the nicest comment I've found on this post. Thank u for not making me feel bad about myself. Thank u for ur advice, I'll follow that.
How in the world you would think this is a good idea is beyond me. You abused him, isolated him, manipulated him, and now after just a few years you want to go and say ''hey I changed a bit so now i deserve your friendship'' ?????
For the love of all that is good leave the poor guy alone and go back to therapy
Depending on how recently you guys met, he could have another person he's interested in, or just had a change of heart. Impossible to say with this information. I would lean towards he's weighing out other options, and that obviously sucks for you.
Did he pay 25k cash up front, or did he finance it? Because if he financed it, I'm guessing the idea of doubling the monthly car bill has him balking.
I'm not sure why either of you are buying new cars. That's kind of objectively a bad financial decision. The moment you drive it off the lot, the value plummets dramatically. Why not buy a certified pre-owned with like 50k miles on it and save 5-10k?