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Date: October 25, 2022
Sounds like he wants a relationship. If you don’t, you prob need to dump him.
Yeah u r right,thank you 🙂
She was keeping Brad from hurting you??? Who was the one laying in the street…lol. Good on you for taking care of business.
He may be mentally ill but I think most people would agree that a wedding vow ends with abuse. Being afraid of your spouse and scared to go home is a big problem. Encouraging women to stay in an abusive relationship because “in sickness and in health” is also a big problem. If OP eventually becomes his punching bag is she supposed to just suck it up because he’s a victim too??? You can’t help someone who is refusing to get help. You can’t force someone to want to be better. He is refusing help
I think the rest of you guys are being a bit hard on OP
OP, I think you should come clean to your friend E. I'm not a mind reader but I think you didn't confess your feelings because you were scared that he would turn you down, or maybe you didn't realize you were in love with him till after he brought his GF around. I can't image the emotional pain you are going through and I really wish I could give you a hug. My suggestion is to write him a letter explaining your feelings and apologize for your behavior. Then you should distance yourself from E for a while. Any gifts, pictures, ect. should be temporarily put away. If you find yourself thinking about E, try changing the topic in your mind. Then find a distraction that will make you happy. Listen to your favorite comedian, have a couple of girls nights out, start hitting the gym. You need to find a new outlet of positive energy and to give yourself sometime to heal. After awhile, you can hit up E again and you can start talking as much as you did before.
You've liked other people before and you will like people after. Its not stupid to open your heart to others it is an act of great sacrifice. He betrayed your trust and now feels guilty about it. Its up to you to either forgive and find out if he's genuine or find someone who cherishes u without needing a second chance. I would choose the latter.
What if it’s her friends cousin
Yes
Bro if she is going to go over something that happen 12 years ago and you just found out about and did not hide, nope let her walk and you will be better for it.
She may need time to process that is really heavy.
Man that has to be heavy to process, I would be livid. That dude who is being a father is owed a lot of respect.
I hope it works out for the best.
He is an addict. Addicts should not have any kind of custody. Period.
You have to end things with him. Up to you if you want to tell the mother about his drug use but it might be best for the poor kid in the long run.
I think they’re talking about the bum guns they have in Thailand. It’s like a small shower head beside the toilet
I appreciate this comment. It is hard to know when men are straight up oblivious.
I’ve suggested it, she’s not interested. I’m not going to drag her kicking and screaming into it; I think that if she wanted to fight for us she’s had plenty of chances over the last few years and she’s never showed up.
oh no nah, see here I was going to go on a rant about how you were 17 and he was damn near 30 but then I got to the part where you were freaking out about him being alone in a room with his own sister and realized you're just ragebaiting
Haha, totally. This reminds me of the SNL sketch about Pandora charms (it's under “Holiday Jewelry” on YouTube).
If you dont have trust, you dont have anything.
You don’t embrace science enough then. You invoke scientific study when asked to be introspective, but then you don’t embrace rationality when it comes to approaching your wife’s feelings toward you.
I think it's best to wait. This time of year increases depression for a lot of ppl and a break up would probably be devistating.
Amber Heard also told Johnny Depp that he always runs away from his problems. Your relationship does sound abusive.
So a fling I can get, a one night stand of course, but a 36-23 age gap is pretty wide for a long term relationship.
What’s wrong with her?
I would insist that he isn’t living with his soon to be ex wife anymore. There needs to be an official separation and the divorce has to be in the works. He also needs to be willing to make you two official to friends and family. Essentially, make 100% sure that he isn’t two timing you with his wife and you are the other woman. I don’t see a problem with dating post-separation when the divorce isn’t through yet, but I’d make very, very sure that that’s what’s happening here.
Are women so jaded now that a man posting that he was happy about meeting someone and it went well is cause for concern? Damn, I’m glad I’m married. Dating these days seems rough.
I do this too. Usually with craft supplies. I have thousands of crafts that I've bought over the years but never used because I didn't want to ruin them. They've mostly ended up damaged and having to be binned anyway at this point which is a shame.
Maybe get her things you can use together to encourage her to use them. Maybe also get her a keepsake each time you buy gifts as well, so she gets the best of both worlds.
You said you got her a blanket? Maybe suggest a cuddle night with a movie under the blanket together.
You could also get her a scrapbook. Each year take photos of her gifts when she uses them so they'll never be forgotten. She can make the scrapbook and you just gift her the pictures.
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Who will inherit your money if you outlive her
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I have a lot of experience with manipulative family members. Hopefully this goes better for you and you take a step back from your aunt until she can respect your boundaries about your mother. It will hurt because you still love her but it's for your own mental health.
Youre being used… his wife most likely doesnt even know unr in the picture still…. he was in the process of divorce and it sounds to me from the outside looking in that perhaps theyve decided to work through it and he failed to mention that to u so he could continue to sneak away and have sex w u. Thats a horrible thing to do but it happens all the time. Thats why he doesn't let his son see u now, his son may say something off topic about u and then his grand scheme is over and his wife knows hes been lying to her, she wont look at you as a victim youll be the villain of the story. Do yourself a favor. No more relationship with him till his divorce is clear. Hes using you and youre letting him in hopes for a relationship that he obviously doesnt care about.
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Next time.. try to make the story believable
I don’t have any advice or thoughts that haven’t been offered already, but I’m kind of lame, incredibly invested now and dying to know how this all plays out… OP, please keep us all updated on what you decide!
And that’s how everyone feels. But the truth is that she isn’t a fully formed adult and neither are you.
Huh? Intentions matter. People take offence at all sorts of stuff.
Wow! Your mom is incredible. That’s a lot of hard work and it sounds like she’s thriving. Your wife kind of sounds like a bitch. Could be hormones? What kind of mother would intentionally want to keep their child from their grandparent based on weight? That’s so fucked up.
If she doesn’t want treatment, you are in for a lifetime of turmoil, if you stay with her. You need to look out for yourself.
Run.
Even if it is so, I want to give him confidence that he is wanted as I can’t see him in pain and sorrow and guilt. So how to do it?
What he should telling you is you don’t fit his family and are not “wife material”… Tell him so, and organise how you’ll split. When he begs to differ, and he will, tell him actions speak louder than words… 4 years of actions…
Just put on some clothes dude
I can't believe you still dont understand how creepy you are being. There are all these people explaining it to you. Red flag.
2.5 years
Well given how property rights work, paying for rent > someone’s flow.
Have you ever talked to anyone about sex addiction?
The fact that you are having sex 1-2 times a day with a willing partner that does everything you want, yet you still are yearning at a borderline pathological level for a partner that wants to ravage you every time she sees you, says to me that you might have an issue you need to get under control.
Let's put this into perspective a bit; your wife not wanting to bone you every second of the day doesn't mean she's not into you. Just because she can't match your insatiable appetite doesn't mean you're not wanted. She proves to you that she wants you every day. You think she's engaging in sex 1-2 times a day with you because she doesn't want to? Trust me, it's nearly impossible for women to fake it at this level. There are obvious tells if she was doing it multiple times a day just to get it out of your system. She'd be completely disengaged in the activity, dead-fish laying there, hurrying you up, not caring about her own satisfaction. The fact that she's doing everything you want says to me she's really into you.
Honestly, the fact that you used fishing as a metaphor for your sexual relationship with your spouse says to me that you treat it much differently than she does. For you, it's an urge that needs to be satisfied. An itch that needs to be scratched. For her, it's much deeper than that. it's an expression of your emotional connection, which manifests itself in an urge for sexual contact once she feels ready. If you don't respect that and instead try to push her to be more like you, she will begin to resent you.
I'd focus on you, and what to do with your urges here. Maybe think about seeing a professional to help you understand why you feel your partner doesn't want you just because she isn't ready for sex at the drop of a hat, and figure out what you can do to help get yourself under control. You've got a really good thing going with your wife. I'd do whatever you can to nurture it and keep it healthy for the both of you.
You are in fact stupid if you believe her bullshit. All she would have needed to do is leave her watch at the office or in her car. You’re being played for the fool.
they just sat there together looking at the TV
It's perfectly fine to have preferences as to what you're attracted to. Not being sexually attracted to obese people with bad skin doesn't make you a bad person, nor does being attracted to people who are in shape.
But trying to manipulate him into bed with you does. Either just ask him out openly and prepare to be rejected in turn if he isn't into you any more, or just give up the idea altogether.
Pretending to be friends while booking a getaway with one bed to set up a sleeping together situation is creepy.
You guys should break up and find more compatible partners. Some people have different levels of acceptance. I would definitely break up for both of your sakes.
It's interesting that you talk to alex all day at work
Are there any other employees?
How many hours can you talk to someone at the place you work and how can you be so intimate that you have to moan their name in bed at night?
I couldn't solve
Nevermind
Keep doing what you're doing with alex.
Statement stands even more.
You should call his parents and tell them what he has been telling you.
No, don't have him in the delivery room.
And don't make excuses with his new friend group. He is an AH for being a 33 year old that does not have his own mind. You can tell him that he has to cut out his frat boy friends and mentality or you will be cutting him out of your life with a divorce.
I recommend that you get your family or someone in the house ASAP to run interference after you give birth.
I’m too embarrassed to tell them at this point because if he truly feels this w
It's hard but you have to tell them. He is the one who should be embarrassed!!!
Yeah bro, that’s the real her. You were working while she was fucking some guy on a beach. Keep that thought first in your head as you go through this. It’ll make it easier. She wasn’t emotionally ready to get married and now she regrets it.
As a man, I did this once when a cute girl at the dry cleaning place I used gave me her number along with my clothes I was picking up. In my case, I think I was just caught off guard because I wasn't used to this sort of thing happening to me – I was simultaneously flattered and embarrassed (why??) and just generally stupefied. I'm not even sure what I said, to be honest, but I left there with her number. I have asked myself a number of times over the years why I didn't just tell her I was in a relationship – mostly because I think it would've felt less like a rejection to her when I never called.
I'm sure your fiancé and most women in general get a lot more practice at this kind of thing, so this isn't necessarily a great analogue. Then again, I can definitely understand why it might just be easier to take the number and move on. It's not like he asked for her number and she gave it to him – I feel like that would be a lot worse.
I been there as well (funny enough, also my first relationship). If you wanna vent together, you can message me. But it's up to you. I'm just about to leave the lab anyways.
Yeah his attack on his gf was pointless, she wasn’t going to hurt him. He just wanted to traumatize her so she obeys him.
Get rid of her and don’t look back seriously
After so many of the comments on here, I realize that there is absolutely positively no chance with him again and that I need to move on, seek professional help, and focus on myself which I am going to do.
Oh, that's awful.
OP, do you really want your kids to grow up with that mindset? He's clearly shown his true colors here. I can only imagine what would happen if one of your kids came out
I’m confused. Is this your boyfriend? You are describing your father. I’m wondering which one this guy is.
I can certainly understand why you’d have trust issues after he blindsided you like this.
I admire SAHMs. When my baby was a newborn, I really thought about trying to be one. That didn’t last long. I couldn’t do it. I literally, both physically and mentally, could not handle it. Being a SAHM is way harder than going to the office every day.
If being a SAHM is something you wanted, then the only thing you’d have to discuss is logistics. How would the two of you make it work with less than half your household salary? How would you manage finances so you weren’t at the risk of financial abuse (even inadvertent)? Etc.
I don’t even think there’s anything wrong with him broaching the subject of preferring a stay at home parent. Declaring it must be you (against all logic and reason) and getting angry when you don’t immediately agree? That’s a huge problem.
There’s a good chance he’s idealizing that image of the “traditional” family from the videos he’s watching. If wanting a “traditional” dynamic of him being the breadwinner and his spouse being the SAHM was a dealbreaker for him, he should have brought it up super early on in your relationship. Blindsiding you like this now is not okay. He doesn’t have a realistic idea (it seems) of how this would impact your family. Your finances. Possibly your mental health. And here’s the thing – I suspect being the sole breadwinner would be more stressful for him than he’s anticipating, too. Losing over half the household income, being responsible for being the sole income earner of a growing family, with a child who outgrows clothes every 15 minutes? Your car breaks down or your furnace breaks, and now his salary has to be divided even more to manage? It’s not a Norman Rockwell painting. It’s stressful.
I’m not saying it would be a dealbreaker in terms of the marriage for me, personally, at this point because I do suspect some trauma possibly feeds into this for him. It would, however, be a dealbreaker in terms of having children until this was resolved. Probably with therapy. And if, after therapy, he still was insistent I be a SAHM, that probably would be a dealbreaker for me. Because, again, I honestly know I would be a much worse mom if I was a SAHM than I am now.
He wasn’t honest with you going in about what he expected from a family dynamic. But you have to be honest with yourself as you figure out your path forward. I’m so sorry you’ve been blindsided, and I wish you the best.
Get over it. Enjoy the marriage you have now. Your ex wasn't the love of your life because he obviously didn't love you back. It stings. Use that as fuel to move on. He's only ever led to hurt feelings for you. Stop dwelling on him and wasting emotions on a man who never wanted you the way you wanted him.
Yeah, that's a good point. I think me leaving is better for me mentally cause I'll probably be happier. Some days are better than others and it also sucks when the person I physically want by my side is 4,000 miles away with a 6 hour time difference. Like yeah, I'm prioritizing my daughter's needs but I also really need to prioritize my needs because right now is not going well.
Am I dumb to take her words at face value?
What's done is done, but I can't help but think that there's deeper reasons she wanted to end it.
I don't have OCD but what you're saying about feeling like you're being played for a fool strikes a chord with me because I had an ex who knew that I had misophonia and still purposely ate with his mouth open while he sat next to me, he also followed me from room to room chewing loudly on carrots. I'd mention it to him, nicely, and he'd say he couldn't help it, that I made him feel like a troglodyte or something. But then he met a new girlfriend within a month of my dumping him and SUDDENLY he could chew with his mouth shut, no problem. So I understand the feeling of being manipulated.
However, if your BF really does have OCD it cannot be turned off like a light switch. He may be faking this quick change but it's going to bite him in the ass.
Shouldn’t the wife stop it? Like stop being physically abusive? This guy isn’t “letting” anything happen, he’s being abused and is in a potentially dangerous situation. He needs to gather evidence and leave with his kid, as soon as possible, but yelling at him to “stop it right now” is not very helpful.
Thank you? I’m already having second thoughts haha. But I keep reminding myself how unhappy I’ve been and how I just want to be single. I just need to power through it I guess
You're not wrong. It does not take 8 months to get enough bread to move out lmao. OP dragging her ass because she had a good thing, and now her big mouth BF fucked that good thing up.
Whoops, so sorry. My reply was cut off
How is he? Was he seriously injured?
No. He is very fit and a healthy weight for someone with his height and age. He also goes on runs frequently
No mention of having reported Rob. If not done, do it. There is no evidence that you did anything to lead him on. But, IMO he thinks you did because he assumed that you led the assaulter on … like he imagined that you were doing to him. He knows you have a GF, but (just a guess) he imagined that it was a ploy to hold him at arms length. My thoughts trying to explain in my mind why Rob's statements and actions were so out of step with the reality of your friendship. The basic fact is that you did nothing wrong. Get well and be happy.
Yeah I agree. Basically OP just has to make the choice of what’s more important.
I’m annoyed at all the comments here who assume his details are complete and that she’s overreacting. It is possible she’s overreacting. It is also very likely he messed up more than he’s saying.
If you want to avoid assaulting people, you need to understand just how much mental effort it takes for many people to say no or set a boundary. It’s not easy. You need take it really seriously when they do, even if you don’t understand or like it.
Most people want to please their partner. A lot of them will go somewhat out of their comfort zone to please a partner. Many people have been taught that it’s rude or not really ok to turn down a partner’s advances. So by the time you hear “no” they’re very possibly already doing something outside of their comfort zone, so pushing them beyond that is coercive, and puts you way out of their zone of consent. That should freak you out.
Stop before you get to that point! When people decide they actually do want you to keep going, they’ll say so and then you’ll know for sure you have enthusiastic consent.
If her boundary for giving head was that she didn’t want cum in her mouth, and he surprised her by coming in her mouth anyway? That is 100% not ok and most self respecting people would worry about being with someone who so selfishly ignores their bodily boundaries like that.