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SelenaSimm Public Chat Channel
Date: October 13, 2022
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PleasingMyPussyNow
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That sounds so sweet!
My only concern (although I don't know either of you, so please take this with a grain of salt) is that my immediate thought was that seems to relate more to something she did for someone else.
The locket is an intimate gift from you, between the two of you. So I wouldn't go reaching too far. I don't know that's the best thing to write if that's the only context you've said that in, but if she's inspired you to say it regularly, great!
This. Focus on school and your future self will be forever grateful
if he has to lie there’s something going on….. it’s that simple. he probably messages her other ways tbh. could even have her number in his phone as mum dad ect. maybe look at those message again see if they make sense, if they don’t you will know he’s deleting messages. take screenshots of everything and hide them well. probably send them to an alternative email or something. then when you have enough proof make a slide show with them all to confront him, or just read them out to him? if you confront him now he will just hide it more and you will never know for sure. what you fo know for sure is he lies and does not respect you!!
Tell him not to wait for you and that you are seeing someone else. That's really all that you can do.
It would be bad for you to lie about being single when you aren't and for him to wait around.
There is a thing called platonic love. And when you are vulnerable or in a more down state of mind it is easy to mistake that for true love. She supported you, cared about you and etc. So maybe you are just starved for those things in a partner. You could have clinged to the care and let it escalate in your mind into a full blown crush. But it is just a presumption.
All in all in order to love someone, you need them to love you back. Without it you just love the idea of what it could be that you created in your head.
DO NOT tell her. She is happy and does not deserve to have this burden placed upon her. She loves you as a friend, so you telling her will do nothing but put her in a place where she has to distance herself from you.
My advice: therapy. Try to find out why this could have happened and with the tools a therapist can give you, heal and move on from this.
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So i (23 yo m) am in a weird place. I love my girlfriend(24 yo f) Weve been together a little over a year, we on-line together and I want to marry her. For the first time that I am sure of she lied to me. Things have been odd for us sexually because we have very different schedules and we are always sleep deprived. She lies to me and says she is but I don't think she's satisfied with me. She has a much more extensive sexual history and prior to us getting together a year ago she was part of a three way relationship with a male and a female. Supposedly it was just a sex thing. She said she cut it off when we started dating for real and I had no reason not to believe her.
A while back she asked me if I would want to go on a double date with the other two from her thruple just so they could chat. I told her that seemed odd. If I wanted to go hang out with one of the people I used to have sex with it wouldn't be cool. She told me she understood and acted like it was no big deal.
The other day she said she was going to hang with some college friends. The fact she didn't use names threw up a red flag to me. She never did. She told me I would just be bored because she was just gonna go talk and catch up. Initially she said this was going to be at a local restaurant then the plan changed to their house supposedly because a sick kid.
I kinda wrote it off because I trust her. Then today, she got a snap in the middle of the night. I poked where my nose didn't belong and saw it was from one of them. It was a photo in a provocative pose.
At this point I feel like she went and fucked her exes behind my back. At minimum she deliberately hid it from me. Idk what to do. We have a life together and I don't want to ruin it. Should I bring it up? We go to therepy. Should I bring it up in couples therepy?
TLDR- my girlfriend went behind my back to hang out with her ex three way relationship partners.
You should text him. He cheated because he was lonely and you should tell him you miss him
You're right, it's not your place. It's not a good idea to get in the middle of their incompatibility. Even if you do talk him out of it, if someone wants a family, it comes back. You'd just be prolonging the inevitable. It's also really alarming and immature that she would drag you into it, rather than talk to him directly.
I am so glad that you know your worth and broke up with him. Nobody deserves to be treated like that OP. Especially not you. I wish you good things in the future! Never sacrifice your happiness and worth for garbage like that. I'm proud of you.
sent u a message
I am firmly polyamorous. I would never be in a monogamous relationship. Others are firmly monogamous and would never even consider opening a relationship up.
A whole lot more people actually don't have a strong preference. Some may blur the lines – monogamy with occasional threesomes. Some may be able to choose monogamy without much stress. Others may desperately want to be monogamous but fail at it.
If one person is okay with something and the other one isn't, then you don't do it.
If that's the case he's just as bad as Laura since he's going along with it and not saying anything about it.
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if she doesn't want sex you can always take care of yourself
You're very obviously a woman. Are you really not aware that sex is the primary way most men fell loved and emotionally connected to their partners?
Your other suggestion about a babysitter once a month alludes to maybe she'll “put out” once a month vs try to love her husband the way he needs to be loved.
So is physical intimacy.
Read the rest of the comments before you wanna have a go at anyone.
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It’s completely dry before she does it
I do know. Which is why I'm saying if you can't handle a couple months, several years will be impossible for you.
Yes, of course, sorry about that, it just bugs me a lot because she does know you don't want to do it, you've been clear, this isn't a miscommunication, She may not understand the extent to which it's bothering you, but it's annoying to have to tell someone no repeatedly and then they act upset even though they already knew the answer in advance. It feels bad to know that telling them no will make them upset, and it feels like she just wants you to give in because she's sulking.
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oh hell no dump his ass
I understand that I just don’t know if it’s too late now anyway
How's your typing speed? If that and your grammar are good, I'd suggest checking out websites like transcribeme and Rev. They're always looking for transcribers.
Yeah right ! Because asking for consent means false rape case .. the logical thinking. ????
You have issues putting into words what is wrong in the exact moment it is happening. This is normal for many people. Some people are over the top out there with all emotions blasting in everyone’s faces at all times, and everyone around them knows exactly what is good or bad at all times.
You seem more reserved, but I’m not sure that should “irritate you both”. Your style is more subdued, less in your face than perhaps he wants it to be but he’s been with you for years probably because you’re such a timid sweetheart because of your earlier experiences. But then he chooses to not like it at other times.
I’m glad you’re in therapy, that should be helping. As a random redditor on the internet I do have advice. It is to be more in your face to everyone, all the time. If you want to work on a part of your personality you need to practice it to get brain pathways going and hardwire it. You may never be a loud, in your face emotional person and that’s ok. But you can flex the muscles you do have to develop expression when you need it.
If your fiancée pisses you off for example, you may not know it right away because you’ve been taught your emotions are invalid and pointless. You may only realize it 4 days later. Well even if it’s over something small or ridiculous, and you realize it 4 days later… tell him! If he is surprised or mocks you for it, remind him you are learning to access your feelings and he can help by acknowledging them. If he still mocks you or says you’re irritating, when you are telling him what is wrong (remember the whole point of this post is he doesn’t know what’s wrong) then he could want the current situation forever and I’m not sure you should marry. He acts like he wants to know what’s wrong but if you tell him something legitimately wrong he blames you or others or says you are overreacting that is not a healthy relationship either. Pay attention to his reactions when you express yourself!
Not just your bf either. With your parents, friends, practice saying feelings and how you view a situation. Even if it feels weird or forced. Tell strangers in the grocery store how happy you are to have found the cereal you like. Tell people waiting in line with you that you are in a hurry and are disappointed that the line isn’t moving. Tell your mom you never really liked that one holiday tradition. Even if it annoys people or serves no purpose, it is helping you get comfortable expressing yourself and being ok with whatever peoples reactions are.
Lol. You think you fucked up? Hahaha
How are people still this dumb at 31?
You, eating up that lie: ?
He's aware. Not a problem. Lol.
Your husband is insane. Do not keep that baby
Wow. You still have a few months left of happily making concessions for the sake of your wife. She had a baby ten months ago. Her hormones are focused on baby, not you for now. I co-slept with all my kids until they were toddlers, which is also “normal” and sounds like your wife is in that camp. The baby will develop good sleeping habits – eventually; it is only 10 months, will frequently wake up especially if breastfed, because that milk is thinner.
Her body is hers. She owes you nothing, not even when you are the breadwinner. She is probably doing all the child rearing and that always ends in emotional exhaustion. This is what you signed up for.
Why can’t you sleep in the bed? Not interested in helping with nighttime feeding or diaper changes? Just because she is a SAHM doesn’t mean she doesn’t deserve help from you.
This is relationship advice not grammar advice gimme a break
You should stay away from her for at least a while. Your friend seems to be struggling with the fact that she thinks someone your age dating a 20 year old would be gross because she sees them as a child; but at the same time her boyfriend was essentially your age when he started dating an 18 year old. You pointing that out is making her uncomfortable because she knows it's gross but can't face it.
Also, she's into creating drama where there is none, that's toxic… You don't need that in your life.
So let me get this straight. You guys are long distance for most of your relationship. She moves in with you, and within two months, she starts thinking she wants an open relationship, and 4 months after that, she drops it on you. Do I have the timeline correct?
Hate to say it man, but she’s been in an open relationship this whole time. You’re only just finding out about it.
Wish it's easy. Men my age doesn't want to commit. I'm too traumatized at this point. I'm lowkey happy he was introduced by a friend bc i know by that, he's a good guy. Age is my prob
It is not normal to hurt people you love. It is not normal to throw objects at people you love. It is not normal to throw objects at people you love, hurt them then get defensive instead of feel remorseful. It is not normal to have a rule book of unacceptable behaviour that literally just keeps getting longer as time goes on. This is abusive escalation behaviour, it doesn’t get better from here on out. 100% of non abusive partners would not throw anything at all every at their partner. Stop making excuses and start to understand, you deserve better than someone you have to beg for apologies from.
You’re 19, you think every relationship you have has to work because you « you’re in love ». You might very be in love but life is a marathon, not a sprint. It is normal to be with someone, identify red flags and break up with them knowing what you want or don’t want in your next relationship. This is not the thing you want to be stubborn about.
we both have nearly 3 years, that was when we met.
Just say no. Seriousely. Draw a line in the sand. You are ubder no obligation to blindly trust your husband.
You are both obligated to prove your trustworthyness to one another. If your gut says something is wromg it probably is.
We’ve discussed both of our past relationships multiple times & he still decided to go to Of. He has done it with his other exes as well. I feel like I’m right to push him to go back to therapy and for us to seek therapy together. I’m not aware if he’s talked directly with any of the content creators. I wouldn’t be as upset if he spoke to me before spending the money on it. Open communication is really big to me, no matter what the conversation is about.
You’re a TEENAGER. What are you doing with a 26 year old adult who just got her first little break on car insurance for being over 25?
Also – open relationship? Won’t disclose paternity? ????
You ??????should have had enough sense to be using protection + spermicide. Lesson learned.
Especially if a paternity test proves it’s yours. And you left one in the chamber. ????????
What’s going to cause you to lose your husband is asking him not be his best? I understand what he’s going through. He worked his ass off in his 20s to become a doctor and now he’s taking steps to better his life both health and socially. Join him for the ride. He likely doesn’t expect or need you to match him but needs support and love.
Trust me, if you stay with him you will be living that for your entire life. I made that mistake myself, married a man who would do nothing at all, three years in to the marriage I was diagnosed with cancer and had to go on chemo, I was extremely sick but the dear man still kept up his behaviour. He actually came into the hospital and yelled at me because he had no clean shirts. Needless to say I left him. Men like this do not change, they want a mother and not a wife. O matter how much you love him this will be your life while you’re with him.
If she’s bringing it up then shuts down, she WANTS to talk to you and you’re probably trying to help but don’t realize you’re actually hurting her instead. For example, do you focus on fixing or on listening, do you critique her feeling or empathize with them, do you correct her or or encourage her, do you offer emotional support or unsolicited advice, do you try to get her to understand your point of view or validate her so she knows you understand hers? Concepts to google that could help, the importance of validation in relationships, how to validate even if you disagree, six levels of validation in relationships, emotional safety in relationships, emotional support skills, and the problem with unsolicited advice.
I have a close friend, pretty much someone I look up to in some aspects. But they are the same age and both male. Two very different people and mindsets. He’s 29, and he goes to club every weekend, even while he himself was a relationship and his girlfriend never came with him. Actually only once. And he has agreed with me that he finds it weird/stupid that my boyfriend wants to police or guilt trip me to staying home just because im going out every Friday or Saturday night whatever it be. And this friend of mine will call me out on my bullshit whenever I am speaking about bullshit, but in this situation he agrees with me.
Now, I’m well aware that that I am not male and society sees it’s very different when a female who is in a relationship goes to the club vs if it’s a male. People think it as if I’m wanting attention from males? So then technically I would be seeking males attentions in any situation that I am, I actually look very different from the people of Romania obviously. People see me as a caramel, mocha young woman with an Afro and a big ass, and my sense of fashion is very different. I cannot do anything about that. People believing that my intentions are one thing but it’s something else, isn’t exactly my problem. That’s their biased against me, and all I could do is shake my head due to their ignorance
the fact that you felt the need to check her phone after only 3 months is a symptom of something, it tells me you know something isn’t right, I also find it odd that you met on a dating app but were “just friends” for 2 months, meanwhile she was banging other guys and lied about it, none of that sounds right to me, if it was me I’d think she wasn’t that into me, if a woman is really into you she isn’t going to keep you on the back burner for 2 months
You were wrong and disrespectful in overstepping a boundary. Imagine if you had a private journal and he read it. He’s a little old to be so infatuated with a celebrity but if it encourages him to live! a better lifestyle and he’s not hurting anyone then where is the harm.
This man clearly does not respect you and is definitely deserving of a breakup. However, I personally would not be comfortable only using condoms for birth control – they can break, sometimes in the heat of the moment you may not apply them properly, they need to be stored properly, etc. It is safer to have a backup method – have you considered the copper IUD? No hormones and it lasts ten years. It hurts to get it put in so make sure to ask for pain meds ahead of time.
We became friends and a three over the past years – seemed like a good idea 🙂
The problem is that she is an arrogant, pretentious, graceless snob, and you’re too sycophantic and lacking in self-respect to call her on her bullshit. It’s actually shocking to me that you could list every ugly, negative attribute in this person and then wonder if you’re the problem. Just because she reads books, draws pretty pictures, and is autistic doesn’t mean she is entitled to treat you or anybody else like garbage.
In Texas you can do a Declaration of Informal Marriage. So less than an actual marriage, more than common law marriage. Still gets filed with the county and gets put into vital records but makes a separation legally easier (if it happens)
Here's the thing with adhd, often times the person is thinking and reminding themselves to tell the other details so many times they end up not ever saying it out loud and truly believe they've said it.
It's not gaslighting because it's unintentional
Your husband sounds like a dick
Well, of course he is, he's able to get in so much exercise and gym time because his wife is at home actually parenting his children
FWIW if I were to like other girls bikini pics I would 100% expect for my girlfriend to be upset, and IMO that would be completely fair and rational.
He doesn’t deserve you! You are so much more than this insecure man boy. He’s insecure. Please let him go, he’s holding you back. You’re ready to grow and he doesn’t want you to succeed.
There’s nothing wrong with dressing nicer for you. I know when I dress nicer I feel more confident. Sometimes I’ll dress nicer because I’m not feeling the best. It’s like an instant mood lift. Not talking about revealing or sexy clothing but dress slacks, heels and a nice blouse does wonders for my self esteem. Hugs OP
They're both walking red flags.
What are the chances of she finding a better partner than you?
Well you aren't owed her love. Besides shw probably want an equal partner not a “fan” of hers. I don't blame yoh for being angry, but you can't buy happy relationship with putting effort.
Perhaps next time don't get so invested until you confirm your partner is on the same page as you.
I just wanted to see my son, she had all day with him. No sympathy for a father who just wants to hold his son before the lights go out and he’s gone for another 12+ hours I see.
Good for you for standing up for yourself. You’re doing nothing wrong. You drew a reasonable line and stuck to it. That’s just called self respect. Good luck.
Your husband, the therapist, and yourself are gas-lighting yourself.
This has nothing to do with your depression or anxiety or PTSD. Aside from the fact that his CHEATING is probably still causing those things.
This is not a man who loves you. This is a man who is keeping you around while he pours his lust and affection into other women.
Wake up.
I am truly flummoxed by this one. No parent should have total control over one aspect of their children's upbringing. It's always a two way parental discussion; there have to be compromises sometimes. Your bf's reaction to you saying “what if they don't want to go into science” says quite a lot. He made it plain that “the child has to go into a scientific field” and no parent should do that to a child.
It does sound like your bf needs therapy for some trauma for him to react so strongly to this and to be so insistent on having his own way. It's possible that this relationship isn't going to work out because you can't in good conscience agree to his demand. I do hope it works out for you.
Inexperienced in relationships and resisting being pressured. If he wanted someone with experience in bed, he wouldn't be dating teenagers at all, obviously.
This above reply is spot on.
“Our marriage will not survive the trip. If you get on that plane, I'm heading to the lawyer's office, so feel free to fuck while you're away, because there won't be any reason not to anymore.”
Also he stated that he almost came 'multiple times'. I don't buy that.
Why did you birth this bum’s offspring?
Oh…I mean yeah for sure
I mean it’s easy to notice and point that out now that it seems super obvious
But you know how it can be, you don’t see the signs till they are pointed out, then that’s all you can see
Yeah, that was a major red flag that could have stopped it before it even started, but when you’re young and “in love” it’s all to easy to not think rationally enough to don that ?
As for clarity, no worries
I’ve made comments far more unintelligible for the same reason ?
I get what’s you’re saying now
What you said!!!