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Serena, y.o.
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Date: November 23, 2022
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Juggling multiple relationships isn't necessarily cheating, if she hasn't agreed to be exclusive. You can still dump her, of course, if she doesn't like you as much as you want to be liked, which seems to be the situation.
You called her dad a racial slur and expect to get her back??? Fuck all the way off in the opposite direction and get some therapy on the way there. Jesus.
I agree with you.
I would not. Because betrayal changes too much.
How though?
I absolutely love my partner's scent, I find him truly intoxicating; like even after working up a sweat, hate it when he wears deodorant etc haha. But I hated my ex husbands scent from the start, even when I was in love. I don't know where the science is these days regarding pheromones and their role in relationships, but I have read that not liking the way someone smells can be a sign your genes don't line up really well regarding procreation. I had 3 miscarriages with my ex, so there's a bit of anecdotal evidence to that I guess lol. You said it's not really a bad smell, and something you could possibly get used to; perhaps he could try some new bath products/scents that compliment him. I mean in a way that doesn't drastically try to “cover” his scent but add a little something to it to make it nicer for you. So you're still smelling the natural him and building that acceptance and love.
People get to choose how to deal with trauma. He chose anger.
I’ve received soul sucking news before and my reaction is sadness and sympathy.
Yeah this may escalate further. Since you’re in a band together, I would set up some time with him and tell him to cut his shit and his behaviour is unacceptable. If he doesn’t like it then tell him if he does it again, you’re calling the cops.
If he was hazy due to alcohol consumption he was too inebriated to consent to sex.
Also from the sounds of it they both worried about being heard at times but often still had sex after airing their worry.
Being that op knows they both worried about being heard at times indicates communication.
So one of them airing being worried with a pattern of normally still having sex is the reason this is a grey area from some people's view point.
This right here. I honestly wouldn't leave him alone with the kitten again and gtfo
Way to highlight your inability to grasp basic context. You can honestly read a post that talks about that does nothing but come home from and game?
Attempts to communicate failed and he obviously doesn't dedicate any time to a relationship with OP at all but apparently the girl is the issue?
You have to be one of the most dense Reddit users I've come across lol.
I went through that a bit. Honestly you might just sort of like attention rather than really having a crush. Don't feed into those thoughts, but it's normal to enjoy some attention when it comes.
Bruh I’m not one to kink shame, but I think refusing to let a guy shit on you is a good boundary to make
This is an it isn’t you, it’s her situation. From your description she’s not not finding you attractive but maybe she’s not feeling herself so much. Have you tried stepping out of your own perspective and reminding her how beautiful she is and how attracted to her you are?
Id ask me is there an actual dream guy? I feel like it is something that just happens. The butterflies, nervousness, and excitement ends, so you take the decision of being and loving that person even without all of that. It could happen with your “dream guy” as well, that you are happy and excited at the start but the years pass and it just becomes boring and “meh.”
Whatever you decide to do always take the route of being honest and transparent with your partner, maybe you guys just need to have an uncomfortable conversation about how you've both changed and grow so now you need/want different things so talk about it!
Please dump her. You know why? Because there are so many people who would never ever do that to you.
Your future is your choice. Don’t choose a cheater.
Sounds like there’s a bit of emotional cheating going on.
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Why would you say the other couple aren’t invested in the friendship?
So you encourage your wife to see her ex-fwb? Try not simping for a day and see how that turns out
I’d have a hot time saying back well it’s not like your deck is all shinny and new. Assuming he wasn’t a virgin when you met.
1 don't talk to her she's a shit stirrer
2 tell your BF
3 he needs sort her out… not you
I mean, I would have talked to Him as well, but dudes probably just butthurt he couldn't buy her the car.
A couple of things here, the guy could be insecure and doing his thing on the side so always wants to keep tabs on the gf. Idk who wants to hang out with friends of his gf so much as this guy even if they're just going to the mall, which leads me to think maybe he wants to get close to friends(as they're younger) as see if any of them like him and maybe try to hook up with them too. He may be thinking he can impress the younger friends of yours because he seems to like them young. No grown man sulks like this to hang out at the mall or with younger girls when it's girls night out… that's crazy
Thank you very much for your reply and making me feel less crazy
If she didn’t gain the 60lbs now she would’ve later on probably, honestly best he leaves her
You honestly are with a man who continues to lie to you, did not come clean about the affair, protects this woman and who is a dirtbag.
Youd rather be with a person like that than alone? You need to get into counseling please asap.
This man doesnt deserve you.
After you leave him, you will feel happier than you have in years.
HE is going to therapy because of YOUR sugaring days?. Why is he forcing himself to be with you, I wonder.
Do you like your bf to be this in pain just to be with you?.
I think there's a lot of truth to what you just said, its a reoccurring problem in my relationships, yet I still want to help her to get through the tough times she's facing right now – I just got out of the most tough time of my life recently, and finally started to live! my life how I want, yet she's still suffering and I want to make the last month's of that ridiculous workload of hers more enjoyable, yet I need time for myself too.
Ummm… move the cat food. Now. Today.
YOU are endangering the cats if you see a repeatedly dangerous situation and don't change what you can control.
If this is an over the counter (OTC) drug and she has been taking it for more than 2 weeks – she needs to see a doctor. OTC drugs are meant for short term relief from a specific incident, not longterm care. (Exceptions are things like seasonal allergies where you may need to take drugs all summer, but then stop.)
Benadryl should not be taken as a longterm solution.
Save your cats Help your gf find a better and healthier solution to her problem Create a healthy routine WITH her around taking pills together in the bathroom before you BOTH get into bed. You can take some health supplements. Some are good to take at night.
It’s his job to police her. Tell him what was said above. Tell him if she continues to disrespect your feelings you will have to go nc with her.
Next time it will be you he hits. He’s conditioning you to accept that his abuse is your fault.
Please leave before he kills you.
He’s not “people in need”, he’s a grown ass man who has never bothered to learn how to regulate his own emotions, and thinks it’s fine to verbally abuse you when he’s in a bad mood.
Look, I’ve been married nearly 10 years. I was even younger than you when I got engaged. And I can tell you from experience that how you and your partner handle yourselves in moments of stress or conflict or heightened emotions is one of THE most important things in a lasting relationship. It doesn’t matter if you’re perfect for each other when things are good; if the moment things get tough he’s screaming, insulting you, lashing out, belittling you, that shit will grind you into the dust. If someone baked you a cake that was 99% chocolate and 1% dog shit would you still eat it? Of course not! Him being really, genuinely awful a small amount of the time is enough to poison the entire relationship.
There are plenty of people out there in the world who still treat their partners with basic respect and decency even when they’re feeling like absolute shit – I should know, I married one of them, and it’s ridiculous now to think I ever put up with anything less. If someone claims to love you, then not screaming at you and insulting you is literally the bare minimum you should expect from them. Don’t try and make an abusive man “better” because you think you can somehow save him from his own terrible behaviour.
None of that sounds like an actual plan though. At best, it sounds like a wish.
Maybe you're leaving something out, but it sounds like you're judging your boyfriend for having been financially dependent on his parents until now even though you're in the exact same position yourself.
The key difference seems to be that while his parents may have cut him off, your parents are still supporting you financially.
Quit blaming your wife.
Looks like you have already made your choice and it's not based on any of the advice you are now receiving from others.
All I hear are excuses and it's well… boring.
I'm only on here currently because I'm stuck at my 8-5 with all my tasks done and came here simply to express my situation and how it's impacted me. My only ways of dealing with stress is going to the gym that I limit out of consideration of her workload with school. I have to drop off my son early in the mornings nearly every day and the days that she can I try to go at 4-5am. Something that is very hot to do already with very little sleep. I'm not trying to come up with excuses but it's clear to me that maybe you don't understand the difficulties of work/life balance when you have a kid, and how much time you ultimately lose.
We’re going to the zoo Sunday I’d like to talk to him before that, but I’m not going to see him tomorrow. I feel like it will make that day really awkward if I ask that on the way there and what if he’s like well at one point then I gotta spend the whole day thinking about that. Do you think a phone call would work and then if his answer is anything other than no we can talk Sunday instead of going to the zoo? she’s my friend too which makes it even worse if they used too honestly
I do, very often. It would be nice to be able to sleep in my own room sometimes, too.
Just curious, I'm not trying to sound judgy, is he always like this?
What do you want to be loved for?
Rethink the relationship. Is it worth being treated this way until you are working again? Where is the reciprocity for the time you helped him? If he doesn't like the food you have, he could buy groceries instead of you resorting to no dates. Your driving, cleaning and haircuts have value that's being ignored. You are young and don't need to be shackled to this guy.
At 35, this may be one of your last chances to have a child. If you think that you want to keep this child, then, communication with your partner is the answer. If you don’t, then maybe abortion is the answer and then getting on some type of nonhormonal birth control.
Are you saying she talks about her exes with you or just with other people?
I think some level of “ex” talk is inevitable for most adults who've had past long relationships. It just happens. Too much is definitely annoying, but I'm not sure it's a red flag if she isn't saying positive things.
As far as with friends/family… kinda need more context.
This is a weird post.
Why is she giving you the numbers of people she meets? Why are you not just having adult conversations about her life and interests?
Seems like you’re controlling and jealous? But it’s hot to say anything because there’s no meaningful information in this post.
I mean, I’m just confused as you are, but it sounds like he’s going through something because that’s not normal behavior. I try to look at these things asking what do we know, what are the facts? The fact is that his behavior is abnormal, it doesn’t make any sense. Why doesn’t he remember sending the photo? That sounds like drinking or drugs or he’s pretending to not remember for some reason. And then why tell you he doesn’t remember and not respond? Why reach out at all if he doesn’t want to talk?
Beyond that, I would be speculating, but it doesn’t sound like it’s a you thing so much it’s a him thing. So hopefully if he’s going through something bizarre, he will stop going through it eventually and reconnect so he can let you and then maybe the rest of us who read your post know what the eff because I am curious now.
12 years is a long time to be friends with somebody and also to go on a trip and everything and initiate a new trip only to do this. It doesn’t really make a lot of sense so it’s gotta be nothing about you and I guess just wait and see. Sucks that has happened though, it really does but you sound like you’re handling it pretty well.
It’s such an interesting topic OP and I appreciate your curiosity. I would have a serious conversation with your partner about why it bothers her and really push to the core of the issue.
Her comments indicate she’s bothered she’s giving 100% effort and you’re not. Parking the question of euros, it’s an time thing. If I can hypothesise, it seems she extrapolates from there – “if only” you did put in more hours working, we would have x financial security or y for our future. So it seems you are leaving things on the table.
I don’t think it’s a jealousy thing, I am thinking like others that it could be a comparability thing. Which is why I encourage you to have a deep discussion and go into it open-minded.
I would also do a little soul searching with yourself: If your job isn’t fulfilling, will you become bored of it in a few years where even part time is intolerable? Is there another role which would get your interest more? Or maybe you do have your dream lifestyle? If so, your match is out there.
Dude, go find your balls. She is playing a role, trying to maintain an image.
Call her out on her bullshit. When her attitude goes weird, tell her to check her attitutde and that you wish for her to be more respectful. If she starts discussing, tell her that its not a negotitation.
She sounds kind of autistic, they need many boundaries.
Do you know where she lives? Who she lives with?
Could many things going on.
Maybe she's ashamed of her house/apartment.
If she lives with family (like parents, siblings) maybe perhaps they are toxic and she doesn't want that to ruin your relationship.
Or she could be hiding something bigger.
In general it's best not to assume
Grow up.
This is why children shouldn’t get married
I need that last sentence embroidered on a throw pillow.
Go to HR and the police. If you have no HR then go to your boss.
As I have aged 55 years since I married. Can’t say I’m really attracted to what I see in the mirror, but I love myself more. And I love my husband more because he is kind and helpful and good. You sound like a loving husband on track to be your best self. She may have meant she wasn’t attracted to your failure to care for your health and fitness. Both you and she can be proud of your accomplishments. (I’m disappointed when neither myself or my husband lack self discipline to care for our health and fitness.)
So here is what you need to do:
Write a public letter of apology. Read letters of apology and draft one. It must contain – an unconditional unqualified apology. Mean it when you say you are sorry. Something on the lines of .'I fked up. I let some strange emotions and unjustified pent-up feelings run amok My former co-workers, boss did not deserve what I said and how I behaved. I hope they would find it in their hearts to forgive me. I hope I have been better for the majority of the time I spent with you here in the company – I sincerely hope I did something nice that you could focus on while I destroyed all such memories with this event'.
Keep your head down for a while. Take a trip. While he must be remorseful, he shouldn't get into depression. Emotional stability is at question here, so can't rule out drinking and other self-negating traits rearing up. For you, don't remind him much, work on the solutions
Ask him to retrain, and get back live! into courses, bootcamps, etc. Maybe finish a degree or take up a Master's. Upskill/Reskill into a newer industry or allied industry.
Have his back. He has destroyed his career and he probably recognises it. He doesn't have to lose his family too over this. Get specialist help. Marriage counsellors, therapists, even the religious leader of the community. Rally the family around. Less judgemental, more understanding, please. Reach out to old high school friends, refresh those old friendships.
Look at your own situation. Plan for every contingency. Put away some money you can access in a jiffy. Take a hot look at your own career. Dust off that resume and update it.
Hope you will do fine and your husband too! People have done worse at times.
Yes, when she was served at Comic-con! He says he didn’t mean for it to happen there, but who knows??
I don’t think so either
I never given him the impression that my husband is my roommate. He knows that I love him and he loves me and that’s why we chose to open the marriage
Very much this!
You have a very valid point.
Tell her to hire a caregiver, you're going back to work. Then once you have the money, divorce her abusive ass. Just because she makes the money doesn't mean she can treat you like shit.
Ya idk what he likes about her haha. He is private with his phone so I would have no idea
If this was an live! conversation then try not to look to deep into it. It's very hot to figure out tones and context when things are live!. I'm not saying he isn't shitty just that this one thing is nude to judge from. Having said that he's just a friend and you don't have to take everything he says to heart. It's fair to have expectations as well and it's ok to feel hurt. I'd say next time just try to explain to him that it is not a good time to joke right now and what your situation is. And well if nothing good comes from your efforts then you know they are shitty. But at least you tried.
“You’re too young for me.”
why is he bitter for not wanting to get married? they can have kids, and a life together just dont merge finances with marriage
Sounds like you got the hots for Clark! If I was your fiancé I would appreciate you being honest about it and just move on with life. I’m sure things will work out for your fiancé, there’s still live! dating, but you’ve just gotta move on and fulfill your passions. Life is too short not too.
You should believe what him when he tells up this will be a problem. Chances are, unless you are A. Willing to cover or B. Allow him and his religion to dictate the boundaries in your family this will not be sustainable.
I know that as someone not from that background that seems ridiculous, but I spent my teens and 20 in an Evangelical, lightly fundamentalist church and the reality is that this won’t work if you aren’t willing to just become what he expects. This is going to become an every widening rift (likely right around the time you really commitment/get marry/have kids).
People who think things like your marriage wouldn’t be real and he’ll be in heaven but you won’t… That’s some pretty deep fundamentalist evangelicalism. Maybe he’ll try to meet you gals way but it’s really, really, really unlikely he’ll be able to or willing to let go of those issues. He erring be open to compromising and either you’ll keep giving in to him and grow to resent him or you’ll hold your ground and he’ll resent you.
Also, you should be asking him what his church teaches in things that are important to you: abortion, trans right, LGBTQ acceptance, women working after having children, who does the housework, are both partners equal it is the husband “the head”?
I know it feels like you are madly in love with him, but you don’t really know him yet (studies show we don’t REALLY know our partners for 18-24 months). You have that early kind of love, he’s the kind of person you could really love. But long term relationships require more than that; they need mutual respect, empathy, a desire to understand and know more about your partner… he automatically thinks less of you because you aren’t Christian – you are starting off in wildly uneven footing.
I could but it’s very hot since I still care about him and could see us working out in the future
She’s often inconsiderate but finds ways to take the responsibility off of herself by saying “i wasn’t clear about this” or “I didn’t realize that would bother you”
Where does the “open” idea come from? Either you rekindle your relationship or break up. Suggesting open is going to really insult her and lead to break up anyway, just on bad terms.
You're absolutely right! I have to do right by her. I just hope we can be friends again eventually.. I really do care about her.
The comments are nuts! Lol
It's actually the best way to get evidence for a divorce case. Having proof of infidelity puts him in a much better position in a divorce. It seems like movie level drama to get a pi to follow her around, but that evidence could really save his bacon in court or in mediation.
OP i think you should remove her from your life. Yes you guys did cute things together but if someone shows you that they’re confused with you, it shows that they don’t want to be with you!! Same way that you’re so sure about her, is the same way that she should be towards you! It also seems as though she probably has a boyfriend
He's crazy, and wants to marry crazy.
I’m still 100% calling bullshit! But if for some magical reason you’re not full of shit, then you need to walk away & never look back! My addiction ruined every relationship I was ever apart of, destroyed my family & turned every single person that ever believed in my against me. They need to want to get sober themselves. If they don’t have that drive or want, then it’s a lost cause.
That’s it. That’s the truth. Do what you want with it.